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Zwangzug national football team/history

2025-10-20T00:19:12Z

Zwangzug: /* Big cleats to fill */

==The First Generation==
===Early days===
The semi-legendary beginnings of the national team date trace to Forbridge, the shores of the Deep Blue Lake at the [[AIU]], at which one student is said to have inadvertently another in the head during a hard-fought game of Frisbee, whereupon they decided that the country needed better sports. Whether or not this is true, the fact remains that they assembled an eclectic XI, with the [[FTC]] prominently represented but players hailing from cities such as [[Bassabook]] as well; appointed a semi-competent robot as manager; and declared themselves the announcers. Zwangzug competed in [[Baptism of Fire 20]], and their first match was a defeat to [[Northern Bettia]]. Three more shutout defeats followed, before a victory in game five against [[Turruth Gordur]]. Despite dropping their last match of the group stage, they upset undefeated [[Kelssek]] in the knockout rounds before being eliminated by [[Quintessence of Dust]].

The [[World Cup 33]] qualification tour saw Zwangzug tour the multiverse, facing sides such as [[Cafundéu]] and [[The Archregimancy]]. Despite losing an opening rematch against the Fire Ants, and falling to a 6-1 defeat against defending champions [[Ariddia]], Zwangzug finished tied with [[Ropa-Topia]] and [[Tessan]] for the final at-large playoff spots. They had the lowest goal differential, however, and instead went to [[Cup of Harmony 25]], hosted by the association of [[Jasīʼyūn]]. After advancing to the knockout stages of the tournament on a three-way head-to-head tiebreaker, two 1-0 victories saw Zwangzug narrowly advance to the final. There, the goals would fly freely, as Zwangzug defeated Ropa-Topia 4-2.

Countrywide time-dilation policies and football-related apathy led to low roster turnover rates in the early campaigns, so the [[World Cup 34]] team was unchanged. Off the field, the announcers-cum-software designers had been contracted to design organizational software for the "Grumpy Old Fogeys" host team of Ariddia and [[The Holy Empire]], which led to some heady technological pride but also, when said software experienced issues in that and the next cycle, national insecurity. This time, the team qualified directly. In their first Proper match, they faced [[Demot]], semifinalists of the previous edition, but Zwangzug emerged with a 1-0 upset. A 1-1 draw with [[Bazalonia]] let them hold the group lead into the third matchday, whereupon they were promptly eliminated, a 4-0 defeat to Cafundéu knocking them to third on goal difference.

The original team had featured a (1)-3-4-3 formation alongside a defensive style, reflecting both the culture's innate cautiousness but also their tactical naivety. The disappointing end to the WC34 cycle--which had featured both the stresses of interdimensional time portals and discomfort with witnessing and bemoaning the cessation of other national teams--prompted substantial change. Iconoclast right-back [[Andrew Card]] had the brainchild of the goalkeeperless formation, while good-spirited captain [[Rube Tercer]] hammered out the details of what became the ultra-symmetric 3-2-1-2-3. In [[World Cup 35]], Zwangzug temporarily adopted an attacking style as they began this transition. They finished third in their qualifying group, during which time defender Lawrence Sevvy and a fan from [[The HURD]] successfully hacked coach BOB 64 to cut down on its prudish bed checks, and also, any semblance of ability to coach a football team. After defeating [[Sativaville]] in the playoffs, they came third in their proper group. The most notable step forward was the emergence of [[Eddie Barnes]] in the midfield. While his sisters' instrumental performances (on saxophone and oboe respectively) traditionally replaced full-scale pregame singing of the national anthem, Eddie thrived against the toughest opposition.
===World Cup 36: the breakthrough===
Everything came together in World Cup 36. Having settled into the 3-2-1-2-3, Zwangzug adopted a neutral style they would use for the medium term. Doodlypants Mcgimpy, of Bigtopia, was hired on as coach; given the precedent set by the early cycles, the team was used to having the captain coordinate most important decisions, and the conclusion that Mcgimpy's erratic command of English was a feature rather than a bug in terms of preventing him (or any coach) to exert a typical amount of authority is cynical but probably accurate. Nevertheless, the qualification stage was unremarkable. In fact, a government shutdown led to a media outage lasting from the tail end of the qualification stage through the group stage. Intermittent reports broke the news of Zwangzug's playoff victory over Spruitland. When things returned to full force, the team had taken four points from the group stage, and advanced on goal difference over [[Jeruselem]].

Ahead lay [[Bettia]]--defending champions, first seeds, and so dominant a team that, historically, anyone who beat them in the knockout stages had gone on to win the tournament. But it was the twenty-first seeds who not only won, but produced a dominant 3-0 victory. The world stage brought out Barnes' best; he was named man of the match in the 2-1 quarterfinal victory over Cafundéu, and the Bettian Blessing seemed alive and well. Yet, in a group-stage rematch with Ariddia, the ''rouge-et-noirs'' triumphed in the semifinals en route to their third world championship, and Zwangzug lost the third-place match to hosts [[Capitalizt SLANI]]. Nevertheless, the team had far surpassed expectations; Barnes, [[Simon Ryne Olson]], and rookie center-back Bartholomew Hanson were all named to the tournament's Best XXIII, and the team was honored with the Golden Haddock award from the Holy Empire. Just as surprisingly, the national bandwagon produced a wellspring of footballing fascination in the country.
===Contenders===
This meant that Mcgimpy had a real responsibility, and opportunity, in recruiting a bona fide squad of 23 players for [[World Cup 37]]. (The quest kept him busy on and off the sidelines, one unexpected consequence being the birth of future [[World Cup Committee]] vice-president Sue Fleischmann.) A deeper squad clinched qualification by winning their first eleven games, including two long-awaited victories against Northern Bettia. Used to the pressure of fighting till the final day, they promptly lost their next match but nevertheless sailed into the proper, taking six points from their group stage before defeating Jerusalem and Cafundéu. In the semifinal, they drew Demot in 120 minutes, though the penalty shootout was unsurprisingly a challenge. Despite [[Roger Hammers]] and captain Jacob Barons' patented strategy of singing as a distraction, the Dynamo advanced easily, and Zwangzug were defeated by [[Sel Appa]] in the third-place match.

Qualification for [[World Cup 38]] featured such highs as a 6-0 victory over [[Kansiov]], a margin equaled two games later in a 7-1 win against [[Scotchpinestan]], and such lows as defeat to [[San Adriano]] (national population 439). But the team qualified with ease, and clinched a place in the knockout stages with a game to spare. They lost their last group stage match to [[Tynelia]], setting up a rematch with Sel Appa, who won 3-0. The trip to [[Vephrall]], whose technological development lagged behind other nations of the multiverse, was fruitful in terms of preventing the announcers from being distracted by their computations, forcing them to actually take some risks and try pronouncing the names of unfamiliar countries.

Off the field, Zwangzug cohosted [[Baptism of Fire 26]] with [[Liverpool England]] prior to [[World Cup 39]]. By this time, the national football association had consolidated with many other sports in Forbridge, where the administrators were stymied by an unexpectedly caprine form of revenge carried out by a would-be player embittered with the national team's intransigence. While [[Bostopia]] provided aid in resolving the situation, the national team topped its qualifying group. [[Phillip Stings]]' late substitution provided a comeback victory in the first proper game against the Holy Empire. Again, they lost in the round of sixteen to Capitalizt SLANI, the eventual champions.

By [[World Cup 40]], the country had established a fledgling multiassociational league, the [[MUFN]]. The national team breezed through qualification and then topped its proper group, setting up a round of sixteen clash with [[Valanora]], who won on their way to the title. (Having also lost to Bazalonia in the group stage, Zwangzug earned the distinction of losing to both finalists in the same Cup proper; the standard ABCD/EFGH format used in many tournaments means this is a fairly rare "achievement.")

In the [[World Cup 41]] qualifiers, Zwangzug defeated [[Acapais]] 6-0 in an undefeated qualifying campaign. While the country hosted [[Cup of Harmony 33]] with Newmanistan, the team rolled to a perfect group stage, including a thrilling 5-3 defeat of [[Dancougar]]. By then realistic title contenders, they could have at least viewed second round opponents [[Starblaydia]] as beatable. But the twenty-first seeds triumphed en route to another Starblaydia world title.
===World Cup 42===
Things started out normally enough for Zwangzug in [[World Cup 42]], when they were drawn into Group 7 for the fifth time in ten qualification attempts. But the normalcy ended--or began--when the roster was announced, newcomer [[Saena Mathash]] having successfully talked her way onto the team as a goalkeeper. Opponents of the shakeup--most notably Card, who had been made captain just in time to see his symbolic leadership undermined--could have been forgiven for crowing after the first two matchdays. The team followed a defeat to [[An Blascaod Mór]] (whose population was less than a third of San Adriano's) with a home draw against [[Kosovoe]]. But things turned around, and Zwangzug guaranteed qualification on the final day. Despite the rescheduling of their final group-stage match against Jeruselem, due to a controversial incident involving the Princesses' penchant for public nudity and also pistachio nuts, Zwangzug topped the group.

The knockout stages presented poignant clashes with, in turn, [[Yafor 2]], [[Candelaria And Marquez]], and the Archregimancy--the first two having provided a domestic home for many of Zwangzug's players, and the latter representing all the drama and terror of the [[Dreamed Realm]]'s surreality. While the football association railed in vain against the vicissitudes of eminent domain back in Forbridge, Golden Wolves captain Prince Sebard got engaged to Audrey Deguela, sister of his domestic teammate [[Brendan Deguela|Brendan]], Candelariasian MP Lyndon Hernández fell to his almost-certain death, and reprises of "Holy Monks: Superstars" echoed throughout the multiverse, Zwangzug advanced to the final at the Obelisco Monumental in Lasft.

An opening goal from [[Rohit Sharma]] was met by Valanora's Kiso Night shortly before halftime, and the match remained tied until late in the second half. But when Deuce Zadora had an obvious goalscoring opportunity, Card managed to overcome his distrust via an unflinching professional foul. Night scored the penalty, but Mathash' resilience was cause for pride in the face of defeat. The pair's unlikely camaraderie followed them off the pitch, as they worked to grow football at the grassroots level, in the hopes that future teams might have a more robust foundation.

==The Second Generation==
By the time [[World Cup 64]] came around, the country and the world had changed significantly. [[Rovers United]], a barnstorming side that may have had an illustrious prehistory (though the records are scarce) had participated in the [[Fair Play Trophy]] at the NationStates World's Fair, and a semblance of a national team had competed in the [[World Cup of Dreams]] (though this is not recognized as a statistically-meaningful tournament in Zwangzug's records). Zwangzug could boast both the professional [[Zwangzug First Division|1./]] and a [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug|university championship]], providing the long-awaited pipeline to the national team. Bridget Scroves was named manager after leading the [[Canbix Muses]] to the 1./'s first title, and her counterpart Brett Chrowder became the captain. Zwangzug adopted a more typically defensive (1)-4-5-1 with a "midfield X" characteristic of the previous team, but altogther far more standard than their predecessors; this has been the pattern for most of their modern history.

Zwangzug defeated [[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]], 2-1, in their first qualifying match. After a home match against [[Backyard Sports]], a multiverse-wide "zombie apocalypse" caused a temporary lockdown at Wayr Stadium that was quickly resolved. The team would finish sixth out of ten in their qualifying group. In [[Cup of Harmony 56]], they went winless, albeit in a group featuring both eventual finalists, [[Mytannion]] and [[Ossidiacqua]]. ''Sooth'', Zwangzug's representatives in the twenty-fifth [[WorldVision Song Contest]], also performed at the Cup of Harmony fanfest.

[[World Cup 65]] saw Zwangzug drawn into a qualifying group filled with historic names such as [[Europa Brittania]] and [[Neo Lemmitania]]. They began using other stadiums outside the Rackham Range for home games, with games played in [[Zwischen]], [[Twineur]], [[Spenson]] and [[Arlington]]. After finishing third in the storied group, they contested an uninspiring group stage in [[Cup of Harmony 57]].

[[World Cup 66]] adopted an unconventional qualifying format--there were thirty groups, with the group winners qualifying directly and everyone else out of luck. While [[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]] were second seeds in the world ranks, a goal from Shula Bachchan-Laum gave Zwangzug an upset victory against the Sea Dragons on matchday four. Rudolf Sternberg's goal against [[New Matawan]] on matchday seven clinched qualification for Zwangzug. In their first game of the proper, Zwangzug lost against [[The Holy Empire]], but defeated [[West Angola]] before being eliminated by [[New Montreal States]]. Qualification earned Zwangzug another point in the SRS ranking system, earning them the cycle's place in the [[World Cup Nation Hall of Fame]].

In the [[World Cup 67]] qualifiers, while the [[Arlington Collective]] tentatively emerged from the shadows to take their place in archival lore, Zwangzug upset [[Ko-oren]], but nevertheless finished behind [[Svengarda]], coming second in Group 5 and contesting the playoffs against [[Kiryu-shi]]. One goal over the course of 180 minutes was enough to advance to the proper. Vipin Lamin, center-back and lover of pithy-lists, was named to the "World XI," mostly by being one of the only defenders that was nominated (this phenomenon would later become known as [[Martin Scallop|Scallop's law]], but it was Lamin's Namirite counterpart Bachchan-Laum who put him forward for the honor). A draw against [[Kandorith]] was the only point Zwangzug would take from the group stages.

[[World Cup 68]] also featured an innovative, if complex, qualifying system. There were no direct qualifications: rather, the top three teams from each of twenty-four groups contested a two-round playoff system, with group winners having two chances to qualify while second- and third-place teams needed to win out. After Scroves' retirement, Matilda Kratochvil from [[Excelsior Slogda]] took over to lead the national team. They put up a Slogda-like defensive performance across the group stage, going undefeated and conceding only three goals, best in the multiverse. (This included two wins against minnows [[Zwannswijik]], a much-anticipated showdown given the reverse-alphabetical stakes.) The playoffs, however, would see them lose to [[Valladares]] in the first round, pitting them against [[Darmen]]. The away leg saw midfielder Davi Keane-Liuprand score a brace and appeal to the tradition of avant-garde formations by pioneering something called a "5-f-3-s-%" by the Darmeni press; the match finished 3-3. Darmen would win the next match outright.

[[Cup of Harmony 60]] was a series of mostly-unfortunate events for Zwangzug, who lost all three matches in politically-repressive [[Kinitaria]]. (The upside being that captain [[Martina Ruan]] not only avoided getting in trouble with the ruling party, but bounced back to lead her club [[FTC United]] to an unexpected third-place finish the following season.)

Kratochvil decided the domestic game was more her style, and she was replaced by Reaven Laynee, a native of [[Earent]] who had managed [[Stirvik TU]] and then [[Sporting Iturributa]] of [[Astograth]]. During the [[World Cup 69]] qualifiers, Laynee gave indecipherable commentary on such events as the [[Estope]] manager biting the assistant referee. Zwangzug were tied with [[Barunia]] at the end of the qualifying group, and Ruan gave melancholy comments on the team's "elimination," only to realize mid-press-conference that due to the international system of "three points for a win" (which has never been adopted in the 1./), they were still alive and well and on track for a rematch against group opponents Estope. Zwangzug won convincingly over two legs to advance to the "Cup of Chaps," although only Blake Fures seemed to have any idea of remotely chappy behavior. Zwangzug lost all three matches in the proper.
==The Interim==
Shortly after World Cup 69, the nation ceased to exist. While obviously disappointing, this at least did not single out the footballing infrastructure specifically. Several [[Time#Original_ordinary_calendar|OOC]] months later, it returned and the 1./ resumed play, although the organizational expenditures of World Cup football proved unfeasible at that point.

In cycle [[World Cup 72|72]], the national ''baseball'' team faced an understandably-confused [[Stvoto Latoli]] in a friendly match. And prior to [[World Cup 76]], Zwangzug--despite not being active in WCC competitions, were invited to the sixth installment of the [[Eagles Cup]]. Mila Apsar of [[Namiri Independent]] took over as manager, and the midfield featured a dynamic partnership in [[Olivia Idoni]] and [[Ogechi Guttuso]], both of [[Bassabook Old Boys]], who had been friends since Guttuso's family fled timewall-plagued Ossidiacqua in the otherwise-disappointing WC68 playoffs. Having led Bassabook to second place in the [[Champions’ Cup]], they duly helped the national team advance past Valanora and the Holy Empire in the group stage, then defeat [[Chromatika]] and [[Turori]] in the knockouts. An Idoni goal in extra time saw Zwangzug defeat [[Osarius]] in the final, earning membership in the Eagles Club and leading to the construction of an Eagles Club stadium in Forbridge.

The next Eagles Cup would be contested in cycle [[World Cup 79|79]]. Franklin Motobuchi of [[Eintracht Trink]] was manager, and there were a few holdovers from the previous Eagles' Cup team. After the group stage, Zwangzug lost to [[Cosumar]] before defeating [[Bonesea]] and Chromatika, both in extra time, to come fifth. Striker Misako Tsuki was consulted by Bryce College professor Desiree McOlwain on the mystery of "why are so many of our citizens getting lost in the wilderness if our lifespans are so long" (solution: it's probably a record-keeping issue with having AI and sentient zebra citizens whose causes of death wouldn't be recorded in a hospital, not that our old people want to run away and leave their families without closure). Meanwhile, Zwangzug was commended by Security Resolution council #233, leading to yet another song parody, "The Story of the World Assembly."
==The Third Generation==
===Back to the grind===
By [[World Cup 80]], the success and stability of the Eagles' Cup team had given Zwangzug the confidence to return to WCC-sanctioned play (although they would miss the following cycle). Under the leadership of Slogda's Makvala Tsereteli, they started off by facing Barunia again; Zwangzug parodists remixed the Suns' version of "The People's Flag" into "The People's Net." Midfielder [[Lucas Kukiseso]] survived a short-term bout of foreign accent syndrome, and right-back Martin Scallop was named to an all-star team for representatives of non-qualifying nations; this was, once again, a calculated nomination on the grounds that who else would bother to submit a defender. In the "Rogue" [[Cup of Harmony 72]], Zwangzug advanced out of group D to face baseball foes [[Cassadaigua]]. After a scoreless draw, the Dagans won what was at least a normal penalty shootout.

After their absence from [[World Cup 81]], Zwangzug returned in [[World Cup 82]]. Once again, the team would face Barunia; Peak'n'Break breakfast chain, known for its delightful breakfast food, sponsored a stadium in Cassadaigua despite outcry at the capitalist trend of stadium sponsorship back home; the inimitable Kukiseso quoted from "The Soliloquy of Isaac, Prince Imperial;" and a ''Canbix Comet'' journalist declared their intentions to punish ego-stroking old-timers by kicks in a sensitive area. In [[Cup of Harmony 74]], this noble cause was joined by [[Sydney Stefred]], a defender who rejected her club [[Arlington City]]'s tendency of assiduously chronicling the past, and instead, adopted an un-Zwangzugian tendency towards foul language when the subject of nostalgia was involved. After two 1-0 wins in the knockouts, Zwangzug lost narrowly to [[Kita-Hinode]] and then lost to [[Ko-oren]] to come fourth.

Tavish Willow, of [[Keppal Cosmos]], took the reins for [[World Cup 83]], introducing a strikerless (1)-4-6-0 formation that caused mild consternation. Franziska Schnee-Krull, based in [[Qusmo]], committed the unforgivable sin of defending the existence of sexed pronouns in languages such as English, which led to an increasingly-fervid anti-foreigner backlash in that nation, and more tepidly, basically ruled her out of being nominated for any all-star teams. Stefred's dramatically-late goals earned her a nomination ahead of the tireless Scallop. A fan from Nalchoy district avoided local bureaucrats to, after much persistance, order a coppy of the Holy Empire's Beach Hunk Calendar. Cyborgs seized the means of production and re-instituted socialism; Medal Stair Semiconductors applied for World Cup sponsorship. The Sesquipedals, a band from Keppal City, performed at the associated concert with their song "Harmony Sound." Happily, Zwangzug were not sent to the corresponding Cup of Harmony; rather, Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen brought joy to the fans even as he frustrated the kitmakers by scoring against [[Pasarga]] to top the group. While CommentaryBot 0.7 Beta attempted to provide broadcast commentary at the proper, Zwangzug earned two draws in the group stage, not enough to qualify.

In [[World Cup 84]], while attention focused on the time-travel card game of "Kairothletes," Willow's side underwent several upset draws and defeats. A 4-0 loss against unheralded [[Ancherion]] was just about the last straw--not for the federation, but for Willow, who raged against his employers' extreme patience and unwillingness to fire anyone. Enitan Maclaurin, who had briefly played for Tropicorp FC and therefore had indirect familiarity with top seeds [[Vilita]], stepped in as interim. Despite an icy relationship with Stefred, he righted the course, and Zwangzug came second in group 14 to qualify directly. In the first group match against debutants [[HUElavia]], teenage wunderkind Marc Navarro scored in the 94th minute to key Los Amarillos to a dramatic victory. Zwangzug lost their second match, to Farfadillis, and faced [[Banija]] on matchday three. The match was scoreless through ninety minutes, until a Randall Saitta foul on Ilman Jawara set up Namakula Kawesa, the first woman to play for ''Kadongo Kamu'', for a penalty kick. She scored, setting up an intense 9-9-9-0 group that sent HUElavia home on tiebreakers, and left Joel McJakill--whose Keppal side were enduring several disappointing shootouts around the same time--physically and mentally drained.

The same side contested [[Independent Associations Championship 9]], with interim Abigail Chatelenas (of the University of Homler) as manager. After progressing through the group stage and defeating [[Darkmania]] in the round of 16, Zwangzug were eliminated by [[Port Ember]] in the quarterfinals. In part due to fixture congestion, the national team has not returned to IAC play, although sub-national entity [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|the Picksall Islands]] participated twice.
===Sonnabend's leap forward===
Brandon Sonnabend of Bassabook became the next manager, at Eagles' Cup 8, and reinstated the (1)-4-5-1. Anonymous Would-Be Journalists meticulously cited their sources on matters of esoteric football history while Zwangzug advanced to a quarterfinal rematch against Banija; the ''Kadongo Kamu'' won on a goal from Mzukisi Nzo.

The twenty-four-game [[World Cup 85]] qualifying campaign was a grueling marathon for nations across the multiverse, and Zwangzug was no exception. Fans Naomi Indar-Vonn and Wesley Clarkson were treated to AI-assisted hospitality in the nation of [[Trolleborg]]. The national team dealt with Sonnabend's tendency to speak in epic fantasy jargon, while defender Akhil Sibal returned to Guariday to take on [[Mkabia]], where he had played professionally before it ceased to exist. But their struggles paled in comparison to Rovers United, whose ceaseless barnstorming had briefly taken them to a friendly match in [[The Sherpa Empire]]--only to be exposed to a potentially-deadly illness. Upon their return to Wayr Stadium, the club side--including a young striker named Quincy Dulk-Fough--entered a voluntary isolation to protect the rest of the country until a cure was found, facing the situation with characteristically Zwangzugian stoicism, attention to detail, and breakfast food.

Zwangzug would finish second in group 5 and qualify directly, setting up a rematch with Farfadillis and HUElavia. Turori won the first game, but in the second, it would be Zwangzug's turn to score a dramatic injury-time victory, with Gordon Blum's goal in minute 92 avenging the previous cycle against HUElavia. It set up a dramatic matchday 3 encounter against Farfadillis. In what turned out to be the last game of [[Xíxì Êns]]' international career, he put on a virtuoso performance, scoring four goals and nearly adding a fifth in the final minutes. But Zwangzug were up to the challenge; in minute 83, Riley Kivrin--shorter than even the height-challenged Êns--rose to the occasion, scoring her first international goal to equalize, and send Zwangzug through to the knockouts.

The round of 16 match against the Holy Empire was a rematch of the final as simulated by [[Kita-Hinode]] computer programs; life imitated art as Joshua Twoni scored a brace in Zwangzug's triumph. In the quarterfinals, Zwangzug would face Banija once more; Gitonga Kahara, whose high school coach had admired Martina Ruan back in the day, scored the winning goal in minute 83, and had the honor of exchanging jerseys with Jonah McCollins, the inheritor of Zwangzug's #10.

Zwangzug topped their qualifying group in [[World Cup 86]], while the country experienced interreligious sniping (and the broadcast program of the same name), triggered by the emergence of the Divine Host of Archangels as a new religious group. Against hosts [[Newmanistan]], Zwangzug fell behind 3-0 at halftime; striker Johan Idmar was held scoreless at the Tundra Falls Proving Grounds, but his substitute Blum scored immediately upon entrance, causing fans to sarcastically wonder whether Idmar's disregard for the proving grounds' "spirits" was to blame. They took four points from their following matches, but that was not enough to advance.

Starting in cycle [[World Cup 87|87]], the Eagles' Cup became contested on a more frequent basis. Zwangzug were eliminated in the group stage of EC9, but around the same time, triumphed in the [[B71 Invitational Football Tournament]] against [[Baggieland]] and some of their dependencies. (This tournament is considered statistically meaningful for purposes of Zwangzug's records, but most of its participants were not of WCC caliber). After winning their first three matches of qualification, Zwangzug went winless in the ensuing six. Sonnabend and the federation parted ways by mutual consent, while the federation strenuously endeavored to signal their scrupulosity and non-entitlement. Finding a new interim would require them to broaden their horizons.
===DiMarini takes the helm===
[[Kate DiMarini]], a former assistant coach for the Commonwealth of [[Baker Park]], had been the manager of [[Trebuchet Cham]] for three seasons when she was summoned as interim. While Bigtopia and Earent are hardly part of Zwangzug proper, this was nevertheless a new choice for the federation, in entrusting the team to someone truly beyond Zwangzug's sphere of influence. Thanks to her leadership, and regression towards the mean, Zwangzug were undefeated in the second half and rallied to second in the groups. The playoff tiebreakers saw them narrowly avoid Baker Park, and they defeated [[Terre Septentrionale]] decisively over two legs to advance.

In the proper, Zwangzug scored eight goals over the course of the group stage, tied for second over the 32 participants; the attacking-minded tendencies of their opponents, however, meant that they conceded eight also and were eliminated on three points. DiMarini's steadying hand was rewarded with her appointment as full-time boss.

Eagles' Cup 10 was a tepid group stage performance, but [[World Cup 88]] featured another down-to-the-wire qualification race. But the emergence of [[Kayla Haugen]], a protege of DiMarini's from Cham, was a sign of things to come; in the sixth minute of added time against the [[Sylestone]] Sentients at the halfway point, she deflected a rogue Johan Idmar shot in to secure the victory. This time around, DiMarini's luck would not hold, as Zwangzug finished third behind [[Tequilo]] and [[Trolleborg]].

[[Cup of Harmony 80]] saw Zwangzug on friendly territory in [[Græntfjall]]; the city of Altendalur's eponymous side is nicknamed the "Chessmen" for their color scheme, and two Zwangzugians had played there professionally. Zwangzug triumphed there on matchday three to top their group and set up a physical confrontation with [[St Trinians]]. The violent matriarchy led 3-1 at halftime, but after fouls and sendings-off, Zwangzug earned a two-player advantage and managed to draw level at four-all after ninety minutes. It took some time to fully exploit the extra players, but at last, the nerve-plagued Corey Richardson rose above his demons to break the tie just after the halfway mark of extra time, and Zwangzug held on for a 5-4 victory. The round of sixteen against Darmen was a somewhat anticlimactic scoreless draw, followed by a disappointing--if, again, thankfully typical--shootout that saw the All Greens advance.

A drubbing of Cassadaigua at the end of the group stage in Eagles' Cup 11 saw Zwangzug through to the knockout stages, where Simon Gannett and Junia McCue scored in extra time to beat [[Mertagne]]. In the semifinals, Zwangzug took on [[Nephara]] and--for the first time in their storied history--won a penalty shootout, with Fedya Troy-Vee saving the third shot from Ysabet Belgrade and Sibal scoring to clinch. The final pitted Zwangzug against Turori; Meldi'ita Mungwaii, who signed with Arlington City after winning the unofficial "Silicon Boot" award in World Cup 85, scored the only goal to give the Eels the title.

Qualifying group 11 in [[World Cup 89]] was a hotly-contested affair. Underdogs [[Pemecutan]] upset Zwangzug on the first day and held on to top the group, while Zwangzug and Banija battled it out for second place. The top six second-placed teams would qualify directly, while the remaining runners-up would contest the playoffs and the third-placed sides were eliminated. On the final matchday, Zwangzug faced [[Southwest Eastnorth]], looking for all the goal differential they could muster. Midfielder Esther Axelrod-Conway delivered and then some, scoring an unrivalled four goals to lead Zwangzug to a 6-2 victory, clinching the last automatic spot by a four-goal margin. Zwangzug dropped their group stage opener to Farfadillis and defeated [[Mytanija]], setting up a winner-take-all clash with Valanora; the Marauders' Lothas Ludwig scored the match's only goal to advance.

In Eagles Cup 12, DiMarini's side eliminated Baker Park in the quarterfinals, before an extra-time goal from Nephara's Rebecca Laskaris avenged the Cormorants' defeat in the prior edition; [[Tumbra]] defeated Zwangzug to take third place. While athletes from Cugio District competed in the [[Vilitan Mountain Games]], Zwangzug's matches against [[South Newlandia]] in the qualifiers for [[World Cup 90]] provided an excellent opportunity for chess-themed commentary. The Elephants managed a draw in the first leg and a win in the second, while Ketevan Igreli followed in the tradition of the national baseball team by being slightly worse than her South Newlandian counterparts at actual chess. But it was Zwangzug who would qualify by topping the group, and after South Newlandia were eliminated by [[Hapilopper]] in the playoffs, they replaced manager Robert Wolverine with Dale Hartford-Phelps, formerly of the [[Twineur Bugs]]. The proper saw more rematches, with Turori and Jeruselem beating Zwangzug in the first two group stage matches. Another group stage finale with Farfadillis ensued, and ''la Vherderoja'' looked set to advance with a win--until an Axelrod-Conway goal in minute 85 contrived to eliminate her club's homeland alongside her national team.

Eagles' Cup 13 provided plenty of free football for fans in Forbridge and then Eelandii, as Zwangzug defeated [[Chartistan]] and lost to [[Tumbra]], both on penalties; they defeated Pemecutan for third place. In [[World Cup 91]], while DHA extremists faced pushback from sentient zebras and their advocates in the west, defeat on the penultimate qualifying match in [[Adab]] saw Zwangzug fall to second place, setting up a two-legged playoff against [[TJUN-ia]]. The Jags earned a scoreless draw at home, but in the second leg at Wayr Stadium, it was none other than an older, hardened Dulk-Fough whose hat trick carried the team to a 4-1 victory.

A return to Farfadillis, site of their World Cup 85 success, was heartening despite the inherent chaos. Their first match, against [[Quebec and Shingoryeo]], was a 2-1 victory, the winning goal set up by a free kick after a foul from the Grim Reapers' Chewbacca. In game two, Mytanija took an early lead, but after Grigorij Savicevic was sent off for a second yellow, Richardson's penalty secured a wild four-all draw. The third match was a back-and-forth encounter with Banija; Farrokh Sokhi's goal gave Zwangzug a 3-2 victory, to the dismay of a ''Kadongo Kamu'' fan attending for his birthday.

Zwangzug faced Pasarga in the round of sixteen, and with the game tied 1-1 after 120 minutes, DiMarini took the risk of substituting Igreli--who may also have been celebrating her birthday that week, although time dilation makes these things strange--on for the shootout. The gamble played off, as Igreli outlasted the Wanderers' Szescõ Mezei in a tense, low-scoring victory. The quarterfinal proved somewhat of a letdown, with a comprehensive 3-0 victory for Turori. Kausalya Vizirani, Zwangzug's captain, was named to an unofficial team of the tournament by Græntfjall fans, and didn't even have to appeal to Scallop's law to self-nominate.
===World Cup 92===
Cycle 92 began with another perfunctory appearance at the Eagles Cup, being eliminated by [[Electrum]]. The qualification cycle saw more nerves for Richardson and others about the often-tumultuous multiverse, and many forms of thanksgiving unto the god(s) after a visit to Estadio Tiburcio Carías Andino in [[República Guanacasteca]] proved blessedly uneventful. But the campaign itself was relatively stress-free, as Zwangzug clinched group 6 with time to spare.

The group stage began with a long-awaited rematch against Kelssek, and the fourth seeds put on a strong defensive display to hold Zwangzug to a scoreless draw. Game two saw a disappointing performance against [[Nyowani Kitara]]. The Kitarans went 2-0 up in the first half; in minute 64, Valerie Waugh was fouled by Catarina Malmquist, based in [[FTC United]] domestically, and while a penalty was initially given, it was overruled by the assistant referee. The referee didn't go to video review, and Zwangzug were held scoreless despite several post-hitting attempts in added time. With Zwangzug fourth in the group and goalless, it was left to Haugen, now the captain, to provide bulletin board fodder before game three.

Write-in votes from fans online selected the frigid Hothi'icei Battleground in Vilita's mountains to host the match against none other than frequent foes Farfadillis. Zwangzug went 2-0 up in the first half, but Farfadillis had equalized by the hour mark. A rough scramble in minute 74 saw Hanna Suzuki tip in the go-ahead goal for Zwangzug, and Haugen extended the lead nine minutes later. Zwangzug held on to advance to the knockouts.

In the round of sixteen, Farrokh Sokhi's goal defeated Nephara, setting up a quarterfinal against hosts Vilita. A messy first half finished 2-2; Lukas Helsen-Roan gave Zwangzug the lead in the second half, but teenager Jakku’u Naboyavi scored his second goal of the day for the Jungle Rebels to equalize. As extra time drew to a close, Endur Rotropii substituted shootout specialist Ukamai Talingri in goal for Vilita; DiMarini took advantage of the break to bring on Igreli. Again, it paid off; she saved a shot from Letirpsi Vulitn, and misses from Takaara Milanzi and Trezisi Rokopolis saw Zwangzug advance.

The semifinal was a rematch against Nyowani Kitara. But this time around, Zwangzug held off the underdogs, and Waugh's goal in minute 79 put the finishing touches on an exhilarating 4-3 win. The final, in Electrum, pitted Zwangzug against a Banija side managed by [[Pam Scott]]--a longtime friend and mentor of DiMarini from their days in Baker Park. While their camaraderie was evident, the friendly rivals downplayed that aspect of the match, focusing on the pitch. Dulk-Fough beat Wanda Kouyaté, the ''Kadongo Kamu'' captain and three-time champion at youth level, for the opening goal, but Banija's Sarafina Ikpeazu equalized near the end of the first half. It would be Haugen, in minute 64, who delivered the winner, bringing the World Cup to Zwangzug.

===And onward...===
After the emotional whirlwind of the previous tournament, the senior team got some rest as cycle 93 began. Lynn Ragnailt, of the Engdahl Institute, led an all-star team of university players at the fourth [[Brevity Challenge Cup]], where they came second to [[Poafmersia]], and the [[Mihaly Invitational Cup]], where a similarly junior Banija side beat them in the final to gain one small measure of revenge. The senior team, likewise, found themselves as silver medalists in the Eagles Cup, losing to the Snow Wolves of Græntfjall amid some good-natured teasing about Zwangzug's penchant for lipograms. They topped their [[World Cup 93]] qualifying group, amid another exciting round of ''Kairothletes''.

Drawn into Group H in the proper, they arrived with a dominant performance, crushing the [[Tikariot]] Owls 5-1. A win against Pasarga meant that both Zwangzug and Nyowani Kitara had clinched by matchday three; their rematch featured surprisingly many injuries, resulting in a 3-3 draw. After defeating [[Savigliane]] and [[Huayramarca]] in the knockouts, they faced hosts Chromatika. The monochromatic sides were inseparable through regular and extra time, and Cixin Nguyen, who'd been a domestic star in the Chromatika league, sunk his penalty--but Juxon Fillar was superb in the home net, and Chromatika narrowly took the shootout. Græntfjall defeated Zwangzug once again in the third-place playoff.

DiMarini led a more temporally-diverse team to the second World Cup of Dreams, organized by Zwangzugian and Quebecois bureaucrats. Again, this is not recognized as a statistically meaningful tournament, but on this occasion Zwangzug were winners, defeating an [[Audioslavia]]n team with plenty of experience as runners-up. For the [[World Cup 94]] qualifiers, Valerie Waugh was named captain, making history as the first forward to hold that position and performing admirably in not letting it go to her head. Zwangzug topped their qualifying group and, yet again, faced Farfadillis in the group stage. They drew with ''la Vherderoja'', defeated Cassadaigua, and survived a messy, high-scoring draw against [[Elmyia]]. Seeding was decided on a coin toss, with Waugh defeating Farfadillis' Rogerio Defigueroa to claim the group title; this backfired slightly in pitting Zwangzug against Nephara, with whom they played out a less-than-compelling scoreless draw before the Cormorants triumphed in a shootout.

In the [[World Cup 95]] cycle, Zwangzug conceded just four goals through fourteen qualifying matches (two of them in defeat to unheralded [[Josifovo]]), while continuing to be notorious for their love of lipograms even among countries that may not actually understand what lipograms are. The proper would not feature such defensive prowess; Zwangzug conceded five goals over three matches, drawing all of them (including a rematch against Elymia) and coming third in their group. Josifovo picked up where they left off in the [[World Cup 96]] qualifiers, defeating Zwangzug again; despite beatdowns of [[Celestial Emapier]] and [[Semarland]], Zwangzug were second in their group to Josifovo and required a playoff against Pasarga to determine qualification. After a tense scoreless draw, a shootout save from Soumini Bano-Patil was enough to make the differenc and send Zwangzug through...where they scored zero goals over three games, salvaging a point in a scoreless draw against [[Zenic]].

With DiMarini's star in decline, [[World Cup 97]] was semi-officially expected to be her last cycle as manager, allowing her to retire on her own modest terms. While a nameless fan's circuitous, Dantean pilgrimage through various netherworlds finally drew to a conclusion, the national team came second to the timeless Marauders in their qualifier group, qualifying for the first 48-team proper. A draw against debutants [[Edsmontik]], and defeat in a rematch against Zenic and old foes Kelssek left Zwangzug with one point.
===Big cleats to fill===
The [[World Cup 98]] qualifying stage the first tournament in over ten cycles without DiMarini at the helm. The appointment of Gregor Courtenay, formerly of [[Ephesian FC]], set up a culture clash; Courtenay espoused a full-throated takilan philosophy along the lines of the first-generation team, but the federation gave him little leeway to depart from the tactical systems previously in use. He was suspicious of Jubilee McGraw's participation in the "qualification fantasy" game, a long-running Ko-orenite tradition, and may have had further difficulties forging a working relationship with his players. Zwangzug were third in their group, which brought about a playoff match with [[The 14 Stars]]. After a scoreless regulation and extra time, the Starsian Wolves triumphed in a shootout.

An aggrieved Courtenay stepped down for [[Cup of Harmony 90]], replaced by Emily Kuiper, who had recently led Canbix to the league title. In their opening match, Zwangzug were upset by [[Ralsalin]], a cause for tremendous celebration and rewards from the underdog Knights. But Zwangzug climbed back to advance to the play-in stage, where they soundly defeated [[Milchama]]. In the quarterfinals, they lost to their fellow board game connoisseurs of [[Reçueçn]]. This performance, while nothing to be ashamed of, was apparently not enough to promote Kuiper from ''de facto'' interim. The [[World Cup 99]] qualifiers would see the managerial role fall to Bishen Varadarajan, the newest contender among the "best clubs not named Ephesian." This approach was celebrated as likely to promote better team cohesion (and obedience to the laws of the game) than the alternative. Despite some late wobbles against Baptism of Fire champions, [[The Osnari Federation]], Zwangzug qualified automatically to the proper; meanwhile, Frank Olmsted took advantage of the relative anonymity of reserve goalkeepers by approaching the ancient dilemma of "is it better to be kind than right" via the scientific method. In the proper, Zwangzug they held top seeds [[Juvencus]] to a scoreless draw, only to lose heavily to an erratic [[Kamijiro]] side and then narrowly to Pasarga.

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team/roster

2025-10-20T00:13:54Z

Zwangzug:

The [[Zwangzug national football team]] has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-15, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

__NOTOC__
{{Compact ToC}}

==A==
*'''Virginia Aksnes''': FW, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]-present, 8 goals
*'''Ramona Ambaile-Hund''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83]], 11 goals
*'''Micah Angier''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 10 goals
*'''Leslie Applebaum''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]]
*'''Ezekiel Arden-Ria''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Jesse Arneson''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Chevanthi Arokiaraj''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 2 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup|Eagles Cup 8]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]]. A practicing Hindu who occasionally appeared on ''Interreligious Sniping.''
*'''[[Esther Axelrod-Conway]]''': MF, [[Mâ Âlâmëómë]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 92|WC92]], 20 goals.
==B==
*'''Shula Bachchan-Laum''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[FC Solovetsky Monastery]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 3 goals. Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
*'''Satenik Banach''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 10 goals. A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]].
*'''Soumini Bano-Patil''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]. A benchwarmer on the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]]. Saved a penalty in the shootout against [[Pasarga]] to secure [[World Cup 96]] qualification.
*'''Jacob Barons''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 38|38]], 15 goals. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]], though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in [[World Cup 36]].
*'''[[Eddie Barnes]]''': MF, [[Dunboor FC]], [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 41|WC41]], 1 goal
*'''Tygo Beumers''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[Cup of Harmonyv 60|CoH 60]]
*'''Cameron Beyer''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Shobhana Birla''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]
*'''[[Dana Bloomquist]]''': DF, [[Turks' Club]], [[Marquez-Onwere]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Gordon Blum''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 48 goals
*'''Sullivan Brecht''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 2 goals. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Jaclyn Burkhart''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 20 goals.
*'''Mark Bryant''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==C==
*'''Rebecca Calhoun''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Daphne Camonoba''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''[[Andrew Card]]''': DF, [[Joseon]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]], 1 goal
*'''Harold Carre''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 99|WC99]], 13 goals
*'''Itzhak Canterbury''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]]
*'''Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]], 28 goals. Clinched qualification for [[World Cup 83]] with winning goal against [[Pasarga]] on the final matchday of qualifiers, still had problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
*'''Edward Ciaver-Maripov''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Brett Chrowder''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
*'''Maya Coelho''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 8 goals
*'''Penny Consky-Bock''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]]
*'''Blanche Coogan-Bucknell''': GK, [[Sporting Esper], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-[[World Cup 99|WC99]]
*'''Bennett Covy''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Mont-Lambert FC]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
*'''Lissa Crain''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Baraldhur AFC]], [[World Cup 85|WC85]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 2 goals. Team of the season in the [[Tikariot Premier League]] season 101. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]].
*'''Bradley Curnow''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[AC Quarant Xa'Virt]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Couldn't swim; could and did dive.
==D==
*'''Paige Daunten''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[North Sabrefell]], [[La Nueva Avenida]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]]. A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series, somewhat literal-minded, and perhaps ill-suited to the chaos of Farfadillis society. Despite this, was named to the [[FFL]] best XI in its final season as an independent league, and [[Galacticos]] long-listed in cycle 77 and 78.
*'''[[Brendan Deguela]]''': MF, [[Chelmar FC]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 6 goals
*'''Luanne Delvale''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Drew comparisons to her distant predecessor [[Rube Tercer]], for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
*'''Evan Dewey''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 6 goals
*'''Keshav Dhankot''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 7 goals
*'''Evan Diallo''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal
*'''Sohini Dravid''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present, 2 goals
*'''Javier Drouet''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]]. Somewhat of a rules stickler.
*'''Quincy Dulk-Fough''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 32 goals. A survivor of the Wayr Stadium Lockdown as a youth player. Scored a hat trick in the second leg of the playoff against [[TJUN-ia]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] playoffs. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Perry Dupont-Bowles''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 100|WC100]]-present
==E==
*'''[[Patricia Eliot]]''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Matthew City Rangers]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''[[Percy Eskridge]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Shlomo Eustace''': GK, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]]
*'''Silas Exordan''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 100|WC100]]-present
==F==
*'''Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy''': DF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Arlington City]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for IFCF 15.
*'''Joshua Farthing''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
*'''Mal Faustino''': DF, [[A.F.F.]], [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 40]], 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in [[Abadia]], which expanded into including a restaurant.
*'''Ian Felsenfeld''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with [[Evan Terwilliger]] for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of [[IYC Vanan]], where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
*'''Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ashley Fillmore-Gaul''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 3 goals. A practicing [[Religion in Zwangzug|Ketrian]] who could be surly but nevertheless got along well with her teammates. Captain [[World Cup 96|WC96]].
*'''Chloe Flen-Willis''': MF, [[Ephesian FTC]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present, 7 goals.
*'''Ione Friede''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 13 goals
*'''Blake Fures''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."
==G==
*'''Nirav Gadhavi''': GK, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Eileen Gainsborough''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-[[World Cup 99|WC99]]. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]-[[World Cup 99|WC99]]
*'''Simon Gannett''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 7 goals. Scored go-ahead goal in extra time against [[Mertagne]] during [[Eagles Cup]] 11 quarterfinal.
*'''Heather Garland-Fowler''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Ariadne Ge''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Minerva Gerdt-Arbden''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 99|WC99]]-present
*'''Joan Gerland''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Matthew City Senators]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]], 12 goals. Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
*'''Trent Gerson''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Swinedon Town]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of [[Sorthern Northland]], which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
*'''Aimee Ginoud-Sachs''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals
*'''Spencer Gleason''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]], 14 goals. Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
*'''Dirk Grosa''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
*'''Turan Gul''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
*'''Hannah Gustafson''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Ernst Guthnick-Wolf''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 98|WC98Q]], 3 goals
*'''[[Ogechi Guttuso]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
==H==
*'''Sara Hale-Barnard''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Somewhat of a professional fouler.
*'''[[Roger Hammers]]''': MF, [[Seojang]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 37|37]]
*'''Bartholomew Hanson''': DF, [[World Cup 36|WC36]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]. Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of [[World Cup 36]].
*'''Kazue Harel''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''Kostya Hart-Farm''': FW, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 5 goals
*'''[[Kayla Haugen]]''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 28 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Beppo Hegesa''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 13 goals. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Lukas Helsen-Roan''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 18 goals
*'''Jonas Henke''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Atlético Insular]], [[WC41|World Cup 41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless [[CCFM]] newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
*'''Solveig Henson-Quar''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Kim Higden''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]. A native of the [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|Picksall Islands]] and fluent in their consonant-poor language; she coached their representative side in [[IAC 12]] and [[IAC 15]], and was named one of the all-star coaches for the Muralos team in the former.
*'''Chester Hildegard''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 9 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Dennis Horkawer-Rippel''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Fligsive FC]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
==I==
*'''Sally Ici-Holder''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]], 3 goals
*'''Johan Idmar''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 47 goals. His struggles at the historic [[Tundra Falls Proving Grounds]] were attributed to the spirits smiting his atheism, at least by a few superstitious fans.
*'''[[Olivia Idoni]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Ketevan Igreli''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 89|WC89]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]]. An enthusiastic but unskilled Chess960 player. Dramatically substituted into the round of 16 match against [[Pasarga]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] just in time for the penalty shootout, which they won. This may even have been on her birthday, although with time dilation, who really knows. Made a similar appearance against [[Vilita]] in [[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Ryota Imamura''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 24 goals. Known for his frustration with regards to Kate DiMarini's policy of reserving players numbered 24-26 for emergencies only. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Meghna Imomenba''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 3 goals. Part of the Forest team that won [[Champions League 9]]. Testículos best XI for the WC92 cycle.
*'''[[Natalie Instonenext]]''': DF, [[Port of Clotaire]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]]
*'''Gabriel Istibar''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present, 1 goal. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Nina Irving''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==J==
*'''Kirsten Jackson''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 3 goals. Zwangzug's representative player in the [[Squidroidia]] broadcasting network intro sequence for [[World Cup 92||WC92]]. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]].
*'''Marlene Jamieson''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]
*'''Tinn Jejue''': GK, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Kendra Jover''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 3 goals. Captain during the [[World Cup 80|WC80]] and [[World Cup 82|WC82]] cycles.
*'''Muus Jurin''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Char Sara FC]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 15 goals. An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.
==K==
*'''Alma Kaidensky''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Dimitros Kalnis''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 100|WC100]]-present
*'''Lilavati Kanwar''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Lobyuseistvooshu]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Sonal Kaur''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the [[CCFM]], despite the whole "masculino" thing.
*'''Davi Keane-Liuprand''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 5 goals. A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against [[Darmen]] in the WC68 qualifiers.
*'''Natasha Keller''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 5 goals. Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
*'''Geoff Kempner''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Metropolitano]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
*'''Mitchell Kernkraft''': MF, [[World Cup 42|WC42]], [[Rovers United]], [[Wiechester FC]]. No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
*'''Nora Kent-Maner''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 14 goals.
*'''Bethany Kieschnick''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Saroj Kinnar''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Colonial Sile]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 2 goals. Won Zwangzug's university championship with Engdahl Institute in seasons 40 and 41. Part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Riley Kivrin''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 3 goals. May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and [[Xíxì Êns]]; scored the equalizing goal against [[Farfadillis]] to advance to the [[World Cup 85]] knockout stages.
*'''Ryuya Kotani''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 6 goals
*'''Jenna Kowalski''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Komala Kristinsdottir''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Megan Kucinich''': MF, [[Wexax United]], [[World Cup 38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 2 goals. An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in [[the Holy Empire]] and much less so with [[Andrew Card]]. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
*'''[[Lucas Kukiseso]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 9 goals
*'''Antje Kurzmann-Tremme''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 4 goals. Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
*'''Nidhi Kulamard''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Eugene Kyp-Sobol''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.
==L==
*'''Vipin Lamin''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
*'''Gabi Lanius-Sexton''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 1 goal
*'''Hajna Lantos''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ursula Lauren''': MF, [[Arrigo Portuguese]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
*'''Gretchen Lavenza''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Brunnhilde Lavrans''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present, 10 goals
*'''Michelle Lawrence''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Tara Lenski''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[Caires City]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
*'''Vanessa Leiter''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]
*'''Allison Levi-Gold''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for [[Galacticos|Galactico Junior]] during UICA cycle 70.
*'''Pia Leykauf''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 1 goal
*'''Preston Liebersbach''': FW, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.
==M==
*'''Julia MacEacharna''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 9 goals. Captain [[World Cup 95|WC95]]. Alum of Neume College. Competed on the university all-star team during cycle 93, where she was noted for her saxophone skills as well as her footballing. A pioneer of the "free kick lying down guy" position. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''[[Gary Maini]]''': FW, [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 42 goals
*'''[[Saena Mathash]]''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Yul Maughum''': FW, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 36|36]], 32 goals. A son of the eastern [[FTC]]'s social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate [[Phillip Stings]].
*'''Stephen Marcus''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 15|EC15]]-[[World Cup 98|WC98Q]], 33 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15. Captain [[World Cup 97]]-[[World Cup 98|WC98Q]].
*'''Khamisi McCluey''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Royal Rumiatzi]], [[Cup of Harmony 57]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 19 goals. Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
*'''Jonah McCollins''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 27 goals. Captain B71 Invitational-WC87.
*'''Junia McCue''': DF, [[Arlington City]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 5 goals
*'''John McDonald''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]], 1 goal
*'''Jerzy McFetridge''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 2 goals. Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
*'''Jen McFult''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Kayla McGee''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Juniper McGovern''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 3 goals
*'''Jubilee McGraw''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 8 goals. Captain [[World Cup 100|WC100]]-present.
*'''Desmond McGowan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]. A big fan of the video game ''SCQ: Superceleritas Quest''.
*'''Jess McHeran''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[World Cup 99|WC99]], 8 goals
*'''Joel McJakill''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]]. Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the [[World Cup 83]] concert. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing [[World Cup 84]] group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
*'''Xolani McKiegna''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 3 goals. Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the [[Water World Championships]] and [[8th Summer Olympics]].
*'''Jordan McKinney''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 15 goals.
*'''Zoe McQuoid''': MF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]
*'''Jude McWaler''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 5 goals. Alum of Glune Institute of Natural Sciences, part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Jesse McWhorter''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 10|EC10]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. Younger brother of Samuel McWhorter, a [[Rovers United]] player who retired for medical reasons after the Wayr Stadium lockdown.
*'''Odo Merisi-Rizzi''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Bruce Millar''': GK, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Burgess FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
*'''Nilkanth Mibang''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 2 goals. Part of the Namiri side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Harshit Mistry''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 1 goal
*'''Tova Miovuku''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 7 goals
*'''Luba Mogarych''': MF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 100|WC100]]-present
*'''Pammal Mookaiah''': FW, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 99|WC99]]-present
*'''Terrence Montague''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]], 2 goals
*'''Sophie Munshi''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Mierton Manatees]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 88|88]], 13 goals. Galacticos longlist cycle 78. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC 10]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]].
*'''Loris Muraro-Ughi''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]], 10 goals
==N==
*'''Yuuki Nakano''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Juvapanam]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 11 goals
*'''Hugo Nimbue''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 5 goals
*'''Shayna Nelson''': FW, [[Rovers United]], EC6, 4 goals
*'''Timothy Nexus''': MF, [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 37|WC37]]. A native of [[102d]] by way of the [[Artificial Intelligence University|AIU]]. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the [[World Cup 37]] qualifiers.
*'''Cixin Nguyen''': MF, [[Chromatik]], [[SK Aasiaat Harbour]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 29 goals. The star of a class of Zwangzugian high schoolers that played in the [[Chromatika]] university system, he first appeared for Zwangzugian coach Claude Pare-Achel at the dominant Chromia Central College University before signing professionally for Chromatik. Named to the Rainbow League's second all-pro team in season eight and nine. Season eleven: player of the season (also foreigner of the season and all-pro team). In his first season with SK Aasiaat Harbour, recorded 12 assists, tied for fourth in the league. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15.
*'''Amos Noile-Murne''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 10 goals
*'''Chip Noonan''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his [[CMSC]] career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
*'''Dima Novak''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Athletik Thessia]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
*'''Zurab Nozadze''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==O==
*'''Allie Octar-Celyn''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Connor Ohme''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
*'''Frank Olmsted''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Made a name for himself as the fourth goalkeeper during [[World Cup 99|WC99]] by conducting a controlled experiment on whether it's better to be right or kind with his fellow backups.
*'''[[Simon Ryne Olson]]''': FW, [[Marienburg United]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 91 goals
*'''Compars Ogawa''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]].
*'''Anne Onymous''': outfield substitute, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.
==P==
*'''Nicholas Palmetto''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-[[World Cup 99|WC99]], 5 goals
*'''Subroto Parida''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship|IAC9]]. Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
*'''Judy Pax-Tungsten''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 100|WC100]]-present
*'''Helen Pimbura''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Tori Pfendler''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
*'''Lobsang Pokhriyal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Lorna Powys''': GK, [[Canbix Muses], [[World Cup 100|WC100]]-present
*'''Kachra Prabhu''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 100|WC100]]-present
*'''Nancy Puyo-Sachar''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 14 goals. Married to Griffith Puyo-Sachar, a former player for and current manager of the [[Zwangzug national baseball team]]. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle.
==R==
*'''Arlo Rais-Sonnen''': FW, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 21 goals
*'''Delia Ramos-Avea''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Awidlyon Reed''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]], 11 goals
*'''Callan Regins-Ybou''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present, 3 goals
*'''Salinee Rhiannon''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 100|WC100]]-present
*'''Corey Richardson''': MF, [[Advance Alara]], [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 6 goals. A lot of raw talent but plagued by nerves. Won the university championship with Erewhon University in (Zwangzug's) season 31. Part of the Team of the Season for [[Ko-oren]]'s league in (their) season 34. Seemed to find some tranquility in [[Cup of Harmony 80]], when he scored the winning goal in extra time against [[St Trinians]] in the round of 32; this was Zwangzug's nomination for goal of the tournament.
*'''Nadine Roark''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|69]]. Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
*'''Corianne Rogawski''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Irene Roosevelt''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Angela Rose-Dauphine''' DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]
*'''Lorraine Rouwen-Horn''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[World Cup 99|WC99]]
*'''[[Martina Ruan]]''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 18 goals
*'''[[Steven Ruck]]''': MF, [[IYC Ajer]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 41]], 4 goals
*'''Meredith Ryland''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15. Known for skillful throw-ins.
==S==
*'''Danilo Sabbia''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Randall Saitta''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 13 goals. Could be insensitive, but had a solid work ethic.
*'''Taylor Sariger-Heshik''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
*'''Marlon Sayle-Bren''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 17 goals. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
*'''[[Martin Scallop]]''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Diana Schell-Cioban''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present
*'''Tullio Schi''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Bengtsmark IF]], [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 13 goals
*'''Franziska Schnee-Krull''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]. Stoked controversy in [[Qusmo]] by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
*'''Claude Seu''': MF, [[Clube Imperial]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 1 goal. A quiet player of [[Ariddia|Ariddian]] ancestry.
*'''Lawrence Sevvy''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. A native of [[Bassabook]] known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against [[Rejistania]] in the [[World Cup 35]] qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from [[The Hurd]] to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
*'''[[Rohit Sharma]]''': FW, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 35 goals.
*'''Michael Sheldon''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Central United]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Conceded a penalty in a friendly against [[Candelaria And Marquez]] in the [[World Cup 38]] qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of [[Cafundéu]].
*'''Simone Shimura''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Akhil Sibal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Stade Djalenga]], [[Energija Chernovets]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 4 goals. Got an assist in the winning goal of Chernovets' [[AOCL]] championship.
*'''Camille Sibelius''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Ted Silla-Raty''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Missed some time in the [[World Cup 65]] cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
*'''Mobin Singh''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
*'''Farrokh Sokhi''': MF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Namiri Forest]], 25 goals. Won [[Champions League 9]] with Namiri Forest. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Brian Spand-Maunk''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 99|WC99]], 16 goals
*'''Ulysses Stael''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]. The older brother of [[Steven Ruck]], Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in [[St Samuel]], but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
*'''[[Sydney Stefred]]''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 4 goals
*'''Rudolf Sternberg''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 68Q|WC68Q]], 1 goal. A native of Clunvers, the suburb of [[Zwischen]] known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against [[New Matawan]].
*'''[[Phillip Stings]]''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[World Cup 33|WC 33]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 83 goals
*'''Hanna Suzuki''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup|EC12]] and [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle. Like many Trink players, known for elegant, highlight-reel goals. One of the few players to be cut from but later rejoin the national team.
==T==
*'''Kerry Tammany''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 5 goals
*'''Kelci Tanaka-Whit''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 2 goals
*'''[[Rube Tercer]]''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]
*'''Evan Terwilliger''': FW, [[Chelmar FC]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41]], 2 goals. Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
*'''Freda Tery-Wilf''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 4 goals
*'''Monica Tewsal''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Narayan Thorlakson''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Laurel Tinker-Witt''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Dwile Warriors]], [[Strathcona Internationals]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC11]]. Became a coach at Strathcona after her retirement as a player.
*'''Dominik Topi''': GK, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''[[Anatoly Trumper]]''': GK, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]
*'''Fedya Troy-Vee''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]
*'''Misako Tsuki''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 11 goals. Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug#B|Bryce College]], leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
*'''Sofya Turmal-Hence''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 12 goals.
*'''Joshua Twoni''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 27 goals. [[Galacticos]] long list cycle 76 and 78, reserve XII cycle 77. Golden boot in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]]. Captain of the national team [[World Cup 86]], and of the Arlington side that won the IFCF [[Challenger's Cup 3]].
==U==
*'''Kurt Uehara''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[FC Soessch]], [[Easthold Royals]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC8]], 1 goal
*'''Caleb Upsil-Coyne''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==V==
*'''Ricardo Valbuena''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]
*'''[[Peter Vanderpent]]''': FW, [[Albrecht FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 61 goals
*'''Alyssa Velt-Nansen''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 4 goals
*'''Kausalya Vizirani''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup 8|EC8]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 2 goals. Captain of the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]], and national team captain from [[World Cup 90]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. While frequently compared to Chevanthi Arokiaraj, Vizirani is a bit more ingenuous and contented in her off-field life. Named to the GS SuperSports+ team of the tournament for WC91.
*'''Tandre Vusin-Jacques''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[World Cup 99|WC99]]
==W==
*'''Valerie Waugh''': FW, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 53 goals. Captain [[World Cup 94|WC94]].
*'''Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]], 1 goal. Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
*'''Emily Winters-Neumann''': GK, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|66]]. Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
*'''Franklin Witchein-Coan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Fryi Frêndê]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal. Fan of loud music.
*'''Liorit Wirth''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''Dustin Wodehouse''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Vera Woredann''': MF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team

2025-10-20T00:03:44Z

Zwangzug:

The '''Zwangzug national football team''' represents [[Zwangzug]] in international competitions, most frequently the [[World Cup]] and its associated competitions. They were the champions of [[World Cup 92]]

The team has competed in several distinct eras; the "first generation" team competed from [[World Cup 33]] to [[World Cup 42]], winning [[Cup of Harmony 25]] and finishing second in WC42. The "second generation" competed from [[World Cup 64]] through [[World Cup 69]] before the country ceased to exist. They sporadically contested the [[Eagles Cup]], winning the sixth edition of that tournament, and then a "third generation" team participated in [[World Cup 80]], then [[World Cup 82]] to the present.

==History==
An extensive team history may be found at [[Zwangzug national football team/history|this subpage]].

Zwangzug have always worn white kits with black stripes at home, and black kits with white stripes away, the more similar the better, though will grudgingly make allowances to distinguish themselves from their opponents if necessary.

The first generation team played its home games at Wayr Stadium in the [[Rackham Range]], after first establishing an even higher and more remote training camp. Upon reconstitution, the new team did the same for World Cups 64 and 65. Beginning with World Cup 66, the association established the tradition of playing qualifying matches at different fields throughout the country, and this has been continued to the present.

==Competitive record==

===World Cup===

{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
!colspan=7|Qualification
! style="width:1px" rowspan="37"| 
!colspan=8|Main tournament
|-
! Cycle
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
!{{abbr|Comp|Competition}}
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
|-
| 33 || 18 || 9 || 4 || 5 || 30 || 26 || [[Cup of Harmony 25|CoH 25]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 8 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 9 || 5
|-
| 34 || 12 || 7 || 1 || 4 || 25 || 24 || [[World Cup 34|WC 34]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4
|-
| 35 || 10 || 6 || 1 || 3 || 19 || 10 || [[World Cup 35|WC 35]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 5 || 5
|-
| 36 || 14 || 9 || 2 || 3 || 28 || 16 || [[World Cup 36|WC 36]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 12 || 9
|-
| 37 || 14 || 12 || 1 || 1 || 40 || 15 || [[World Cup 37|WC 37]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 11 || 7
|-
| 38 || 14 || 12 || 0 || 2 || 44 || 12 || [[World Cup 38|WC 38]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 6 || 8
|-
| 39 || 14 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 13 || [[World Cup 39|WC 39]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 10
|-
| 40 || 10 || 9 || 0 || 1 || 30 || 13 || [[World Cup 40|WC 40]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 5
|-
| 41 || 10 || 6 || 4 || 0 || 26 || 8 || [[World Cup 41|WC 41]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 3 || 0 || 1 || 8 || 4
|-
| 42 || 12 || 8 || 3 || 1 || 23 || 9 || [[World Cup 42|WC 42]] || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 20 || 10
|-
| 64 || 18 || 6 || 7 || 5 || 16 || 20 || [[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 8
|-
| 65 || 18 || 9 || 5 || 4 || 26 || 17 || [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]] || 4th in group || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 5
|-
| 66 || 10 || 8 || 2 || 0 || 18 || 4 || [[World Cup 66|WC 66]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 5 || 6
|-
| 67 || 16 || 11 || 2 || 3 || 23 || 12 || [[World Cup 67|WC 67]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 6
|-
| 68 || 14 || 12 || 2 || 0 || 27 || 3 || [[Cup of Harmony 68|CoH 60]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 69 || 14 || 8 || 3 || 3 || 18 || 9 || [[World Cup 69|WC 69]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 80 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 23 || 23 || [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 5
|-
| 82 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 21 || 25 || [[Cup of Harmony 73|CoH 74]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 7 || 8
|-
| 83 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 27 || 13 || [[World Cup 83|WC 83]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 4
|-
| 84 || 20 || 13 || 2 || 5 || 34 || 26 || [[World Cup 84|WC 84]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 1 || 5
|-
| 85 || 24 || 17 || 3 || 4 || 44 || 19 || [[World Cup 85|WC 85]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9
|-
| 86 || 18 || 12 || 3 || 3 || 30 || 15 || [[World Cup 86|WC 86]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 4 || 5
|-
| 87 || 18 || 10 || 5 || 3 || 38 || 21 || [[World Cup 87|WC 87]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 8
|-
| 88 || 18 || 8 || 5 || 5 || 21 || 15 || [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]] || Round of 16 || 5 || 3 || 2 || 0 || 11 || 5
|-
| 89 || 18 || 12 || 4 || 2 || 33 || 13 || [[World Cup 89|WC89]] || 4th in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 2 || 4
|-
| 90 || 18 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 25 || 13 || [[World Cup 90|WC90]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 3 || 5
|-
| 91 || 20 || 14 || 4 || 2 || 32 || 14 || [[World Cup 91|WC91]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 2 || 1 || 10 || 11
|-
| 92 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 11 || [[World Cup 92|WC92]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 14 || 11
|-
| 93 || 22 || 18 || 2 || 2 || 47 || 17 || [[World Cup 93|WC93]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 19 || 13
|-
| 94 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 46 || 16 || [[World Cup 94|WC94]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 3 || 0 || 9 || 7
|-
| 95 || 14 || 11 || 2 || 1 || 25 || 4 || [[World Cup 95|WC95]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 3 || 0 || 5 || 5
|-
| 96 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 40 || 14 || [[World Cup 96|WC96]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 0 || 3
|-
| 97 || 16 || 13 || 2 || 1 || 33 || 10 || [[World Cup 97|WC97]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 5 || 8
|-
| 98 || 14 || 7 || 4 || 3 || 19 || 12 || [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]] || Quarterfinals || 6 || 4 || 0 || 2 || 11 || 7
|-
| 99 || 18 || 12 || 3 || 3 || 40 || 14 || [[World Cup 99|WC99]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 2 || 6
|}

Zwangzug qualified to the World Cup via playoffs in World Cups 36, 67, 69, 87, 91, and 96; they lost in playoffs in World Cup 68 and 98.

===Other tournaments===
{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
! Competition
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
! WC cycle
|-
| [[Baptism of Fire 20]] || Quarterfinals ||8||2||0||6||4||12|| 33
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams]] || 5th in group ||10||2||4||4||11||15 || 64
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 6 || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 20 || 15 || 76
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 7 || 5th place || 9 || 5 || 1 || 3 || 18 || 17 || 79
|-
| [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 9 || 85
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 8 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 3 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 10 || 85
|-
| [[B71 Invitational Football Tournament]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 4 || 2 || 2 || 0 || 7 || 2 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 9 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 11 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 10 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 0 || 4 || 6 || 7 || 88
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 11 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 3 || 4 || 2 || 18 || 12 || 89
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 12 || '''Fourth place''' || 9 || 5 || 0 || 4 || 10 || 7 || 90
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 13 || style="background:#cd7f32" | '''Third place''' || 9 || 3 || 5 || 1 || 15 || 12 || 91
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 14 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 5 || 0 || 2 || 10 || 8 || 92
|-
| [[Brevity Challenge Cup]] 4 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9 || 93
|-
| [[Mihaly Invitational Cup]] 1 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 5 || 4 || 0 || 1 || 11 || 4 || 93
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 15 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 13 || 5 || 93
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams II]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' ||17||11||4||2||28||7 || 94
|}
Due to the unique nature of the World Cup of Dreams, goalscorers were not recorded and they are not considered statistically-meaningful tournaments in Zwangzug records. For BCC1 and the Mihaly Invitational Cup, Zwangzug sent a university all-star team; goalscorers were not recorded and these are not considered full national team matches. (However, several of those players went on to play for the full national team in their own right.)

The B71 tournament is considered statistically meaningful, albeit by and large against nations not of WCC caliber, so their championship is not really something to crow about.

==Personnel==
A full all-time roster is provided at [[Zwangzug national football team/roster|this subpage]].

In the "first generation" era, Zwangzug's football culture was very insular, and their managers, while long-tenured, did not exert a lot of leadership power. The captaincy was, therefore, considered an important role in actually leading and representing the players; part actual power, part symbolic reward for long-timers who deferred to the "established" way of things. Since the second generation, Zwangzug has been able to draw from successful club managers, but mostly prefer to search within their own borders. This pattern was emphatically belied with [[Kate DiMarini]] of [[Baker Park]], who took over as an interim in World Cup 87 and remained at the helm through cycle 97, including the World Cup 92 championship, but they have since reverted to type.
===Managers===
*BOB 64: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
An early experiment in robotics from the [[Artificial Intelligence University]] whose attempts at instilling curfew were not popular with all of the player base. The best guess at the acronym was "bought out by," but either the socialist government and/or idealistic elements on the team successfully prevented corporate sponsorship.
*Doodlypants Mcgimpy: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 42]]
A Bigtopian immigrant who occasionally struggled to communicate (and frequently referenced his players by uniform number), but also a diligent talent scout.
*Bridget Scroves: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 67]]
Led the team to qualification on their third attempt, but ill health and a fractious relationship with [[World Cup Commitee]] Vice-President Sue Fleischmann overshadowed her later cycles.
*Matilda Kratochvil: [[World Cup 68]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60]]
Built [[Excelsior Slogda]] into a contender, where she sparred with Nadine Roark about the latter's ponytail. After a dominant qualifying stage, struggled in playoffs and the CoH, and decided she liked being part of the Slogda machine better.
*Reaven Laynee: [[World Cup 69]]
Originally from [[Earent]], where she was the manager of [[Stirvik TU]], who finished second in [[Champions' Cup 48]], and was already known for bizarre and incomprehensible metaphors. Then moved to [[Sporting Iturributa]] in [[Astograth]] before that league collapsed. Not much more coherent in her third language either, producing quotes such as "Yes, the butt changes" in response to her opposite number's misbehavior against [[Estope]].
*Mila Apsar: [[Eagles Cup 6]]
[[Namiri Independent]] manager in season 17.
*Franklin Motobuchi: [[Eagles Cup 7]]
[[Eintracht Trink]] manager in the hard-fought season 21, when they finished third on goal difference. Returned there after the national team and won the first [[Cereal Cup]].
*Makvala Tsereteli: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
Slogda manager in season 23, when they rallied to fifth from a thirteenth-place finish the season before. Keen on making substitutions and jiggling her lineup.
*Tavish Willow: [[World Cup 83]]-[[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers
Manager of [[Keppal Cosmos]] when they won the league in season 24. Known for his ponytail (unlike Kratochvil); instituted a (1)-4-6-0 formation due to his perception of a lack of effective strikers. This paid off quickly when Zwangzug qualified; by the middle of the WC84 qualifiers, however, the team had drawn against [[Tamgu]] and [[Castanya]], lost to [[Krytenia]], [[Mattijana]], and [[Ancherion]] (in the latter case 4-0). Blasting the "cowards at the federation" who "don't have it in them to fire anyone ignomiously," he resigned his position.
*Enitan Maclaurin: [[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers and proper
Interim appointed in Willow's absence. Many cycles prior, a goalkeeper with [[Arlington City]] who then moved to [[Tropicorp FC]] in [[Vilita]], and longtime member of the [[Arlington Collective]].
*Abigail Chatelenas: [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]]
A ''de facto'' interim. Previously led the University of Homler to several finals, and then second place in the [[IUCC]]; after the IAC stint, joined [[Atlantea Hurricanes]] in [[Taeshan]].
*Brandon Sonnabend: [[World Cup 85]]-[[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers
Won the league with [[Bassabook Old Boys]] in season 29, then came second in the second [[FFI]] Liga dos Vencedores. Can be quick to substitute players out after perceived injuries; his critics say he has some double standards and is less willing to let women potentially play through the pain than men. While mostly grounded in reality, known to wax poetic in ye olde fantasy novel prophetic jargon. A combination of poor results and the increasing frustration caused by this phenomenon caused him and the federation to part ways at the halfway point of qualifiers.
*[[Kate DiMarini]]: [[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers - [[World Cup 97]]
Originally from the Commonwealth of [[Baker Park]], where she was an assistant to [[Pamela Scott|Pam Scott]] with their [[Baker Park national football team|national team]]. Then took over at [[Trebuchet Cham]], leading them to two [[IFCF]] qualifications. After a successful stint as the interim, was named permanent manager after [[World Cup 87]].
*Gregor Courtenay: [[World Cup 98]] qualifiers
Enjoyed great success with [[Ephesian FC]] in their dominant season 43-48 era. However, was unenthusiastic about his new appointment, resenting that he could not remake the national team in something more nearly resembling Ephesian's image (if not harkening back to all of the first-generation team's eccentricities).
*Emily Kuiper: [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]
Another ''de facto'' interim; a former striker with [[Canbix Muses]], who later became the side's manager and led them to an unexpected championship in season 49.
*Bishen Varadarajan: [[World Cup 99]] - present
Formerly of Namiri Independent. Seems to be vaguely envious of baseball's advanced statistics, and tries to rip off advanced sizbermetric projections for football purposes, to mixed results.

===Captains===
[[File:Jacob_Barons.JPG|thumb|right|Jacob Barons was the second captain of the national team]]
*[[Rube Tercer]]: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
*Jacob Barons: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 38]]
*[[Steven Ruck]]: [[World Cup 39]]-[[World Cup 41]]
*[[Andrew Card]]: [[World Cup 42]]
*Brett Chrowder: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 66]]
*[[Martina Ruan]]: [[World Cup 67]]-[[World Cup 69]]
*Eugene Kyp-Sobol: [[Eagles Cup]] 6
*Turan Gul: [[Eagles Cup]] 7
*Kendra Jover: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
*[[Martin Scallop]]: [[World Cup 83]]
*[[Lucas Kukiseso]]: [[World Cup 84]]
*Chevanthi Arokiaraj: [[Eagles Cup]] 8-[[World Cup 85]]
*Joshua Twoni: [[World Cup 86]]
*Jonah McCollins: [[Eagles Cup]] 9-[[World Cup 87]]
*Sophie Munshi: [[Eagles Cup]] 10-[[World Cup 88]] (qualifiers)
*Lissa Crain: [[Cup of Harmony 80]]-[[World Cup 90]]
*Kausalya Vizirani: [[Eagles Cup]] 13-[[World Cup 91]]
*[[Kayla Haugen]]: [[Eagles Cup]] 14-[[World Cup 92]]
*Kirsten Jackson: [[Eagles Cup]] 15-[[World Cup 93]]
*Valerie Waugh: [[World Cup 94]]
*Julia MacEacharna: [[World Cup 95]]
*Ashley Fillmore-Gaul: [[World Cup 96]]
*Stephen Marcus: [[World Cup 97]]-[[World Cup 98]] (qualifiers)
*Eileen Gainsborough: [[Cup of Harmony 90]]-[[World Cup 99]]
*Jubilee McGraw: [[World Cup 100]]-present
===Top goalscorers===
Because of the first-generation team's eccentricities (little use of substitutions, strict positional demands, long careers due to limited player base), many of their goalscoring statistics are unlikely to be equaled. A "modern era" table (WC64 and onward) is provided separately.

{| class="wikitable"
|+ All-time
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || [[Simon Ryne Olson]] || 91
|-
| 2 || [[Phillip Stings]] || 83
|-
| 3 || [[Peter Vanderpent]] || 61
|-
| 4 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 5 || Gordon Blum || 48
|}

{| class="wikitable"
|+ Modern era
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 2 || Gordon Blum || 48
|-
| 3 || Johan Idmar || 47
|-
| 4 || Stephen Marcus || 33
|-
| 5 || Quincy Dulk-Fough || 32
|}

[[Category:Zwangzug|Football]][[Category:National football teams]]

Zwangzug national football team/history

2025-05-11T23:34:05Z

Zwangzug:

==The First Generation==
===Early days===
The semi-legendary beginnings of the national team date trace to Forbridge, the shores of the Deep Blue Lake at the [[AIU]], at which one student is said to have inadvertently another in the head during a hard-fought game of Frisbee, whereupon they decided that the country needed better sports. Whether or not this is true, the fact remains that they assembled an eclectic XI, with the [[FTC]] prominently represented but players hailing from cities such as [[Bassabook]] as well; appointed a semi-competent robot as manager; and declared themselves the announcers. Zwangzug competed in [[Baptism of Fire 20]], and their first match was a defeat to [[Northern Bettia]]. Three more shutout defeats followed, before a victory in game five against [[Turruth Gordur]]. Despite dropping their last match of the group stage, they upset undefeated [[Kelssek]] in the knockout rounds before being eliminated by [[Quintessence of Dust]].

The [[World Cup 33]] qualification tour saw Zwangzug tour the multiverse, facing sides such as [[Cafundéu]] and [[The Archregimancy]]. Despite losing an opening rematch against the Fire Ants, and falling to a 6-1 defeat against defending champions [[Ariddia]], Zwangzug finished tied with [[Ropa-Topia]] and [[Tessan]] for the final at-large playoff spots. They had the lowest goal differential, however, and instead went to [[Cup of Harmony 25]], hosted by the association of [[Jasīʼyūn]]. After advancing to the knockout stages of the tournament on a three-way head-to-head tiebreaker, two 1-0 victories saw Zwangzug narrowly advance to the final. There, the goals would fly freely, as Zwangzug defeated Ropa-Topia 4-2.

Countrywide time-dilation policies and football-related apathy led to low roster turnover rates in the early campaigns, so the [[World Cup 34]] team was unchanged. Off the field, the announcers-cum-software designers had been contracted to design organizational software for the "Grumpy Old Fogeys" host team of Ariddia and [[The Holy Empire]], which led to some heady technological pride but also, when said software experienced issues in that and the next cycle, national insecurity. This time, the team qualified directly. In their first Proper match, they faced [[Demot]], semifinalists of the previous edition, but Zwangzug emerged with a 1-0 upset. A 1-1 draw with [[Bazalonia]] let them hold the group lead into the third matchday, whereupon they were promptly eliminated, a 4-0 defeat to Cafundéu knocking them to third on goal difference.

The original team had featured a (1)-3-4-3 formation alongside a defensive style, reflecting both the culture's innate cautiousness but also their tactical naivety. The disappointing end to the WC34 cycle--which had featured both the stresses of interdimensional time portals and discomfort with witnessing and bemoaning the cessation of other national teams--prompted substantial change. Iconoclast right-back [[Andrew Card]] had the brainchild of the goalkeeperless formation, while good-spirited captain [[Rube Tercer]] hammered out the details of what became the ultra-symmetric 3-2-1-2-3. In [[World Cup 35]], Zwangzug temporarily adopted an attacking style as they began this transition. They finished third in their qualifying group, during which time defender Lawrence Sevvy and a fan from [[The HURD]] successfully hacked coach BOB 64 to cut down on its prudish bed checks, and also, any semblance of ability to coach a football team. After defeating [[Sativaville]] in the playoffs, they came third in their proper group. The most notable step forward was the emergence of [[Eddie Barnes]] in the midfield. While his sisters' instrumental performances (on saxophone and oboe respectively) traditionally replaced full-scale pregame singing of the national anthem, Eddie thrived against the toughest opposition.
===World Cup 36: the breakthrough===
Everything came together in World Cup 36. Having settled into the 3-2-1-2-3, Zwangzug adopted a neutral style they would use for the medium term. Doodlypants Mcgimpy, of Bigtopia, was hired on as coach; given the precedent set by the early cycles, the team was used to having the captain coordinate most important decisions, and the conclusion that Mcgimpy's erratic command of English was a feature rather than a bug in terms of preventing him (or any coach) to exert a typical amount of authority is cynical but probably accurate. Nevertheless, the qualification stage was unremarkable. In fact, a government shutdown led to a media outage lasting from the tail end of the qualification stage through the group stage. Intermittent reports broke the news of Zwangzug's playoff victory over Spruitland. When things returned to full force, the team had taken four points from the group stage, and advanced on goal difference over [[Jeruselem]].

Ahead lay [[Bettia]]--defending champions, first seeds, and so dominant a team that, historically, anyone who beat them in the knockout stages had gone on to win the tournament. But it was the twenty-first seeds who not only won, but produced a dominant 3-0 victory. The world stage brought out Barnes' best; he was named man of the match in the 2-1 quarterfinal victory over Cafundéu, and the Bettian Blessing seemed alive and well. Yet, in a group-stage rematch with Ariddia, the ''rouge-et-noirs'' triumphed in the semifinals en route to their third world championship, and Zwangzug lost the third-place match to hosts [[Capitalizt SLANI]]. Nevertheless, the team had far surpassed expectations; Barnes, [[Simon Ryne Olson]], and rookie center-back Bartholomew Hanson were all named to the tournament's Best XXIII, and the team was honored with the Golden Haddock award from the Holy Empire. Just as surprisingly, the national bandwagon produced a wellspring of footballing fascination in the country.
===Contenders===
This meant that Mcgimpy had a real responsibility, and opportunity, in recruiting a bona fide squad of 23 players for [[World Cup 37]]. (The quest kept him busy on and off the sidelines, one unexpected consequence being the birth of future [[World Cup Committee]] vice-president Sue Fleischmann.) A deeper squad clinched qualification by winning their first eleven games, including two long-awaited victories against Northern Bettia. Used to the pressure of fighting till the final day, they promptly lost their next match but nevertheless sailed into the proper, taking six points from their group stage before defeating Jerusalem and Cafundéu. In the semifinal, they drew Demot in 120 minutes, though the penalty shootout was unsurprisingly a challenge. Despite [[Roger Hammers]] and captain Jacob Barons' patented strategy of singing as a distraction, the Dynamo advanced easily, and Zwangzug were defeated by [[Sel Appa]] in the third-place match.

Qualification for [[World Cup 38]] featured such highs as a 6-0 victory over [[Kansiov]], a margin equaled two games later in a 7-1 win against [[Scotchpinestan]], and such lows as defeat to [[San Adriano]] (national population 439). But the team qualified with ease, and clinched a place in the knockout stages with a game to spare. They lost their last group stage match to [[Tynelia]], setting up a rematch with Sel Appa, who won 3-0. The trip to [[Vephrall]], whose technological development lagged behind other nations of the multiverse, was fruitful in terms of preventing the announcers from being distracted by their computations, forcing them to actually take some risks and try pronouncing the names of unfamiliar countries.

Off the field, Zwangzug cohosted [[Baptism of Fire 26]] with [[Liverpool England]] prior to [[World Cup 39]]. By this time, the national football association had consolidated with many other sports in Forbridge, where the administrators were stymied by an unexpectedly caprine form of revenge carried out by a would-be player embittered with the national team's intransigence. While [[Bostopia]] provided aid in resolving the situation, the national team topped its qualifying group. [[Phillip Stings]]' late substitution provided a comeback victory in the first proper game against the Holy Empire. Again, they lost in the round of sixteen to Capitalizt SLANI, the eventual champions.

By [[World Cup 40]], the country had established a fledgling multiassociational league, the [[MUFN]]. The national team breezed through qualification and then topped its proper group, setting up a round of sixteen clash with [[Valanora]], who won on their way to the title. (Having also lost to Bazalonia in the group stage, Zwangzug earned the distinction of losing to both finalists in the same Cup proper; the standard ABCD/EFGH format used in many tournaments means this is a fairly rare "achievement.")

In the [[World Cup 41]] qualifiers, Zwangzug defeated [[Acapais]] 6-0 in an undefeated qualifying campaign. While the country hosted [[Cup of Harmony 33]] with Newmanistan, the team rolled to a perfect group stage, including a thrilling 5-3 defeat of [[Dancougar]]. By then realistic title contenders, they could have at least viewed second round opponents [[Starblaydia]] as beatable. But the twenty-first seeds triumphed en route to another Starblaydia world title.
===World Cup 42===
Things started out normally enough for Zwangzug in [[World Cup 42]], when they were drawn into Group 7 for the fifth time in ten qualification attempts. But the normalcy ended--or began--when the roster was announced, newcomer [[Saena Mathash]] having successfully talked her way onto the team as a goalkeeper. Opponents of the shakeup--most notably Card, who had been made captain just in time to see his symbolic leadership undermined--could have been forgiven for crowing after the first two matchdays. The team followed a defeat to [[An Blascaod Mór]] (whose population was less than a third of San Adriano's) with a home draw against [[Kosovoe]]. But things turned around, and Zwangzug guaranteed qualification on the final day. Despite the rescheduling of their final group-stage match against Jeruselem, due to a controversial incident involving the Princesses' penchant for public nudity and also pistachio nuts, Zwangzug topped the group.

The knockout stages presented poignant clashes with, in turn, [[Yafor 2]], [[Candelaria And Marquez]], and the Archregimancy--the first two having provided a domestic home for many of Zwangzug's players, and the latter representing all the drama and terror of the [[Dreamed Realm]]'s surreality. While the football association railed in vain against the vicissitudes of eminent domain back in Forbridge, Golden Wolves captain Prince Sebard got engaged to Audrey Deguela, sister of his domestic teammate [[Brendan Deguela|Brendan]], Candelariasian MP Lyndon Hernández fell to his almost-certain death, and reprises of "Holy Monks: Superstars" echoed throughout the multiverse, Zwangzug advanced to the final at the Obelisco Monumental in Lasft.

An opening goal from [[Rohit Sharma]] was met by Valanora's Kiso Night shortly before halftime, and the match remained tied until late in the second half. But when Deuce Zadora had an obvious goalscoring opportunity, Card managed to overcome his distrust via an unflinching professional foul. Night scored the penalty, but Mathash' resilience was cause for pride in the face of defeat. The pair's unlikely camaraderie followed them off the pitch, as they worked to grow football at the grassroots level, in the hopes that future teams might have a more robust foundation.

==The Second Generation==
By the time [[World Cup 64]] came around, the country and the world had changed significantly. [[Rovers United]], a barnstorming side that may have had an illustrious prehistory (though the records are scarce) had participated in the [[Fair Play Trophy]] at the NationStates World's Fair, and a semblance of a national team had competed in the [[World Cup of Dreams]] (though this is not recognized as a statistically-meaningful tournament in Zwangzug's records). Zwangzug could boast both the professional [[Zwangzug First Division|1./]] and a [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug|university championship]], providing the long-awaited pipeline to the national team. Bridget Scroves was named manager after leading the [[Canbix Muses]] to the 1./'s first title, and her counterpart Brett Chrowder became the captain. Zwangzug adopted a more typically defensive (1)-4-5-1 with a "midfield X" characteristic of the previous team, but altogther far more standard than their predecessors; this has been the pattern for most of their modern history.

Zwangzug defeated [[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]], 2-1, in their first qualifying match. After a home match against [[Backyard Sports]], a multiverse-wide "zombie apocalypse" caused a temporary lockdown at Wayr Stadium that was quickly resolved. The team would finish sixth out of ten in their qualifying group. In [[Cup of Harmony 56]], they went winless, albeit in a group featuring both eventual finalists, [[Mytannion]] and [[Ossidiacqua]]. ''Sooth'', Zwangzug's representatives in the twenty-fifth [[WorldVision Song Contest]], also performed at the Cup of Harmony fanfest.

[[World Cup 65]] saw Zwangzug drawn into a qualifying group filled with historic names such as [[Europa Brittania]] and [[Neo Lemmitania]]. They began using other stadiums outside the Rackham Range for home games, with games played in [[Zwischen]], [[Twineur]], [[Spenson]] and [[Arlington]]. After finishing third in the storied group, they contested an uninspiring group stage in [[Cup of Harmony 57]].

[[World Cup 66]] adopted an unconventional qualifying format--there were thirty groups, with the group winners qualifying directly and everyone else out of luck. While [[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]] were second seeds in the world ranks, a goal from Shula Bachchan-Laum gave Zwangzug an upset victory against the Sea Dragons on matchday four. Rudolf Sternberg's goal against [[New Matawan]] on matchday seven clinched qualification for Zwangzug. In their first game of the proper, Zwangzug lost against [[The Holy Empire]], but defeated [[West Angola]] before being eliminated by [[New Montreal States]]. Qualification earned Zwangzug another point in the SRS ranking system, earning them the cycle's place in the [[World Cup Nation Hall of Fame]].

In the [[World Cup 67]] qualifiers, while the [[Arlington Collective]] tentatively emerged from the shadows to take their place in archival lore, Zwangzug upset [[Ko-oren]], but nevertheless finished behind [[Svengarda]], coming second in Group 5 and contesting the playoffs against [[Kiryu-shi]]. One goal over the course of 180 minutes was enough to advance to the proper. Vipin Lamin, center-back and lover of pithy-lists, was named to the "World XI," mostly by being one of the only defenders that was nominated (this phenomenon would later become known as [[Martin Scallop|Scallop's law]], but it was Lamin's Namirite counterpart Bachchan-Laum who put him forward for the honor). A draw against [[Kandorith]] was the only point Zwangzug would take from the group stages.

[[World Cup 68]] also featured an innovative, if complex, qualifying system. There were no direct qualifications: rather, the top three teams from each of twenty-four groups contested a two-round playoff system, with group winners having two chances to qualify while second- and third-place teams needed to win out. After Scroves' retirement, Matilda Kratochvil from [[Excelsior Slogda]] took over to lead the national team. They put up a Slogda-like defensive performance across the group stage, going undefeated and conceding only three goals, best in the multiverse. (This included two wins against minnows [[Zwannswijik]], a much-anticipated showdown given the reverse-alphabetical stakes.) The playoffs, however, would see them lose to [[Valladares]] in the first round, pitting them against [[Darmen]]. The away leg saw midfielder Davi Keane-Liuprand score a brace and appeal to the tradition of avant-garde formations by pioneering something called a "5-f-3-s-%" by the Darmeni press; the match finished 3-3. Darmen would win the next match outright.

[[Cup of Harmony 60]] was a series of mostly-unfortunate events for Zwangzug, who lost all three matches in politically-repressive [[Kinitaria]]. (The upside being that captain [[Martina Ruan]] not only avoided getting in trouble with the ruling party, but bounced back to lead her club [[FTC United]] to an unexpected third-place finish the following season.)

Kratochvil decided the domestic game was more her style, and she was replaced by Reaven Laynee, a native of [[Earent]] who had managed [[Stirvik TU]] and then [[Sporting Iturributa]] of [[Astograth]]. During the [[World Cup 69]] qualifiers, Laynee gave indecipherable commentary on such events as the [[Estope]] manager biting the assistant referee. Zwangzug were tied with [[Barunia]] at the end of the qualifying group, and Ruan gave melancholy comments on the team's "elimination," only to realize mid-press-conference that due to the international system of "three points for a win" (which has never been adopted in the 1./), they were still alive and well and on track for a rematch against group opponents Estope. Zwangzug won convincingly over two legs to advance to the "Cup of Chaps," although only Blake Fures seemed to have any idea of remotely chappy behavior. Zwangzug lost all three matches in the proper.
==The Interim==
Shortly after World Cup 69, the nation ceased to exist. While obviously disappointing, this at least did not single out the footballing infrastructure specifically. Several [[Time#Original_ordinary_calendar|OOC]] months later, it returned and the 1./ resumed play, although the organizational expenditures of World Cup football proved unfeasible at that point.

In cycle [[World Cup 72|72]], the national ''baseball'' team faced an understandably-confused [[Stvoto Latoli]] in a friendly match. And prior to [[World Cup 76]], Zwangzug--despite not being active in WCC competitions, were invited to the sixth installment of the [[Eagles Cup]]. Mila Apsar of [[Namiri Independent]] took over as manager, and the midfield featured a dynamic partnership in [[Olivia Idoni]] and [[Ogechi Guttuso]], both of [[Bassabook Old Boys]], who had been friends since Guttuso's family fled timewall-plagued Ossidiacqua in the otherwise-disappointing WC68 playoffs. Having led Bassabook to second place in the [[Champions’ Cup]], they duly helped the national team advance past Valanora and the Holy Empire in the group stage, then defeat [[Chromatika]] and [[Turori]] in the knockouts. An Idoni goal in extra time saw Zwangzug defeat [[Osarius]] in the final, earning membership in the Eagles Club and leading to the construction of an Eagles Club stadium in Forbridge.

The next Eagles Cup would be contested in cycle [[World Cup 79|79]]. Franklin Motobuchi of [[Eintracht Trink]] was manager, and there were a few holdovers from the previous Eagles' Cup team. After the group stage, Zwangzug lost to [[Cosumar]] before defeating [[Bonesea]] and Chromatika, both in extra time, to come fifth. Striker Misako Tsuki was consulted by Bryce College professor Desiree McOlwain on the mystery of "why are so many of our citizens getting lost in the wilderness if our lifespans are so long" (solution: it's probably a record-keeping issue with having AI and sentient zebra citizens whose causes of death wouldn't be recorded in a hospital, not that our old people want to run away and leave their families without closure). Meanwhile, Zwangzug was commended by Security Resolution council #233, leading to yet another song parody, "The Story of the World Assembly."
==The Third Generation==
===Back to the grind===
By [[World Cup 80]], the success and stability of the Eagles' Cup team had given Zwangzug the confidence to return to WCC-sanctioned play (although they would miss the following cycle). Under the leadership of Slogda's Makvala Tsereteli, they started off by facing Barunia again; Zwangzug parodists remixed the Suns' version of "The People's Flag" into "The People's Net." Midfielder [[Lucas Kukiseso]] survived a short-term bout of foreign accent syndrome, and right-back Martin Scallop was named to an all-star team for representatives of non-qualifying nations; this was, once again, a calculated nomination on the grounds that who else would bother to submit a defender. In the "Rogue" [[Cup of Harmony 72]], Zwangzug advanced out of group D to face baseball foes [[Cassadaigua]]. After a scoreless draw, the Dagans won what was at least a normal penalty shootout.

After their absence from [[World Cup 81]], Zwangzug returned in [[World Cup 82]]. Once again, the team would face Barunia; Peak'n'Break breakfast chain, known for its delightful breakfast food, sponsored a stadium in Cassadaigua despite outcry at the capitalist trend of stadium sponsorship back home; the inimitable Kukiseso quoted from "The Soliloquy of Isaac, Prince Imperial;" and a ''Canbix Comet'' journalist declared their intentions to punish ego-stroking old-timers by kicks in a sensitive area. In [[Cup of Harmony 74]], this noble cause was joined by [[Sydney Stefred]], a defender who rejected her club [[Arlington City]]'s tendency of assiduously chronicling the past, and instead, adopted an un-Zwangzugian tendency towards foul language when the subject of nostalgia was involved. After two 1-0 wins in the knockouts, Zwangzug lost narrowly to [[Kita-Hinode]] and then lost to [[Ko-oren]] to come fourth.

Tavish Willow, of [[Keppal Cosmos]], took the reins for [[World Cup 83]], introducing a strikerless (1)-4-6-0 formation that caused mild consternation. Franziska Schnee-Krull, based in [[Qusmo]], committed the unforgivable sin of defending the existence of sexed pronouns in languages such as English, which led to an increasingly-fervid anti-foreigner backlash in that nation, and more tepidly, basically ruled her out of being nominated for any all-star teams. Stefred's dramatically-late goals earned her a nomination ahead of the tireless Scallop. A fan from Nalchoy district avoided local bureaucrats to, after much persistance, order a coppy of the Holy Empire's Beach Hunk Calendar. Cyborgs seized the means of production and re-instituted socialism; Medal Stair Semiconductors applied for World Cup sponsorship. The Sesquipedals, a band from Keppal City, performed at the associated concert with their song "Harmony Sound." Happily, Zwangzug were not sent to the corresponding Cup of Harmony; rather, Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen brought joy to the fans even as he frustrated the kitmakers by scoring against [[Pasarga]] to top the group. While CommentaryBot 0.7 Beta attempted to provide broadcast commentary at the proper, Zwangzug earned two draws in the group stage, not enough to qualify.

In [[World Cup 84]], while attention focused on the time-travel card game of "Kairothletes," Willow's side underwent several upset draws and defeats. A 4-0 loss against unheralded [[Ancherion]] was just about the last straw--not for the federation, but for Willow, who raged against his employers' extreme patience and unwillingness to fire anyone. Enitan Maclaurin, who had briefly played for Tropicorp FC and therefore had indirect familiarity with top seeds [[Vilita]], stepped in as interim. Despite an icy relationship with Stefred, he righted the course, and Zwangzug came second in group 14 to qualify directly. In the first group match against debutants [[HUElavia]], teenage wunderkind Marc Navarro scored in the 94th minute to key Los Amarillos to a dramatic victory. Zwangzug lost their second match, to Farfadillis, and faced [[Banija]] on matchday three. The match was scoreless through ninety minutes, until a Randall Saitta foul on Ilman Jawara set up Namakula Kawesa, the first woman to play for ''Kadongo Kamu'', for a penalty kick. She scored, setting up an intense 9-9-9-0 group that sent HUElavia home on tiebreakers, and left Joel McJakill--whose Keppal side were enduring several disappointing shootouts around the same time--physically and mentally drained.

The same side contested [[Independent Associations Championship 9]], with interim Abigail Chatelenas (of the University of Homler) as manager. After progressing through the group stage and defeating [[Darkmania]] in the round of 16, Zwangzug were eliminated by [[Port Ember]] in the quarterfinals. In part due to fixture congestion, the national team has not returned to IAC play, although sub-national entity [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|the Picksall Islands]] participated twice.
===Sonnabend's leap forward===
Brandon Sonnabend of Bassabook became the next manager, at Eagles' Cup 8, and reinstated the (1)-4-5-1. Anonymous Would-Be Journalists meticulously cited their sources on matters of esoteric football history while Zwangzug advanced to a quarterfinal rematch against Banija; the ''Kadongo Kamu'' won on a goal from Mzukisi Nzo.

The twenty-four-game [[World Cup 85]] qualifying campaign was a grueling marathon for nations across the multiverse, and Zwangzug was no exception. Fans Naomi Indar-Vonn and Wesley Clarkson were treated to AI-assisted hospitality in the nation of [[Trolleborg]]. The national team dealt with Sonnabend's tendency to speak in epic fantasy jargon, while defender Akhil Sibal returned to Guariday to take on [[Mkabia]], where he had played professionally before it ceased to exist. But their struggles paled in comparison to Rovers United, whose ceaseless barnstorming had briefly taken them to a friendly match in [[The Sherpa Empire]]--only to be exposed to a potentially-deadly illness. Upon their return to Wayr Stadium, the club side--including a young striker named Quincy Dulk-Fough--entered a voluntary isolation to protect the rest of the country until a cure was found, facing the situation with characteristically Zwangzugian stoicism, attention to detail, and breakfast food.

Zwangzug would finish second in group 5 and qualify directly, setting up a rematch with Farfadillis and HUElavia. Turori won the first game, but in the second, it would be Zwangzug's turn to score a dramatic injury-time victory, with Gordon Blum's goal in minute 92 avenging the previous cycle against HUElavia. It set up a dramatic matchday 3 encounter against Farfadillis. In what turned out to be the last game of [[Xíxì Êns]]' international career, he put on a virtuoso performance, scoring four goals and nearly adding a fifth in the final minutes. But Zwangzug were up to the challenge; in minute 83, Riley Kivrin--shorter than even the height-challenged Êns--rose to the occasion, scoring her first international goal to equalize, and send Zwangzug through to the knockouts.

The round of 16 match against the Holy Empire was a rematch of the final as simulated by [[Kita-Hinode]] computer programs; life imitated art as Joshua Twoni scored a brace in Zwangzug's triumph. In the quarterfinals, Zwangzug would face Banija once more; Gitonga Kahara, whose high school coach had admired Martina Ruan back in the day, scored the winning goal in minute 83, and had the honor of exchanging jerseys with Jonah McCollins, the inheritor of Zwangzug's #10.

Zwangzug topped their qualifying group in [[World Cup 86]], while the country experienced interreligious sniping (and the broadcast program of the same name), triggered by the emergence of the Divine Host of Archangels as a new religious group. Against hosts [[Newmanistan]], Zwangzug fell behind 3-0 at halftime; striker Johan Idmar was held scoreless at the Tundra Falls Proving Grounds, but his substitute Blum scored immediately upon entrance, causing fans to sarcastically wonder whether Idmar's disregard for the proving grounds' "spirits" was to blame. They took four points from their following matches, but that was not enough to advance.

Starting in cycle [[World Cup 87|87]], the Eagles' Cup became contested on a more frequent basis. Zwangzug were eliminated in the group stage of EC9, but around the same time, triumphed in the [[B71 Invitational Football Tournament]] against [[Baggieland]] and some of their dependencies. (This tournament is considered statistically meaningful for purposes of Zwangzug's records, but most of its participants were not of WCC caliber). After winning their first three matches of qualification, Zwangzug went winless in the ensuing six. Sonnabend and the federation parted ways by mutual consent, while the federation strenuously endeavored to signal their scrupulosity and non-entitlement. Finding a new interim would require them to broaden their horizons.
===DiMarini takes the helm===
[[Kate DiMarini]], a former assistant coach for the Commonwealth of [[Baker Park]], had been the manager of [[Trebuchet Cham]] for three seasons when she was summoned as interim. While Bigtopia and Earent are hardly part of Zwangzug proper, this was nevertheless a new choice for the federation, in entrusting the team to someone truly beyond Zwangzug's sphere of influence. Thanks to her leadership, and regression towards the mean, Zwangzug were undefeated in the second half and rallied to second in the groups. The playoff tiebreakers saw them narrowly avoid Baker Park, and they defeated [[Terre Septentrionale]] decisively over two legs to advance.

In the proper, Zwangzug scored eight goals over the course of the group stage, tied for second over the 32 participants; the attacking-minded tendencies of their opponents, however, meant that they conceded eight also and were eliminated on three points. DiMarini's steadying hand was rewarded with her appointment as full-time boss.

Eagles' Cup 10 was a tepid group stage performance, but [[World Cup 88]] featured another down-to-the-wire qualification race. But the emergence of [[Kayla Haugen]], a protege of DiMarini's from Cham, was a sign of things to come; in the sixth minute of added time against the [[Sylestone]] Sentients at the halfway point, she deflected a rogue Johan Idmar shot in to secure the victory. This time around, DiMarini's luck would not hold, as Zwangzug finished third behind [[Tequilo]] and [[Trolleborg]].

[[Cup of Harmony 80]] saw Zwangzug on friendly territory in [[Græntfjall]]; the city of Altendalur's eponymous side is nicknamed the "Chessmen" for their color scheme, and two Zwangzugians had played there professionally. Zwangzug triumphed there on matchday three to top their group and set up a physical confrontation with [[St Trinians]]. The violent matriarchy led 3-1 at halftime, but after fouls and sendings-off, Zwangzug earned a two-player advantage and managed to draw level at four-all after ninety minutes. It took some time to fully exploit the extra players, but at last, the nerve-plagued Corey Richardson rose above his demons to break the tie just after the halfway mark of extra time, and Zwangzug held on for a 5-4 victory. The round of sixteen against Darmen was a somewhat anticlimactic scoreless draw, followed by a disappointing--if, again, thankfully typical--shootout that saw the All Greens advance.

A drubbing of Cassadaigua at the end of the group stage in Eagles' Cup 11 saw Zwangzug through to the knockout stages, where Simon Gannett and Junia McCue scored in extra time to beat [[Mertagne]]. In the semifinals, Zwangzug took on [[Nephara]] and--for the first time in their storied history--won a penalty shootout, with Fedya Troy-Vee saving the third shot from Ysabet Belgrade and Sibal scoring to clinch. The final pitted Zwangzug against Turori; Meldi'ita Mungwaii, who signed with Arlington City after winning the unofficial "Silicon Boot" award in World Cup 85, scored the only goal to give the Eels the title.

Qualifying group 11 in [[World Cup 89]] was a hotly-contested affair. Underdogs [[Pemecutan]] upset Zwangzug on the first day and held on to top the group, while Zwangzug and Banija battled it out for second place. The top six second-placed teams would qualify directly, while the remaining runners-up would contest the playoffs and the third-placed sides were eliminated. On the final matchday, Zwangzug faced [[Southwest Eastnorth]], looking for all the goal differential they could muster. Midfielder Esther Axelrod-Conway delivered and then some, scoring an unrivalled four goals to lead Zwangzug to a 6-2 victory, clinching the last automatic spot by a four-goal margin. Zwangzug dropped their group stage opener to Farfadillis and defeated [[Mytanija]], setting up a winner-take-all clash with Valanora; the Marauders' Lothas Ludwig scored the match's only goal to advance.

In Eagles Cup 12, DiMarini's side eliminated Baker Park in the quarterfinals, before an extra-time goal from Nephara's Rebecca Laskaris avenged the Cormorants' defeat in the prior edition; [[Tumbra]] defeated Zwangzug to take third place. While athletes from Cugio District competed in the [[Vilitan Mountain Games]], Zwangzug's matches against [[South Newlandia]] in the qualifiers for [[World Cup 90]] provided an excellent opportunity for chess-themed commentary. The Elephants managed a draw in the first leg and a win in the second, while Ketevan Igreli followed in the tradition of the national baseball team by being slightly worse than her South Newlandian counterparts at actual chess. But it was Zwangzug who would qualify by topping the group, and after South Newlandia were eliminated by [[Hapilopper]] in the playoffs, they replaced manager Robert Wolverine with Dale Hartford-Phelps, formerly of the [[Twineur Bugs]]. The proper saw more rematches, with Turori and Jeruselem beating Zwangzug in the first two group stage matches. Another group stage finale with Farfadillis ensued, and ''la Vherderoja'' looked set to advance with a win--until an Axelrod-Conway goal in minute 85 contrived to eliminate her club's homeland alongside her national team.

Eagles' Cup 13 provided plenty of free football for fans in Forbridge and then Eelandii, as Zwangzug defeated [[Chartistan]] and lost to [[Tumbra]], both on penalties; they defeated Pemecutan for third place. In [[World Cup 91]], while DHA extremists faced pushback from sentient zebras and their advocates in the west, defeat on the penultimate qualifying match in [[Adab]] saw Zwangzug fall to second place, setting up a two-legged playoff against [[TJUN-ia]]. The Jags earned a scoreless draw at home, but in the second leg at Wayr Stadium, it was none other than an older, hardened Dulk-Fough whose hat trick carried the team to a 4-1 victory.

A return to Farfadillis, site of their World Cup 85 success, was heartening despite the inherent chaos. Their first match, against [[Quebec and Shingoryeo]], was a 2-1 victory, the winning goal set up by a free kick after a foul from the Grim Reapers' Chewbacca. In game two, Mytanija took an early lead, but after Grigorij Savicevic was sent off for a second yellow, Richardson's penalty secured a wild four-all draw. The third match was a back-and-forth encounter with Banija; Farrokh Sokhi's goal gave Zwangzug a 3-2 victory, to the dismay of a ''Kadongo Kamu'' fan attending for his birthday.

Zwangzug faced Pasarga in the round of sixteen, and with the game tied 1-1 after 120 minutes, DiMarini took the risk of substituting Igreli--who may also have been celebrating her birthday that week, although time dilation makes these things strange--on for the shootout. The gamble played off, as Igreli outlasted the Wanderers' Szescõ Mezei in a tense, low-scoring victory. The quarterfinal proved somewhat of a letdown, with a comprehensive 3-0 victory for Turori. Kausalya Vizirani, Zwangzug's captain, was named to an unofficial team of the tournament by Græntfjall fans, and didn't even have to appeal to Scallop's law to self-nominate.
===World Cup 92===
Cycle 92 began with another perfunctory appearance at the Eagles Cup, being eliminated by [[Electrum]]. The qualification cycle saw more nerves for Richardson and others about the often-tumultuous multiverse, and many forms of thanksgiving unto the god(s) after a visit to Estadio Tiburcio Carías Andino in [[República Guanacasteca]] proved blessedly uneventful. But the campaign itself was relatively stress-free, as Zwangzug clinched group 6 with time to spare.

The group stage began with a long-awaited rematch against Kelssek, and the fourth seeds put on a strong defensive display to hold Zwangzug to a scoreless draw. Game two saw a disappointing performance against [[Nyowani Kitara]]. The Kitarans went 2-0 up in the first half; in minute 64, Valerie Waugh was fouled by Catarina Malmquist, based in [[FTC United]] domestically, and while a penalty was initially given, it was overruled by the assistant referee. The referee didn't go to video review, and Zwangzug were held scoreless despite several post-hitting attempts in added time. With Zwangzug fourth in the group and goalless, it was left to Haugen, now the captain, to provide bulletin board fodder before game three.

Write-in votes from fans online selected the frigid Hothi'icei Battleground in Vilita's mountains to host the match against none other than frequent foes Farfadillis. Zwangzug went 2-0 up in the first half, but Farfadillis had equalized by the hour mark. A rough scramble in minute 74 saw Hanna Suzuki tip in the go-ahead goal for Zwangzug, and Haugen extended the lead nine minutes later. Zwangzug held on to advance to the knockouts.

In the round of sixteen, Farrokh Sokhi's goal defeated Nephara, setting up a quarterfinal against hosts Vilita. A messy first half finished 2-2; Lukas Helsen-Roan gave Zwangzug the lead in the second half, but teenager Jakku’u Naboyavi scored his second goal of the day for the Jungle Rebels to equalize. As extra time drew to a close, Endur Rotropii substituted shootout specialist Ukamai Talingri in goal for Vilita; DiMarini took advantage of the break to bring on Igreli. Again, it paid off; she saved a shot from Letirpsi Vulitn, and misses from Takaara Milanzi and Trezisi Rokopolis saw Zwangzug advance.

The semifinal was a rematch against Nyowani Kitara. But this time around, Zwangzug held off the underdogs, and Waugh's goal in minute 79 put the finishing touches on an exhilarating 4-3 win. The final, in Electrum, pitted Zwangzug against a Banija side managed by [[Pam Scott]]--a longtime friend and mentor of DiMarini from their days in Baker Park. While their camaraderie was evident, the friendly rivals downplayed that aspect of the match, focusing on the pitch. Dulk-Fough beat Wanda Kouyaté, the ''Kadongo Kamu'' captain and three-time champion at youth level, for the opening goal, but Banija's Sarafina Ikpeazu equalized near the end of the first half. It would be Haugen, in minute 64, who delivered the winner, bringing the World Cup to Zwangzug.

===And onward...===
After the emotional whirlwind of the previous tournament, the senior team got some rest as cycle 93 began. Lynn Ragnailt, of the Engdahl Institute, led an all-star team of university players at the fourth [[Brevity Challenge Cup]], where they came second to [[Poafmersia]], and the [[Mihaly Invitational Cup]], where a similarly junior Banija side beat them in the final to gain one small measure of revenge. The senior team, likewise, found themselves as silver medalists in the Eagles Cup, losing to the Snow Wolves of Græntfjall amid some good-natured teasing about Zwangzug's penchant for lipograms. They topped their [[World Cup 93]] qualifying group, amid another exciting round of ''Kairothletes''.

Drawn into Group H in the proper, they arrived with a dominant performance, crushing the [[Tikariot]] Owls 5-1. A win against Pasarga meant that both Zwangzug and Nyowani Kitara had clinched by matchday three; their rematch featured surprisingly many injuries, resulting in a 3-3 draw. After defeating [[Savigliane]] and [[Huayramarca]] in the knockouts, they faced hosts Chromatika. The monochromatic sides were inseparable through regular and extra time, and Cixin Nguyen, who'd been a domestic star in the Chromatika league, sunk his penalty--but Juxon Fillar was superb in the home net, and Chromatika narrowly took the shootout. Græntfjall defeated Zwangzug once again in the third-place playoff.

DiMarini led a more temporally-diverse team to the second World Cup of Dreams, organized by Zwangzugian and Quebecois bureaucrats. Again, this is not recognized as a statistically meaningful tournament, but on this occasion Zwangzug were winners, defeating an [[Audioslavia]]n team with plenty of experience as runners-up. For the [[World Cup 94]] qualifiers, Valerie Waugh was named captain, making history as the first forward to hold that position and performing admirably in not letting it go to her head. Zwangzug topped their qualifying group and, yet again, faced Farfadillis in the group stage. They drew with ''la Vherderoja'', defeated Cassadaigua, and survived a messy, high-scoring draw against [[Elmyia]]. Seeding was decided on a coin toss, with Waugh defeating Farfadillis' Rogerio Defigueroa to claim the group title; this backfired slightly in pitting Zwangzug against Nephara, with whom they played out a less-than-compelling scoreless draw before the Cormorants triumphed in a shootout.

In the [[World Cup 95]] cycle, Zwangzug conceded just four goals through fourteen qualifying matches (two of them in defeat to unheralded [[Josifovo]]), while continuing to be notorious for their love of lipograms even among countries that may not actually understand what lipograms are. The proper would not feature such defensive prowess; Zwangzug conceded five goals over three matches, drawing all of them (including a rematch against Elymia) and coming third in their group. Josifovo picked up where they left off in the [[World Cup 96]] qualifiers, defeating Zwangzug again; despite beatdowns of [[Celestial Emapier]] and [[Semarland]], Zwangzug were second in their group to Josifovo and required a playoff against Pasarga to determine qualification. After a tense scoreless draw, a shootout save from Soumini Bano-Patil was enough to make the differenc and send Zwangzug through...where they scored zero goals over three games, salvaging a point in a scoreless draw against [[Zenic]].

With DiMarini's star in decline, [[World Cup 97]] was semi-officially expected to be her last cycle as manager, allowing her to retire on her own modest terms. While a nameless fan's circuitous, Dantean pilgrimage through various netherworlds finally drew to a conclusion, the national team came second to the timeless Marauders in their qualifier group, qualifying for the first 48-team proper. A draw against debutants [[Edsmontik]], and defeat in a rematch against Zenic and old foes Kelssek left Zwangzug with one point.
===Big cleats to fill===
The [[World Cup 98]] qualifying stage the first tournament in over ten cycles without DiMarini at the helm. The appointment of Gregor Courtenay, formerly of [[Ephesian FC]], set up a culture clash; Courtenay espoused a full-throated takilan philosophy along the lines of the first-generation team, but the federation gave him little leeway to depart from the tactical systems previously in use. He was suspicious of Jubilee McGraw's participation in the "qualification fantasy" game, a long-running Ko-orenite tradition, and may have had further difficulties forging a working relationship with his players. Zwangzug were third in their group, which brought about a playoff match with [[The 14 Stars]]. After a scoreless regulation and extra time, the Starsian Wolves triumphed in a shootout.

An aggrieved Courtenay stepped down for [[Cup of Harmony 90]], replaced by Emily Kuiper, who had recently led Canbix to the league title. In their opening match, Zwangzug were upset by [[Ralsalin]], a cause for tremendous celebration and rewards from the underdog Knights. But Zwangzug climbed back to advance to the play-in stage, where they soundly defeated [[Milchama]]. In the quarterfinals, they lost to their fellow board game connoisseurs of [[Reçueçn]]. This performance, while nothing to be ashamed of, was apparently not enough to promote Kuiper from ''de facto'' interim. The [[World Cup 99]] qualifiers would see the managerial role fall to Bishen Varadarajan, the newest contender among the "best clubs not named Ephesian." While this aproach is likely to promote better team cohesion (and obedience to the laws of the game) than the alternative, it is unclear whether it is actually a recipe for success.

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team

2025-05-11T22:48:55Z

Zwangzug:

The '''Zwangzug national football team''' represents [[Zwangzug]] in international competitions, most frequently the [[World Cup]] and its associated competitions. They were the champions of [[World Cup 92]]

The team has competed in several distinct eras; the "first generation" team competed from [[World Cup 33]] to [[World Cup 42]], winning [[Cup of Harmony 25]] and finishing second in WC42. The "second generation" competed from [[World Cup 64]] through [[World Cup 69]] before the country ceased to exist. They sporadically contested the [[Eagles Cup]], winning the sixth edition of that tournament, and then a "third generation" team participated in [[World Cup 80]], then [[World Cup 82]] to the present.

==History==
An extensive team history may be found at [[Zwangzug national football team/history|this subpage]].

Zwangzug have always worn white kits with black stripes at home, and black kits with white stripes away, the more similar the better, though will grudgingly make allowances to distinguish themselves from their opponents if necessary.

The first generation team played its home games at Wayr Stadium in the [[Rackham Range]], after first establishing an even higher and more remote training camp. Upon reconstitution, the new team did the same for World Cups 64 and 65. Beginning with World Cup 66, the association established the tradition of playing qualifying matches at different fields throughout the country, and this has been continued to the present.

==Competitive record==

===World Cup===

{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
!colspan=7|Qualification
! style="width:1px" rowspan="36"| 
!colspan=8|Main tournament
|-
! Cycle
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
!{{abbr|Comp|Competition}}
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
|-
| 33 || 18 || 9 || 4 || 5 || 30 || 26 || [[Cup of Harmony 25|CoH 25]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 8 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 9 || 5
|-
| 34 || 12 || 7 || 1 || 4 || 25 || 24 || [[World Cup 34|WC 34]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4
|-
| 35 || 10 || 6 || 1 || 3 || 19 || 10 || [[World Cup 35|WC 35]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 5 || 5
|-
| 36 || 14 || 9 || 2 || 3 || 28 || 16 || [[World Cup 36|WC 36]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 12 || 9
|-
| 37 || 14 || 12 || 1 || 1 || 40 || 15 || [[World Cup 37|WC 37]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 11 || 7
|-
| 38 || 14 || 12 || 0 || 2 || 44 || 12 || [[World Cup 38|WC 38]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 6 || 8
|-
| 39 || 14 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 13 || [[World Cup 39|WC 39]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 10
|-
| 40 || 10 || 9 || 0 || 1 || 30 || 13 || [[World Cup 40|WC 40]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 5
|-
| 41 || 10 || 6 || 4 || 0 || 26 || 8 || [[World Cup 41|WC 41]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 3 || 0 || 1 || 8 || 4
|-
| 42 || 12 || 8 || 3 || 1 || 23 || 9 || [[World Cup 42|WC 42]] || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 20 || 10
|-
| 64 || 18 || 6 || 7 || 5 || 16 || 20 || [[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 8
|-
| 65 || 18 || 9 || 5 || 4 || 26 || 17 || [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]] || 4th in group || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 5
|-
| 66 || 10 || 8 || 2 || 0 || 18 || 4 || [[World Cup 66|WC 66]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 5 || 6
|-
| 67 || 16 || 11 || 2 || 3 || 23 || 12 || [[World Cup 67|WC 67]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 6
|-
| 68 || 14 || 12 || 2 || 0 || 27 || 3 || [[Cup of Harmony 68|CoH 60]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 69 || 14 || 8 || 3 || 3 || 18 || 9 || [[World Cup 69|WC 69]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 80 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 23 || 23 || [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 5
|-
| 82 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 21 || 25 || [[Cup of Harmony 73|CoH 74]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 7 || 8
|-
| 83 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 27 || 13 || [[World Cup 83|WC 83]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 4
|-
| 84 || 20 || 13 || 2 || 5 || 34 || 26 || [[World Cup 84|WC 84]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 1 || 5
|-
| 85 || 24 || 17 || 3 || 4 || 44 || 19 || [[World Cup 85|WC 85]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9
|-
| 86 || 18 || 12 || 3 || 3 || 30 || 15 || [[World Cup 86|WC 86]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 4 || 5
|-
| 87 || 18 || 10 || 5 || 3 || 38 || 21 || [[World Cup 87|WC 87]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 8
|-
| 88 || 18 || 8 || 5 || 5 || 21 || 15 || [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]] || Round of 16 || 5 || 3 || 2 || 0 || 11 || 5
|-
| 89 || 18 || 12 || 4 || 2 || 33 || 13 || [[World Cup 89|WC89]] || 4th in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 2 || 4
|-
| 90 || 18 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 25 || 13 || [[World Cup 90|WC90]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 3 || 5
|-
| 91 || 20 || 14 || 4 || 2 || 32 || 14 || [[World Cup 91|WC91]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 2 || 1 || 10 || 11
|-
| 92 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 11 || [[World Cup 92|WC92]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 14 || 11
|-
| 93 || 22 || 18 || 2 || 2 || 47 || 17 || [[World Cup 93|WC93]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 19 || 13
|-
| 94 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 46 || 16 || [[World Cup 94|WC94]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 3 || 0 || 9 || 7
|-
| 95 || 14 || 11 || 2 || 1 || 25 || 4 || [[World Cup 95|WC95]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 3 || 0 || 5 || 5
|-
| 96 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 40 || 14 || [[World Cup 96|WC96]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 0 || 3
|-
| 97 || 16 || 13 || 2 || 1 || 33 || 10 || [[World Cup 97|WC97]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 5 || 8
|-
| 98 || 14 || 7 || 4 || 3 || 19 || 12 || [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]] || Quarterfinals || 6 || 4 || 0 || 2 || 11 || 7
|}

Zwangzug qualified to the World Cup via playoffs in World Cups 36, 67, 69, 87, 91, and 96; they lost in playoffs in World Cup 68 and 98.

===Other tournaments===
{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
! Competition
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
! WC cycle
|-
| [[Baptism of Fire 20]] || Quarterfinals ||8||2||0||6||4||12|| 33
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams]] || 5th in group ||10||2||4||4||11||15 || 64
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 6 || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 20 || 15 || 76
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 7 || 5th place || 9 || 5 || 1 || 3 || 18 || 17 || 79
|-
| [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 9 || 85
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 8 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 3 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 10 || 85
|-
| [[B71 Invitational Football Tournament]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 4 || 2 || 2 || 0 || 7 || 2 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 9 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 11 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 10 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 0 || 4 || 6 || 7 || 88
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 11 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 3 || 4 || 2 || 18 || 12 || 89
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 12 || '''Fourth place''' || 9 || 5 || 0 || 4 || 10 || 7 || 90
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 13 || style="background:#cd7f32" | '''Third place''' || 9 || 3 || 5 || 1 || 15 || 12 || 91
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 14 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 5 || 0 || 2 || 10 || 8 || 92
|-
| [[Brevity Challenge Cup]] 4 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9 || 93
|-
| [[Mihaly Invitational Cup]] 1 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 5 || 4 || 0 || 1 || 11 || 4 || 93
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 15 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 13 || 5 || 93
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams II]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' ||17||11||4||2||28||7 || 94
|}
Due to the unique nature of the World Cup of Dreams, goalscorers were not recorded and they are not considered statistically-meaningful tournaments in Zwangzug records. For BCC1 and the Mihaly Invitational Cup, Zwangzug sent a university all-star team; goalscorers were not recorded and these are not considered full national team matches. (However, several of those players went on to play for the full national team in their own right.)

The B71 tournament is considered statistically meaningful, albeit by and large against nations not of WCC caliber, so their championship is not really something to crow about.

==Personnel==
A full all-time roster is provided at [[Zwangzug national football team/roster|this subpage]].

In the "first generation" era, Zwangzug's football culture was very insular, and their managers, while long-tenured, did not exert a lot of leadership power. The captaincy was, therefore, considered an important role in actually leading and representing the players; part actual power, part symbolic reward for long-timers who deferred to the "established" way of things. Since the second generation, Zwangzug has been able to draw from successful club managers, but mostly prefer to search within their own borders. This pattern was emphatically belied with [[Kate DiMarini]] of [[Baker Park]], who took over as an interim in World Cup 87 and remained at the helm through cycle 97, including the World Cup 92 championship, but they have since reverted to type.
===Managers===
*BOB 64: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
An early experiment in robotics from the [[Artificial Intelligence University]] whose attempts at instilling curfew were not popular with all of the player base. The best guess at the acronym was "bought out by," but either the socialist government and/or idealistic elements on the team successfully prevented corporate sponsorship.
*Doodlypants Mcgimpy: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 42]]
A Bigtopian immigrant who occasionally struggled to communicate (and frequently referenced his players by uniform number), but also a diligent talent scout.
*Bridget Scroves: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 67]]
Led the team to qualification on their third attempt, but ill health and a fractious relationship with [[World Cup Commitee]] Vice-President Sue Fleischmann overshadowed her later cycles.
*Matilda Kratochvil: [[World Cup 68]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60]]
Built [[Excelsior Slogda]] into a contender, where she sparred with Nadine Roark about the latter's ponytail. After a dominant qualifying stage, struggled in playoffs and the CoH, and decided she liked being part of the Slogda machine better.
*Reaven Laynee: [[World Cup 69]]
Originally from [[Earent]], where she was the manager of [[Stirvik TU]], who finished second in [[Champions' Cup 48]], and was already known for bizarre and incomprehensible metaphors. Then moved to [[Sporting Iturributa]] in [[Astograth]] before that league collapsed. Not much more coherent in her third language either, producing quotes such as "Yes, the butt changes" in response to her opposite number's misbehavior against [[Estope]].
*Mila Apsar: [[Eagles Cup 6]]
[[Namiri Independent]] manager in season 17.
*Franklin Motobuchi: [[Eagles Cup 7]]
[[Eintracht Trink]] manager in the hard-fought season 21, when they finished third on goal difference. Returned there after the national team and won the first [[Cereal Cup]].
*Makvala Tsereteli: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
Slogda manager in season 23, when they rallied to fifth from a thirteenth-place finish the season before. Keen on making substitutions and jiggling her lineup.
*Tavish Willow: [[World Cup 83]]-[[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers
Manager of [[Keppal Cosmos]] when they won the league in season 24. Known for his ponytail (unlike Kratochvil); instituted a (1)-4-6-0 formation due to his perception of a lack of effective strikers. This paid off quickly when Zwangzug qualified; by the middle of the WC84 qualifiers, however, the team had drawn against [[Tamgu]] and [[Castanya]], lost to [[Krytenia]], [[Mattijana]], and [[Ancherion]] (in the latter case 4-0). Blasting the "cowards at the federation" who "don't have it in them to fire anyone ignomiously," he resigned his position.
*Enitan Maclaurin: [[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers and proper
Interim appointed in Willow's absence. Many cycles prior, a goalkeeper with [[Arlington City]] who then moved to [[Tropicorp FC]] in [[Vilita]], and longtime member of the [[Arlington Collective]].
*Abigail Chatelenas: [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]]
A ''de facto'' interim. Previously led the University of Homler to several finals, and then second place in the [[IUCC]]; after the IAC stint, joined [[Atlantea Hurricanes]] in [[Taeshan]].
*Brandon Sonnabend: [[World Cup 85]]-[[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers
Won the league with [[Bassabook Old Boys]] in season 29, then came second in the second [[FFI]] Liga dos Vencedores. Can be quick to substitute players out after perceived injuries; his critics say he has some double standards and is less willing to let women potentially play through the pain than men. While mostly grounded in reality, known to wax poetic in ye olde fantasy novel prophetic jargon. A combination of poor results and the increasing frustration caused by this phenomenon caused him and the federation to part ways at the halfway point of qualifiers.
*[[Kate DiMarini]]: [[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers - [[World Cup 97]]
Originally from the Commonwealth of [[Baker Park]], where she was an assistant to [[Pamela Scott|Pam Scott]] with their [[Baker Park national football team|national team]]. Then took over at [[Trebuchet Cham]], leading them to two [[IFCF]] qualifications. After a successful stint as the interim, was named permanent manager after [[World Cup 87]].
*Gregor Courtenay: [[World Cup 98]] qualifiers
Enjoyed great success with [[Ephesian FC]] in their dominant season 43-48 era. However, was unenthusiastic about his new appointment, resenting that he could not remake the national team in something more nearly resembling Ephesian's image (if not harkening back to all of the first-generation team's eccentricities).
*Emily Kuiper: [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]
Another ''de facto'' interim; a former striker with [[Canbix Muses]], who later became the side's manager and led them to an unexpected championship in season 49.
*Bishen Varadarajan: [[World Cup 99]] - present
Formerly of Namiri Independent. Seems to be vaguely envious of baseball's advanced statistics, and tries to rip off advanced sizbermetric projections for football purposes, to mixed results.

===Captains===
[[File:Jacob_Barons.JPG|thumb|right|Jacob Barons was the second captain of the national team]]
*[[Rube Tercer]]: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
*Jacob Barons: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 38]]
*[[Steven Ruck]]: [[World Cup 39]]-[[World Cup 41]]
*[[Andrew Card]]: [[World Cup 42]]
*Brett Chrowder: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 66]]
*[[Martina Ruan]]: [[World Cup 67]]-[[World Cup 69]]
*Eugene Kyp-Sobol: [[Eagles Cup]] 6
*Turan Gul: [[Eagles Cup]] 7
*Kendra Jover: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
*[[Martin Scallop]]: [[World Cup 83]]
*[[Lucas Kukiseso]]: [[World Cup 84]]
*Chevanthi Arokiaraj: [[Eagles Cup]] 8-[[World Cup 85]]
*Joshua Twoni: [[World Cup 86]]
*Jonah McCollins: [[Eagles Cup]] 9-[[World Cup 87]]
*Sophie Munshi: [[Eagles Cup]] 10-[[World Cup 88]] (qualifiers)
*Lissa Crain: [[Cup of Harmony 80]]-[[World Cup 90]]
*Kausalya Vizirani: [[Eagles Cup]] 13-[[World Cup 91]]
*[[Kayla Haugen]]: [[Eagles Cup]] 14-[[World Cup 92]]
*Kirsten Jackson: [[Eagles Cup]] 15-[[World Cup 93]]
*Valerie Waugh: [[World Cup 94]]
*Julia MacEacharna: [[World Cup 95]]
*Ashley Fillmore-Gaul: [[World Cup 96]]
*Stephen Marcus: [[World Cup 97]]-[[World Cup 98]] (qualifiers)
*Eileen Gainsborough: [[Cup of Harmony 90]]-present
===Top goalscorers===
Because of the first-generation team's eccentricities (little use of substitutions, strict positional demands, long careers due to limited player base), many of their goalscoring statistics are unlikely to be equaled. A "modern era" table (WC64 and onward) is provided separately.

{| class="wikitable"
|+ All-time
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || [[Simon Ryne Olson]] || 91
|-
| 2 || [[Phillip Stings]] || 83
|-
| 3 || [[Peter Vanderpent]] || 61
|-
| 4 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 5 || Gordon Blum || 48
|}

{| class="wikitable"
|+ Modern era
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 2 || Gordon Blum || 48
|-
| 3 || Johan Idmar || 47
|-
| 4 || Stephen Marcus || 33
|-
| 5 || Quincy Dulk-Fough || 32
|}

[[Category:Zwangzug|Football]][[Category:National football teams]]

Zwangzug national football team/roster

2025-05-11T22:32:41Z

Zwangzug:

The [[Zwangzug national football team]] has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-15, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

__NOTOC__
{{Compact ToC}}

==A==
*'''Virginia Aksnes''': FW, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]-present
*'''Ramona Ambaile-Hund''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83]], 11 goals
*'''Micah Angier''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 10 goals
*'''Leslie Applebaum''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]]
*'''Ezekiel Arden-Ria''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Jesse Arneson''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Chevanthi Arokiaraj''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 2 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup|Eagles Cup 8]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]]. A practicing Hindu who occasionally appeared on ''Interreligious Sniping.''
*'''[[Esther Axelrod-Conway]]''': MF, [[Mâ Âlâmëómë]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 92|WC92]], 20 goals.
==B==
*'''Shula Bachchan-Laum''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[FC Solovetsky Monastery]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 3 goals. Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
*'''Satenik Banach''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 10 goals. A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]].
*'''Soumini Bano-Patil''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]. A benchwarmer on the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]]. Saved a penalty in the shootout against [[Pasarga]] to secure [[World Cup 96]] qualification.
*'''Jacob Barons''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 38|38]], 15 goals. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]], though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in [[World Cup 36]].
*'''[[Eddie Barnes]]''': MF, [[Dunboor FC]], [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 41|WC41]], 1 goal
*'''Tygo Beumers''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[Cup of Harmonyv 60|CoH 60]]
*'''Cameron Beyer''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Shobhana Birla''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]
*'''[[Dana Bloomquist]]''': DF, [[Turks' Club]], [[Marquez-Onwere]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Gordon Blum''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 48 goals
*'''Sullivan Brecht''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 2 goals. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Jaclyn Burkhart''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 20 goals.
*'''Mark Bryant''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==C==
*'''Rebecca Calhoun''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Daphne Camonoba''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''[[Andrew Card]]''': DF, [[Joseon]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]], 1 goal
*'''Harold Carre''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 9 goals
*'''Itzhak Canterbury''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]]
*'''Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]], 28 goals. Clinched qualification for [[World Cup 83]] with winning goal against [[Pasarga]] on the final matchday of qualifiers, still had problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
*'''Edward Ciaver-Maripov''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Brett Chrowder''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
*'''Maya Coelho''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 8 goals
*'''Penny Consky-Bock''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]]
*'''Blanche Coogan-Bucknell''': GK, [[Sporting Esper], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Bennett Covy''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Mont-Lambert FC]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
*'''Lissa Crain''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Baraldhur AFC]], [[World Cup 85|WC85]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 2 goals. Team of the season in the [[Tikariot Premier League]] season 101. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]].
*'''Bradley Curnow''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[AC Quarant Xa'Virt]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Couldn't swim; could and did dive.
==D==
*'''Paige Daunten''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[North Sabrefell]], [[La Nueva Avenida]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]]. A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series, somewhat literal-minded, and perhaps ill-suited to the chaos of Farfadillis society. Despite this, was named to the [[FFL]] best XI in its final season as an independent league, and [[Galacticos]] long-listed in cycle 77 and 78.
*'''[[Brendan Deguela]]''': MF, [[Chelmar FC]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 6 goals
*'''Luanne Delvale''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Drew comparisons to her distant predecessor [[Rube Tercer]], for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
*'''Evan Dewey''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 6 goals
*'''Keshav Dhankot''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 7 goals
*'''Evan Diallo''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal
*'''Sohini Dravid''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Javier Drouet''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]]. Somewhat of a rules stickler.
*'''Quincy Dulk-Fough''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 32 goals. A survivor of the Wayr Stadium Lockdown as a youth player. Scored a hat trick in the second leg of the playoff against [[TJUN-ia]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] playoffs. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==E==
*'''[[Patricia Eliot]]''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Matthew City Rangers]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''[[Percy Eskridge]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Shlomo Eustace''': GK, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]]
==F==
*'''Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy''': DF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Arlington City]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for IFCF 15.
*'''Joshua Farthing''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
*'''Mal Faustino''': DF, [[A.F.F.]], [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 40]], 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in [[Abadia]], which expanded into including a restaurant.
*'''Ian Felsenfeld''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with [[Evan Terwilliger]] for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of [[IYC Vanan]], where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
*'''Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ashley Fillmore-Gaul''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 3 goals. A practicing [[Religion in Zwangzug|Ketrian]] who could be surly but nevertheless got along well with her teammates. Captain [[World Cup 96|WC96]].
*'''Chloe Flen-Willis''': MF, [[Ephesian FTC]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present, 3 goals.
*'''Ione Friede''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 13 goals
*'''Blake Fures''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."
==G==
*'''Nirav Gadhavi''': GK, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Eileen Gainsborough''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]-present
*'''Simon Gannett''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 7 goals. Scored go-ahead goal in extra time against [[Mertagne]] during [[Eagles Cup]] 11 quarterfinal.
*'''Heather Garland-Fowler''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Ariadne Ge''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Minerva Gerdt-Arbden''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 99|WC99]]-present
*'''Joan Gerland''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Matthew City Senators]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]], 12 goals. Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
*'''Trent Gerson''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Swinedon Town]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of [[Sorthern Northland]], which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
*'''Aimee Ginoud-Sachs''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals
*'''Spencer Gleason''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]], 14 goals. Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
*'''Dirk Grosa''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
*'''Turan Gul''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
*'''Hannah Gustafson''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Ernst Guthnick-Wolf''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 98|WC98Q]], 3 goals
*'''[[Ogechi Guttuso]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
==H==
*'''Sara Hale-Barnard''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Somewhat of a professional fouler.
*'''[[Roger Hammers]]''': MF, [[Seojang]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 37|37]]
*'''Bartholomew Hanson''': DF, [[World Cup 36|WC36]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]. Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of [[World Cup 36]].
*'''Kazue Harel''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''Kostya Hart-Farm''': FW, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 5 goals
*'''[[Kayla Haugen]]''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 28 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Beppo Hegesa''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 10 goals. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Lukas Helsen-Roan''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 18 goals
*'''Jonas Henke''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Atlético Insular]], [[WC41|World Cup 41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless [[CCFM]] newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
*'''Solveig Henson-Quar''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Kim Higden''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]. A native of the [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|Picksall Islands]] and fluent in their consonant-poor language; she coached their representative side in [[IAC 12]] and [[IAC 15]], and was named one of the all-star coaches for the Muralos team in the former.
*'''Chester Hildegard''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 9 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Dennis Horkawer-Rippel''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Fligsive FC]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
==I==
*'''Sally Ici-Holder''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]], 3 goals
*'''Johan Idmar''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 47 goals. His struggles at the historic [[Tundra Falls Proving Grounds]] were attributed to the spirits smiting his atheism, at least by a few superstitious fans.
*'''[[Olivia Idoni]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Ketevan Igreli''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 89|WC89]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]]. An enthusiastic but unskilled Chess960 player. Dramatically substituted into the round of 16 match against [[Pasarga]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] just in time for the penalty shootout, which they won. This may even have been on her birthday, although with time dilation, who really knows. Made a similar appearance against [[Vilita]] in [[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Ryota Imamura''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 24 goals. Known for his frustration with regards to Kate DiMarini's policy of reserving players numbered 24-26 for emergencies only. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Meghna Imomenba''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 3 goals. Part of the Forest team that won [[Champions League 9]]. Testículos best XI for the WC92 cycle.
*'''[[Natalie Instonenext]]''': DF, [[Port of Clotaire]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]]
*'''Gabriel Istibar''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Nina Irving''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==J==
*'''Kirsten Jackson''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 3 goals. Zwangzug's representative player in the [[Squidroidia]] broadcasting network intro sequence for [[World Cup 92||WC92]]. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]].
*'''Marlene Jamieson''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]
*'''Tinn Jejue''': GK, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Kendra Jover''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 3 goals. Captain during the [[World Cup 80|WC80]] and [[World Cup 82|WC82]] cycles.
*'''Muus Jurin''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Char Sara FC]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 15 goals. An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.
==K==
*'''Alma Kaidensky''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Lilavati Kanwar''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Lobyuseistvooshu]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Sonal Kaur''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the [[CCFM]], despite the whole "masculino" thing.
*'''Davi Keane-Liuprand''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 5 goals. A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against [[Darmen]] in the WC68 qualifiers.
*'''Natasha Keller''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 5 goals. Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
*'''Geoff Kempner''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Metropolitano]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
*'''Mitchell Kernkraft''': MF, [[World Cup 42|WC42]], [[Rovers United]], [[Wiechester FC]]. No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
*'''Nora Kent-Maner''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 14 goals.
*'''Bethany Kieschnick''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Saroj Kinnar''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Colonial Sile]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 2 goals. Won Zwangzug's university championship with Engdahl Institute in seasons 40 and 41. Part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Riley Kivrin''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 3 goals. May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and [[Xíxì Êns]]; scored the equalizing goal against [[Farfadillis]] to advance to the [[World Cup 85]] knockout stages.
*'''Ryuya Kotani''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 6 goals
*'''Jenna Kowalski''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Komala Kristinsdottir''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Megan Kucinich''': MF, [[Wexax United]], [[World Cup 38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 2 goals. An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in [[the Holy Empire]] and much less so with [[Andrew Card]]. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
*'''[[Lucas Kukiseso]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 9 goals
*'''Antje Kurzmann-Tremme''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 4 goals. Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
*'''Nidhi Kulamard''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Eugene Kyp-Sobol''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.
==L==
*'''Vipin Lamin''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
*'''Gabi Lanius-Sexton''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 1 goal
*'''Hajna Lantos''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ursula Lauren''': MF, [[Arrigo Portuguese]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
*'''Gretchen Lavenza''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Brunnhilde Lavrans''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Michelle Lawrence''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Tara Lenski''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[Caires City]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
*'''Vanessa Leiter''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]
*'''Allison Levi-Gold''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for [[Galacticos|Galactico Junior]] during UICA cycle 70.
*'''Pia Leykauf''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 1 goal
*'''Preston Liebersbach''': FW, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.
==M==
*'''Julia MacEacharna''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 9 goals. Captain [[World Cup 95|WC95]]. Alum of Neume College. Competed on the university all-star team during cycle 93, where she was noted for her saxophone skills as well as her footballing. A pioneer of the "free kick lying down guy" position. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''[[Gary Maini]]''': FW, [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 42 goals
*'''[[Saena Mathash]]''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Yul Maughum''': FW, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 36|36]], 32 goals. A son of the eastern [[FTC]]'s social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate [[Phillip Stings]].
*'''Stephen Marcus''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 15|EC15]]-[[World Cup 98|WC98Q]], 33 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15. Captain [[World Cup 97]]-[[World Cup 98|WC98Q]].
*'''Khamisi McCluey''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Royal Rumiatzi]], [[Cup of Harmony 57]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 19 goals. Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
*'''Jonah McCollins''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 27 goals. Captain B71 Invitational-WC87.
*'''Junia McCue''': DF, [[Arlington City]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 5 goals
*'''John McDonald''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]], 1 goal
*'''Jerzy McFetridge''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 2 goals. Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
*'''Jen McFult''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Kayla McGee''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Juniper McGovern''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 3 goals
*'''Jubilee McGraw''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 5 goals
*'''Desmond McGowan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]. A big fan of the video game ''SCQ: Superceleritas Quest''.
*'''Jess McHeran''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 6 goals
*'''Joel McJakill''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]]. Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the [[World Cup 83]] concert. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing [[World Cup 84]] group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
*'''Xolani McKiegna''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 3 goals. Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the [[Water World Championships]] and [[8th Summer Olympics]].
*'''Jordan McKinney''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 15 goals.
*'''Zoe McQuoid''': MF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]
*'''Jude McWaler''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 5 goals. Alum of Glune Institute of Natural Sciences, part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Jesse McWhorter''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 10|EC10]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. Younger brother of Samuel McWhorter, a [[Rovers United]] player who retired for medical reasons after the Wayr Stadium lockdown.
*'''Odo Merisi-Rizzi''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Bruce Millar''': GK, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Burgess FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
*'''Nilkanth Mibang''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 2 goals. Part of the Namiri side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Harshit Mistry''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 1 goal
*'''Tova Miovuku''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 7 goals
*'''Pammal Mookaiah''': FW, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 99|WC99]]-present
*'''Terrence Montague''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]], 2 goals
*'''Sophie Munshi''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Mierton Manatees]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 88|88]], 13 goals. Galacticos longlist cycle 78. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC 10]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]].
*'''Loris Muraro-Ughi''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]], 10 goals
==N==
*'''Yuuki Nakano''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Juvapanam]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 11 goals
*'''Hugo Nimbue''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 5 goals
*'''Shayna Nelson''': FW, [[Rovers United]], EC6, 4 goals
*'''Timothy Nexus''': MF, [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 37|WC37]]. A native of [[102d]] by way of the [[Artificial Intelligence University|AIU]]. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the [[World Cup 37]] qualifiers.
*'''Cixin Nguyen''': MF, [[Chromatik]], [[SK Aasiaat Harbour]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 29 goals. The star of a class of Zwangzugian high schoolers that played in the [[Chromatika]] university system, he first appeared for Zwangzugian coach Claude Pare-Achel at the dominant Chromia Central College University before signing professionally for Chromatik. Named to the Rainbow League's second all-pro team in season eight and nine. Season eleven: player of the season (also foreigner of the season and all-pro team). In his first season with SK Aasiaat Harbour, recorded 12 assists, tied for fourth in the league. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15.
*'''Amos Noile-Murne''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 10 goals
*'''Chip Noonan''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his [[CMSC]] career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
*'''Dima Novak''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Athletik Thessia]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
*'''Zurab Nozadze''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==O==
*'''Allie Octar-Celyn''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Connor Ohme''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
*'''Frank Olmsted''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present.
*'''[[Simon Ryne Olson]]''': FW, [[Marienburg United]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 91 goals
*'''Compars Ogawa''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]].
*'''Anne Onymous''': outfield substitute, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.
==P==
*'''Nicholas Palmetto''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Subroto Parida''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship|IAC9]]. Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
*'''Helen Pimbura''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Tori Pfendler''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
*'''Lobsang Pokhriyal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Nancy Puyo-Sachar''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 14 goals. Married to Griffith Puyo-Sachar, a former player for and current manager of the [[Zwangzug national baseball team]]. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle.
==R==
*'''Arlo Rais-Sonnen''': FW, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 21 goals
*'''Delia Ramos-Avea''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Awidlyon Reed''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]], 11 goals
*'''Callan Regins-Ybou''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Corey Richardson''': MF, [[Advance Alara]], [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 6 goals. A lot of raw talent but plagued by nerves. Won the university championship with Erewhon University in (Zwangzug's) season 31. Part of the Team of the Season for [[Ko-oren]]'s league in (their) season 34. Seemed to find some tranquility in [[Cup of Harmony 80]], when he scored the winning goal in extra time against [[St Trinians]] in the round of 32; this was Zwangzug's nomination for goal of the tournament.
*'''Nadine Roark''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|69]]. Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
*'''Corianne Rogawski''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Irene Roosevelt''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Angela Rose-Dauphine''' DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]
*'''Lorraine Rouwen-Horn''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''[[Martina Ruan]]''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 18 goals
*'''[[Steven Ruck]]''': MF, [[IYC Ajer]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 41]], 4 goals
*'''Meredith Ryland''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15. Known for skillful throw-ins.
==S==
*'''Danilo Sabbia''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Randall Saitta''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 13 goals. Could be insensitive, but had a solid work ethic.
*'''Taylor Sariger-Heshik''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
*'''Marlon Sayle-Bren''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 17 goals. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
*'''[[Martin Scallop]]''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Diana Schell-Cioban''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present
*'''Tullio Schi''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Bengtsmark IF]], [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 13 goals
*'''Franziska Schnee-Krull''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]. Stoked controversy in [[Qusmo]] by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
*'''Claude Seu''': MF, [[Clube Imperial]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 1 goal. A quiet player of [[Ariddia|Ariddian]] ancestry.
*'''Lawrence Sevvy''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. A native of [[Bassabook]] known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against [[Rejistania]] in the [[World Cup 35]] qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from [[The Hurd]] to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
*'''[[Rohit Sharma]]''': FW, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 35 goals.
*'''Michael Sheldon''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Central United]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Conceded a penalty in a friendly against [[Candelaria And Marquez]] in the [[World Cup 38]] qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of [[Cafundéu]].
*'''Simone Shimura''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Akhil Sibal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Stade Djalenga]], [[Energija Chernovets]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 4 goals. Got an assist in the winning goal of Chernovets' [[AOCL]] championship.
*'''Camille Sibelius''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]-present
*'''Ted Silla-Raty''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Missed some time in the [[World Cup 65]] cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
*'''Mobin Singh''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
*'''Farrokh Sokhi''': MF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Namiri Forest]], 25 goals. Won [[Champions League 9]] with Namiri Forest. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Brian Spand-Maunk''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 13 goals
*'''Ulysses Stael''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]. The older brother of [[Steven Ruck]], Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in [[St Samuel]], but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
*'''[[Sydney Stefred]]''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 4 goals
*'''Rudolf Sternberg''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 68Q|WC68Q]], 1 goal. A native of Clunvers, the suburb of [[Zwischen]] known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against [[New Matawan]].
*'''[[Phillip Stings]]''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[World Cup 33|WC 33]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 83 goals
*'''Hanna Suzuki''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup|EC12]] and [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle. Like many Trink players, known for elegant, highlight-reel goals. One of the few players to be cut from but later rejoin the national team.
==T==
*'''Kerry Tammany''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 5 goals
*'''Kelci Tanaka-Whit''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 2 goals
*'''[[Rube Tercer]]''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]
*'''Evan Terwilliger''': FW, [[Chelmar FC]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41]], 2 goals. Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
*'''Freda Tery-Wilf''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 4 goals
*'''Monica Tewsal''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Narayan Thorlakson''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Laurel Tinker-Witt''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Dwile Warriors]], [[Strathcona Internationals]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC11]]. Became a coach at Strathcona after her retirement as a player.
*'''Dominik Topi''': GK, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''[[Anatoly Trumper]]''': GK, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]
*'''Fedya Troy-Vee''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]
*'''Misako Tsuki''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 11 goals. Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug#B|Bryce College]], leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
*'''Sofya Turmal-Hence''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 12 goals.
*'''Joshua Twoni''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 27 goals. [[Galacticos]] long list cycle 76 and 78, reserve XII cycle 77. Golden boot in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]]. Captain of the national team [[World Cup 86]], and of the Arlington side that won the IFCF [[Challenger's Cup 3]].
==U==
*'''Kurt Uehara''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[FC Soessch]], [[Easthold Royals]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC8]], 1 goal
*'''Caleb Upsil-Coyne''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==V==
*'''Ricardo Valbuena''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]
*'''[[Peter Vanderpent]]''': FW, [[Albrecht FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 61 goals
*'''Alyssa Velt-Nansen''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 4 goals
*'''Kausalya Vizirani''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup 8|EC8]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 2 goals. Captain of the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]], and national team captain from [[World Cup 90]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. While frequently compared to Chevanthi Arokiaraj, Vizirani is a bit more ingenuous and contented in her off-field life. Named to the GS SuperSports+ team of the tournament for WC91.
*'''Tandre Vusin-Jacques''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
==W==
*'''Valerie Waugh''': FW, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 53 goals. Captain [[World Cup 94|WC94]].
*'''Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]], 1 goal. Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
*'''Emily Winters-Neumann''': GK, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|66]]. Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
*'''Franklin Witchein-Coan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Fryi Frêndê]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal. Fan of loud music.
*'''Liorit Wirth''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''Dustin Wodehouse''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Vera Woredann''': MF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team/roster

2025-01-22T22:48:30Z

Zwangzug: nothing like a good old pre-CoH roster update

The [[Zwangzug national football team]] has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-15, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

__NOTOC__
{{Compact ToC}}

==A==
*'''Virginia Aksnes''': FW, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]-present
*'''Ramona Ambaile-Hund''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83]], 11 goals
*'''Micah Angier''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 10 goals
*'''Leslie Applebaum''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]]
*'''Ezekiel Arden-Ria''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Jesse Arneson''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Chevanthi Arokiaraj''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 2 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup|Eagles Cup 8]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]]. A practicing Hindu who occasionally appeared on ''Interreligious Sniping.''
*'''[[Esther Axelrod-Conway]]''': MF, [[Mâ Âlâmëómë]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 92|WC92]], 20 goals.
==B==
*'''Shula Bachchan-Laum''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[FC Solovetsky Monastery]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 3 goals. Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
*'''Satenik Banach''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 10 goals. A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]].
*'''Soumini Bano-Patil''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]. A benchwarmer on the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]]. Saved a penalty in the shootout against [[Pasarga]] to secure [[World Cup 96]] qualification.
*'''Jacob Barons''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 38|38]], 15 goals. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]], though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in [[World Cup 36]].
*'''[[Eddie Barnes]]''': MF, [[Dunboor FC]], [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 41|WC41]], 1 goal
*'''Tygo Beumers''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[Cup of Harmonyv 60|CoH 60]]
*'''Cameron Beyer''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Shobhana Birla''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]
*'''[[Dana Bloomquist]]''': DF, [[Turks' Club]], [[Marquez-Onwere]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Gordon Blum''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 48 goals
*'''Sullivan Brecht''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 2 goals. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Jaclyn Burkhart''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 20 goals.
*'''Mark Bryant''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==C==
*'''Rebecca Calhoun''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Daphne Camonoba''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''[[Andrew Card]]''': DF, [[Joseon]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]], 1 goal
*'''Harold Carre''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 7 goals
*'''Itzhak Canterbury''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]]
*'''Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]], 28 goals. Clinched qualification for [[World Cup 83]] with winning goal against [[Pasarga]] on the final matchday of qualifiers, still had problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
*'''Edward Ciaver-Maripov''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Brett Chrowder''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
*'''Maya Coelho''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 8 goals
*'''Penny Consky-Bock''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]]
*'''Blanche Coogan-Bucknell''': GK, [[Sporting Esper], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Bennett Covy''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Mont-Lambert FC]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
*'''Lissa Crain''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Baraldhur AFC]], [[World Cup 85|WC85]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 2 goals. Team of the season in the [[Tikariot Premier League]] season 101. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]].
*'''Bradley Curnow''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[AC Quarant Xa'Virt]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Couldn't swim; could and did dive.
==D==
*'''Paige Daunten''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[North Sabrefell]], [[La Nueva Avenida]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]]. A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series, somewhat literal-minded, and perhaps ill-suited to the chaos of Farfadillis society. Despite this, was named to the [[FFL]] best XI in its final season as an independent league, and [[Galacticos]] long-listed in cycle 77 and 78.
*'''[[Brendan Deguela]]''': MF, [[Chelmar FC]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 6 goals
*'''Luanne Delvale''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Drew comparisons to her distant predecessor [[Rube Tercer]], for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
*'''Evan Dewey''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 6 goals
*'''Keshav Dhankot''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 7 goals
*'''Evan Diallo''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal
*'''Sohini Dravid''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Javier Drouet''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]]. Somewhat of a rules stickler.
*'''Quincy Dulk-Fough''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 32 goals. A survivor of the Wayr Stadium Lockdown as a youth player. Scored a hat trick in the second leg of the playoff against [[TJUN-ia]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] playoffs. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==E==
*'''[[Patricia Eliot]]''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Matthew City Rangers]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''[[Percy Eskridge]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Shlomo Eustace''': GK, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]]
==F==
*'''Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy''': DF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Arlington City]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for IFCF 15.
*'''Joshua Farthing''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
*'''Mal Faustino''': DF, [[A.F.F.]], [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 40]], 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in [[Abadia]], which expanded into including a restaurant.
*'''Ian Felsenfeld''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with [[Evan Terwilliger]] for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of [[IYC Vanan]], where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
*'''Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ashley Fillmore-Gaul''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 3 goals. A practicing [[Religion in Zwangzug|Ketrian]] who could be surly but nevertheless got along well with her teammates. Captain [[World Cup 96|WC96]].
*'''Chloe Flen-Willis''': MF, [[Ephesian FTC]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present, 3 goals.
*'''Ione Friede''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 13 goals
*'''Blake Fures''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."
==G==
*'''Nirav Gadhavi''': GK, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Eileen Gainsborough''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]-present
*'''Simon Gannett''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 7 goals. Scored go-ahead goal in extra time against [[Mertagne]] during [[Eagles Cup]] 11 quarterfinal.
*'''Heather Garland-Fowler''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Ariadne Ge''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Joan Gerland''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Matthew City Senators]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]], 12 goals. Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
*'''Trent Gerson''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Swinedon Town]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of [[Sorthern Northland]], which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
*'''Aimee Ginoud-Sachs''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals
*'''Spencer Gleason''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]], 14 goals. Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
*'''Dirk Grosa''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
*'''Turan Gul''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
*'''Hannah Gustafson''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Ernst Guthnick-Wolf''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 98|WC98Q]], 3 goals
*'''[[Ogechi Guttuso]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
==H==
*'''Sara Hale-Barnard''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Somewhat of a professional fouler.
*'''[[Roger Hammers]]''': MF, [[Seojang]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 37|37]]
*'''Bartholomew Hanson''': DF, [[World Cup 36|WC36]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]. Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of [[World Cup 36]].
*'''Kazue Harel''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''Kostya Hart-Farm''': FW, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 5 goals
*'''[[Kayla Haugen]]''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 28 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Beppo Hegesa''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 9 goals. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Lukas Helsen-Roan''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 18 goals
*'''Jonas Henke''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Atlético Insular]], [[WC41|World Cup 41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless [[CCFM]] newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
*'''Solveig Henson-Quar''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Kim Higden''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]. A native of the [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|Picksall Islands]] and fluent in their consonant-poor language; she coached their representative side in [[IAC 12]] and [[IAC 15]], and was named one of the all-star coaches for the Muralos team in the former.
*'''Chester Hildegard''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 9 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Dennis Horkawer-Rippel''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Fligsive FC]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
==I==
*'''Sally Ici-Holder''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]], 3 goals
*'''Johan Idmar''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 47 goals. His struggles at the historic [[Tundra Falls Proving Grounds]] were attributed to the spirits smiting his atheism, at least by a few superstitious fans.
*'''[[Olivia Idoni]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Ketevan Igreli''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 89|WC89]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]]. An enthusiastic but unskilled Chess960 player. Dramatically substituted into the round of 16 match against [[Pasarga]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] just in time for the penalty shootout, which they won. This may even have been on her birthday, although with time dilation, who really knows. Made a similar appearance against [[Vilita]] in [[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Ryota Imamura''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 24 goals. Known for his frustration with regards to Kate DiMarini's policy of reserving players numbered 24-26 for emergencies only. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Meghna Imomenba''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 3 goals. Part of the Forest team that won [[Champions League 9]]. Testículos best XI for the WC92 cycle.
*'''[[Natalie Instonenext]]''': DF, [[Port of Clotaire]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]]
*'''Gabriel Istibar''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Nina Irving''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==J==
*'''Kirsten Jackson''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 3 goals. Zwangzug's representative player in the [[Squidroidia]] broadcasting network intro sequence for [[World Cup 92||WC92]]. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]].
*'''Marlene Jamieson''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]
*'''Tinn Jejue''': GK, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Kendra Jover''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 3 goals. Captain during the [[World Cup 80|WC80]] and [[World Cup 82|WC82]] cycles.
*'''Muus Jurin''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Char Sara FC]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 15 goals. An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.
==K==
*'''Alma Kaidensky''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Lilavati Kanwar''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Lobyuseistvooshu]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Sonal Kaur''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the [[CCFM]], despite the whole "masculino" thing.
*'''Davi Keane-Liuprand''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 5 goals. A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against [[Darmen]] in the WC68 qualifiers.
*'''Natasha Keller''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 5 goals. Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
*'''Geoff Kempner''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Metropolitano]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
*'''Mitchell Kernkraft''': MF, [[World Cup 42|WC42]], [[Rovers United]], [[Wiechester FC]]. No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
*'''Nora Kent-Maner''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 14 goals.
*'''Bethany Kieschnick''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Saroj Kinnar''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Colonial Sile]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 2 goals. Won Zwangzug's university championship with Engdahl Institute in seasons 40 and 41. Part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Riley Kivrin''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 3 goals. May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and [[Xíxì Êns]]; scored the equalizing goal against [[Farfadillis]] to advance to the [[World Cup 85]] knockout stages.
*'''Ryuya Kotani''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 6 goals
*'''Jenna Kowalski''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Komala Kristinsdottir''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Megan Kucinich''': MF, [[Wexax United]], [[World Cup 38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 2 goals. An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in [[the Holy Empire]] and much less so with [[Andrew Card]]. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
*'''[[Lucas Kukiseso]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 9 goals
*'''Antje Kurzmann-Tremme''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 4 goals. Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
*'''Nidhi Kulamard''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Eugene Kyp-Sobol''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.
==L==
*'''Vipin Lamin''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
*'''Gabi Lanius-Sexton''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 1 goal
*'''Hajna Lantos''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ursula Lauren''': MF, [[Arrigo Portuguese]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
*'''Gretchen Lavenza''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Brunnhilde Lavrans''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Michelle Lawrence''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Tara Lenski''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[Caires City]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
*'''Vanessa Leiter''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]
*'''Allison Levi-Gold''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for [[Galacticos|Galactico Junior]] during UICA cycle 70.
*'''Pia Leykauf''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 1 goal
*'''Preston Liebersbach''': FW, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.
==M==
*'''Julia MacEacharna''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 9 goals. Captain [[World Cup 95|WC95]]. Alum of Neume College. Competed on the university all-star team during cycle 93, where she was noted for her saxophone skills as well as her footballing. A pioneer of the "free kick lying down guy" position. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''[[Gary Maini]]''': FW, [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 42 goals
*'''[[Saena Mathash]]''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Yul Maughum''': FW, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 36|36]], 32 goals. A son of the eastern [[FTC]]'s social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate [[Phillip Stings]].
*'''Stephen Marcus''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 15|EC15]]-[[World Cup 98|WC98Q]], 33 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15. Captain [[World Cup 97]]-[[World Cup 98|WC98Q]].
*'''Khamisi McCluey''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Royal Rumiatzi]], [[Cup of Harmony 57]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 19 goals. Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
*'''Jonah McCollins''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 27 goals. Captain B71 Invitational-WC87.
*'''Junia McCue''': DF, [[Arlington City]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 5 goals
*'''John McDonald''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Jerzy McFetridge''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 2 goals. Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
*'''Jen McFult''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Kayla McGee''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Juniper McGovern''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 3 goals
*'''Jubilee McGraw''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Desmond McGowan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]. A big fan of the video game ''SCQ: Superceleritas Quest''.
*'''Jess McHeran''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 5 goals
*'''Joel McJakill''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]]. Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the [[World Cup 83]] concert. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing [[World Cup 84]] group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
*'''Xolani McKiegna''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 3 goals. Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the [[Water World Championships]] and [[8th Summer Olympics]].
*'''Jordan McKinney''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 15 goals.
*'''Zoe McQuoid''': MF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]
*'''Jude McWaler''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 5 goals. Alum of Glune Institute of Natural Sciences, part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Jesse McWhorter''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 10|EC10]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. Younger brother of Samuel McWhorter, a [[Rovers United]] player who retired for medical reasons after the Wayr Stadium lockdown.
*'''Odo Merisi-Rizzi''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Bruce Millar''': GK, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Burgess FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
*'''Nilkanth Mibang''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 2 goals. Part of the Namiri side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Harshit Mistry''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 1 goal
*'''Tova Miovuku''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 7 goals
*'''Terrence Montague''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]], 2 goals
*'''Sophie Munshi''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Mierton Manatees]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 88|88]], 13 goals. Galacticos longlist cycle 78. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC 10]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]].
*'''Loris Muraro-Ughi''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]], 10 goals
==N==
*'''Yuuki Nakano''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Juvapanam]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 11 goals
*'''Hugo Nimbue''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 5 goals
*'''Shayna Nelson''': FW, [[Rovers United]], EC6, 4 goals
*'''Timothy Nexus''': MF, [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 37|WC37]]. A native of [[102d]] by way of the [[Artificial Intelligence University|AIU]]. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the [[World Cup 37]] qualifiers.
*'''Cixin Nguyen''': MF, [[Chromatik]], [[SK Aasiaat Harbour]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 29 goals. The star of a class of Zwangzugian high schoolers that played in the [[Chromatika]] university system, he first appeared for Zwangzugian coach Claude Pare-Achel at the dominant Chromia Central College University before signing professionally for Chromatik. Named to the Rainbow League's second all-pro team in season eight and nine. Season eleven: player of the season (also foreigner of the season and all-pro team). In his first season with SK Aasiaat Harbour, recorded 12 assists, tied for fourth in the league. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15.
*'''Amos Noile-Murne''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 10 goals
*'''Chip Noonan''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his [[CMSC]] career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
*'''Dima Novak''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Athletik Thessia]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
*'''Zurab Nozadze''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==O==
*'''Allie Octar-Celyn''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Connor Ohme''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
*'''Frank Olmsted''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present.
*'''[[Simon Ryne Olson]]''': FW, [[Marienburg United]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 91 goals
*'''Compars Ogawa''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]].
*'''Anne Onymous''': outfield substitute, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.
==P==
*'''Nicholas Palmetto''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Subroto Parida''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship|IAC9]]. Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
*'''Helen Pimbura''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Tori Pfendler''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
*'''Lobsang Pokhriyal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Nancy Puyo-Sachar''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 14 goals. Married to Griffith Puyo-Sachar, a former player for and current manager of the [[Zwangzug national baseball team]]. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle.
==R==
*'''Arlo Rais-Sonnen''': FW, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 21 goals
*'''Delia Ramos-Avea''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Awidlyon Reed''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 8 goals
*'''Callan Regins-Ybou''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Corey Richardson''': MF, [[Advance Alara]], [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 6 goals. A lot of raw talent but plagued by nerves. Won the university championship with Erewhon University in (Zwangzug's) season 31. Part of the Team of the Season for [[Ko-oren]]'s league in (their) season 34. Seemed to find some tranquility in [[Cup of Harmony 80]], when he scored the winning goal in extra time against [[St Trinians]] in the round of 32; this was Zwangzug's nomination for goal of the tournament.
*'''Nadine Roark''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|69]]. Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
*'''Corianne Rogawski''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Irene Roosevelt''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Angela Rose-Dauphine''' DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]
*'''Lorraine Rouwen-Horn''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''[[Martina Ruan]]''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 18 goals
*'''[[Steven Ruck]]''': MF, [[IYC Ajer]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 41]], 4 goals
*'''Meredith Ryland''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15. Known for skillful throw-ins.
==S==
*'''Danilo Sabbia''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Randall Saitta''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 13 goals. Could be insensitive, but had a solid work ethic.
*'''Taylor Sariger-Heshik''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
*'''Marlon Sayle-Bren''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 17 goals. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
*'''[[Martin Scallop]]''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Diana Schell-Cioban''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present
*'''Tullio Schi''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Bengtsmark IF]], [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 13 goals
*'''Franziska Schnee-Krull''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]. Stoked controversy in [[Qusmo]] by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
*'''Claude Seu''': MF, [[Clube Imperial]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 1 goal. A quiet player of [[Ariddia|Ariddian]] ancestry.
*'''Lawrence Sevvy''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. A native of [[Bassabook]] known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against [[Rejistania]] in the [[World Cup 35]] qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from [[The Hurd]] to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
*'''[[Rohit Sharma]]''': FW, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 35 goals.
*'''Michael Sheldon''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Central United]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Conceded a penalty in a friendly against [[Candelaria And Marquez]] in the [[World Cup 38]] qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of [[Cafundéu]].
*'''Simone Shimura''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Akhil Sibal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Stade Djalenga]], [[Energija Chernovets]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 4 goals. Got an assist in the winning goal of Chernovets' [[AOCL]] championship.
*'''Camille Sibelius''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 90|CoH 90]]-present
*'''Ted Silla-Raty''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Missed some time in the [[World Cup 65]] cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
*'''Mobin Singh''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
*'''Farrokh Sokhi''': MF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Namiri Forest]], 25 goals. Won [[Champions League 9]] with Namiri Forest. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Brian Spand-Maunk''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 11 goals
*'''Ulysses Stael''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]. The older brother of [[Steven Ruck]], Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in [[St Samuel]], but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
*'''[[Sydney Stefred]]''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 4 goals
*'''Rudolf Sternberg''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 68Q|WC68Q]], 1 goal. A native of Clunvers, the suburb of [[Zwischen]] known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against [[New Matawan]].
*'''[[Phillip Stings]]''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[World Cup 33|WC 33]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 83 goals
*'''Hanna Suzuki''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup|EC12]] and [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle. Like many Trink players, known for elegant, highlight-reel goals. One of the few players to be cut from but later rejoin the national team.
==T==
*'''Kerry Tammany''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 5 goals
*'''Kelci Tanaka-Whit''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 2 goals
*'''[[Rube Tercer]]''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]
*'''Evan Terwilliger''': FW, [[Chelmar FC]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41]], 2 goals. Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
*'''Freda Tery-Wilf''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 4 goals
*'''Monica Tewsal''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Narayan Thorlakson''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Laurel Tinker-Witt''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Dwile Warriors]], [[Strathcona Internationals]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC11]]. Became a coach at Strathcona after her retirement as a player.
*'''Dominik Topi''': GK, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''[[Anatoly Trumper]]''': GK, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]
*'''Fedya Troy-Vee''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]
*'''Misako Tsuki''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 11 goals. Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug#B|Bryce College]], leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
*'''Sofya Turmal-Hence''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 12 goals.
*'''Joshua Twoni''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 27 goals. [[Galacticos]] long list cycle 76 and 78, reserve XII cycle 77. Golden boot in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]]. Captain of the national team [[World Cup 86]], and of the Arlington side that won the IFCF [[Challenger's Cup 3]].
==U==
*'''Kurt Uehara''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[FC Soessch]], [[Easthold Royals]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC8]], 1 goal
*'''Caleb Upsil-Coyne''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==V==
*'''Ricardo Valbuena''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]
*'''[[Peter Vanderpent]]''': FW, [[Albrecht FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 61 goals
*'''Alyssa Velt-Nansen''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 4 goals
*'''Kausalya Vizirani''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup 8|EC8]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 2 goals. Captain of the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]], and national team captain from [[World Cup 90]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. While frequently compared to Chevanthi Arokiaraj, Vizirani is a bit more ingenuous and contented in her off-field life. Named to the GS SuperSports+ team of the tournament for WC91.
*'''Tandre Vusin-Jacques''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
==W==
*'''Valerie Waugh''': FW, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 53 goals. Captain [[World Cup 94|WC94]].
*'''Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]], 1 goal. Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
*'''Emily Winters-Neumann''': GK, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|66]]. Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
*'''Franklin Witchein-Coan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Fryi Frêndê]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal. Fan of loud music.
*'''Liorit Wirth''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''Dustin Wodehouse''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Vera Woredann''': MF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Esther Axelrod-Conway

2024-12-29T03:43:43Z

Zwangzug: someone actually asked questions about my characters, this makes me happy <3

'''Esther Axelrod-Conway''' was a midfielder for the [[Zwangzug national football team]], who played from the [[World Cup 87]] cycle through [[World Cup 92]]. Domestically, she played for [[Mâ Âlâmëómë]]. Axelrod-Conway is a member of the [[World Cup Hall of Fame]].

Axelrod-Conway joined Mâ Âlâmëómë when the [[Shango-Fogoa Premier League]] began; she was called up to the national team for the B71 Invitational/[[Eagles Cup]] 9, prior to the [[World Cup 87]] cycle. Zwangzugian tactics are not particularly refined, but within the context of the SFPL, she was generally considered to be a defensive midfielder. This, of course, is both somewhat of a relative term in [[Farfadillis]], but also a position in which Zwangzug has boasted a long history of standout players.

In [[World Cup 89]], Axelrod-Conway beat out Nora Kent-Maner for a starting spot. Her reliable play for club and country earned her a longlonglist nomination to the Testículos, but there was much more yet to come. Zwangzug entered the last day of qualifiers as the ninth-best second place side, needing to be among the top six to qualify directly and avoid playoffs. What ensued was a superlative performance by Axelrod-Conway, who scored four goals as Zwangzug defeated [[Southwest Eastnorth]] 6-2, qualifying by four goals of difference ahead of [[Siovanija and Teusland]]. Even notoriously obsessive Zwangzugian journalists were unable to find records of any compatriot doing that, before or since. Unsurprisingly, the Farf ''Kamikaze'' website identified her as one of the key Zwangzugian players before the countries met in their group stage opener.

In Season 4 of the SPFL, Mâ Âlâmëómë finally followed through on their potential with a league title; Axelrod-Conway was acknowledged as one of the most intelligent players in the league. They defended their title the next season; during that campaign, Axelrod-Conway made 36 appearances, with 12 goals, 16 assists, and an 8.09 average rating.

By [[World Cup 90]] Axelrod-Conway was identifed as a key offensive and defensive threat both in Zwangzug and beyond (admittedly, the [[South Newlandia]]n staff identifying her as a "queen" may have been an awkward chess allusion, but it fit). She recorded two goals and two more assists in another 6-2 beatdown, this time against [[Eshialand]]. The proper, however, would be somewhat of an anticlimax. Zwangzug lost their first two matches, and trailed 3-2 against Farfadillis in the 85th minute. Axelrod-Conway, in a commendable display of competitive fire but to the dismay of many neutrals, equalized against her domestic home, eliminating Farfadillis as well as Zwangzug from the tournament.

[[World Cup 92]] saw Axelrod-Conway substituted out early against another showdown with ''la Vherderoja '' in the group stage; however, the match was played at the notoriously unpleasant Hothi'icei Battleground, and acclimatization was a struggle for everyone. She returned for the knockouts, and was part of the team that won the World Cup 92 title. After the WC92 cycle, she received another Testículos longlonglist nomination.

Axelrod-Conway retired with a total of 20 goals for the national team, and would later be inducted into the [[World Cup Hall of Fame]]. After her domestic retirement, she left Farfadillis ahead of the next inevitable wave of political violence, which fortunately did not cause resentment from Mâ Âlâmëómë fans who are used to it. As of the [[World Cup 97]] cycle, she was living in Zwangzug's Xander District, and occasionally called on to be a studio panelist for discussing IFCF results/other teams. She would babble a mile a minute and namedrop modern clubs/regions that most local fans were not familiar with, without bothering to give an explanation. While most Zwangzugian fans found her commentary incomprehensible, some [[Algebraic English]] notators (who are used to incomprehensible babble) had a soft spot for her.

[[Category:Zwangzug]][[Category:International footballers]]

Zwangzug national football team/history

2024-12-29T03:37:20Z

Zwangzug:

==The First Generation==
===Early days===
The semi-legendary beginnings of the national team date trace to Forbridge, the shores of the Deep Blue Lake at the [[AIU]], at which one student is said to have inadvertently another in the head during a hard-fought game of Frisbee, whereupon they decided that the country needed better sports. Whether or not this is true, the fact remains that they assembled an eclectic XI, with the [[FTC]] prominently represented but players hailing from cities such as [[Bassabook]] as well; appointed a semi-competent robot as manager; and declared themselves the announcers. Zwangzug competed in [[Baptism of Fire 20]], and their first match was a defeat to [[Northern Bettia]]. Three more shutout defeats followed, before a victory in game five against [[Turruth Gordur]]. Despite dropping their last match of the group stage, they upset undefeated [[Kelssek]] in the knockout rounds before being eliminated by [[Quintessence of Dust]].

The [[World Cup 33]] qualification tour saw Zwangzug tour the multiverse, facing sides such as [[Cafundéu]] and [[The Archregimancy]]. Despite losing an opening rematch against the Fire Ants, and falling to a 6-1 defeat against defending champions [[Ariddia]], Zwangzug finished tied with [[Ropa-Topia]] and [[Tessan]] for the final at-large playoff spots. They had the lowest goal differential, however, and instead went to [[Cup of Harmony 25]], hosted by the association of [[Jasīʼyūn]]. After advancing to the knockout stages of the tournament on a three-way head-to-head tiebreaker, two 1-0 victories saw Zwangzug narrowly advance to the final. There, the goals would fly freely, as Zwangzug defeated Ropa-Topia 4-2.

Countrywide time-dilation policies and football-related apathy led to low roster turnover rates in the early campaigns, so the [[World Cup 34]] team was unchanged. Off the field, the announcers-cum-software designers had been contracted to design organizational software for the "Grumpy Old Fogeys" host team of Ariddia and [[The Holy Empire]], which led to some heady technological pride but also, when said software experienced issues in that and the next cycle, national insecurity. This time, the team qualified directly. In their first Proper match, they faced [[Demot]], semifinalists of the previous edition, but Zwangzug emerged with a 1-0 upset. A 1-1 draw with [[Bazalonia]] let them hold the group lead into the third matchday, whereupon they were promptly eliminated, a 4-0 defeat to Cafundéu knocking them to third on goal difference.

The original team had featured a (1)-3-4-3 formation alongside a defensive style, reflecting both the culture's innate cautiousness but also their tactical naivety. The disappointing end to the WC34 cycle--which had featured both the stresses of interdimensional time portals and discomfort with witnessing and bemoaning the cessation of other national teams--prompted substantial change. Iconoclast right-back [[Andrew Card]] had the brainchild of the goalkeeperless formation, while good-spirited captain [[Rube Tercer]] hammered out the details of what became the ultra-symmetric 3-2-1-2-3. In [[World Cup 35]], Zwangzug temporarily adopted an attacking style as they began this transition. They finished third in their qualifying group, during which time defender Lawrence Sevvy and a fan from [[The HURD]] successfully hacked coach BOB 64 to cut down on its prudish bed checks, and also, any semblance of ability to coach a football team. After defeating [[Sativaville]] in the playoffs, they came third in their proper group. The most notable step forward was the emergence of [[Eddie Barnes]] in the midfield. While his sisters' instrumental performances (on saxophone and oboe respectively) traditionally replaced full-scale pregame singing of the national anthem, Eddie thrived against the toughest opposition.
===World Cup 36: the breakthrough===
Everything came together in World Cup 36. Having settled into the 3-2-1-2-3, Zwangzug adopted a neutral style they would use for the medium term. Doodlypants Mcgimpy, of Bigtopia, was hired on as coach; given the precedent set by the early cycles, the team was used to having the captain coordinate most important decisions, and the conclusion that Mcgimpy's erratic command of English was a feature rather than a bug in terms of preventing him (or any coach) to exert a typical amount of authority is cynical but probably accurate. Nevertheless, the qualification stage was unremarkable. In fact, a government shutdown led to a media outage lasting from the tail end of the qualification stage through the group stage. Intermittent reports broke the news of Zwangzug's playoff victory over Spruitland. When things returned to full force, the team had taken four points from the group stage, and advanced on goal difference over [[Jeruselem]].

Ahead lay [[Bettia]]--defending champions, first seeds, and so dominant a team that, historically, anyone who beat them in the knockout stages had gone on to win the tournament. But it was the twenty-first seeds who not only won, but produced a dominant 3-0 victory. The world stage brought out Barnes' best; he was named man of the match in the 2-1 quarterfinal victory over Cafundéu, and the Bettian Blessing seemed alive and well. Yet, in a group-stage rematch with Ariddia, the ''rouge-et-noirs'' triumphed in the semifinals en route to their third world championship, and Zwangzug lost the third-place match to hosts [[Capitalizt SLANI]]. Nevertheless, the team had far surpassed expectations; Barnes, [[Simon Ryne Olson]], and rookie center-back Bartholomew Hanson were all named to the tournament's Best XXIII, and the team was honored with the Golden Haddock award from the Holy Empire. Just as surprisingly, the national bandwagon produced a wellspring of footballing fascination in the country.
===Contenders===
This meant that Mcgimpy had a real responsibility, and opportunity, in recruiting a bona fide squad of 23 players for [[World Cup 37]]. (The quest kept him busy on and off the sidelines, one unexpected consequence being the birth of future [[World Cup Committee]] vice-president Sue Fleischmann.) A deeper squad clinched qualification by winning their first eleven games, including two long-awaited victories against Northern Bettia. Used to the pressure of fighting till the final day, they promptly lost their next match but nevertheless sailed into the proper, taking six points from their group stage before defeating Jerusalem and Cafundéu. In the semifinal, they drew Demot in 120 minutes, though the penalty shootout was unsurprisingly a challenge. Despite [[Roger Hammers]] and captain Jacob Barons' patented strategy of singing as a distraction, the Dynamo advanced easily, and Zwangzug were defeated by [[Sel Appa]] in the third-place match.

Qualification for [[World Cup 38]] featured such highs as a 6-0 victory over [[Kansiov]], a margin equaled two games later in a 7-1 win against [[Scotchpinestan]], and such lows as defeat to [[San Adriano]] (national population 439). But the team qualified with ease, and clinched a place in the knockout stages with a game to spare. They lost their last group stage match to [[Tynelia]], setting up a rematch with Sel Appa, who won 3-0. The trip to [[Vephrall]], whose technological development lagged behind other nations of the multiverse, was fruitful in terms of preventing the announcers from being distracted by their computations, forcing them to actually take some risks and try pronouncing the names of unfamiliar countries.

Off the field, Zwangzug cohosted [[Baptism of Fire 26]] with [[Liverpool England]] prior to [[World Cup 39]]. By this time, the national football association had consolidated with many other sports in Forbridge, where the administrators were stymied by an unexpectedly caprine form of revenge carried out by a would-be player embittered with the national team's intransigence. While [[Bostopia]] provided aid in resolving the situation, the national team topped its qualifying group. [[Phillip Stings]]' late substitution provided a comeback victory in the first proper game against the Holy Empire. Again, they lost in the round of sixteen to Capitalizt SLANI, the eventual champions.

By [[World Cup 40]], the country had established a fledgling multiassociational league, the [[MUFN]]. The national team breezed through qualification and then topped its proper group, setting up a round of sixteen clash with [[Valanora]], who won on their way to the title. (Having also lost to Bazalonia in the group stage, Zwangzug earned the distinction of losing to both finalists in the same Cup proper; the standard ABCD/EFGH format used in many tournaments means this is a fairly rare "achievement.")

In the [[World Cup 41]] qualifiers, Zwangzug defeated [[Acapais]] 6-0 in an undefeated qualifying campaign. While the country hosted [[Cup of Harmony 33]] with Newmanistan, the team rolled to a perfect group stage, including a thrilling 5-3 defeat of [[Dancougar]]. By then realistic title contenders, they could have at least viewed second round opponents [[Starblaydia]] as beatable. But the twenty-first seeds triumphed en route to another Starblaydia world title.
===World Cup 42===
Things started out normally enough for Zwangzug in [[World Cup 42]], when they were drawn into Group 7 for the fifth time in ten qualification attempts. But the normalcy ended--or began--when the roster was announced, newcomer [[Saena Mathash]] having successfully talked her way onto the team as a goalkeeper. Opponents of the shakeup--most notably Card, who had been made captain just in time to see his symbolic leadership undermined--could have been forgiven for crowing after the first two matchdays. The team followed a defeat to [[An Blascaod Mór]] (whose population was less than a third of San Adriano's) with a home draw against [[Kosovoe]]. But things turned around, and Zwangzug guaranteed qualification on the final day. Despite the rescheduling of their final group-stage match against Jeruselem, due to a controversial incident involving the Princesses' penchant for public nudity and also pistachio nuts, Zwangzug topped the group.

The knockout stages presented poignant clashes with, in turn, [[Yafor 2]], [[Candelaria And Marquez]], and the Archregimancy--the first two having provided a domestic home for many of Zwangzug's players, and the latter representing all the drama and terror of the [[Dreamed Realm]]'s surreality. While the football association railed in vain against the vicissitudes of eminent domain back in Forbridge, Golden Wolves captain Prince Sebard got engaged to Audrey Deguela, sister of his domestic teammate [[Brendan Deguela|Brendan]], Candelariasian MP Lyndon Hernández fell to his almost-certain death, and reprises of "Holy Monks: Superstars" echoed throughout the multiverse, Zwangzug advanced to the final at the Obelisco Monumental in Lasft.

An opening goal from [[Rohit Sharma]] was met by Valanora's Kiso Night shortly before halftime, and the match remained tied until late in the second half. But when Deuce Zadora had an obvious goalscoring opportunity, Card managed to overcome his distrust via an unflinching professional foul. Night scored the penalty, but Mathash' resilience was cause for pride in the face of defeat. The pair's unlikely camaraderie followed them off the pitch, as they worked to grow football at the grassroots level, in the hopes that future teams might have a more robust foundation.

==The Second Generation==
By the time [[World Cup 64]] came around, the country and the world had changed significantly. [[Rovers United]], a barnstorming side that may have had an illustrious prehistory (though the records are scarce) had participated in the [[Fair Play Trophy]] at the NationStates World's Fair, and a semblance of a national team had competed in the [[World Cup of Dreams]] (though this is not recognized as a statistically-meaningful tournament in Zwangzug's records). Zwangzug could boast both the professional [[Zwangzug First Division|1./]] and a [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug|university championship]], providing the long-awaited pipeline to the national team. Bridget Scroves was named manager after leading the [[Canbix Muses]] to the 1./'s first title, and her counterpart Brett Chrowder became the captain. Zwangzug adopted a more typically defensive (1)-4-5-1 with a "midfield X" characteristic of the previous team, but altogther far more standard than their predecessors; this has been the pattern for most of their modern history.

Zwangzug defeated [[Queer Poco el Mono Ara]], 2-1, in their first qualifying match. After a home match against [[Backyard Sports]], a multiverse-wide "zombie apocalypse" caused a temporary lockdown at Wayr Stadium that was quickly resolved. The team would finish sixth out of ten in their qualifying group. In [[Cup of Harmony 56]], they went winless, albeit in a group featuring both eventual finalists, [[Mytannion]] and [[Ossidiacqua]]. ''Sooth'', Zwangzug's representatives in the twenty-fifth [[WorldVision Song Contest]], also performed at the Cup of Harmony fanfest.

[[World Cup 65]] saw Zwangzug drawn into a qualifying group filled with historic names such as [[Europa Brittania]] and [[Neo Lemmitania]]. They began using other stadiums outside the Rackham Range for home games, with games played in [[Zwischen]], [[Twineur]], [[Spenson]] and [[Arlington]]. After finishing third in the storied group, they contested an uninspiring group stage in [[Cup of Harmony 57]].

[[World Cup 66]] adopted an unconventional qualifying format--there were thirty groups, with the group winners qualifying directly and everyone else out of luck. While [[Andossa Se Mitrin Vega]] were second seeds in the world ranks, a goal from Shula Bachchan-Laum gave Zwangzug an upset victory against the Sea Dragons on matchday four. Rudolf Sternberg's goal against [[New Matawan]] on matchday seven clinched qualification for Zwangzug. In their first game of the proper, Zwangzug lost against [[The Holy Empire]], but defeated [[West Angola]] before being eliminated by [[New Montreal States]]. Qualification earned Zwangzug another point in the SRS ranking system, earning them the cycle's place in the [[World Cup Nation Hall of Fame]].

In the [[World Cup 67]] qualifiers, while the [[Arlington Collective]] tentatively emerged from the shadows to take their place in archival lore, Zwangzug upset [[Ko-oren]], but nevertheless finished behind [[Svengarda]], coming second in Group 5 and contesting the playoffs against [[Kiryu-shi]]. One goal over the course of 180 minutes was enough to advance to the proper. Vipin Lamin, center-back and lover of pithy-lists, was named to the "World XI," mostly by being one of the only defenders that was nominated (this phenomenon would later become known as [[Martin Scallop|Scallop's law]], but it was Lamin's Namirite counterpart Bachchan-Laum who put him forward for the honor). A draw against [[Kandorith]] was the only point Zwangzug would take from the group stages.

[[World Cup 68]] also featured an innovative, if complex, qualifying system. There were no direct qualifications: rather, the top three teams from each of twenty-four groups contested a two-round playoff system, with group winners having two chances to qualify while second- and third-place teams needed to win out. After Scroves' retirement, Matilda Kratochvil from [[Excelsior Slogda]] took over to lead the national team. They put up a Slogda-like defensive performance across the group stage, going undefeated and conceding only three goals, best in the multiverse. (This included two wins against minnows [[Zwannswijik]], a much-anticipated showdown given the reverse-alphabetical stakes.) The playoffs, however, would see them lose to [[Valladares]] in the first round, pitting them against [[Darmen]]. The away leg saw midfielder Davi Keane-Liuprand score a brace and appeal to the tradition of avant-garde formations by pioneering something called a "5-f-3-s-%" by the Darmeni press; the match finished 3-3. Darmen would win the next match outright.

[[Cup of Harmony 60]] was a series of mostly-unfortunate events for Zwangzug, who lost all three matches in politically-repressive [[Kinitaria]]. (The upside being that captain [[Martina Ruan]] not only avoided getting in trouble with the ruling party, but bounced back to lead her club [[FTC United]] to an unexpected third-place finish the following season.)

Kratochvil decided the domestic game was more her style, and she was replaced by Reaven Laynee, a native of [[Earent]] who had managed [[Stirvik TU]] and then [[Sporting Iturributa]] of [[Astograth]]. During the [[World Cup 69]] qualifiers, Laynee gave indecipherable commentary on such events as the [[Estope]] manager biting the assistant referee. Zwangzug were tied with [[Barunia]] at the end of the qualifying group, and Ruan gave melancholy comments on the team's "elimination," only to realize mid-press-conference that due to the international system of "three points for a win" (which has never been adopted in the 1./), they were still alive and well and on track for a rematch against group opponents Estope. Zwangzug won convincingly over two legs to advance to the "Cup of Chaps," although only Blake Fures seemed to have any idea of remotely chappy behavior. Zwangzug lost all three matches in the proper.
==The Interim==
Shortly after World Cup 69, the nation ceased to exist. While obviously disappointing, this at least did not single out the footballing infrastructure specifically. Several [[Time#Original_ordinary_calendar|OOC]] months later, it returned and the 1./ resumed play, although the organizational expenditures of World Cup football proved unfeasible at that point.

In cycle [[World Cup 72|72]], the national ''baseball'' team faced an understandably-confused [[Stvoto Latoli]] in a friendly match. And prior to [[World Cup 76]], Zwangzug--despite not being active in WCC competitions, were invited to the sixth installment of the [[Eagles Cup]]. Mila Apsar of [[Namiri Independent]] took over as manager, and the midfield featured a dynamic partnership in [[Olivia Idoni]] and [[Ogechi Guttuso]], both of [[Bassabook Old Boys]], who had been friends since Guttuso's family fled timewall-plagued Ossidiacqua in the otherwise-disappointing WC68 playoffs. Having led Bassabook to second place in the [[Champions’ Cup]], they duly helped the national team advance past Valanora and the Holy Empire in the group stage, then defeat [[Chromatika]] and [[Turori]] in the knockouts. An Idoni goal in extra time saw Zwangzug defeat [[Osarius]] in the final, earning membership in the Eagles Club and leading to the construction of an Eagles Club stadium in Forbridge.

The next Eagles Cup would be contested in cycle [[World Cup 79|79]]. Franklin Motobuchi of [[Eintracht Trink]] was manager, and there were a few holdovers from the previous Eagles' Cup team. After the group stage, Zwangzug lost to [[Cosumar]] before defeating [[Bonesea]] and Chromatika, both in extra time, to come fifth. Striker Misako Tsuki was consulted by Bryce College professor Desiree McOlwain on the mystery of "why are so many of our citizens getting lost in the wilderness if our lifespans are so long" (solution: it's probably a record-keeping issue with having AI and sentient zebra citizens whose causes of death wouldn't be recorded in a hospital, not that our old people want to run away and leave their families without closure). Meanwhile, Zwangzug was commended by Security Resolution council #233, leading to yet another song parody, "The Story of the World Assembly."
==The Third Generation==
===Back to the grind===
By [[World Cup 80]], the success and stability of the Eagles' Cup team had given Zwangzug the confidence to return to WCC-sanctioned play (although they would miss the following cycle). Under the leadership of Slogda's Makvala Tsereteli, they started off by facing Barunia again; Zwangzug parodists remixed the Suns' version of "The People's Flag" into "The People's Net." Midfielder [[Lucas Kukiseso]] survived a short-term bout of foreign accent syndrome, and right-back Martin Scallop was named to an all-star team for representatives of non-qualifying nations; this was, once again, a calculated nomination on the grounds that who else would bother to submit a defender. In the "Rogue" [[Cup of Harmony 72]], Zwangzug advanced out of group D to face baseball foes [[Cassadaigua]]. After a scoreless draw, the Dagans won what was at least a normal penalty shootout.

After their absence from [[World Cup 81]], Zwangzug returned in [[World Cup 82]]. Once again, the team would face Barunia; Peak'n'Break breakfast chain, known for its delightful breakfast food, sponsored a stadium in Cassadaigua despite outcry at the capitalist trend of stadium sponsorship back home; the inimitable Kukiseso quoted from "The Soliloquy of Isaac, Prince Imperial;" and a ''Canbix Comet'' journalist declared their intentions to punish ego-stroking old-timers by kicks in a sensitive area. In [[Cup of Harmony 74]], this noble cause was joined by [[Sydney Stefred]], a defender who rejected her club [[Arlington City]]'s tendency of assiduously chronicling the past, and instead, adopted an un-Zwangzugian tendency towards foul language when the subject of nostalgia was involved. After two 1-0 wins in the knockouts, Zwangzug lost narrowly to [[Kita-Hinode]] and then lost to [[Ko-oren]] to come fourth.

Tavish Willow, of [[Keppal Cosmos]], took the reins for [[World Cup 83]], introducing a strikerless (1)-4-6-0 formation that caused mild consternation. Franziska Schnee-Krull, based in [[Qusmo]], committed the unforgivable sin of defending the existence of sexed pronouns in languages such as English, which led to an increasingly-fervid anti-foreigner backlash in that nation, and more tepidly, basically ruled her out of being nominated for any all-star teams. Stefred's dramatically-late goals earned her a nomination ahead of the tireless Scallop. A fan from Nalchoy district avoided local bureaucrats to, after much persistance, order a coppy of the Holy Empire's Beach Hunk Calendar. Cyborgs seized the means of production and re-instituted socialism; Medal Stair Semiconductors applied for World Cup sponsorship. The Sesquipedals, a band from Keppal City, performed at the associated concert with their song "Harmony Sound." Happily, Zwangzug were not sent to the corresponding Cup of Harmony; rather, Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen brought joy to the fans even as he frustrated the kitmakers by scoring against [[Pasarga]] to top the group. While CommentaryBot 0.7 Beta attempted to provide broadcast commentary at the proper, Zwangzug earned two draws in the group stage, not enough to qualify.

In [[World Cup 84]], while attention focused on the time-travel card game of "Kairothletes," Willow's side underwent several upset draws and defeats. A 4-0 loss against unheralded [[Ancherion]] was just about the last straw--not for the federation, but for Willow, who raged against his employers' extreme patience and unwillingness to fire anyone. Enitan Maclaurin, who had briefly played for Tropicorp FC and therefore had indirect familiarity with top seeds [[Vilita]], stepped in as interim. Despite an icy relationship with Stefred, he righted the course, and Zwangzug came second in group 14 to qualify directly. In the first group match against debutants [[HUElavia]], teenage wunderkind Marc Navarro scored in the 94th minute to key Los Amarillos to a dramatic victory. Zwangzug lost their second match, to Farfadillis, and faced [[Banija]] on matchday three. The match was scoreless through ninety minutes, until a Randall Saitta foul on Ilman Jawara set up Namakula Kawesa, the first woman to play for ''Kadongo Kamu'', for a penalty kick. She scored, setting up an intense 9-9-9-0 group that sent HUElavia home on tiebreakers, and left Joel McJakill--whose Keppal side were enduring several disappointing shootouts around the same time--physically and mentally drained.

The same side contested [[Independent Associations Championship 9]], with interim Abigail Chatelenas (of the University of Homler) as manager. After progressing through the group stage and defeating [[Darkmania]] in the round of 16, Zwangzug were eliminated by [[Port Ember]] in the quarterfinals. In part due to fixture congestion, the national team has not returned to IAC play, although sub-national entity [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|the Picksall Islands]] participated twice.
===Sonnabend's leap forward===
Brandon Sonnabend of Bassabook became the next manager, at Eagles' Cup 8, and reinstated the (1)-4-5-1. Anonymous Would-Be Journalists meticulously cited their sources on matters of esoteric football history while Zwangzug advanced to a quarterfinal rematch against Banija; the ''Kadongo Kamu'' won on a goal from Mzukisi Nzo.

The twenty-four-game [[World Cup 85]] qualifying campaign was a grueling marathon for nations across the multiverse, and Zwangzug was no exception. Fans Naomi Indar-Vonn and Wesley Clarkson were treated to AI-assisted hospitality in the nation of [[Trolleborg]]. The national team dealt with Sonnabend's tendency to speak in epic fantasy jargon, while defender Akhil Sibal returned to Guariday to take on [[Mkabia]], where he had played professionally before it ceased to exist. But their struggles paled in comparison to Rovers United, whose ceaseless barnstorming had briefly taken them to a friendly match in [[The Sherpa Empire]]--only to be exposed to a potentially-deadly illness. Upon their return to Wayr Stadium, the club side--including a young striker named Quincy Dulk-Fough--entered a voluntary isolation to protect the rest of the country until a cure was found, facing the situation with characteristically Zwangzugian stoicism, attention to detail, and breakfast food.

Zwangzug would finish second in group 5 and qualify directly, setting up a rematch with Farfadillis and HUElavia. Turori won the first game, but in the second, it would be Zwangzug's turn to score a dramatic injury-time victory, with Gordon Blum's goal in minute 92 avenging the previous cycle against HUElavia. It set up a dramatic matchday 3 encounter against Farfadillis. In what turned out to be the last game of [[Xíxì Êns]]' international career, he put on a virtuoso performance, scoring four goals and nearly adding a fifth in the final minutes. But Zwangzug were up to the challenge; in minute 83, Riley Kivrin--shorter than even the height-challenged Êns--rose to the occasion, scoring her first international goal to equalize, and send Zwangzug through to the knockouts.

The round of 16 match against the Holy Empire was a rematch of the final as simulated by [[Kita-Hinode]] computer programs; life imitated art as Joshua Twoni scored a brace in Zwangzug's triumph. In the quarterfinals, Zwangzug would face Banija once more; Gitonga Kahara, whose high school coach had admired Martina Ruan back in the day, scored the winning goal in minute 83, and had the honor of exchanging jerseys with Jonah McCollins, the inheritor of Zwangzug's #10.

Zwangzug topped their qualifying group in [[World Cup 86]], while the country experienced interreligious sniping (and the broadcast program of the same name), triggered by the emergence of the Divine Host of Archangels as a new religious group. Against hosts [[Newmanistan]], Zwangzug fell behind 3-0 at halftime; striker Johan Idmar was held scoreless at the Tundra Falls Proving Grounds, but his substitute Blum scored immediately upon entrance, causing fans to sarcastically wonder whether Idmar's disregard for the proving grounds' "spirits" was to blame. They took four points from their following matches, but that was not enough to advance.

Starting in cycle [[World Cup 87|87]], the Eagles' Cup became contested on a more frequent basis. Zwangzug were eliminated in the group stage of EC9, but around the same time, triumphed in the [[B71 Invitational Football Tournament]] against [[Baggieland]] and some of their dependencies. (This tournament is considered statistically meaningful for purposes of Zwangzug's records, but most of its participants were not of WCC caliber). After winning their first three matches of qualification, Zwangzug went winless in the ensuing six. Sonnabend and the federation parted ways by mutual consent, while the federation strenuously endeavored to signal their scrupulosity and non-entitlement. Finding a new interim would require them to broaden their horizons.
===DiMarini takes the helm===
[[Kate DiMarini]], a former assistant coach for the Commonwealth of [[Baker Park]], had been the manager of [[Trebuchet Cham]] for three seasons when she was summoned as interim. While Bigtopia and Earent are hardly part of Zwangzug proper, this was nevertheless a new choice for the federation, in entrusting the team to someone truly beyond Zwangzug's sphere of influence. Thanks to her leadership, and regression towards the mean, Zwangzug were undefeated in the second half and rallied to second in the groups. The playoff tiebreakers saw them narrowly avoid Baker Park, and they defeated [[Terre Septentrionale]] decisively over two legs to advance.

In the proper, Zwangzug scored eight goals over the course of the group stage, tied for second over the 32 participants; the attacking-minded tendencies of their opponents, however, meant that they conceded eight also and were eliminated on three points. DiMarini's steadying hand was rewarded with her appointment as full-time boss.

Eagles' Cup 10 was a tepid group stage performance, but [[World Cup 88]] featured another down-to-the-wire qualification race. But the emergence of [[Kayla Haugen]], a protege of DiMarini's from Cham, was a sign of things to come; in the sixth minute of added time against the [[Sylestone]] Sentients at the halfway point, she deflected a rogue Johan Idmar shot in to secure the victory. This time around, DiMarini's luck would not hold, as Zwangzug finished third behind [[Tequilo]] and [[Trolleborg]].

[[Cup of Harmony 80]] saw Zwangzug on friendly territory in [[Græntfjall]]; the city of Altendalur's eponymous side is nicknamed the "Chessmen" for their color scheme, and two Zwangzugians had played there professionally. Zwangzug triumphed there on matchday three to top their group and set up a physical confrontation with [[St Trinians]]. The violent matriarchy led 3-1 at halftime, but after fouls and sendings-off, Zwangzug earned a two-player advantage and managed to draw level at four-all after ninety minutes. It took some time to fully exploit the extra players, but at last, the nerve-plagued Corey Richardson rose above his demons to break the tie just after the halfway mark of extra time, and Zwangzug held on for a 5-4 victory. The round of sixteen against Darmen was a somewhat anticlimactic scoreless draw, followed by a disappointing--if, again, thankfully typical--shootout that saw the All Greens advance.

A drubbing of Cassadaigua at the end of the group stage in Eagles' Cup 11 saw Zwangzug through to the knockout stages, where Simon Gannett and Junia McCue scored in extra time to beat [[Mertagne]]. In the semifinals, Zwangzug took on [[Nephara]] and--for the first time in their storied history--won a penalty shootout, with Fedya Troy-Vee saving the third shot from Ysabet Belgrade and Sibal scoring to clinch. The final pitted Zwangzug against Turori; Meldi'ita Mungwaii, who signed with Arlington City after winning the unofficial "Silicon Boot" award in World Cup 85, scored the only goal to give the Eels the title.

Qualifying group 11 in [[World Cup 89]] was a hotly-contested affair. Underdogs [[Pemecutan]] upset Zwangzug on the first day and held on to top the group, while Zwangzug and Banija battled it out for second place. The top six second-placed teams would qualify directly, while the remaining runners-up would contest the playoffs and the third-placed sides were eliminated. On the final matchday, Zwangzug faced [[Southwest Eastnorth]], looking for all the goal differential they could muster. Midfielder Esther Axelrod-Conway delivered and then some, scoring an unrivalled four goals to lead Zwangzug to a 6-2 victory, clinching the last automatic spot by a four-goal margin. Zwangzug dropped their group stage opener to Farfadillis and defeated [[Mytanija]], setting up a winner-take-all clash with Valanora; the Marauders' Lothas Ludwig scored the match's only goal to advance.

In Eagles Cup 12, DiMarini's side eliminated Baker Park in the quarterfinals, before an extra-time goal from Nephara's Rebecca Laskaris avenged the Cormorants' defeat in the prior edition; [[Tumbra]] defeated Zwangzug to take third place. While athletes from Cugio District competed in the [[Vilitan Mountain Games]], Zwangzug's matches against [[South Newlandia]] in the qualifiers for [[World Cup 90]] provided an excellent opportunity for chess-themed commentary. The Elephants managed a draw in the first leg and a win in the second, while Ketevan Igreli followed in the tradition of the national baseball team by being slightly worse than her South Newlandian counterparts at actual chess. But it was Zwangzug who would qualify by topping the group, and after South Newlandia were eliminated by [[Hapilopper]] in the playoffs, they replaced manager Robert Wolverine with Dale Hartford-Phelps, formerly of the [[Twineur Bugs]]. The proper saw more rematches, with Turori and Jeruselem beating Zwangzug in the first two group stage matches. Another group stage finale with Farfadillis ensued, and ''la Vherderoja'' looked set to advance with a win--until an Axelrod-Conway goal in minute 85 contrived to eliminate her club's homeland alongside her national team.

Eagles' Cup 13 provided plenty of free football for fans in Forbridge and then Eelandii, as Zwangzug defeated [[Chartistan]] and lost to [[Tumbra]], both on penalties; they defeated Pemecutan for third place. In [[World Cup 91]], while DHA extremists faced pushback from sentient zebras and their advocates in the west, defeat on the penultimate qualifying match in [[Adab]] saw Zwangzug fall to second place, setting up a two-legged playoff against [[TJUN-ia]]. The Jags earned a scoreless draw at home, but in the second leg at Wayr Stadium, it was none other than an older, hardened Dulk-Fough whose hat trick carried the team to a 4-1 victory.

A return to Farfadillis, site of their World Cup 85 success, was heartening despite the inherent chaos. Their first match, against [[Quebec and Shingoryeo]], was a 2-1 victory, the winning goal set up by a free kick after a foul from the Grim Reapers' Chewbacca. In game two, Mytanija took an early lead, but after Grigorij Savicevic was sent off for a second yellow, Richardson's penalty secured a wild four-all draw. The third match was a back-and-forth encounter with Banija; Farrokh Sokhi's goal gave Zwangzug a 3-2 victory, to the dismay of a ''Kadongo Kamu'' fan attending for his birthday.

Zwangzug faced Pasarga in the round of sixteen, and with the game tied 1-1 after 120 minutes, DiMarini took the risk of substituting Igreli--who may also have been celebrating her birthday that week, although time dilation makes these things strange--on for the shootout. The gamble played off, as Igreli outlasted the Wanderers' Szescõ Mezei in a tense, low-scoring victory. The quarterfinal proved somewhat of a letdown, with a comprehensive 3-0 victory for Turori. Kausalya Vizirani, Zwangzug's captain, was named to an unofficial team of the tournament by Græntfjall fans, and didn't even have to appeal to Scallop's law to self-nominate.
===World Cup 92===
Cycle 92 began with another perfunctory appearance at the Eagles Cup, being eliminated by [[Electrum]]. The qualification cycle saw more nerves for Richardson and others about the often-tumultuous multiverse, and many forms of thanksgiving unto the god(s) after a visit to Estadio Tiburcio Carías Andino in [[República Guanacasteca]] proved blessedly uneventful. But the campaign itself was relatively stress-free, as Zwangzug clinched group 6 with time to spare.

The group stage began with a long-awaited rematch against Kelssek, and the fourth seeds put on a strong defensive display to hold Zwangzug to a scoreless draw. Game two saw a disappointing performance against [[Nyowani Kitara]]. The Kitarans went 2-0 up in the first half; in minute 64, Valerie Waugh was fouled by Catarina Malmquist, based in [[FTC United]] domestically, and while a penalty was initially given, it was overruled by the assistant referee. The referee didn't go to video review, and Zwangzug were held scoreless despite several post-hitting attempts in added time. With Zwangzug fourth in the group and goalless, it was left to Haugen, now the captain, to provide bulletin board fodder before game three.

Write-in votes from fans online selected the frigid Hothi'icei Battleground in Vilita's mountains to host the match against none other than frequent foes Farfadillis. Zwangzug went 2-0 up in the first half, but Farfadillis had equalized by the hour mark. A rough scramble in minute 74 saw Hanna Suzuki tip in the go-ahead goal for Zwangzug, and Haugen extended the lead nine minutes later. Zwangzug held on to advance to the knockouts.

In the round of sixteen, Farrokh Sokhi's goal defeated Nephara, setting up a quarterfinal against hosts Vilita. A messy first half finished 2-2; Lukas Helsen-Roan gave Zwangzug the lead in the second half, but teenager Jakku’u Naboyavi scored his second goal of the day for the Jungle Rebels to equalize. As extra time drew to a close, Endur Rotropii substituted shootout specialist Ukamai Talingri in goal for Vilita; DiMarini took advantage of the break to bring on Igreli. Again, it paid off; she saved a shot from Letirpsi Vulitn, and misses from Takaara Milanzi and Trezisi Rokopolis saw Zwangzug advance.

The semifinal was a rematch against Nyowani Kitara. But this time around, Zwangzug held off the underdogs, and Waugh's goal in minute 79 put the finishing touches on an exhilarating 4-3 win. The final, in Electrum, pitted Zwangzug against a Banija side managed by [[Pam Scott]]--a longtime friend and mentor of DiMarini from their days in Baker Park. While their camaraderie was evident, the friendly rivals downplayed that aspect of the match, focusing on the pitch. Dulk-Fough beat Wanda Kouyaté, the ''Kadongo Kamu'' captain and three-time champion at youth level, for the opening goal, but Banija's Sarafina Ikpeazu equalized near the end of the first half. It would be Haugen, in minute 64, who delivered the winner, bringing the World Cup to Zwangzug.

===And onward...===
After the emotional whirlwind of the previous tournament, the senior team got some rest as cycle 93 began. Lynn Ragnailt, of the Engdahl Institute, led an all-star team of university players at the fourth [[Brevity Challenge Cup]], where they came second to [[Poafmersia]], and the [[Mihaly Invitational Cup]], where a similarly junior Banija side beat them in the final to gain one small measure of revenge. The senior team, likewise, found themselves as silver medalists in the Eagles Cup, losing to the Snow Wolves of Græntfjall amid some good-natured teasing about Zwangzug's penchant for lipograms. They topped their [[World Cup 93]] qualifying group, amid another exciting round of ''Kairothletes''.

Drawn into Group H in the proper, they arrived with a dominant performance, crushing the [[Tikariot]] Owls 5-1. A win against Pasarga meant that both Zwangzug and Nyowani Kitara had clinched by matchday three; their rematch featured surprisingly many injuries, resulting in a 3-3 draw. After defeating [[Savigliane]] and [[Huayramarca]] in the knockouts, they faced hosts Chromatika. The monochromatic sides were inseparable through regular and extra time, and Cixin Nguyen, who'd been a domestic star in the Chromatika league, sunk his penalty--but Juxon Fillar was superb in the home net, and Chromatika narrowly took the shootout. Græntfjall defeated Zwangzug once again in the third-place playoff.

DiMarini led a more temporally-diverse team to the second World Cup of Dreams, organized by Zwangzugian and Quebecois bureaucrats. Again, this is not recognized as a statistically meaningful tournament, but on this occasion Zwangzug were winners, defeating an [[Audioslavia]]n team with plenty of experience as runners-up. For the [[World Cup 94]] qualifiers, Valerie Waugh was named captain, making history as the first forward to hold that position and performing admirably in not letting it go to her head. Zwangzug topped their qualifying group and, yet again, faced Farfadillis in the group stage. They drew with ''la Vherderoja'', defeated Cassadaigua, and survived a messy, high-scoring draw against [[Elmyia]]. Seeding was decided on a coin toss, with Waugh defeating Farfadillis' Rogerio Defigueroa to claim the group title; this backfired slightly in pitting Zwangzug against Nephara, with whom they played out a less-than-compelling scoreless draw before the Cormorants triumphed in a shootout.

In the [[World Cup 95]] cycle, Zwangzug conceded just four goals through fourteen qualifying matches (two of them in defeat to unheralded [[Josifovo]]), while continuing to be notorious for their love of lipograms even among countries that may not actually understand what lipograms are. The proper would not feature such defensive prowess; Zwangzug conceded five goals over three matches, drawing all of them (including a rematch against Elymia) and coming third in their group. Josifovo picked up where they left off in the [[World Cup 96]] qualifiers, defeating Zwangzug again; despite beatdowns of [[Celestial Emapier]] and [[Semarland]], Zwangzug were second in their group to Josifovo and required a playoff against Pasarga to determine qualification. After a tense scoreless draw, a shootout save from Soumini Bano-Patil was enough to make the differenc and send Zwangzug through...where they scored zero goals over three games, salvaging a point in a scoreless draw against [[Zenic]].

With DiMarini's star in decline, [[World Cup 97]] was semi-officially expected to be her last cycle as manager, allowing her to retire on her own modest terms. While a nameless fan's circuitous, Dantean pilgrimage through various netherworlds finally drew to a conclusion, the national team came second to the timeless Marauders in their qualifier group, qualifying for the first 48-team proper. A draw against debutants [[Edsmontik]], and defeat in a rematch against Zenic and old foes Kelssek left Zwangzug with one point.
===Big cleats to fill===
[[World Cup 98]] was the first tournament in over ten cycles without DiMarini at the helm. The appointment of Gregor Courtenay, formerly of [[Ephesian FC]], seemed like a setup for culture clash; Courtenay espoused a full-throated takilan philosophy along the lines of the first-generation team, but the federation gave him little leeway to depart from the tactical systems previously in use...

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team

2024-12-28T22:46:13Z

Zwangzug:

The '''Zwangzug national football team''' represents [[Zwangzug]] in international competitions, most frequently the [[World Cup]] and its associated competitions. They were the champions of [[World Cup 92]]

The team has competed in several distinct eras; the "first generation" team competed from [[World Cup 33]] to [[World Cup 42]], winning [[Cup of Harmony 25]] and finishing second in WC42. The "second generation" competed from [[World Cup 64]] through [[World Cup 69]] before the country ceased to exist. They sporadically contested the [[Eagles Cup]], winning the sixth edition of that tournament, and then a "third generation" team participated in [[World Cup 80]], then [[World Cup 82]] to the present.

==History==
An extensive team history may be found at [[Zwangzug national football team/history|this subpage]].

Zwangzug have always worn white kits with black stripes at home, and black kits with white stripes away, the more similar the better, though will grudgingly make allowances to distinguish themselves from their opponents if necessary.

The first generation team played its home games at Wayr Stadium in the [[Rackham Range]], after first establishing an even higher and more remote training camp. Upon reconstitution, the new team did the same for World Cups 64 and 65. Beginning with World Cup 66, the association established the tradition of playing qualifying matches at different fields throughout the country, and this has been continued to the present.

==Competitive record==

===World Cup===

{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
!colspan=7|Qualification
! style="width:1px" rowspan="35"| 
!colspan=8|Main tournament
|-
! Cycle
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
!{{abbr|Comp|Competition}}
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
|-
| 33 || 18 || 9 || 4 || 5 || 30 || 26 || [[Cup of Harmony 25|CoH 25]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 8 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 9 || 5
|-
| 34 || 12 || 7 || 1 || 4 || 25 || 24 || [[World Cup 34|WC 34]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4
|-
| 35 || 10 || 6 || 1 || 3 || 19 || 10 || [[World Cup 35|WC 35]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 5 || 5
|-
| 36 || 14 || 9 || 2 || 3 || 28 || 16 || [[World Cup 36|WC 36]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 12 || 9
|-
| 37 || 14 || 12 || 1 || 1 || 40 || 15 || [[World Cup 37|WC 37]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 11 || 7
|-
| 38 || 14 || 12 || 0 || 2 || 44 || 12 || [[World Cup 38|WC 38]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 6 || 8
|-
| 39 || 14 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 13 || [[World Cup 39|WC 39]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 10
|-
| 40 || 10 || 9 || 0 || 1 || 30 || 13 || [[World Cup 40|WC 40]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 5
|-
| 41 || 10 || 6 || 4 || 0 || 26 || 8 || [[World Cup 41|WC 41]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 3 || 0 || 1 || 8 || 4
|-
| 42 || 12 || 8 || 3 || 1 || 23 || 9 || [[World Cup 42|WC 42]] || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 20 || 10
|-
| 64 || 18 || 6 || 7 || 5 || 16 || 20 || [[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 8
|-
| 65 || 18 || 9 || 5 || 4 || 26 || 17 || [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]] || 4th in group || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 5
|-
| 66 || 10 || 8 || 2 || 0 || 18 || 4 || [[World Cup 66|WC 66]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 5 || 6
|-
| 67 || 16 || 11 || 2 || 3 || 23 || 12 || [[World Cup 67|WC 67]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 6
|-
| 68 || 14 || 12 || 2 || 0 || 27 || 3 || [[Cup of Harmony 68|CoH 60]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 69 || 14 || 8 || 3 || 3 || 18 || 9 || [[World Cup 69|WC 69]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 80 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 23 || 23 || [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 5
|-
| 82 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 21 || 25 || [[Cup of Harmony 73|CoH 74]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 7 || 8
|-
| 83 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 27 || 13 || [[World Cup 83|WC 83]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 4
|-
| 84 || 20 || 13 || 2 || 5 || 34 || 26 || [[World Cup 84|WC 84]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 1 || 5
|-
| 85 || 24 || 17 || 3 || 4 || 44 || 19 || [[World Cup 85|WC 85]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9
|-
| 86 || 18 || 12 || 3 || 3 || 30 || 15 || [[World Cup 86|WC 86]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 4 || 5
|-
| 87 || 18 || 10 || 5 || 3 || 38 || 21 || [[World Cup 87|WC 87]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 8
|-
| 88 || 18 || 8 || 5 || 5 || 21 || 15 || [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]] || Round of 16 || 5 || 3 || 2 || 0 || 11 || 5
|-
| 89 || 18 || 12 || 4 || 2 || 33 || 13 || [[World Cup 89|WC89]] || 4th in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 2 || 4
|-
| 90 || 18 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 25 || 13 || [[World Cup 90|WC90]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 3 || 5
|-
| 91 || 20 || 14 || 4 || 2 || 32 || 14 || [[World Cup 91|WC91]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 2 || 1 || 10 || 11
|-
| 92 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 11 || [[World Cup 92|WC92]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 14 || 11
|-
| 93 || 22 || 18 || 2 || 2 || 47 || 17 || [[World Cup 93|WC93]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 19 || 13
|-
| 94 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 46 || 16 || [[World Cup 94|WC94]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 3 || 0 || 9 || 7
|-
| 95 || 14 || 11 || 2 || 1 || 25 || 4 || [[World Cup 95|WC95]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 3 || 0 || 5 || 5
|-
| 96 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 40 || 14 || [[World Cup 96|WC96]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 0 || 3
|-
| 97 || 16 || 13 || 2 || 1 || 33 || 10 || [[World Cup 97|WC97]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 5 || 8
|}

Zwangzug qualified to the World Cup via playoffs in World Cups 36, 67, 69, 87, 91, and 96; they lost in playoffs in World Cup 68.

===Other tournaments===
{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
! Competition
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
! WC cycle
|-
| [[Baptism of Fire 20]] || Quarterfinals ||8||2||0||6||4||12|| 33
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams]] || 5th in group ||10||2||4||4||11||15 || 64
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 6 || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 20 || 15 || 76
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 7 || 5th place || 9 || 5 || 1 || 3 || 18 || 17 || 79
|-
| [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 9 || 85
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 8 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 3 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 10 || 85
|-
| [[B71 Invitational Football Tournament]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 4 || 2 || 2 || 0 || 7 || 2 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 9 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 11 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 10 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 0 || 4 || 6 || 7 || 88
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 11 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 3 || 4 || 2 || 18 || 12 || 89
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 12 || '''Fourth place''' || 9 || 5 || 0 || 4 || 10 || 7 || 90
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 13 || style="background:#cd7f32" | '''Third place''' || 9 || 3 || 5 || 1 || 15 || 12 || 91
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 14 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 5 || 0 || 2 || 10 || 8 || 92
|-
| [[Brevity Challenge Cup]] 4 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9 || 93
|-
| [[Mihaly Invitational Cup]] 1 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 5 || 4 || 0 || 1 || 11 || 4 || 93
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 15 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 13 || 5 || 93
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams II]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' ||17||11||4||2||28||7 || 94
|}
Due to the unique nature of the World Cup of Dreams, goalscorers were not recorded and they are not considered statistically-meaningful tournaments in Zwangzug records. For BCC1 and the Mihaly Invitational Cup, Zwangzug sent a university all-star team; goalscorers were not recorded and these are not considered full national team matches. (However, several of those players went on to play for the full national team in their own right.)

The B71 tournament is considered statistically meaningful, albeit by and large against nations not of WCC caliber, so their championship is not really something to crow about.

==Personnel==
A full all-time roster is provided at [[Zwangzug national football team/roster|this subpage]].

In the "first generation" era, Zwangzug's football culture was very insular, and their managers, while long-tenured, did not exert a lot of leadership power. The captaincy was, therefore, considered an important role in actually leading and representing the players; part actual power, part symbolic reward for long-timers who deferred to the "established" way of things. Since the second generation, Zwangzug has been able to draw from successful club managers, but mostly prefer to search within their own borders. This pattern was belied with [[Kate DiMarini]] of [[Baker Park]], who took over as an interim in World Cup 87 and has been in charge ever since, including the World Cup 92 championship.
===Managers===
*BOB 64: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
An early experiment in robotics from the [[Artificial Intelligence University]] whose attempts at instilling curfew were not popular with all of the player base. The best guess at the acronym was "bought out by," but either the socialist government and/or idealistic elements on the team successfully prevented corporate sponsorship.
*Doodlypants Mcgimpy: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 42]]
A Bigtopian immigrant who occasionally struggled to communicate (and frequently referenced his players by uniform number), but also a diligent talent scout.
*Bridget Scroves: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 67]]
Led the team to qualification on their third attempt, but ill health and a fractious relationship with [[World Cup Commitee]] Vice-President Sue Fleischmann overshadowed her later cycles.
*Matilda Kratochvil: [[World Cup 68]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60]]
Built [[Excelsior Slogda]] into a contender, where she sparred with Nadine Roark about the latter's ponytail. After a dominant qualifying stage, struggled in playoffs and the CoH, and decided she liked being part of the Slogda machine better.
*Reaven Laynee: [[World Cup 69]]
Originally from [[Earent]], where she was the manager of [[Stirvik TU]], who finished second in [[Champions' Cup 48]], and was already known for bizarre and incomprehensible metaphors. Then moved to [[Sporting Iturributa]] in [[Astograth]] before that league collapsed. Not much more coherent in her third language either, producing quotes such as "Yes, the butt changes" in response to her opposite number's misbehavior against [[Estope]].
*Mila Apsar: [[Eagles Cup 6]]
[[Namiri Independent]] manager in season 17.
*Franklin Motobuchi: [[Eagles Cup 7]]
[[Eintracht Trink]] manager in the hard-fought season 21, when they finished third on goal difference. Returned there after the national team and won the first [[Cereal Cup]].
*Makvala Tsereteli: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
Slogda manager in season 23, when they rallied to fifth from a thirteenth-place finish the season before. Keen on making substitutions and jiggling her lineup.
*Tavish Willow: [[World Cup 83]]-[[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers
Manager of [[Keppal Cosmos]] when they won the league in season 24. Known for his ponytail (unlike Kratochvil); instituted a (1)-4-6-0 formation due to his perception of a lack of effective strikers. This paid off quickly when Zwangzug qualified; by the middle of the WC84 qualifiers, however, the team had drawn against [[Tamgu]] and [[Castanya]], lost to [[Krytenia]], [[Mattijana]], and [[Ancherion]] (in the latter case 4-0). Blasting the "cowards at the federation" who "don't have it in them to fire anyone ignomiously," he resigned his position.
*Enitan Maclaurin: [[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers and proper
Interim appointed in Willow's absence. Many cycles prior, a goalkeeper with [[Arlington City]] who then moved to [[Tropicorp FC]] in [[Vilita]], and longtime member of the [[Arlington Collective]].
*Abigail Chatelenas: [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]]
A ''de facto'' interim. Previously led the University of Homler to several finals, and then second place in the [[IUCC]]; after the IAC stint, joined [[Atlantea Hurricanes]] in [[Taeshan]].
*Brandon Sonnabend: [[World Cup 85]]-[[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers
Won the league with [[Bassabook Old Boys]] in season 29, then came second in the second [[FFI]] Liga dos Vencedores. Can be quick to substitute players out after perceived injuries; his critics say he has some double standards and is less willing to let women potentially play through the pain than men. While mostly grounded in reality, known to wax poetic in ye olde fantasy novel prophetic jargon. A combination of poor results and the increasing frustration caused by this phenomenon caused him and the federation to part ways at the halfway point of qualifiers.
*[[Kate DiMarini]]: [[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers - [[World Cup 97]]
Originally from the Commonwealth of [[Baker Park]], where she was an assistant to [[Pamela Scott|Pam Scott]] with their [[Baker Park national football team|national team]]. Then took over at [[Trebuchet Cham]], leading them to two [[IFCF]] qualifications. After a successful stint as the interim, was named permanent manager after [[World Cup 87]].
*Gregor Courtenay: [[World Cup 98]]-present
Enjoyed great success with [[Ephesian FC]] in their dominant season 43-48 era. However, he has not seemed enthusiastic about his new appointment; the federation is hoping that the team will continue to be run in the same defensive style, while he resents that he can't remake it in something more nearly resembling Ephesian's image (if not harkening back to all of the first-generation team's eccentricities). How this will translate into his relationship with players remains to be seen, but his tenure could be an unstable one.

===Captains===
[[File:Jacob_Barons.JPG|thumb|right|Jacob Barons was the second captain of the national team]]
*[[Rube Tercer]]: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
*Jacob Barons: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 38]]
*[[Steven Ruck]]: [[World Cup 39]]-[[World Cup 41]]
*[[Andrew Card]]: [[World Cup 42]]
*Brett Chrowder: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 66]]
*[[Martina Ruan]]: [[World Cup 67]]-[[World Cup 69]]
*Eugene Kyp-Sobol: [[Eagles Cup]] 6
*Turan Gul: [[Eagles Cup]] 7
*Kendra Jover: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
*[[Martin Scallop]]: [[World Cup 83]]
*[[Lucas Kukiseso]]: [[World Cup 84]]
*Chevanthi Arokiaraj: [[Eagles Cup]] 8-[[World Cup 85]]
*Joshua Twoni: [[World Cup 86]]
*Jonah McCollins: [[Eagles Cup]] 9-[[World Cup 87]]
*Sophie Munshi: [[Eagles Cup]] 10-[[World Cup 88]] (qualifiers)
*Lissa Crain: [[Cup of Harmony 80]]-[[World Cup 90]]
*Kausalya Vizirani: [[Eagles Cup]] 13-[[World Cup 91]]
*[[Kayla Haugen]]: [[Eagles Cup]] 14-[[World Cup 92]]
*Kirsten Jackson: [[Eagles Cup]] 15-[[World Cup 93]]
*Valerie Waugh: [[World Cup 94]]
*Julia MacEacharna: [[World Cup 95]]
*Ashley Fillmore-Gaul: [[World Cup 96]]
*Stephen Marcus: [[World Cup 97]]-present
===Top goalscorers===
Because of the first-generation team's eccentricities (little use of substitutions, strict positional demands, long careers due to limited player base), many of their goalscoring statistics are unlikely to be equaled. A "modern era" table (WC64 and onward) is provided separately.

{| class="wikitable"
|+ All-time
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || [[Simon Ryne Olson]] || 91
|-
| 2 || [[Phillip Stings]] || 83
|-
| 3 || [[Peter Vanderpent]] || 61
|-
| 4 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 5 || Gordon Blum || 48
|}

{| class="wikitable"
|+ Modern era
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 2 || Gordon Blum || 48
|-
| 3 || Johan Idmar || 47
|-
| 4 || Quincy Dulk-Fough || 32
|-
| 5 || Cixin Nguyen || 29
|}

[[Category:Zwangzug|Football]][[Category:National football teams]]

Zwangzug national football team/roster

2024-12-24T02:55:28Z

Zwangzug: pre-98, look at me being timely and beating the christmas rush...

The [[Zwangzug national football team]] has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-15, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

__NOTOC__
{{Compact ToC}}

==A==
*'''Ramona Ambaile-Hund''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83]], 11 goals
*'''Micah Angier''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 10 goals
*'''Leslie Applebaum''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]]
*'''Ezekiel Arden-Ria''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Jesse Arneson''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Chevanthi Arokiaraj''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 2 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup|Eagles Cup 8]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]]. A practicing Hindu who occasionally appeared on ''Interreligious Sniping.''
*'''[[Esther Axelrod-Conway]]''': MF, [[Mâ Âlâmëómë]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 92|WC92]], 20 goals.
==B==
*'''Shula Bachchan-Laum''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[FC Solovetsky Monastery]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 3 goals. Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
*'''Satenik Banach''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 10 goals. A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]].
*'''Soumini Bano-Patil''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]. A benchwarmer on the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]]. Saved a penalty in the shootout against [[Pasarga]] to secure [[World Cup 96]] qualification.
*'''Jacob Barons''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 38|38]], 15 goals. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]], though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in [[World Cup 36]].
*'''[[Eddie Barnes]]''': MF, [[Dunboor FC]], [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 41|WC41]], 1 goal
*'''Tygo Beumers''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[Cup of Harmonyv 60|CoH 60]]
*'''Cameron Beyer''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Shobhana Birla''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]
*'''[[Dana Bloomquist]]''': DF, [[Turks' Club]], [[Marquez-Onwere]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Gordon Blum''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 48 goals
*'''Sullivan Brecht''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 1 goal. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Jaclyn Burkhart''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 20 goals.
*'''Mark Bryant''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==C==
*'''Rebecca Calhoun''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Daphne Camonoba''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''[[Andrew Card]]''': DF, [[Joseon]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]], 1 goal
*'''Harold Carre''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Itzhak Canterbury''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]]
*'''Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]], 28 goals. Clinched qualification for [[World Cup 83]] with winning goal against [[Pasarga]] on the final matchday of qualifiers, still had problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
*'''Edward Ciaver-Maripov''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Brett Chrowder''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
*'''Maya Coelho''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 8 goals
*'''Penny Consky-Bock''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]]
*'''Blanche Coogan-Bucknell''': GK, [[Sporting Esper], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Bennett Covy''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Mont-Lambert FC]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
*'''Lissa Crain''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Baraldhur AFC]], [[World Cup 85|WC85]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 2 goals. Team of the season in the [[Tikariot Premier League]] season 101. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]].
*'''Bradley Curnow''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[AC Quarant Xa'Virt]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Couldn't swim; could and did dive.
==D==
*'''Paige Daunten''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[North Sabrefell]], [[La Nueva Avenida]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]]. A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series, somewhat literal-minded, and perhaps ill-suited to the chaos of Farfadillis society. Despite this, was named to the [[FFL]] best XI in its final season as an independent league, and [[Galacticos]] long-listed in cycle 77 and 78.
*'''[[Brendan Deguela]]''': MF, [[Chelmar FC]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 6 goals
*'''Luanne Delvale''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Drew comparisons to her distant predecessor [[Rube Tercer]], for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
*'''Evan Dewey''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 6 goals
*'''Keshav Dhankot''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 7 goals
*'''Evan Diallo''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal
*'''Sohini Dravid''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present
*'''Javier Drouet''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]]. Somewhat of a rules stickler.
*'''Quincy Dulk-Fough''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 32 goals. A survivor of the Wayr Stadium Lockdown as a youth player. Scored a hat trick in the second leg of the playoff against [[TJUN-ia]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] playoffs. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==E==
*'''[[Patricia Eliot]]''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Matthew City Rangers]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''[[Percy Eskridge]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Shlomo Eustace''': GK, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]]
==F==
*'''Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy''': DF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Arlington City]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for IFCF 15.
*'''Joshua Farthing''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
*'''Mal Faustino''': DF, [[A.F.F.]], [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 40]], 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in [[Abadia]], which expanded into including a restaurant.
*'''Ian Felsenfeld''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with [[Evan Terwilliger]] for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of [[IYC Vanan]], where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
*'''Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ashley Fillmore-Gaul''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 3 goals. A practicing [[Religion in Zwangzug|Ketrian]] who could be surly but nevertheless got along well with her teammates. Captain [[World Cup 96|WC96]].
*'''Chloe Flen-Willis''': MF, [[Ephesian FTC]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present, 2 goals.
*'''Ione Friede''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 13 goals
*'''Blake Fures''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."
==G==
*'''Nirav Gadhavi''': GK, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Eileen Gainsborough''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present.
*'''Simon Gannett''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 7 goals. Scored go-ahead goal in extra time against [[Mertagne]] during [[Eagles Cup]] 11 quarterfinal.
*'''Heather Garland-Fowler''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Ariadne Ge''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Joan Gerland''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Matthew City Senators]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]], 12 goals. Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
*'''Trent Gerson''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Swinedon Town]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of [[Sorthern Northland]], which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
*'''Aimee Ginoud-Sachs''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals
*'''Spencer Gleason''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]], 14 goals. Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
*'''Dirk Grosa''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
*'''Turan Gul''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
*'''Hannah Gustafson''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Ernst Guthnick-Wolf''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 3 goals
*'''[[Ogechi Guttuso]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
==H==
*'''Sara Hale-Barnard''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Somewhat of a professional fouler.
*'''[[Roger Hammers]]''': MF, [[Seojang]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 37|37]]
*'''Bartholomew Hanson''': DF, [[World Cup 36|WC36]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]. Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of [[World Cup 36]].
*'''Kazue Harel''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''Kostya Hart-Farm''': FW, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 5 goals
*'''[[Kayla Haugen]]''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 28 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Beppo Hegesa''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 6 goals. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Lukas Helsen-Roan''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 18 goals
*'''Jonas Henke''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Atlético Insular]], [[WC41|World Cup 41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless [[CCFM]] newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
*'''Solveig Henson-Quar''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Kim Higden''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]. A native of the [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|Picksall Islands]] and fluent in their consonant-poor language; she coached their representative side in [[IAC 12]] and [[IAC 15]], and was named one of the all-star coaches for the Muralos team in the former.
*'''Chester Hildegard''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 9 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Dennis Horkawer-Rippel''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Fligsive FC]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
==I==
*'''Sally Ici-Holder''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]], 3 goals
*'''Johan Idmar''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 47 goals. His struggles at the historic [[Tundra Falls Proving Grounds]] were attributed to the spirits smiting his atheism, at least by a few superstitious fans.
*'''[[Olivia Idoni]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Ketevan Igreli''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 89|WC89]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]]. An enthusiastic but unskilled Chess960 player. Dramatically substituted into the round of 16 match against [[Pasarga]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] just in time for the penalty shootout, which they won. This may even have been on her birthday, although with time dilation, who really knows. Made a similar appearance against [[Vilita]] in [[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Ryota Imamura''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 24 goals. Known for his frustration with regards to Kate DiMarini's policy of reserving players numbered 24-26 for emergencies only. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Meghna Imomenba''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 3 goals. Part of the Forest team that won [[Champions League 9]]. Testículos best XI for the WC92 cycle.
*'''[[Natalie Instonenext]]''': DF, [[Port of Clotaire]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]]
*'''Gabriel Istibar''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Nina Irving''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==J==
*'''Kirsten Jackson''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 3 goals. Zwangzug's representative player in the [[Squidroidia]] broadcasting network intro sequence for [[World Cup 92||WC92]]. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]].
*'''Marlene Jamieson''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]
*'''Tinn Jejue''': GK, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Kendra Jover''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 3 goals. Captain during the [[World Cup 80|WC80]] and [[World Cup 82|WC82]] cycles.
*'''Muus Jurin''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Char Sara FC]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 15 goals. An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.
==K==
*'''Alma Kaidensky''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Lilavati Kanwar''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Lobyuseistvooshu]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Sonal Kaur''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the [[CCFM]], despite the whole "masculino" thing.
*'''Davi Keane-Liuprand''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 5 goals. A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against [[Darmen]] in the WC68 qualifiers.
*'''Natasha Keller''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 5 goals. Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
*'''Geoff Kempner''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Metropolitano]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
*'''Mitchell Kernkraft''': MF, [[World Cup 42|WC42]], [[Rovers United]], [[Wiechester FC]]. No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
*'''Nora Kent-Maner''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 14 goals.
*'''Bethany Kieschnick''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Saroj Kinnar''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Colonial Sile]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 2 goals. Won Zwangzug's university championship with Engdahl Institute in seasons 40 and 41. Part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Riley Kivrin''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 3 goals. May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and [[Xíxì Êns]]; scored the equalizing goal against [[Farfadillis]] to advance to the [[World Cup 85]] knockout stages.
*'''Ryuya Kotani''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 6 goals
*'''Jenna Kowalski''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Komala Kristinsdottir''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Megan Kucinich''': MF, [[Wexax United]], [[World Cup 38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 2 goals. An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in [[the Holy Empire]] and much less so with [[Andrew Card]]. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
*'''[[Lucas Kukiseso]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 9 goals
*'''Antje Kurzmann-Tremme''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 4 goals. Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
*'''Nidhi Kulamard''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Eugene Kyp-Sobol''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.
==L==
*'''Vipin Lamin''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
*'''Gabi Lanius-Sexton''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 1 goal
*'''Hajna Lantos''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ursula Lauren''': MF, [[Arrigo Portuguese]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
*'''Gretchen Lavenza''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Brunnhilde Lavrans''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Michelle Lawrence''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Tara Lenski''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[Caires City]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
*'''Vanessa Leiter''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]
*'''Allison Levi-Gold''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for [[Galacticos|Galactico Junior]] during UICA cycle 70.
*'''Pia Leykauf''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 1 goal
*'''Preston Liebersbach''': FW, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.
==M==
*'''Julia MacEacharna''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 9 goals. Captain [[World Cup 95|WC95]]. Alum of Neume College. Competed on the university all-star team during cycle 93, where she was noted for her saxophone skills as well as her footballing. A pioneer of the "free kick lying down guy" position. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''[[Gary Maini]]''': FW, [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 42 goals
*'''[[Saena Mathash]]''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Yul Maughum''': FW, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 36|36]], 32 goals. A son of the eastern [[FTC]]'s social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate [[Phillip Stings]].
*'''Stephen Marcus''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 15|EC15]]-present, 28 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15. Captain [[World Cup 97]]-present.
*'''Khamisi McCluey''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Royal Rumiatzi]], [[Cup of Harmony 57]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 19 goals. Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
*'''Jonah McCollins''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 27 goals. Captain B71 Invitational-WC87.
*'''Junia McCue''': DF, [[Arlington City]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 5 goals
*'''John McDonald''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Jerzy McFetridge''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 2 goals. Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
*'''Jen McFult''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Kayla McGee''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Juniper McGovern''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 3 goals
*'''Jubilee McGraw''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Desmond McGowan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]. A big fan of the video game ''SCQ: Superceleritas Quest''.
*'''Jess McHeran''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Joel McJakill''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]]. Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the [[World Cup 83]] concert. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing [[World Cup 84]] group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
*'''Xolani McKiegna''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 3 goals. Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the [[Water World Championships]] and [[8th Summer Olympics]].
*'''Jordan McKinney''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 15 goals.
*'''Zoe McQuoid''': MF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]
*'''Jude McWaler''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 5 goals. Alum of Glune Institute of Natural Sciences, part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Jesse McWhorter''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 10|EC10]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. Younger brother of Samuel McWhorter, a [[Rovers United]] player who retired for medical reasons after the Wayr Stadium lockdown.
*'''Odo Merisi-Rizzi''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Bruce Millar''': GK, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Burgess FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
*'''Nilkanth Mibang''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 2 goals. Part of the Namiri side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Harshit Mistry''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 1 goal
*'''Tova Miovuku''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 7 goals
*'''Terrence Montague''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]], 2 goals
*'''Sophie Munshi''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Mierton Manatees]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 88|88]], 13 goals. Galacticos longlist cycle 78. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC 10]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]].
*'''Loris Muraro-Ughi''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]], 10 goals
==N==
*'''Yuuki Nakano''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Juvapanam]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 11 goals
*'''Hugo Nimbue''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 5 goals
*'''Shayna Nelson''': FW, [[Rovers United]], EC6, 4 goals
*'''Timothy Nexus''': MF, [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 37|WC37]]. A native of [[102d]] by way of the [[Artificial Intelligence University|AIU]]. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the [[World Cup 37]] qualifiers.
*'''Cixin Nguyen''': MF, [[Chromatik]], [[SK Aasiaat Harbour]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 29 goals. The star of a class of Zwangzugian high schoolers that played in the [[Chromatika]] university system, he first appeared for Zwangzugian coach Claude Pare-Achel at the dominant Chromia Central College University before signing professionally for Chromatik. Named to the Rainbow League's second all-pro team in season eight and nine. Season eleven: player of the season (also foreigner of the season and all-pro team). In his first season with SK Aasiaat Harbour, recorded 12 assists, tied for fourth in the league. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15.
*'''Amos Noile-Murne''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 10 goals
*'''Chip Noonan''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his [[CMSC]] career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
*'''Dima Novak''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Athletik Thessia]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
*'''Zurab Nozadze''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==O==
*'''Allie Octar-Celyn''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Connor Ohme''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
*'''Frank Olmsted''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present.
*'''[[Simon Ryne Olson]]''': FW, [[Marienburg United]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 91 goals
*'''Compars Ogawa''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]].
*'''Anne Onymous''': outfield substitute, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.
==P==
*'''Subroto Parida''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship|IAC9]]. Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
*'''Helen Pimbura''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Tori Pfendler''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
*'''Lobsang Pokhriyal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Nancy Puyo-Sachar''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 14 goals. Married to Griffith Puyo-Sachar, a former player for and current manager of the [[Zwangzug national baseball team]]. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle.
==R==
*'''Arlo Rais-Sonnen''': FW, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 21 goals
*'''Delia Ramos-Avea''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Awidlyon Reed''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 8 goals
*'''Callan Regins-Ybou''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Corey Richardson''': MF, [[Advance Alara]], [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 6 goals. A lot of raw talent but plagued by nerves. Won the university championship with Erewhon University in (Zwangzug's) season 31. Part of the Team of the Season for [[Ko-oren]]'s league in (their) season 34. Seemed to find some tranquility in [[Cup of Harmony 80]], when he scored the winning goal in extra time against [[St Trinians]] in the round of 32; this was Zwangzug's nomination for goal of the tournament.
*'''Nadine Roark''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|69]]. Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
*'''Corianne Rogawski''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Irene Roosevelt''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Angela Rose-Dauphine''' DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]
*'''Lorraine Rouwen-Horn''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''[[Martina Ruan]]''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 18 goals
*'''[[Steven Ruck]]''': MF, [[IYC Ajer]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 41]], 4 goals
*'''Meredith Ryland''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15. Known for skillful throw-ins.
==S==
*'''Danilo Sabbia''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Randall Saitta''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 13 goals. Could be insensitive, but had a solid work ethic.
*'''Taylor Sariger-Heshik''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
*'''Marlon Sayle-Bren''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 17 goals. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
*'''[[Martin Scallop]]''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Diana Schell-Cioban''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present
*'''Tullio Schi''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Bengtsmark IF]], [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 13 goals
*'''Franziska Schnee-Krull''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]. Stoked controversy in [[Qusmo]] by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
*'''Claude Seu''': MF, [[Clube Imperial]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 1 goal. A quiet player of [[Ariddia|Ariddian]] ancestry.
*'''Lawrence Sevvy''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. A native of [[Bassabook]] known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against [[Rejistania]] in the [[World Cup 35]] qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from [[The Hurd]] to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
*'''[[Rohit Sharma]]''': FW, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 35 goals.
*'''Michael Sheldon''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Central United]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Conceded a penalty in a friendly against [[Candelaria And Marquez]] in the [[World Cup 38]] qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of [[Cafundéu]].
*'''Simone Shimura''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Akhil Sibal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Stade Djalenga]], [[Energija Chernovets]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 4 goals. Got an assist in the winning goal of Chernovets' [[AOCL]] championship.
*'''Ted Silla-Raty''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Missed some time in the [[World Cup 65]] cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
*'''Mobin Singh''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
*'''Farrokh Sokhi''': MF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Namiri Forest]], 25 goals. Won [[Champions League 9]] with Namiri Forest. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Brian Spand-Maunk''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 10 goals
*'''Ulysses Stael''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]. The older brother of [[Steven Ruck]], Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in [[St Samuel]], but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
*'''[[Sydney Stefred]]''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 4 goals
*'''Rudolf Sternberg''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 68Q|WC68Q]], 1 goal. A native of Clunvers, the suburb of [[Zwischen]] known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against [[New Matawan]].
*'''[[Phillip Stings]]''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[World Cup 33|WC 33]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 83 goals
*'''Hanna Suzuki''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup|EC12]] and [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle. Like many Trink players, known for elegant, highlight-reel goals. One of the few players to be cut from but later rejoin the national team.
==T==
*'''Kerry Tammany''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 5 goals
*'''Kelci Tanaka-Whit''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 2 goals
*'''[[Rube Tercer]]''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]
*'''Evan Terwilliger''': FW, [[Chelmar FC]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41]], 2 goals. Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
*'''Freda Tery-Wilf''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 4 goals
*'''Monica Tewsal''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Narayan Thorlakson''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 98|WC98]]-present
*'''Laurel Tinker-Witt''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Dwile Warriors]], [[Strathcona Internationals]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC11]]. Became a coach at Strathcona after her retirement as a player.
*'''Dominik Topi''': GK, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''[[Anatoly Trumper]]''': GK, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]
*'''Fedya Troy-Vee''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]
*'''Misako Tsuki''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 11 goals. Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug#B|Bryce College]], leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
*'''Sofya Turmal-Hence''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 12 goals.
*'''Joshua Twoni''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 27 goals. [[Galacticos]] long list cycle 76 and 78, reserve XII cycle 77. Golden boot in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]]. Captain of the national team [[World Cup 86]], and of the Arlington side that won the IFCF [[Challenger's Cup 3]].
==U==
*'''Kurt Uehara''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[FC Soessch]], [[Easthold Royals]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC8]], 1 goal
*'''Caleb Upsil-Coyne''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==V==
*'''Ricardo Valbuena''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]
*'''[[Peter Vanderpent]]''': FW, [[Albrecht FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 61 goals
*'''Alyssa Velt-Nansen''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-[[World Cup 97|WC97]], 4 goals
*'''Kausalya Vizirani''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup 8|EC8]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 2 goals. Captain of the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]], and national team captain from [[World Cup 90]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. While frequently compared to Chevanthi Arokiaraj, Vizirani is a bit more ingenuous and contented in her off-field life. Named to the GS SuperSports+ team of the tournament for WC91.
*'''Tandre Vusin-Jacques''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
==W==
*'''Valerie Waugh''': FW, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 53 goals. Captain [[World Cup 94|WC94]].
*'''Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]], 1 goal. Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
*'''Emily Winters-Neumann''': GK, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|66]]. Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
*'''Franklin Witchein-Coan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Fryi Frêndê]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal. Fan of loud music.
*'''Liorit Wirth''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''Dustin Wodehouse''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Vera Woredann''': MF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team

2024-08-07T18:31:43Z

Zwangzug:

The '''Zwangzug national football team''' represents [[Zwangzug]] in international competitions, most frequently the [[World Cup]] and its associated competitions. They were the champions of [[World Cup 92]]

The team has competed in several distinct eras; the "first generation" team competed from [[World Cup 33]] to [[World Cup 42]], winning [[Cup of Harmony 25]] and finishing second in WC42. The "second generation" competed from [[World Cup 64]] through [[World Cup 69]] before the country ceased to exist. They sporadically contested the [[Eagles Cup]], winning the sixth edition of that tournament, and then a "third generation" team participated in [[World Cup 80]], then [[World Cup 82]] to the present.

==History==
An extensive team history may be found at [[Zwangzug national football team/history|this subpage]].

Zwangzug have always worn white kits with black stripes at home, and black kits with white stripes away, the more similar the better, though will grudgingly make allowances to distinguish themselves from their opponents if necessary.

The first generation team played its home games at Wayr Stadium in the [[Rackham Range]], after first establishing an even higher and more remote training camp. Upon reconstitution, the new team did the same for World Cups 64 and 65. Beginning with World Cup 66, the association established the tradition of playing qualifying matches at different fields throughout the country, and this has been continued to the present.

==Competitive record==

===World Cup===

{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
!colspan=7|Qualification
! style="width:1px" rowspan="34"| 
!colspan=8|Main tournament
|-
! Cycle
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
!{{abbr|Comp|Competition}}
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
|-
| 33 || 18 || 9 || 4 || 5 || 30 || 26 || [[Cup of Harmony 25|CoH 25]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 8 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 9 || 5
|-
| 34 || 12 || 7 || 1 || 4 || 25 || 24 || [[World Cup 34|WC 34]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4
|-
| 35 || 10 || 6 || 1 || 3 || 19 || 10 || [[World Cup 35|WC 35]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 5 || 5
|-
| 36 || 14 || 9 || 2 || 3 || 28 || 16 || [[World Cup 36|WC 36]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 12 || 9
|-
| 37 || 14 || 12 || 1 || 1 || 40 || 15 || [[World Cup 37|WC 37]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 11 || 7
|-
| 38 || 14 || 12 || 0 || 2 || 44 || 12 || [[World Cup 38|WC 38]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 6 || 8
|-
| 39 || 14 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 13 || [[World Cup 39|WC 39]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 10
|-
| 40 || 10 || 9 || 0 || 1 || 30 || 13 || [[World Cup 40|WC 40]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 5
|-
| 41 || 10 || 6 || 4 || 0 || 26 || 8 || [[World Cup 41|WC 41]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 3 || 0 || 1 || 8 || 4
|-
| 42 || 12 || 8 || 3 || 1 || 23 || 9 || [[World Cup 42|WC 42]] || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 20 || 10
|-
| 64 || 18 || 6 || 7 || 5 || 16 || 20 || [[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 8
|-
| 65 || 18 || 9 || 5 || 4 || 26 || 17 || [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]] || 4th in group || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 5
|-
| 66 || 10 || 8 || 2 || 0 || 18 || 4 || [[World Cup 66|WC 66]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 5 || 6
|-
| 67 || 16 || 11 || 2 || 3 || 23 || 12 || [[World Cup 67|WC 67]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 6
|-
| 68 || 14 || 12 || 2 || 0 || 27 || 3 || [[Cup of Harmony 68|CoH 60]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 69 || 14 || 8 || 3 || 3 || 18 || 9 || [[World Cup 69|WC 69]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 80 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 23 || 23 || [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 5
|-
| 82 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 21 || 25 || [[Cup of Harmony 73|CoH 74]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 7 || 8
|-
| 83 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 27 || 13 || [[World Cup 83|WC 83]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 4
|-
| 84 || 20 || 13 || 2 || 5 || 34 || 26 || [[World Cup 84|WC 84]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 1 || 5
|-
| 85 || 24 || 17 || 3 || 4 || 44 || 19 || [[World Cup 85|WC 85]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9
|-
| 86 || 18 || 12 || 3 || 3 || 30 || 15 || [[World Cup 86|WC 86]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 4 || 5
|-
| 87 || 18 || 10 || 5 || 3 || 38 || 21 || [[World Cup 87|WC 87]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 8
|-
| 88 || 18 || 8 || 5 || 5 || 21 || 15 || [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]] || Round of 16 || 5 || 3 || 2 || 0 || 11 || 5
|-
| 89 || 18 || 12 || 4 || 2 || 33 || 13 || [[World Cup 89|WC89]] || 4th in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 2 || 4
|-
| 90 || 18 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 25 || 13 || [[World Cup 90|WC90]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 3 || 5
|-
| 91 || 20 || 14 || 4 || 2 || 32 || 14 || [[World Cup 91|WC91]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 2 || 1 || 10 || 11
|-
| 92 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 11 || [[World Cup 92|WC92]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 14 || 11
|-
| 93 || 22 || 18 || 2 || 2 || 47 || 17 || [[World Cup 93|WC93]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 19 || 13
|-
| 94 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 46 || 16 || [[World Cup 94|WC94]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 3 || 0 || 9 || 7
|-
| 95 || 14 || 11 || 2 || 1 || 25 || 4 || [[World Cup 95|WC95]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 3 || 0 || 5 || 5
|-
| 96 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 40 || 14 || [[World Cup 96|WC96]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 0 || 3
|}

Zwangzug qualified to the World Cup via playoffs in World Cups 36, 67, 69, 87, 91, and 96; they lost in playoffs in World Cup 68.

===Other tournaments===
{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
! Competition
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
! WC cycle
|-
| [[Baptism of Fire 20]] || Quarterfinals ||8||2||0||6||4||12|| 33
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams]] || 5th in group ||10||2||4||4||11||15 || 64
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 6 || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 20 || 15 || 76
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 7 || 5th place || 9 || 5 || 1 || 3 || 18 || 17 || 79
|-
| [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 9 || 85
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 8 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 3 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 10 || 85
|-
| [[B71 Invitational Football Tournament]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 4 || 2 || 2 || 0 || 7 || 2 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 9 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 11 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 10 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 0 || 4 || 6 || 7 || 88
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 11 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 3 || 4 || 2 || 18 || 12 || 89
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 12 || '''Fourth place''' || 9 || 5 || 0 || 4 || 10 || 7 || 90
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 13 || style="background:#cd7f32" | '''Third place''' || 9 || 3 || 5 || 1 || 15 || 12 || 91
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 14 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 5 || 0 || 2 || 10 || 8 || 92
|-
| [[Brevity Challenge Cup]] 4 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9 || 93
|-
| [[Mihaly Invitational Cup]] 1 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 5 || 4 || 0 || 1 || 11 || 4 || 93
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 15 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 13 || 5 || 93
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams II]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' ||17||11||4||2||28||7 || 94
|}
Due to the unique nature of the World Cup of Dreams, goalscorers were not recorded and they are not considered statistically-meaningful tournaments in Zwangzug records. For BCC1 and the Mihaly Invitational Cup, Zwangzug sent a university all-star team; goalscorers were not recorded and these are not considered full national team matches. (However, several of those players went on to play for the full national team in their own right.)

The B71 tournament is considered statistically meaningful, albeit by and large against nations not of WCC caliber, so their championship is not really something to crow about.

==Personnel==
A full all-time roster is provided at [[Zwangzug national football team/roster|this subpage]].

In the "first generation" era, Zwangzug's football culture was very insular, and their managers, while long-tenured, did not exert a lot of leadership power. The captaincy was, therefore, considered an important role in actually leading and representing the players; part actual power, part symbolic reward for long-timers who deferred to the "established" way of things. Since the second generation, Zwangzug has been able to draw from successful club managers, but mostly prefer to search within their own borders. This pattern was belied with [[Kate DiMarini]] of [[Baker Park]], who took over as an interim in World Cup 87 and has been in charge ever since, including the World Cup 92 championship.
===Managers===
*BOB 64: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
An early experiment in robotics from the [[Artificial Intelligence University]] whose attempts at instilling curfew were not popular with all of the player base. The best guess at the acronym was "bought out by," but either the socialist government and/or idealistic elements on the team successfully prevented corporate sponsorship.
*Doodlypants Mcgimpy: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 42]]
A Bigtopian immigrant who occasionally struggled to communicate (and frequently referenced his players by uniform number), but also a diligent talent scout.
*Bridget Scroves: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 67]]
Led the team to qualification on their third attempt, but ill health and a fractious relationship with [[World Cup Commitee]] Vice-President Sue Fleischmann overshadowed her later cycles.
*Matilda Kratochvil: [[World Cup 68]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60]]
Built [[Excelsior Slogda]] into a contender, where she sparred with Nadine Roark about the latter's ponytail. After a dominant qualifying stage, struggled in playoffs and the CoH, and decided she liked being part of the Slogda machine better.
*Reaven Laynee: [[World Cup 69]]
Originally from [[Earent]], where she was the manager of [[Stirvik TU]], who finished second in [[Champions' Cup 48]], and was already known for bizarre and incomprehensible metaphors. Then moved to [[Sporting Iturributa]] in [[Astograth]] before that league collapsed. Not much more coherent in her third language either, producing quotes such as "Yes, the butt changes" in response to her opposite number's misbehavior against [[Estope]].
*Mila Apsar: [[Eagles Cup 6]]
[[Namiri Independent]] manager in season 17.
*Franklin Motobuchi: [[Eagles Cup 7]]
[[Eintracht Trink]] manager in the hard-fought season 21, when they finished third on goal difference. Returned there after the national team and won the first [[Cereal Cup]].
*Makvala Tsereteli: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
Slogda manager in season 23, when they rallied to fifth from a thirteenth-place finish the season before. Keen on making substitutions and jiggling her lineup.
*Tavish Willow: [[World Cup 83]]-[[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers
Manager of [[Keppal Cosmos]] when they won the league in season 24. Known for his ponytail (unlike Kratochvil); instituted a (1)-4-6-0 formation due to his perception of a lack of effective strikers. This paid off quickly when Zwangzug qualified; by the middle of the WC84 qualifiers, however, the team had drawn against [[Tamgu]] and [[Castanya]], lost to [[Krytenia]], [[Mattijana]], and [[Ancherion]] (in the latter case 4-0). Blasting the "cowards at the federation" who "don't have it in them to fire anyone ignomiously," he resigned his position.
*Enitan Maclaurin: [[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers and proper
Interim appointed in Willow's absence. Many cycles prior, a goalkeeper with [[Arlington City]] who then moved to [[Tropicorp FC]] in [[Vilita]], and longtime member of the [[Arlington Collective]].
*Abigail Chatelenas: [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]]
A ''de facto'' interim. Previously led the University of Homler to several finals, and then second place in the [[IUCC]]; after the IAC stint, joined [[Atlantea Hurricanes]] in [[Taeshan]].
*Brandon Sonnabend: [[World Cup 85]]-[[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers
Won the league with [[Bassabook Old Boys]] in season 29, then came second in the second [[FFI]] Liga dos Vencedores. Can be quick to substitute players out after perceived injuries; his critics say he has some double standards and is less willing to let women potentially play through the pain than men. While mostly grounded in reality, known to wax poetic in ye olde fantasy novel prophetic jargon. A combination of poor results and the increasing frustration caused by this phenomenon caused him and the federation to part ways at the halfway point of qualifiers.
*[[Kate DiMarini]]: [[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers - present
Originally from the Commonwealth of [[Baker Park]], where she was an assistant to [[Pamela Scott|Pam Scott]] with their [[Baker Park national football team|national team]]. Then took over at [[Trebuchet Cham]], leading them to two [[IFCF]] qualifications. After a successful stint as the interim, was named permanent manager after [[World Cup 87]].

===Captains===
[[File:Jacob_Barons.JPG|thumb|right|Jacob Barons was the second captain of the national team]]
*[[Rube Tercer]]: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
*Jacob Barons: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 38]]
*[[Steven Ruck]]: [[World Cup 39]]-[[World Cup 41]]
*[[Andrew Card]]: [[World Cup 42]]
*Brett Chrowder: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 66]]
*[[Martina Ruan]]: [[World Cup 67]]-[[World Cup 69]]
*Eugene Kyp-Sobol: [[Eagles Cup]] 6
*Turan Gul: [[Eagles Cup]] 7
*Kendra Jover: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
*[[Martin Scallop]]: [[World Cup 83]]
*[[Lucas Kukiseso]]: [[World Cup 84]]
*Chevanthi Arokiaraj: [[Eagles Cup]] 8-[[World Cup 85]]
*Joshua Twoni: [[World Cup 86]]
*Jonah McCollins: [[Eagles Cup]] 9-[[World Cup 87]]
*Sophie Munshi: [[Eagles Cup]] 10-[[World Cup 88]] (qualifiers)
*Lissa Crain: [[Cup of Harmony 80]]-[[World Cup 90]]
*Kausalya Vizirani: [[Eagles Cup]] 13-[[World Cup 91]]
*[[Kayla Haugen]]: [[Eagles Cup]] 14-[[World Cup 92]]
*Kirsten Jackson: [[Eagles Cup]] 15-[[World Cup 93]]
*Valerie Waugh: [[World Cup 94]]
*Julia MacEacharna: [[World Cup 95]]
*Ashley Fillmore-Gaul: [[World Cup 96]]
*Stephen Marcus: [[World Cup 97]]
===Top goalscorers===
Because of the first-generation team's eccentricities (little use of substitutions, strict positional demands, long careers due to limited player base), many of their goalscoring statistics are unlikely to be equaled. A "modern era" table (WC64 and onward) is provided separately.

{| class="wikitable"
|+ All-time
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || [[Simon Ryne Olson]] || 91
|-
| 2 || [[Phillip Stings]] || 83
|-
| 3 || [[Peter Vanderpent]] || 61
|-
| 4 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 5 || Gordon Blum || 48
|}

{| class="wikitable"
|+ Modern era
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 2 || Gordon Blum || 48
|-
| 3 || Johan Idmar || 47
|-
| 4 || Quincy Dulk-Fough || 32
|-
| 5 || Cixin Nguyen || 29
|}

[[Category:Zwangzug|Football]][[Category:National football teams]]

Zwangzug national football team/roster

2024-08-07T18:24:15Z

Zwangzug: lalala updates...

The [[Zwangzug national football team]] has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-15, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

__NOTOC__
{{Compact ToC}}

==A==
*'''Ramona Ambaile-Hund''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83]], 11 goals
*'''Micah Angier''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 10 goals
*'''Leslie Applebaum''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]]
*'''Ezekiel Arden-Ria''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Jesse Arneson''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Chevanthi Arokiaraj''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 2 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup|Eagles Cup 8]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]]. A practicing Hindu who occasionally appeared on ''Interreligious Sniping.''
*'''[[Esther Axelrod-Conway]]''': MF, [[Mâ Âlâmëómë]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 92|WC92]], 20 goals.
==B==
*'''Shula Bachchan-Laum''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[FC Solovetsky Monastery]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 3 goals. Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
*'''Satenik Banach''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 10 goals. A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]].
*'''Soumini Bano-Patil''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]. A benchwarmer on the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]]. Saved a penalty in the shootout against [[Pasarga]] to secure [[World Cup 96]] qualification.
*'''Jacob Barons''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 38|38]], 15 goals. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]], though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in [[World Cup 36]].
*'''[[Eddie Barnes]]''': MF, [[Dunboor FC]], [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 41|WC41]], 1 goal
*'''Tygo Beumers''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[Cup of Harmonyv 60|CoH 60]]
*'''Cameron Beyer''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Shobhana Birla''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]
*'''[[Dana Bloomquist]]''': DF, [[Turks' Club]], [[Marquez-Onwere]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Gordon Blum''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 48 goals
*'''Sullivan Brecht''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Jaclyn Burkhart''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 20 goals.
*'''Mark Bryant''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==C==
*'''Rebecca Calhoun''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Daphne Camonoba''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''[[Andrew Card]]''': DF, [[Joseon]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]], 1 goal
*'''Harold Carre''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 2 goals
*'''Itzhak Canterbury''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]]
*'''Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]], 28 goals. Clinched qualification for [[World Cup 83]] with winning goal against [[Pasarga]] on the final matchday of qualifiers, still had problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
*'''Edward Ciaver-Maripov''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Brett Chrowder''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
*'''Maya Coelho''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 8 goals
*'''Penny Consky-Bock''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]]
*'''Blanche Coogan-Bucknell''': GK, [[Sporting Esper], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Bennett Covy''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Mont-Lambert FC]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
*'''Lissa Crain''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Baraldhur AFC]], [[World Cup 85|WC85]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 2 goals. Team of the season in the [[Tikariot Premier League]] season 101. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]].
*'''Bradley Curnow''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[AC Quarant Xa'Virt]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Couldn't swim; could and did dive.
==D==
*'''Paige Daunten''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[North Sabrefell]], [[La Nueva Avenida]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]]. A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series, somewhat literal-minded, and perhaps ill-suited to the chaos of Farfadillis society. Despite this, was named to the [[FFL]] best XI in its final season as an independent league, and [[Galacticos]] long-listed in cycle 77 and 78.
*'''[[Brendan Deguela]]''': MF, [[Chelmar FC]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 6 goals
*'''Luanne Delvale''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Drew comparisons to her distant predecessor [[Rube Tercer]], for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
*'''Evan Dewey''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 6 goals
*'''Keshav Dhankot''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 7 goals
*'''Evan Diallo''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal
*'''Sohini Dravid''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present
*'''Javier Drouet''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]]. Somewhat of a rules stickler.
*'''Quincy Dulk-Fough''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 32 goals. A survivor of the Wayr Stadium Lockdown as a youth player. Scored a hat trick in the second leg of the playoff against [[TJUN-ia]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] playoffs. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==E==
*'''[[Patricia Eliot]]''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Matthew City Rangers]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''[[Percy Eskridge]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Shlomo Eustace''': GK, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]]
==F==
*'''Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy''': DF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Arlington City]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for IFCF 15.
*'''Joshua Farthing''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
*'''Mal Faustino''': DF, [[A.F.F.]], [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 40]], 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in [[Abadia]], which expanded into including a restaurant.
*'''Ian Felsenfeld''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with [[Evan Terwilliger]] for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of [[IYC Vanan]], where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
*'''Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ashley Fillmore-Gaul''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 3 goals. A practicing [[Religion in Zwangzug|Ketrian]] who could be surly but nevertheless got along well with her teammates. Captain [[World Cup 96|WC96]].
*'''Chloe Flen-Willis''': MF, [[Ephesian FTC]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present.
*'''Ione Friede''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 13 goals
*'''Blake Fures''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."
==G==
*'''Nirav Gadhavi''': GK, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Eileen Gainsborough''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present.
*'''Simon Gannett''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 7 goals. Scored go-ahead goal in extra time against [[Mertagne]] during [[Eagles Cup]] 11 quarterfinal.
*'''Heather Garland-Fowler''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Ariadne Ge''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Joan Gerland''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Matthew City Senators]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]], 12 goals. Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
*'''Trent Gerson''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Swinedon Town]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of [[Sorthern Northland]], which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
*'''Aimee Ginoud-Sachs''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals
*'''Spencer Gleason''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]], 14 goals. Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
*'''Dirk Grosa''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
*'''Turan Gul''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
*'''Hannah Gustafson''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Ernst Guthnick-Wolf''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''[[Ogechi Guttuso]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
==H==
*'''Sara Hale-Barnard''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Somewhat of a professional fouler.
*'''[[Roger Hammers]]''': MF, [[Seojang]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 37|37]]
*'''Bartholomew Hanson''': DF, [[World Cup 36|WC36]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]. Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of [[World Cup 36]].
*'''Kazue Harel''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''Kostya Hart-Farm''': FW, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 5 goals
*'''[[Kayla Haugen]]''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 28 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Beppo Hegesa''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 1 goal. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Lukas Helsen-Roan''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 18 goals
*'''Jonas Henke''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Atlético Insular]], [[WC41|World Cup 41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless [[CCFM]] newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
*'''Solveig Henson-Quar''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Kim Higden''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]. A native of the [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|Picksall Islands]] and fluent in their consonant-poor language; she coached their representative side in [[IAC 12]] and [[IAC 15]], and was named one of the all-star coaches for the Muralos team in the former.
*'''Chester Hildegard''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 9 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Dennis Horkawer-Rippel''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Fligsive FC]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
==I==
*'''Sally Ici-Holder''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]], 3 goals
*'''Johan Idmar''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 47 goals. His struggles at the historic [[Tundra Falls Proving Grounds]] were attributed to the spirits smiting his atheism, at least by a few superstitious fans.
*'''[[Olivia Idoni]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Ketevan Igreli''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 89|WC89]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]]. An enthusiastic but unskilled Chess960 player. Dramatically substituted into the round of 16 match against [[Pasarga]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] just in time for the penalty shootout, which they won. This may even have been on her birthday, although with time dilation, who really knows. Made a similar appearance against [[Vilita]] in [[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Ryota Imamura''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 24 goals. Known for his frustration with regards to Kate DiMarini's policy of reserving players numbered 24-26 for emergencies only. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Meghna Imomenba''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 3 goals. Part of the Forest team that won [[Champions League 9]]. Testículos best XI for the WC92 cycle.
*'''[[Natalie Instonenext]]''': DF, [[Port of Clotaire]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]]
*'''Gabriel Istibar''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Nina Irving''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==J==
*'''Kirsten Jackson''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 3 goals. Zwangzug's representative player in the [[Squidroidia]] broadcasting network intro sequence for [[World Cup 92||WC92]]. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]].
*'''Marlene Jamieson''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]
*'''Tinn Jejue''': GK, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Kendra Jover''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 3 goals. Captain during the [[World Cup 80|WC80]] and [[World Cup 82|WC82]] cycles.
*'''Muus Jurin''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Char Sara FC]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 15 goals. An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.
==K==
*'''Alma Kaidensky''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Lilavati Kanwar''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Lobyuseistvooshu]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Sonal Kaur''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the [[CCFM]], despite the whole "masculino" thing.
*'''Davi Keane-Liuprand''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 5 goals. A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against [[Darmen]] in the WC68 qualifiers.
*'''Natasha Keller''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 5 goals. Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
*'''Geoff Kempner''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Metropolitano]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
*'''Mitchell Kernkraft''': MF, [[World Cup 42|WC42]], [[Rovers United]], [[Wiechester FC]]. No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
*'''Nora Kent-Maner''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 14 goals.
*'''Bethany Kieschnick''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Saroj Kinnar''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Colonial Sile]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 2 goals. Won Zwangzug's university championship with Engdahl Institute in seasons 40 and 41. Part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Riley Kivrin''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 3 goals. May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and [[Xíxì Êns]]; scored the equalizing goal against [[Farfadillis]] to advance to the [[World Cup 85]] knockout stages.
*'''Ryuya Kotani''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 2 goals
*'''Jenna Kowalski''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Komala Kristinsdottir''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Megan Kucinich''': MF, [[Wexax United]], [[World Cup 38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 2 goals. An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in [[the Holy Empire]] and much less so with [[Andrew Card]]. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
*'''[[Lucas Kukiseso]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 9 goals
*'''Antje Kurzmann-Tremme''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 4 goals. Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
*'''Nidhi Kulamard''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Eugene Kyp-Sobol''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.
==L==
*'''Vipin Lamin''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
*'''Gabi Lanius-Sexton''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 1 goal
*'''Hajna Lantos''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ursula Lauren''': MF, [[Arrigo Portuguese]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
*'''Gretchen Lavenza''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present. Won [[Challengers' Cup 19]] with FTC United.
*'''Michelle Lawrence''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Tara Lenski''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[Caires City]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
*'''Vanessa Leiter''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]
*'''Allison Levi-Gold''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for [[Galacticos|Galactico Junior]] during UICA cycle 70.
*'''Pia Leykauf''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 1 goal
*'''Preston Liebersbach''': FW, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.
==M==
*'''Julia MacEacharna''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 9 goals. Captain [[World Cup 95|WC95]]. Alum of Neume College. Competed on the university all-star team during cycle 93, where she was noted for her saxophone skills as well as her footballing. A pioneer of the "free kick lying down guy" position. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''[[Gary Maini]]''': FW, [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 42 goals
*'''[[Saena Mathash]]''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Yul Maughum''': FW, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 36|36]], 32 goals. A son of the eastern [[FTC]]'s social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate [[Phillip Stings]].
*'''Stephen Marcus''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 15|EC15]]-present, 22 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15. Captain [[World Cup 97]]-present.
*'''Khamisi McCluey''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Royal Rumiatzi]], [[Cup of Harmony 57]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 19 goals. Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
*'''Jonah McCollins''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 27 goals. Captain B71 Invitational-WC87.
*'''Junia McCue''': DF, [[Arlington City]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 5 goals
*'''John McDonald''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''Jerzy McFetridge''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 2 goals. Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
*'''Jen McFult''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Kayla McGee''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Juniper McGovern''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 2 goals
*'''Jubilee McGraw''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present, 3 goals
*'''Desmond McGowan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]. A big fan of the video game ''SCQ: Superceleritas Quest''.
*'''Jess McHeran''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 2 goals
*'''Joel McJakill''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]]. Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the [[World Cup 83]] concert. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing [[World Cup 84]] group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
*'''Xolani McKiegna''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 3 goals. Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the [[Water World Championships]] and [[8th Summer Olympics]].
*'''Jordan McKinney''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 15 goals.
*'''Zoe McQuoid''': MF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]
*'''Jude McWaler''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 4 goals. Alum of Glune Institute of Natural Sciences, part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Jesse McWhorter''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 10|EC10]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. Younger brother of Samuel McWhorter, a [[Rovers United]] player who retired for medical reasons after the Wayr Stadium lockdown.
*'''Odo Merisi-Rizzi''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Bruce Millar''': GK, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Burgess FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
*'''Nilkanth Mibang''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 2 goals. Part of the Namiri side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Harshit Mistry''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 1 goal
*'''Tova Miovuku''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 7 goals
*'''Terrence Montague''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]], 2 goals
*'''Sophie Munshi''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Mierton Manatees]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 88|88]], 13 goals. Galacticos longlist cycle 78. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC 10]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]].
*'''Loris Muraro-Ughi''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]], 10 goals
==N==
*'''Yuuki Nakano''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Juvapanam]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 11 goals
*'''Hugo Nimbue''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 5 goals
*'''Shayna Nelson''': FW, [[Rovers United]], EC6, 4 goals
*'''Timothy Nexus''': MF, [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 37|WC37]]. A native of [[102d]] by way of the [[Artificial Intelligence University|AIU]]. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the [[World Cup 37]] qualifiers.
*'''Cixin Nguyen''': MF, [[Chromatik]], [[SK Aasiaat Harbour]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 29 goals. The star of a class of Zwangzugian high schoolers that played in the [[Chromatika]] university system, he first appeared for Zwangzugian coach Claude Pare-Achel at the dominant Chromia Central College University before signing professionally for Chromatik. Named to the Rainbow League's second all-pro team in season eight and nine. Season eleven: player of the season (also foreigner of the season and all-pro team). In his first season with SK Aasiaat Harbour, recorded 12 assists, tied for fourth in the league. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15.
*'''Amos Noile-Murne''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 10 goals
*'''Chip Noonan''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his [[CMSC]] career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
*'''Dima Novak''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Athletik Thessia]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
*'''Zurab Nozadze''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==O==
*'''Allie Octar-Celyn''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Connor Ohme''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
*'''Frank Olmsted''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present.
*'''[[Simon Ryne Olson]]''': FW, [[Marienburg United]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 91 goals
*'''Compars Ogawa''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]].
*'''Anne Onymous''': outfield substitute, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.
==P==
*'''Subroto Parida''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship|IAC9]]. Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
*'''Helen Pimbura''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Tori Pfendler''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
*'''Nancy Puyo-Sachar''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 14 goals. Married to Griffith Puyo-Sachar, a former player for and current manager of the [[Zwangzug national baseball team]]. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle.
==R==
*'''Arlo Rais-Sonnen''': FW, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 21 goals
*'''Delia Ramos-Avea''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Awidlyon Reed''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 5 goals
*'''Corey Richardson''': MF, [[Advance Alara]], [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 6 goals. A lot of raw talent but plagued by nerves. Won the university championship with Erewhon University in (Zwangzug's) season 31. Part of the Team of the Season for [[Ko-oren]]'s league in (their) season 34. Seemed to find some tranquility in [[Cup of Harmony 80]], when he scored the winning goal in extra time against [[St Trinians]] in the round of 32; this was Zwangzug's nomination for goal of the tournament.
*'''Nadine Roark''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|69]]. Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
*'''Corianne Rogawski''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Irene Roosevelt''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]]
*'''Angela Rose-Dauphine''' DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]
*'''Lorraine Rouwen-Horn''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''[[Martina Ruan]]''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 18 goals
*'''[[Steven Ruck]]''': MF, [[IYC Ajer]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 41]], 4 goals
*'''Meredith Ryland''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15. Known for skillful throw-ins.
==S==
*'''Danilo Sabbia''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Randall Saitta''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 13 goals. Could be insensitive, but had a solid work ethic.
*'''Taylor Sariger-Heshik''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
*'''Marlon Sayle-Bren''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 17 goals. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
*'''[[Martin Scallop]]''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Diana Schell-Cioban''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 97|WC97]]-present
*'''Tullio Schi''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Bengtsmark IF]], [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 13 goals
*'''Franziska Schnee-Krull''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]. Stoked controversy in [[Qusmo]] by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
*'''Claude Seu''': MF, [[Clube Imperial]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 1 goal. A quiet player of [[Ariddia|Ariddian]] ancestry.
*'''Lawrence Sevvy''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. A native of [[Bassabook]] known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against [[Rejistania]] in the [[World Cup 35]] qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from [[The Hurd]] to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
*'''[[Rohit Sharma]]''': FW, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 35 goals.
*'''Michael Sheldon''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Central United]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Conceded a penalty in a friendly against [[Candelaria And Marquez]] in the [[World Cup 38]] qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of [[Cafundéu]].
*'''Simone Shimura''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Akhil Sibal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Stade Djalenga]], [[Energija Chernovets]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 4 goals. Got an assist in the winning goal of Chernovets' [[AOCL]] championship.
*'''Ted Silla-Raty''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Missed some time in the [[World Cup 65]] cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
*'''Mobin Singh''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
*'''Farrokh Sokhi''': MF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Namiri Forest]], 25 goals. Won [[Champions League 9]] with Namiri Forest. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Brian Spand-Maunk''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 6 goals
*'''Ulysses Stael''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]. The older brother of [[Steven Ruck]], Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in [[St Samuel]], but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
*'''[[Sydney Stefred]]''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 4 goals
*'''Rudolf Sternberg''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 68Q|WC68Q]], 1 goal. A native of Clunvers, the suburb of [[Zwischen]] known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against [[New Matawan]].
*'''[[Phillip Stings]]''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[World Cup 33|WC 33]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 83 goals
*'''Hanna Suzuki''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup|EC12]] and [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle. Like many Trink players, known for elegant, highlight-reel goals. One of the few players to be cut from but later rejoin the national team.
==T==
*'''Kerry Tammany''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 5 goals
*'''Kelci Tanaka-Whit''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 2 goals
*'''[[Rube Tercer]]''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]
*'''Evan Terwilliger''': FW, [[Chelmar FC]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41]], 2 goals. Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
*'''Freda Tery-Wilf''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 4 goals
*'''Monica Tewsal''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Laurel Tinker-Witt''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Dwile Warriors]], [[Strathcona Internationals]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC11]]. Became a coach at Strathcona after her retirement as a player.
*'''Dominik Topi''': GK, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''[[Anatoly Trumper]]''': GK, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]
*'''Fedya Troy-Vee''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]
*'''Misako Tsuki''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 11 goals. Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug#B|Bryce College]], leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
*'''Sofya Turmal-Hence''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 96|WC96]], 12 goals.
*'''Joshua Twoni''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 27 goals. [[Galacticos]] long list cycle 76 and 78, reserve XII cycle 77. Golden boot in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]]. Captain of the national team [[World Cup 86]], and of the Arlington side that won the IFCF [[Challenger's Cup 3]].
==U==
*'''Kurt Uehara''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[FC Soessch]], [[Easthold Royals]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC8]], 1 goal
*'''Caleb Upsil-Coyne''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==V==
*'''Ricardo Valbuena''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]
*'''[[Peter Vanderpent]]''': FW, [[Albrecht FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 61 goals
*'''Alyssa Velt-Nansen''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Kausalya Vizirani''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup 8|EC8]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 2 goals. Captain of the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]], and national team captain from [[World Cup 90]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. While frequently compared to Chevanthi Arokiaraj, Vizirani is a bit more ingenuous and contented in her off-field life. Named to the GS SuperSports+ team of the tournament for WC91.
*'''Tandre Vusin-Jacques''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
==W==
*'''Valerie Waugh''': FW, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 53 goals. Captain [[World Cup 94|WC94]].
*'''Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]], 1 goal. Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
*'''Emily Winters-Neumann''': GK, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|66]]. Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
*'''Franklin Witchein-Coan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Fryi Frêndê]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal. Fan of loud music.
*'''Liorit Wirth''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''Dustin Wodehouse''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Vera Woredann''': MF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team/roster

2024-03-14T02:26:01Z

Zwangzug: uh who knows, numbers are hard

The [[Zwangzug national football team]] has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-15, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

__NOTOC__
{{Compact ToC}}

==A==
*'''Ramona Ambaile-Hund''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83]], 11 goals
*'''Micah Angier''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 10 goals
*'''Leslie Applebaum''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]]
*'''Ezekiel Arden-Ria''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Jesse Arneson''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Chevanthi Arokiaraj''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 2 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup|Eagles Cup 8]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]]. A practicing Hindu who occasionally appeared on ''Interreligious Sniping.''
*'''[[Esther Axelrod-Conway]]''': MF, [[Mâ Âlâmëómë]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 92|WC92]], 20 goals.
==B==
*'''Shula Bachchan-Laum''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[FC Solovetsky Monastery]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 3 goals. Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
*'''Satenik Banach''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 10 goals. A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]].
*'''Soumini Bano-Patil''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-present. A benchwarmer on the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Jacob Barons''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 38|38]], 15 goals. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]], though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in [[World Cup 36]].
*'''[[Eddie Barnes]]''': MF, [[Dunboor FC]], [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 41|WC41]], 1 goal
*'''Tygo Beumers''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[Cup of Harmonyv 60|CoH 60]]
*'''Cameron Beyer''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Shobhana Birla''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]
*'''[[Dana Bloomquist]]''': DF, [[Turks' Club]], [[Marquez-Onwere]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Gordon Blum''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 48 goals
*'''Sullivan Brecht''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Jaclyn Burkhart''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 20 goals.
*'''Mark Bryant''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==C==
*'''Rebecca Calhoun''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Daphne Camonoba''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''[[Andrew Card]]''': DF, [[Joseon]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]], 1 goal
*'''Harold Carre''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Itzhak Canterbury''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]]
*'''Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]], 28 goals. Clinched qualification for [[World Cup 83]] with winning goal against [[Pasarga]] on the final matchday of qualifiers, still had problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
*'''Edward Ciaver-Maripov''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Brett Chrowder''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
*'''Maya Coelho''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 8 goals
*'''Penny Consky-Bock''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]]
*'''Blanche Coogan-Bucknell''': GK, [[Sporting Esper], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Bennett Covy''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Mont-Lambert FC]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
*'''Lissa Crain''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Baraldhur AFC]], [[World Cup 85|WC85]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 2 goals. Team of the season in the [[Tikariot Premier League]] season 101. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]].
*'''Bradley Curnow''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[AC Quarant Xa'Virt]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Couldn't swim; could and did dive.
==D==
*'''Paige Daunten''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[North Sabrefell]], [[La Nueva Avenida]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]]. A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series, somewhat literal-minded, and perhaps ill-suited to the chaos of Farfadillis society. Despite this, was named to the [[FFL]] best XI in its final season as an independent league, and [[Galacticos]] long-listed in cycle 77 and 78.
*'''[[Brendan Deguela]]''': MF, [[Chelmar FC]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 6 goals
*'''Luanne Delvale''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Drew comparisons to her distant predecessor [[Rube Tercer]], for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
*'''Evan Dewey''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 6 goals
*'''Keshav Dhankot''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 7 goals
*'''Evan Diallo''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal
*'''Javier Drouet''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]]. Somewhat of a rules stickler.
*'''Quincy Dulk-Fough''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 32 goals. A survivor of the Wayr Stadium Lockdown as a youth player. Scored a hat trick in the second leg of the playoff against [[TJUN-ia]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] playoffs. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==E==
*'''[[Patricia Eliot]]''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Matthew City Rangers]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''[[Percy Eskridge]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Shlomo Eustace''': GK, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]]
==F==
*'''Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy''': DF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Arlington City]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for IFCF 15.
*'''Joshua Farthing''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
*'''Mal Faustino''': DF, [[A.F.F.]], [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 40]], 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in [[Abadia]], which expanded into including a restaurant.
*'''Ian Felsenfeld''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with [[Evan Terwilliger]] for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of [[IYC Vanan]], where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
*'''Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ashley Fillmore-Gaul''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-present, 3 goals. A practicing [[Religion in Zwangzug|Ketrian]] who can be surly but nevertheless gets along well with her teammates. Captain [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present.
*'''Ione Friede''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 13 goals
*'''Blake Fures''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."
==G==
*'''Nirav Gadhavi''': GK, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Eileen Gainsborough''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Simon Gannett''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 7 goals. Scored go-ahead goal in extra time against [[Mertagne]] during [[Eagles Cup]] 11 quarterfinal.
*'''Heather Garland-Fowler''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Ariadne Ge''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Joan Gerland''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Matthew City Senators]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]], 12 goals. Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
*'''Trent Gerson''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Swinedon Town]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of [[Sorthern Northland]], which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
*'''Aimee Ginoud-Sachs''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals
*'''Spencer Gleason''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]], 14 goals. Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
*'''Dirk Grosa''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
*'''Turan Gul''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
*'''Hannah Gustafson''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Ernst Guthnick-Wolf''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''[[Ogechi Guttuso]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
==H==
*'''Sara Hale-Barnard''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Somewhat of a professional fouler.
*'''[[Roger Hammers]]''': MF, [[Seojang]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 37|37]]
*'''Bartholomew Hanson''': DF, [[World Cup 36|WC36]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]. Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of [[World Cup 36]].
*'''Kazue Harel''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''Kostya Hart-Farm''': FW, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 5 goals
*'''[[Kayla Haugen]]''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 28 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Beppo Hegesa''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Lukas Helsen-Roan''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 18 goals
*'''Jonas Henke''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Atlético Insular]], [[WC41|World Cup 41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless [[CCFM]] newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
*'''Solveig Henson-Quar''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Kim Higden''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]. A native of the [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|Picksall Islands]] and fluent in their consonant-poor language; she coached their representative side in [[IAC 12]] and [[IAC 15]], and was named one of the all-star coaches for the Muralos team in the former.
*'''Chester Hildegard''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 5 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Dennis Horkawer-Rippel''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Fligsive FC]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
==I==
*'''Sally Ici-Holder''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]], 3 goals
*'''Johan Idmar''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 47 goals. His struggles at the historic [[Tundra Falls Proving Grounds]] were attributed to the spirits smiting his atheism, at least by a few superstitious fans.
*'''[[Olivia Idoni]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Ketevan Igreli''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 89|WC89]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]]. An enthusiastic but unskilled Chess960 player. Dramatically substituted into the round of 16 match against [[Pasarga]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] just in time for the penalty shootout, which they won. This may even have been on her birthday, although with time dilation, who really knows. Made a similar appearance against [[Vilita]] in [[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Ryota Imamura''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 24 goals. Known for his frustration with regards to Kate DiMarini's policy of reserving players numbered 24-26 for emergencies only. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Meghna Imomenba''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 3 goals. Part of the Forest team that won [[Champions League 9]]. Testículos best XI for the WC92 cycle.
*'''[[Natalie Instonenext]]''': DF, [[Port of Clotaire]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]]
*'''Nina Irving''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==J==
*'''Kirsten Jackson''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 3 goals. Zwangzug's representative player in the [[Squidroidia]] broadcasting network intro sequence for [[World Cup 92||WC92]]. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]].
*'''Marlene Jamieson''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]
*'''Kendra Jover''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 3 goals. Captain during the [[World Cup 80|WC80]] and [[World Cup 82|WC82]] cycles.
*'''Muus Jurin''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Char Sara FC]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 15 goals. An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.
==K==
*'''Alma Kaidensky''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Lilavati Kanwar''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Lobyuseistvooshu]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Sonal Kaur''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the [[CCFM]], despite the whole "masculino" thing.
*'''Davi Keane-Liuprand''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 5 goals. A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against [[Darmen]] in the WC68 qualifiers.
*'''Natasha Keller''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 5 goals. Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
*'''Geoff Kempner''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Metropolitano]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
*'''Mitchell Kernkraft''': MF, [[World Cup 42|WC42]], [[Rovers United]], [[Wiechester FC]]. No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
*'''Nora Kent-Maner''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 14 goals.
*'''Bethany Kieschnick''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Saroj Kinnar''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Colonial Sile]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 2 goals. Won Zwangzug's university championship with Engdahl Institute in seasons 40 and 41. Part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Riley Kivrin''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 3 goals. May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and [[Xíxì Êns]]; scored the equalizing goal against [[Farfadillis]] to advance to the [[World Cup 85]] knockout stages.
*'''Ryuya Kotani''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Jenna Kowalski''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Komala Kristinsdottir''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Megan Kucinich''': MF, [[Wexax United]], [[World Cup 38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 2 goals. An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in [[the Holy Empire]] and much less so with [[Andrew Card]]. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
*'''[[Lucas Kukiseso]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 9 goals
*'''Antje Kurzmann-Tremme''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 4 goals. Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
*'''Nidhi Kulamard''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Eugene Kyp-Sobol''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.
==L==
*'''Vipin Lamin''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
*'''Gabi Lanius-Sexton''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 1 goal
*'''Hajna Lantos''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ursula Lauren''': MF, [[Arrigo Portuguese]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
*'''Michelle Lawrence''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Tara Lenski''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[Caires City]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
*'''Vanessa Leiter''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]
*'''Allison Levi-Gold''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for [[Galacticos|Galactico Junior]] during UICA cycle 70.
*'''Pia Leykauf''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 1 goal
*'''Preston Liebersbach''': FW, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.
==M==
*'''Julia MacEacharna''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 9 goals. Captain [[World Cup 95|WC95]]. Alum of Neume College. Competed on the university all-star team during cycle 93, where she was noted for her saxophone skills as well as her footballing. A pioneer of the "free kick lying down guy" position. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''[[Gary Maini]]''': FW, [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 42 goals
*'''[[Saena Mathash]]''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Yul Maughum''': FW, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 36|36]], 32 goals. A son of the eastern [[FTC]]'s social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate [[Phillip Stings]].
*'''Stephen Marcus''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 15|EC15]]-present, 13 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Khamisi McCluey''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Royal Rumiatzi]], [[Cup of Harmony 57]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 19 goals. Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
*'''Jonah McCollins''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 27 goals. Captain B71 Invitational-WC87.
*'''Junia McCue''': DF, [[Arlington City]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 5 goals
*'''John McDonald''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''Jerzy McFetridge''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 2 goals. Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
*'''Jen McFult''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Kayla McGee''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Juniper McGovern''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Jubilee McGraw''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Desmond McGowan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]. A big fan of the video game ''SCQ: Superceleritas Quest''.
*'''Jess McHeran''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Joel McJakill''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]]. Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the [[World Cup 83]] concert. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing [[World Cup 84]] group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
*'''Xolani McKiegna''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 3 goals. Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the [[Water World Championships]] and [[8th Summer Olympics]].
*'''Jordan McKinney''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 15 goals.
*'''Zoe McQuoid''': MF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]
*'''Jude McWaler''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 3 goals. Alum of Glune Institute of Natural Sciences, part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Jesse McWhorter''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 10|EC10]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. Younger brother of Samuel McWhorter, a [[Rovers United]] player who retired for medical reasons after the Wayr Stadium lockdown.
*'''Odo Merisi-Rizzi''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Bruce Millar''': GK, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Burgess FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
*'''Nilkanth Mibang''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 2 goals. Part of the Namiri side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Harshit Mistry''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 1 goal
*'''Tova Miovuku''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 7 goals
*'''Terrence Montague''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]], 2 goals
*'''Sophie Munshi''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Mierton Manatees]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 88|88]], 13 goals. Galacticos longlist cycle 78. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC 10]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]].
*'''Loris Muraro-Ughi''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]], 10 goals
==N==
*'''Yuuki Nakano''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Juvapanam]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 11 goals
*'''Hugo Nimbue''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 5 goals
*'''Shayna Nelson''': FW, [[Rovers United]], EC6, 4 goals
*'''Timothy Nexus''': MF, [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 37|WC37]]. A native of [[102d]] by way of the [[Artificial Intelligence University|AIU]]. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the [[World Cup 37]] qualifiers.
*'''Cixin Nguyen''': MF, [[Chromatik]], [[SK Aasiaat Harbour]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 29 goals. The star of a class of Zwangzugian high schoolers that played in the [[Chromatika]] university system, he first appeared for Zwangzugian coach Claude Pare-Achel at the dominant Chromia Central College University before signing professionally for Chromatik. Named to the Rainbow League's second all-pro team in season eight and nine. Season eleven: player of the season (also foreigner of the season and all-pro team). In his first season with SK Aasiaat Harbour, recorded 12 assists, tied for fourth in the league. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15.
*'''Amos Noile-Murne''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 10 goals
*'''Chip Noonan''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his [[CMSC]] career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
*'''Dima Novak''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Athletik Thessia]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
*'''Zurab Nozadze''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==O==
*'''Allie Octar-Celyn''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Connor Ohme''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
*'''[[Simon Ryne Olson]]''': FW, [[Marienburg United]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 91 goals
*'''Compars Ogawa''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]].
*'''Anne Onymous''': outfield substitute, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.
==P==
*'''Subroto Parida''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship|IAC9]]. Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
*'''Helen Pimbura''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Tori Pfendler''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
*'''Nancy Puyo-Sachar''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 14 goals. Married to Griffith Puyo-Sachar, a former player for and current manager of the [[Zwangzug national baseball team]]. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle.
==R==
*'''Arlo Rais-Sonnen''': FW, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 21 goals
*'''Delia Ramos-Avea''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Awidlyon Reed''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''Corey Richardson''': MF, [[Advance Alara]], [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 6 goals. A lot of raw talent but plagued by nerves. Won the university championship with Erewhon University in (Zwangzug's) season 31. Part of the Team of the Season for [[Ko-oren]]'s league in (their) season 34. Seemed to find some tranquility in [[Cup of Harmony 80]], when he scored the winning goal in extra time against [[St Trinians]] in the round of 32; this was Zwangzug's nomination for goal of the tournament.
*'''Nadine Roark''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|69]]. Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
*'''Corianne Rogawski''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Irene Roosevelt''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Angela Rose-Dauphine''' DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]
*'''Lorraine Rouwen-Horn''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''[[Martina Ruan]]''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 18 goals
*'''[[Steven Ruck]]''': MF, [[IYC Ajer]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 41]], 4 goals
*'''Meredith Ryland''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15. Known for skillful throw-ins.
==S==
*'''Danilo Sabbia''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Randall Saitta''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 13 goals. Could be insensitive, but had a solid work ethic.
*'''Taylor Sariger-Heshik''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
*'''Marlon Sayle-Bren''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 17 goals. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
*'''[[Martin Scallop]]''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Tullio Schi''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Bengtsmark IF]], [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 13 goals
*'''Franziska Schnee-Krull''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]. Stoked controversy in [[Qusmo]] by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
*'''Claude Seu''': MF, [[Clube Imperial]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 1 goal. A quiet player of [[Ariddia|Ariddian]] ancestry.
*'''Lawrence Sevvy''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. A native of [[Bassabook]] known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against [[Rejistania]] in the [[World Cup 35]] qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from [[The Hurd]] to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
*'''[[Rohit Sharma]]''': FW, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 35 goals.
*'''Michael Sheldon''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Central United]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Conceded a penalty in a friendly against [[Candelaria And Marquez]] in the [[World Cup 38]] qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of [[Cafundéu]].
*'''Simone Shimura''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Akhil Sibal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Stade Djalenga]], [[Energija Chernovets]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 4 goals. Got an assist in the winning goal of Chernovets' [[AOCL]] championship.
*'''Ted Silla-Raty''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Missed some time in the [[World Cup 65]] cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
*'''Mobin Singh''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
*'''Farrokh Sokhi''': MF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Namiri Forest]], 25 goals. Won [[Champions League 9]] with Namiri Forest. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Brian Spand-Maunk''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 2 goals
*'''Ulysses Stael''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]. The older brother of [[Steven Ruck]], Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in [[St Samuel]], but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
*'''[[Sydney Stefred]]''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 4 goals
*'''Rudolf Sternberg''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 68Q|WC68Q]], 1 goal. A native of Clunvers, the suburb of [[Zwischen]] known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against [[New Matawan]].
*'''[[Phillip Stings]]''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[World Cup 33|WC 33]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 83 goals
*'''Hanna Suzuki''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup|EC12]] and [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle. Like many Trink players, known for elegant, highlight-reel goals. One of the few players to be cut from but later rejoin the national team.
==T==
*'''Kerry Tammany''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 5 goals
*'''Kelci Tanaka-Whit''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 2 goals
*'''[[Rube Tercer]]''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]
*'''Evan Terwilliger''': FW, [[Chelmar FC]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41]], 2 goals. Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
*'''Freda Tery-Wilf''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Monica Tewsal''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Laurel Tinker-Witt''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Dwile Warriors]], [[Strathcona Internationals]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC11]]. Became a coach at Strathcona after her retirement as a player.
*'''Dominik Topi''': GK, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''[[Anatoly Trumper]]''': GK, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]
*'''Fedya Troy-Vee''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]
*'''Misako Tsuki''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 11 goals. Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug#B|Bryce College]], leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
*'''Sofya Turmal-Hence''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 5 goals.
*'''Joshua Twoni''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 27 goals. [[Galacticos]] long list cycle 76 and 78, reserve XII cycle 77. Golden boot in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]]. Captain of the national team [[World Cup 86]], and of the Arlington side that won the IFCF [[Challenger's Cup 3]].
==U==
*'''Kurt Uehara''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[FC Soessch]], [[Easthold Royals]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC8]], 1 goal
*'''Caleb Upsil-Coyne''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==V==
*'''Ricardo Valbuena''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]
*'''[[Peter Vanderpent]]''': FW, [[Albrecht FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 61 goals
*'''Alyssa Velt-Nansen''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Kausalya Vizirani''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup 8|EC8]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 2 goals. Captain of the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]], and national team captain from [[World Cup 90]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. While frequently compared to Chevanthi Arokiaraj, Vizirani is a bit more ingenuous and contented in her off-field life. Named to the GS SuperSports+ team of the tournament for WC91.
*'''Tandre Vusin-Jacques''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
==W==
*'''Valerie Waugh''': FW, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 53 goals. Captain [[World Cup 94|WC94]].
*'''Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]], 1 goal. Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
*'''Emily Winters-Neumann''': GK, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|66]]. Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
*'''Franklin Witchein-Coan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Fryi Frêndê]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal. Fan of loud music.
*'''Liorit Wirth''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''Dustin Wodehouse''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Vera Woredann''': MF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team

2024-03-14T01:52:06Z

Zwangzug: and stuff

The '''Zwangzug national football team''' represents [[Zwangzug]] in international competitions, most frequently the [[World Cup]] and its associated competitions. They were the champions of [[World Cup 92]]

The team has competed in several distinct eras; the "first generation" team competed from [[World Cup 33]] to [[World Cup 42]], winning [[Cup of Harmony 25]] and finishing second in WC42. The "second generation" competed from [[World Cup 64]] through [[World Cup 69]] before the country ceased to exist. They sporadically contested the [[Eagles Cup]], winning the sixth edition of that tournament, and then a "third generation" team participated in [[World Cup 80]], then [[World Cup 82]] to the present.

==History==
An extensive team history may be found at [[Zwangzug national football team/history|this subpage]].

Zwangzug have always worn white kits with black stripes at home, and black kits with white stripes away, the more similar the better, though will grudgingly make allowances to distinguish themselves from their opponents if necessary.

The first generation team played its home games at Wayr Stadium in the [[Rackham Range]], after first establishing an even higher and more remote training camp. Upon reconstitution, the new team did the same for World Cups 64 and 65. Beginning with World Cup 66, the association established the tradition of playing qualifying matches at different fields throughout the country, and this has been continued to the present.

==Competitive record==

===World Cup===

{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
!colspan=7|Qualification
! style="width:1px" rowspan="33"| 
!colspan=8|Main tournament
|-
! Cycle
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
!{{abbr|Comp|Competition}}
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
|-
| 33 || 18 || 9 || 4 || 5 || 30 || 26 || [[Cup of Harmony 25|CoH 25]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 8 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 9 || 5
|-
| 34 || 12 || 7 || 1 || 4 || 25 || 24 || [[World Cup 34|WC 34]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4
|-
| 35 || 10 || 6 || 1 || 3 || 19 || 10 || [[World Cup 35|WC 35]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 5 || 5
|-
| 36 || 14 || 9 || 2 || 3 || 28 || 16 || [[World Cup 36|WC 36]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 12 || 9
|-
| 37 || 14 || 12 || 1 || 1 || 40 || 15 || [[World Cup 37|WC 37]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 11 || 7
|-
| 38 || 14 || 12 || 0 || 2 || 44 || 12 || [[World Cup 38|WC 38]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 6 || 8
|-
| 39 || 14 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 13 || [[World Cup 39|WC 39]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 10
|-
| 40 || 10 || 9 || 0 || 1 || 30 || 13 || [[World Cup 40|WC 40]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 5
|-
| 41 || 10 || 6 || 4 || 0 || 26 || 8 || [[World Cup 41|WC 41]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 3 || 0 || 1 || 8 || 4
|-
| 42 || 12 || 8 || 3 || 1 || 23 || 9 || [[World Cup 42|WC 42]] || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 20 || 10
|-
| 64 || 18 || 6 || 7 || 5 || 16 || 20 || [[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 8
|-
| 65 || 18 || 9 || 5 || 4 || 26 || 17 || [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]] || 4th in group || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 5
|-
| 66 || 10 || 8 || 2 || 0 || 18 || 4 || [[World Cup 66|WC 66]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 5 || 6
|-
| 67 || 16 || 11 || 2 || 3 || 23 || 12 || [[World Cup 67|WC 67]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 6
|-
| 68 || 14 || 12 || 2 || 0 || 27 || 3 || [[Cup of Harmony 68|CoH 60]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 69 || 14 || 8 || 3 || 3 || 18 || 9 || [[World Cup 69|WC 69]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 80 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 23 || 23 || [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 5
|-
| 82 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 21 || 25 || [[Cup of Harmony 73|CoH 74]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 7 || 8
|-
| 83 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 27 || 13 || [[World Cup 83|WC 83]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 4
|-
| 84 || 20 || 13 || 2 || 5 || 34 || 26 || [[World Cup 84|WC 84]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 1 || 5
|-
| 85 || 24 || 17 || 3 || 4 || 44 || 19 || [[World Cup 85|WC 85]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9
|-
| 86 || 18 || 12 || 3 || 3 || 30 || 15 || [[World Cup 86|WC 86]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 4 || 5
|-
| 87 || 18 || 10 || 5 || 3 || 38 || 21 || [[World Cup 87|WC 87]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 8
|-
| 88 || 18 || 8 || 5 || 5 || 21 || 15 || [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]] || Round of 16 || 5 || 3 || 2 || 0 || 11 || 5
|-
| 89 || 18 || 12 || 4 || 2 || 33 || 13 || [[World Cup 89|WC89]] || 4th in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 2 || 4
|-
| 90 || 18 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 25 || 13 || [[World Cup 90|WC90]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 3 || 5
|-
| 91 || 20 || 14 || 4 || 2 || 32 || 14 || [[World Cup 91|WC91]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 2 || 1 || 10 || 11
|-
| 92 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 11 || [[World Cup 92|WC92]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 14 || 11
|-
| 93 || 22 || 18 || 2 || 2 || 47 || 17 || [[World Cup 93|WC93]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 19 || 13
|-
| 94 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 46 || 16 || [[World Cup 94|WC94]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 3 || 0 || 9 || 7
|-
| 95 || 14 || 11 || 2 || 1 || 25 || 4 || [[World Cup 95|WC95]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 3 || 0 || 5 || 5
|}

Zwangzug qualified to the World Cup via playoffs in World Cups 36, 67, 69, 87, and 91; they lost in playoffs in World Cup 68.

===Other tournaments===
{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
! Competition
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
! WC cycle
|-
| [[Baptism of Fire 20]] || Quarterfinals ||8||2||0||6||4||12|| 33
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams]] || 5th in group ||10||2||4||4||11||15 || 64
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 6 || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 20 || 15 || 76
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 7 || 5th place || 9 || 5 || 1 || 3 || 18 || 17 || 79
|-
| [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 9 || 85
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 8 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 3 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 10 || 85
|-
| [[B71 Invitational Football Tournament]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 4 || 2 || 2 || 0 || 7 || 2 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 9 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 11 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 10 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 0 || 4 || 6 || 7 || 88
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 11 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 3 || 4 || 2 || 18 || 12 || 89
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 12 || '''Fourth place''' || 9 || 5 || 0 || 4 || 10 || 7 || 90
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 13 || style="background:#cd7f32" | '''Third place''' || 9 || 3 || 5 || 1 || 15 || 12 || 91
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 14 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 5 || 0 || 2 || 10 || 8 || 92
|-
| [[Brevity Challenge Cup]] 4 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9 || 93
|-
| [[Mihaly Invitational Cup]] 1 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 5 || 4 || 0 || 1 || 11 || 4 || 93
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 15 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 13 || 5 || 93
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams II]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' ||17||11||4||2||28||7 || 94
|}
Due to the unique nature of the World Cup of Dreams, goalscorers were not recorded and they are not considered statistically-meaningful tournaments in Zwangzug records. For BCC1 and the Mihaly Invitational Cup, Zwangzug sent a university all-star team; goalscorers were not recorded and these are not considered full national team matches. (However, several of those players went on to play for the full national team in their own right.)

The B71 tournament is considered statistically meaningful, albeit by and large against nations not of WCC caliber, so their championship is not really something to crow about.

==Personnel==
A full all-time roster is provided at [[Zwangzug national football team/roster|this subpage]].

In the "first generation" era, Zwangzug's football culture was very insular, and their managers, while long-tenured, did not exert a lot of leadership power. The captaincy was, therefore, considered an important role in actually leading and representing the players; part actual power, part symbolic reward for long-timers who deferred to the "established" way of things. Since the second generation, Zwangzug has been able to draw from successful club managers, but mostly prefer to search within their own borders. This pattern was belied with [[Kate DiMarini]] of [[Baker Park]], who took over as an interim in World Cup 87 and has been in charge ever since, including the World Cup 92 championship.
===Managers===
*BOB 64: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
An early experiment in robotics from the [[Artificial Intelligence University]] whose attempts at instilling curfew were not popular with all of the player base. The best guess at the acronym was "bought out by," but either the socialist government and/or idealistic elements on the team successfully prevented corporate sponsorship.
*Doodlypants Mcgimpy: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 42]]
A Bigtopian immigrant who occasionally struggled to communicate (and frequently referenced his players by uniform number), but also a diligent talent scout.
*Bridget Scroves: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 67]]
Led the team to qualification on their third attempt, but ill health and a fractious relationship with [[World Cup Commitee]] Vice-President Sue Fleischmann overshadowed her later cycles.
*Matilda Kratochvil: [[World Cup 68]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60]]
Built [[Excelsior Slogda]] into a contender, where she sparred with Nadine Roark about the latter's ponytail. After a dominant qualifying stage, struggled in playoffs and the CoH, and decided she liked being part of the Slogda machine better.
*Reaven Laynee: [[World Cup 69]]
Originally from [[Earent]], where she was the manager of [[Stirvik TU]], who finished second in [[Champions' Cup 48]], and was already known for bizarre and incomprehensible metaphors. Then moved to [[Sporting Iturributa]] in [[Astograth]] before that league collapsed. Not much more coherent in her third language either, producing quotes such as "Yes, the butt changes" in response to her opposite number's misbehavior against [[Estope]].
*Mila Apsar: [[Eagles Cup 6]]
[[Namiri Independent]] manager in season 17.
*Franklin Motobuchi: [[Eagles Cup 7]]
[[Eintracht Trink]] manager in the hard-fought season 21, when they finished third on goal difference. Returned there after the national team and won the first [[Cereal Cup]].
*Makvala Tsereteli: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
Slogda manager in season 23, when they rallied to fifth from a thirteenth-place finish the season before. Keen on making substitutions and jiggling her lineup.
*Tavish Willow: [[World Cup 83]]-[[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers
Manager of [[Keppal Cosmos]] when they won the league in season 24. Known for his ponytail (unlike Kratochvil); instituted a (1)-4-6-0 formation due to his perception of a lack of effective strikers. This paid off quickly when Zwangzug qualified; by the middle of the WC84 qualifiers, however, the team had drawn against [[Tamgu]] and [[Castanya]], lost to [[Krytenia]], [[Mattijana]], and [[Ancherion]] (in the latter case 4-0). Blasting the "cowards at the federation" who "don't have it in them to fire anyone ignomiously," he resigned his position.
*Enitan Maclaurin: [[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers and proper
Interim appointed in Willow's absence. Many cycles prior, a goalkeeper with [[Arlington City]] who then moved to [[Tropicorp FC]] in [[Vilita]], and longtime member of the [[Arlington Collective]].
*Abigail Chatelenas: [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]]
A ''de facto'' interim. Previously led the University of Homler to several finals, and then second place in the [[IUCC]]; after the IAC stint, joined [[Atlantea Hurricanes]] in [[Taeshan]].
*Brandon Sonnabend: [[World Cup 85]]-[[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers
Won the league with [[Bassabook Old Boys]] in season 29, then came second in the second [[FFI]] Liga dos Vencedores. Can be quick to substitute players out after perceived injuries; his critics say he has some double standards and is less willing to let women potentially play through the pain than men. While mostly grounded in reality, known to wax poetic in ye olde fantasy novel prophetic jargon. A combination of poor results and the increasing frustration caused by this phenomenon caused him and the federation to part ways at the halfway point of qualifiers.
*[[Kate DiMarini]]: [[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers - present
Originally from the Commonwealth of [[Baker Park]], where she was an assistant to [[Pamela Scott|Pam Scott]] with their [[Baker Park national football team|national team]]. Then took over at [[Trebuchet Cham]], leading them to two [[IFCF]] qualifications. After a successful stint as the interim, was named permanent manager after [[World Cup 87]].

===Captains===
[[File:Jacob_Barons.JPG|thumb|right|Jacob Barons was the second captain of the national team]]
*[[Rube Tercer]]: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
*Jacob Barons: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 38]]
*[[Steven Ruck]]: [[World Cup 39]]-[[World Cup 41]]
*[[Andrew Card]]: [[World Cup 42]]
*Brett Chrowder: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 66]]
*[[Martina Ruan]]: [[World Cup 67]]-[[World Cup 69]]
*Eugene Kyp-Sobol: [[Eagles Cup]] 6
*Turan Gul: [[Eagles Cup]] 7
*Kendra Jover: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
*[[Martin Scallop]]: [[World Cup 83]]
*[[Lucas Kukiseso]]: [[World Cup 84]]
*Chevanthi Arokiaraj: [[Eagles Cup]] 8-[[World Cup 85]]
*Joshua Twoni: [[World Cup 86]]
*Jonah McCollins: [[Eagles Cup]] 9-[[World Cup 87]]
*Sophie Munshi: [[Eagles Cup]] 10-[[World Cup 88]] (qualifiers)
*Lissa Crain: [[Cup of Harmony 80]]-[[World Cup 90]]
*Kausalya Vizirani: [[Eagles Cup]] 13-[[World Cup 91]]
*[[Kayla Haugen]]: [[Eagles Cup]] 14-[[World Cup 92]]
*Kirsten Jackson: [[Eagles Cup]] 15-[[World Cup 93]]
*Valerie Waugh: [[World Cup 94]]
*Julia MacEacharna: [[World Cup 95]]
*Ashley Fillmore-Gaul: [[World Cup 96]]
===Top goalscorers===
Because of the first-generation team's eccentricities (little use of substitutions, strict positional demands, long careers due to limited player base), many of their goalscoring statistics are unlikely to be equaled. A "modern era" table (WC64 and onward) is provided separately.

{| class="wikitable"
|+ All-time
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || [[Simon Ryne Olson]] || 91
|-
| 2 || [[Phillip Stings]] || 83
|-
| 3 || [[Peter Vanderpent]] || 61
|-
| 4 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 5 || Gordon Blum || 48
|}

{| class="wikitable"
|+ Modern era
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 2 || Gordon Blum || 48
|-
| 3 || Johan Idmar || 47
|-
| 4 || Quincy Dulk-Fough || 32
|-
| 5 || Cixin Nguyen || 29
|}

[[Category:Zwangzug|Football]][[Category:National football teams]]

Zwangzug national football team/roster

2024-03-14T01:45:42Z

Zwangzug: pre-96 stuff

The [[Zwangzug national football team]] has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-15, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

__NOTOC__
{{Compact ToC}}

==A==
*'''Ramona Ambaile-Hund''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83]], 11 goals
*'''Micah Angier''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 10 goals
*'''Leslie Applebaum''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]]
*'''Ezekiel Arden-Ria''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Jesse Arneson''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Chevanthi Arokiaraj''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 2 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup|Eagles Cup 8]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]]. A practicing Hindu who occasionally appeared on ''Interreligious Sniping.''
*'''[[Esther Axelrod-Conway]]''': MF, [[Mâ Âlâmëómë]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 92|WC92]], 20 goals.
==B==
*'''Shula Bachchan-Laum''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[FC Solovetsky Monastery]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 3 goals. Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
*'''Satenik Banach''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 10 goals. A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]].
*'''Soumini Bano-Patil''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-present. A benchwarmer on the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Jacob Barons''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 38|38]], 15 goals. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]], though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in [[World Cup 36]].
*'''[[Eddie Barnes]]''': MF, [[Dunboor FC]], [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 41|WC41]], 1 goal
*'''Tygo Beumers''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[Cup of Harmonyv 60|CoH 60]]
*'''Cameron Beyer''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Shobhana Birla''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]
*'''[[Dana Bloomquist]]''': DF, [[Turks' Club]], [[Marquez-Onwere]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Gordon Blum''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 48 goals
*'''Sullivan Brecht''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Jaclyn Burkhart''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 20 goals.
*'''Mark Bryant''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==C==
*'''Rebecca Calhoun''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Daphne Camonoba''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''[[Andrew Card]]''': DF, [[Joseon]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]], 1 goal
*'''Harold Carre''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Itzhak Canterbury''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]]
*'''Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]], 28 goals. Clinched qualification for [[World Cup 83]] with winning goal against [[Pasarga]] on the final matchday of qualifiers, still had problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
*'''Edward Ciaver-Maripov''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Brett Chrowder''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
*'''Maya Coelho''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 8 goals
*'''Penny Consky-Bock''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]]
*'''Blanche Coogan-Bucknell''': GK, [[Sporting Esper], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Bennett Covy''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Mont-Lambert FC]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
*'''Lissa Crain''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Baraldhur AFC]], [[World Cup 85|WC85]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 2 goals. Team of the season in the [[Tikariot Premier League]] season 101. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]].
*'''Bradley Curnow''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[AC Quarant Xa'Virt]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Couldn't swim; could and did dive.
==D==
*'''Paige Daunten''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[North Sabrefell]], [[La Nueva Avenida]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]]. A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series, somewhat literal-minded, and perhaps ill-suited to the chaos of Farfadillis society. Despite this, was named to the [[FFL]] best XI in its final season as an independent league, and [[Galacticos]] long-listed in cycle 77 and 78.
*'''[[Brendan Deguela]]''': MF, [[Chelmar FC]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 6 goals
*'''Luanne Delvale''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Drew comparisons to her distant predecessor [[Rube Tercer]], for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
*'''Evan Dewey''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 6 goals
*'''Keshav Dhankot''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 7 goals
*'''Evan Diallo''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal
*'''Javier Drouet''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]]. Somewhat of a rules stickler.
*'''Quincy Dulk-Fough''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 32 goals. A survivor of the Wayr Stadium Lockdown as a youth player. Scored a hat trick in the second leg of the playoff against [[TJUN-ia]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] playoffs. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==E==
*'''[[Patricia Eliot]]''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Matthew City Rangers]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''[[Percy Eskridge]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Shlomo Eustace''': GK, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]]
==F==
*'''Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy''': DF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Arlington City]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for IFCF 15.
*'''Joshua Farthing''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
*'''Mal Faustino''': DF, [[A.F.F.]], [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 40]], 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in [[Abadia]], which expanded into including a restaurant.
*'''Ian Felsenfeld''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with [[Evan Terwilliger]] for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of [[IYC Vanan]], where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
*'''Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ashley Fillmore-Gaul''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-present, 3 goals. A practicing [[Religion in Zwangzug|Ketrian]] who can be surly but nevertheless gets along well with her teammates. Captain [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present.
*'''Ione Friede''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 13 goals
*'''Blake Fures''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."
==G==
*'''Nirav Gadhavi''': GK, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Eileen Gainsborough''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Simon Gannett''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 7 goals. Scored go-ahead goal in extra time against [[Mertagne]] during [[Eagles Cup]] 11 quarterfinal.
*'''Heather Garland-Fowler''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Ariadne Ge''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Joan Gerland''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Matthew City Senators]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]], 12 goals. Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
*'''Trent Gerson''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Swinedon Town]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of [[Sorthern Northland]], which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
*'''Aimee Ginoud-Sachs''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals
*'''Spencer Gleason''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]], 14 goals. Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
*'''Dirk Grosa''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
*'''Turan Gul''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
*'''Hannah Gustafson''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Ernst Guthnick-Wolf''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''[[Ogechi Guttuso]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
==H==
*'''Sara Hale-Barnard''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Somewhat of a professional fouler.
*'''[[Roger Hammers]]''': MF, [[Seojang]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 37|37]]
*'''Bartholomew Hanson''': DF, [[World Cup 36|WC36]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]. Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of [[World Cup 36]].
*'''Kazue Harel''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''Kostya Hart-Farm''': FW, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 5 goals
*'''[[Kayla Haugen]]''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 28 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Beppo Hegesa''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Lukas Helsen-Roan''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 18 goals
*'''Jonas Henke''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Atlético Insular]], [[WC41|World Cup 41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless [[CCFM]] newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
*'''Solveig Henson-Quar''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Kim Higden''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]. A native of the [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|Picksall Islands]] and fluent in their consonant-poor language; she coached their representative side in [[IAC 12]] and [[IAC 15]], and was named one of the all-star coaches for the Muralos team in the former.
*'''Chester Hildegard''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 2 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Dennis Horkawer-Rippel''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Fligsive FC]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
==I==
*'''Sally Ici-Holder''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]], 3 goals
*'''Johan Idmar''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 47 goals. His struggles at the historic [[Tundra Falls Proving Grounds]] were attributed to the spirits smiting his atheism, at least by a few superstitious fans.
*'''[[Olivia Idoni]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Ketevan Igreli''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 89|WC89]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]]. An enthusiastic but unskilled Chess960 player. Dramatically substituted into the round of 16 match against [[Pasarga]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] just in time for the penalty shootout, which they won. This may even have been on her birthday, although with time dilation, who really knows. Made a similar appearance against [[Vilita]] in [[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Ryota Imamura''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 24 goals. Known for his frustration with regards to Kate DiMarini's policy of reserving players numbered 24-26 for emergencies only. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Meghna Imomenba''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 3 goals. Part of the Forest team that won [[Champions League 9]]. Testículos best XI for the WC92 cycle.
*'''[[Natalie Instonenext]]''': DF, [[Port of Clotaire]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]]
*'''Nina Irving''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==J==
*'''Kirsten Jackson''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 3 goals. Zwangzug's representative player in the [[Squidroidia]] broadcasting network intro sequence for [[World Cup 92||WC92]]. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]].
*'''Marlene Jamieson''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]
*'''Kendra Jover''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 3 goals. Captain during the [[World Cup 80|WC80]] and [[World Cup 82|WC82]] cycles.
*'''Muus Jurin''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Char Sara FC]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 15 goals. An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.
==K==
*'''Alma Kaidensky''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Lilavati Kanwar''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Lobyuseistvooshu]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Sonal Kaur''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the [[CCFM]], despite the whole "masculino" thing.
*'''Davi Keane-Liuprand''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 5 goals. A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against [[Darmen]] in the WC68 qualifiers.
*'''Natasha Keller''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 5 goals. Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
*'''Geoff Kempner''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Metropolitano]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
*'''Mitchell Kernkraft''': MF, [[World Cup 42|WC42]], [[Rovers United]], [[Wiechester FC]]. No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
*'''Nora Kent-Maner''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 14 goals.
*'''Bethany Kieschnick''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Saroj Kinnar''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Colonial Sile]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 2 goals. Won Zwangzug's university championship with Engdahl Institute in seasons 40 and 41. Part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Riley Kivrin''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 3 goals. May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and [[Xíxì Êns]]; scored the equalizing goal against [[Farfadillis]] to advance to the [[World Cup 85]] knockout stages.
*'''Ryuya Kotani''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Jenna Kowalski''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Komala Kristinsdottir''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Megan Kucinich''': MF, [[Wexax United]], [[World Cup 38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 2 goals. An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in [[the Holy Empire]] and much less so with [[Andrew Card]]. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
*'''[[Lucas Kukiseso]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 9 goals
*'''Antje Kurzmann-Tremme''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 4 goals. Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
*'''Nidhi Kulamard''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Eugene Kyp-Sobol''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.
==L==
*'''Vipin Lamin''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
*'''Gabi Lanius-Sexton''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 1 goal
*'''Hajna Lantos''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ursula Lauren''': MF, [[Arrigo Portuguese]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
*'''Michelle Lawrence''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Tara Lenski''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[Caires City]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
*'''Vanessa Leiter''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]
*'''Allison Levi-Gold''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for [[Galacticos|Galactico Junior]] during UICA cycle 70.
*'''Pia Leykauf''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 1 goal
*'''Preston Liebersbach''': FW, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.
==M==
*'''Julia MacEacharna''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 7 goals. Captain [[World Cup 95|WC95]]. Alum of Neume College. Competed on the university all-star team during cycle 93, where she was noted for her saxophone skills as well as her footballing. A pioneer of the "free kick lying down guy" position. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''[[Gary Maini]]''': FW, [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 42 goals
*'''[[Saena Mathash]]''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Yul Maughum''': FW, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 36|36]], 32 goals. A son of the eastern [[FTC]]'s social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate [[Phillip Stings]].
*'''Stephen Marcus''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 15|EC15]]-present, 13 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Khamisi McCluey''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Royal Rumiatzi]], [[Cup of Harmony 57]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 19 goals. Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
*'''Jonah McCollins''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 27 goals. Captain B71 Invitational-WC87.
*'''Junia McCue''': DF, [[Arlington City]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 5 goals
*'''John McDonald''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''Jerzy McFetridge''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 2 goals. Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
*'''Jen McFult''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Kayla McGee''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Juniper McGovern''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Jubilee McGraw''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 96|WC96]]-present
*'''Desmond McGowan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]. A big fan of the video game ''SCQ: Superceleritas Quest''.
*'''Jess McHeran''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Joel McJakill''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]]. Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the [[World Cup 83]] concert. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing [[World Cup 84]] group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
*'''Xolani McKiegna''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 3 goals. Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the [[Water World Championships]] and [[8th Summer Olympics]].
*'''Jordan McKinney''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 15 goals.
*'''Zoe McQuoid''': MF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]
*'''Jude McWaler''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 3 goals. Alum of Glune Institute of Natural Sciences, part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Jesse McWhorter''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 10|EC10]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. Younger brother of Samuel McWhorter, a [[Rovers United]] player who retired for medical reasons after the Wayr Stadium lockdown.
*'''Odo Merisi-Rizzi''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Bruce Millar''': GK, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Burgess FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
*'''Nilkanth Mibang''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 2 goals. Part of the Namiri side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Harshit Mistry''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 1 goal
*'''Tova Miovuku''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 7 goals
*'''Terrence Montague''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]], 2 goals
*'''Sophie Munshi''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Mierton Manatees]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 88|88]], 13 goals. Galacticos longlist cycle 78. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC 10]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]].
*'''Loris Muraro-Ughi''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]], 10 goals
==N==
*'''Yuuki Nakano''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Juvapanam]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 11 goals
*'''Hugo Nimbue''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 5 goals
*'''Shayna Nelson''': FW, [[Rovers United]], EC6, 4 goals
*'''Timothy Nexus''': MF, [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 37|WC37]]. A native of [[102d]] by way of the [[Artificial Intelligence University|AIU]]. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the [[World Cup 37]] qualifiers.
*'''Cixin Nguyen''': MF, [[Chromatik]], [[SK Aasiaat Harbour]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 29 goals. The star of a class of Zwangzugian high schoolers that played in the [[Chromatika]] university system, he first appeared for Zwangzugian coach Claude Pare-Achel at the dominant Chromia Central College University before signing professionally for Chromatik. Named to the Rainbow League's second all-pro team in season eight and nine. Season eleven: player of the season (also foreigner of the season and all-pro team). In his first season with SK Aasiaat Harbour, recorded 12 assists, tied for fourth in the league. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15.
*'''Amos Noile-Murne''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 10 goals
*'''Chip Noonan''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his [[CMSC]] career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
*'''Dima Novak''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Athletik Thessia]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
*'''Zurab Nozadze''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==O==
*'''Allie Octar-Celyn''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Connor Ohme''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
*'''[[Simon Ryne Olson]]''': FW, [[Marienburg United]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 91 goals
*'''Compars Ogawa''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]].
*'''Anne Onymous''': outfield substitute, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.
==P==
*'''Subroto Parida''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship|IAC9]]. Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
*'''Helen Pimbura''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Tori Pfendler''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
*'''Nancy Puyo-Sachar''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 14 goals. Married to Griffith Puyo-Sachar, a former player for and current manager of the [[Zwangzug national baseball team]]. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle.
==R==
*'''Arlo Rais-Sonnen''': FW, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 21 goals
*'''Delia Ramos-Avea''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Awidlyon Reed''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''Corey Richardson''': MF, [[Advance Alara]], [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 6 goals. A lot of raw talent but plagued by nerves. Won the university championship with Erewhon University in (Zwangzug's) season 31. Part of the Team of the Season for [[Ko-oren]]'s league in (their) season 34. Seemed to find some tranquility in [[Cup of Harmony 80]], when he scored the winning goal in extra time against [[St Trinians]] in the round of 32; this was Zwangzug's nomination for goal of the tournament.
*'''Nadine Roark''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|69]]. Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
*'''Corianne Rogawski''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Irene Roosevelt''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Angela Rose-Dauphine''' DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]
*'''Lorraine Rouwen-Horn''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''[[Martina Ruan]]''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 18 goals
*'''[[Steven Ruck]]''': MF, [[IYC Ajer]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 41]], 4 goals
*'''Meredith Ryland''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-[[World Cup 95|WC95]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15. Known for skillful throw-ins.
==S==
*'''Danilo Sabbia''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Randall Saitta''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 13 goals. Could be insensitive, but had a solid work ethic.
*'''Taylor Sariger-Heshik''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
*'''Marlon Sayle-Bren''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 17 goals. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
*'''[[Martin Scallop]]''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Tullio Schi''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Bengtsmark IF]], [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 13 goals
*'''Franziska Schnee-Krull''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]. Stoked controversy in [[Qusmo]] by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
*'''Claude Seu''': MF, [[Clube Imperial]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 1 goal. A quiet player of [[Ariddia|Ariddian]] ancestry.
*'''Lawrence Sevvy''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. A native of [[Bassabook]] known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against [[Rejistania]] in the [[World Cup 35]] qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from [[The Hurd]] to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
*'''[[Rohit Sharma]]''': FW, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 35 goals.
*'''Michael Sheldon''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Central United]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Conceded a penalty in a friendly against [[Candelaria And Marquez]] in the [[World Cup 38]] qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of [[Cafundéu]].
*'''Simone Shimura''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Akhil Sibal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Stade Djalenga]], [[Energija Chernovets]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 4 goals. Got an assist in the winning goal of Chernovets' [[AOCL]] championship.
*'''Ted Silla-Raty''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Missed some time in the [[World Cup 65]] cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
*'''Mobin Singh''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
*'''Farrokh Sokhi''': MF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Namiri Forest]], 25 goals. Won [[Champions League 9]] with Namiri Forest. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Brian Spand-Maunk''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 2 goals
*'''Ulysses Stael''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]. The older brother of [[Steven Ruck]], Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in [[St Samuel]], but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
*'''[[Sydney Stefred]]''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 4 goals
*'''Rudolf Sternberg''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 68Q|WC68Q]], 1 goal. A native of Clunvers, the suburb of [[Zwischen]] known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against [[New Matawan]].
*'''[[Phillip Stings]]''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[World Cup 33|WC 33]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 83 goals
*'''Hanna Suzuki''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup|EC12]] and [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle. Like many Trink players, known for elegant, highlight-reel goals. One of the few players to be cut from but later rejoin the national team.
==T==
*'''Kerry Tammany''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 5 goals
*'''Kelci Tanaka-Whit''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 2 goals
*'''[[Rube Tercer]]''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]
*'''Evan Terwilliger''': FW, [[Chelmar FC]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41]], 2 goals. Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
*'''Freda Tery-Wilf''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Monica Tewsal''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Laurel Tinker-Witt''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Dwile Warriors]], [[Strathcona Internationals]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC11]]. Became a coach at Strathcona after her retirement as a player.
*'''Dominik Topi''': GK, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''[[Anatoly Trumper]]''': GK, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]
*'''Fedya Troy-Vee''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]
*'''Misako Tsuki''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 11 goals. Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug#B|Bryce College]], leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
*'''Sofya Turmal-Hence''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 5 goals.
*'''Joshua Twoni''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 27 goals. [[Galacticos]] long list cycle 76 and 78, reserve XII cycle 77. Golden boot in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]]. Captain of the national team [[World Cup 86]], and of the Arlington side that won the IFCF [[Challenger's Cup 3]].
==U==
*'''Kurt Uehara''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[FC Soessch]], [[Easthold Royals]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC8]], 1 goal
*'''Caleb Upsil-Coyne''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==V==
*'''Ricardo Valbuena''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]
*'''[[Peter Vanderpent]]''': FW, [[Albrecht FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 61 goals
*'''Alyssa Velt-Nansen''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Kausalya Vizirani''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup 8|EC8]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 2 goals. Captain of the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]], and national team captain from [[World Cup 90]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. While frequently compared to Chevanthi Arokiaraj, Vizirani is a bit more ingenuous and contented in her off-field life. Named to the GS SuperSports+ team of the tournament for WC91.
*'''Tandre Vusin-Jacques''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
==W==
*'''Valerie Waugh''': FW, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 53 goals. Captain [[World Cup 94|WC94]].
*'''Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]], 1 goal. Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
*'''Emily Winters-Neumann''': GK, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|66]]. Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
*'''Franklin Witchein-Coan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Fryi Frêndê]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal. Fan of loud music.
*'''Liorit Wirth''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''Dustin Wodehouse''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Vera Woredann''': MF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team/roster

2023-11-10T14:42:30Z

Zwangzug: pre-95 updates

The [[Zwangzug national football team]] has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-15, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.

__NOTOC__
{{Compact ToC}}

==A==
*'''Ramona Ambaile-Hund''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83]], 11 goals
*'''Micah Angier''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 10 goals
*'''Leslie Applebaum''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]]
*'''Ezekiel Arden-Ria''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Jesse Arneson''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Chevanthi Arokiaraj''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]], 2 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup|Eagles Cup 8]]-[[World Cup 85|WC85]]. A practicing Hindu who occasionally appeared on ''Interreligious Sniping.''
*'''[[Esther Axelrod-Conway]]''': MF, [[Mâ Âlâmëómë]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 92|WC92]], 20 goals.
==B==
*'''Shula Bachchan-Laum''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[FC Solovetsky Monastery]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 3 goals. Argumentative, although not so much with the ref, just liked to get the last word.
*'''Satenik Banach''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 10 goals. A notable advocate for fiber crackers to fight all manner of gastrointestinal ailments, and a leading goalscorer in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]].
*'''Soumini Bano-Patil''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-present. A benchwarmer on the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Jacob Barons''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 38|38]], 15 goals. Notably outgoing as a [[Ketrianism|Ketrian]], though few saw much beyond that in the early and virulently secular years of Zwangzug's emergence. However, his steady and capable play earned him the team captaincy beginning in [[World Cup 36]].
*'''[[Eddie Barnes]]''': MF, [[Dunboor FC]], [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 41|WC41]], 1 goal
*'''Tygo Beumers''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[Cup of Harmonyv 60|CoH 60]]
*'''Cameron Beyer''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Shobhana Birla''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]
*'''[[Dana Bloomquist]]''': DF, [[Turks' Club]], [[Marquez-Onwere]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Gordon Blum''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 48 goals
*'''Jaclyn Burkhart''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 20 goals.
*'''Mark Bryant''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==C==
*'''Rebecca Calhoun''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Daphne Camonoba''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''[[Andrew Card]]''': DF, [[Joseon]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]], 1 goal
*'''Harold Carre''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Itzhak Canterbury''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]]
*'''Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC10]], 28 goals. Clinched qualification for [[World Cup 83]] with winning goal against [[Pasarga]] on the final matchday of qualifiers, still had problems fitting his entire surname onto a kit.
*'''Edward Ciaver-Maripov''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Brett Chrowder''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Captain during his tenure, first captain of the "second generation" team.
*'''Maya Coelho''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 8 goals
*'''Penny Consky-Bock''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]]
*'''Bennett Covy''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Mont-Lambert FC]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Prone to nerves in big games, did better away from the spotlight.
*'''Lissa Crain''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Baraldhur AFC]], [[World Cup 85|WC85]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 2 goals. Team of the season in the [[Tikariot Premier League]] season 101. Captain [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]].
*'''Bradley Curnow''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[AC Quarant Xa'Virt]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Couldn't swim; could and did dive.
==D==
*'''Paige Daunten''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[North Sabrefell]], [[La Nueva Avenida]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]]. A fan of the "Ecstasy of Winging" fantasy series, somewhat literal-minded, and perhaps ill-suited to the chaos of Farfadillis society. Despite this, was named to the [[FFL]] best XI in its final season as an independent league, and [[Galacticos]] long-listed in cycle 77 and 78.
*'''[[Brendan Deguela]]''': MF, [[Chelmar FC]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 6 goals
*'''Luanne Delvale''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Drew comparisons to her distant predecessor [[Rube Tercer]], for being a Lutheran dork who got worked up about multiverse conspiracy theories rather than for being good at defense.
*'''Evan Dewey''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 6 goals
*'''Keshav Dhankot''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 7 goals
*'''Evan Diallo''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal
*'''Javier Drouet''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]]. Somewhat of a rules stickler.
*'''Quincy Dulk-Fough''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 32 goals. A survivor of the Wayr Stadium Lockdown as a youth player. Scored a hat trick in the second leg of the playoff against [[TJUN-ia]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] playoffs. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==E==
*'''[[Patricia Eliot]]''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Matthew City Rangers]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''[[Percy Eskridge]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Shlomo Eustace''': GK, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]]
==F==
*'''Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy''': DF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Arlington City]], 1 goal. Testículos longlist for IFCF 15.
*'''Joshua Farthing''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
*'''Mal Faustino''': DF, [[A.F.F.]], [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 40]], 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in [[Abadia]], which expanded into including a restaurant.
*'''Ian Felsenfeld''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with [[Evan Terwilliger]] for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of [[IYC Vanan]], where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
*'''Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ashley Fillmore-Gaul''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-present, 2 goals. A practicing [[Religion in Zwangzug|Ketrian]] who can be surly but nevertheless gets along well with her teammates.
*'''Ione Friede''': MF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 13 goals
*'''Blake Fures''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."
==G==
*'''Nirav Gadhavi''': GK, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Simon Gannett''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 7 goals. Scored go-ahead goal in extra time against [[Mertagne]] during [[Eagles Cup]] 11 quarterfinal.
*'''Heather Garland-Fowler''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Ariadne Ge''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Joan Gerland''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Matthew City Senators]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]], 12 goals. Her #7 was retired for the Senators.
*'''Trent Gerson''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Swinedon Town]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A fairly selfish forward, Gerson's relative consistency nevertheless made him popular in Swinedon. This, and his attitude, would in turn make him widely disliked in the rest of [[Sorthern Northland]], which was apparently typical for Swinedon.
*'''Aimee Ginoud-Sachs''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals
*'''Spencer Gleason''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]], 14 goals. Known for his activism in the players' union, agitating for better contracts and players' rights in terms of visiting nonexistent countries.
*'''Dirk Grosa''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[IYC Ajer]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. A perfectionist who always found something to complain about, but this did bring about a superlative work ethic.
*'''Turan Gul''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 7 team.
*'''Hannah Gustafson''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Ernst Guthnick-Wolf''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''[[Ogechi Guttuso]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
==H==
*'''Sara Hale-Barnard''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]. Somewhat of a professional fouler.
*'''[[Roger Hammers]]''': MF, [[Seojang]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 37|37]]
*'''Bartholomew Hanson''': DF, [[World Cup 36|WC36]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]. Very tall and young-looking, but more mature than his appearance indicated. Named to the Best XXIII of [[World Cup 36]].
*'''Kazue Harel''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''Kostya Hart-Farm''': FW, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 5 goals
*'''[[Kayla Haugen]]''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 28 goals. Captain [[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Lukas Helsen-Roan''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-present, 15 goals
*'''Jonas Henke''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Atlético Insular]], [[WC41|World Cup 41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 1 goal. A more sedate counterpart (and possibly better finisher) to Muus Jurin when they played together for the Rovers. As the peerless [[CCFM]] newswires put it, he "died of old age (not so old, though), so he was forced to retire by natural circumstances."
*'''Solveig Henson-Quar''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Kim Higden''': GK, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]. A native of the [[Non-contiguous Zwangzug|Picksall Islands]] and fluent in their consonant-poor language; she coached their representative side in [[IAC 12]] and [[IAC 15]], and was named one of the all-star coaches for the Muralos team in the former.
*'''Chester Hildegard''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 1 goal. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Dennis Horkawer-Rippel''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Fligsive FC]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
==I==
*'''Sally Ici-Holder''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]], 3 goals
*'''Johan Idmar''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC8]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 47 goals. His struggles at the historic [[Tundra Falls Proving Grounds]] were attributed to the spirits smiting his atheism, at least by a few superstitious fans.
*'''[[Olivia Idoni]]''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Ketevan Igreli''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 89|WC89]]-present. An enthusiastic but unskilled Chess960 player. Dramatically substituted into the round of 16 match against [[Pasarga]] in [[World Cup 91|WC91]] just in time for the penalty shootout, which they won. This may even have been on her birthday, although with time dilation, who really knows. Made a similar appearance against [[Vilita]] in [[World Cup 92||WC92]].
*'''Ryota Imamura''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 24 goals. Known for his frustration with regards to Kate DiMarini's policy of reserving players numbered 24-26 for emergencies only. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Meghna Imomenba''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-present, 3 goals. Part of the Forest team that won [[Champions League 9]]. Testículos best XI for the WC92 cycle.
*'''[[Natalie Instonenext]]''': DF, [[Port of Clotaire]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]]
*'''Nina Irving''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
==J==
*'''Kirsten Jackson''': DF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC12]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 3 goals. Zwangzug's representative player in the [[Squidroidia]] broadcasting network intro sequence for [[World Cup 92||WC92]]. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]].
*'''Marlene Jamieson''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]]
*'''Kendra Jover''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 3 goals. Captain during the [[World Cup 80|WC80]] and [[World Cup 82|WC82]] cycles.
*'''Muus Jurin''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Char Sara FC]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 15 goals. An entertaining fan favorite whose shots could be heard from the upper deck when they were on-target enough even to hit the post. His name lent itself well to non-booing "MUUUUUUUS!" cheers.
==K==
*'''Alma Kaidensky''': GK, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Lilavati Kanwar''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Lobyuseistvooshu]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Sonal Kaur''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Named "defender of the season" in the first MUFN campaign after captaining Namiri to the title. Had a sufficiently gender-neutral name to be scouted by the [[CCFM]], despite the whole "masculino" thing.
*'''Davi Keane-Liuprand''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 5 goals. A good sport, yet prone to usually-quiet grudges. Scored twice and invented the "5-f-3-s-%" [sic] formation during the first leg of the second-round playoff against [[Darmen]] in the WC68 qualifiers.
*'''Natasha Keller''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 5 goals. Said to have the joy, enthusiasm, and tactical positioning of a five-year-old.
*'''Geoff Kempner''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Metropolitano]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Right wing and active member of the players' union, or at least he was in Zwangzug. Dinky little mustache.
*'''Mitchell Kernkraft''': MF, [[World Cup 42|WC42]], [[Rovers United]], [[Wiechester FC]]. No flair, but a hard-working grinder. Later became Wiechester manager.
*'''Nora Kent-Maner''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 86|WC86]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 14 goals.
*'''Bethany Kieschnick''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 38|38]]
*'''Saroj Kinnar''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Colonial Sile]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 2 goals. Won Zwangzug's university championship with Engdahl Institute in seasons 40 and 41. Part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Riley Kivrin''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 3 goals. May possibly be even shorter than 5'3" broadcaster Emmylou Brighton and [[Xíxì Êns]]; scored the equalizing goal against [[Farfadillis]] to advance to the [[World Cup 85]] knockout stages.
*'''Jenna Kowalski''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Komala Kristinsdottir''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 3 goals
*'''Megan Kucinich''': MF, [[Wexax United]], [[World Cup 38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 2 goals. An adventurous player who was seemingly up for a trip anywhere in the multiverse, except her opponents' half of the field, which made her "a bit of a cult figure" in [[the Holy Empire]] and much less so with [[Andrew Card]]. Debuted after Ursula Lauren's injury in the World Cup 38 qualifiers.
*'''[[Lucas Kukiseso]]''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 9 goals
*'''Antje Kurzmann-Tremme''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 4 goals. Nervy and concerned about self-/family-defense once she became a big time celebrity.
*'''Nidhi Kulamard''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 1 goal
*'''Eugene Kyp-Sobol''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]. Captain of the Eagles Cup 6 champions.
==L==
*'''Vipin Lamin''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
*'''Gabi Lanius-Sexton''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]], 1 goal
*'''Hajna Lantos''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Ursula Lauren''': MF, [[Arrigo Portuguese]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
*'''Michelle Lawrence''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Tara Lenski''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[Caires City]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
*'''Vanessa Leiter''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]
*'''Allison Levi-Gold''': DF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for [[Galacticos|Galactico Junior]] during UICA cycle 70.
*'''Pia Leykauf''': DF, [[FTC United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], 1 goal
*'''Preston Liebersbach''': FW, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 39|WC39]], 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.
==M==
*'''Julia MacEacharna''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 7 goals. Captain [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present. Alum of Neume College. Competed on the university all-star team during cycle 93, where she was noted for her saxophone skills as well as her footballing. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''[[Gary Maini]]''': FW, [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 42 goals
*'''[[Saena Mathash]]''': GK, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]
*'''Yul Maughum''': FW, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 36|36]], 32 goals. A son of the eastern [[FTC]]'s social elite, he was a large if slow-footed forward. Though his shots had more power than aim, he still set up many goals for crosstown teammate [[Phillip Stings]].
*'''Stephen Marcus''': FW, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 15|EC15]]-present, 6 goals. Testículos longlist IFCF 15.
*'''Khamisi McCluey''': FW, [[Rovers United]], [[Royal Rumiatzi]], [[Cup of Harmony 57]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 19 goals. Was a reserve for Rovers United in the "Fair Play Trophy" around the time of World Cup 62, before Zwangzug had returned to international play. Scored 18 goals for Royal Rumiatzi in season 658, the third-highest total.
*'''Jonah McCollins''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 27 goals. Captain B71 Invitational-WC87.
*'''Junia McCue''': DF, [[Arlington City]], B71 Invitational-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 5 goals
*'''John McDonald''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''Jerzy McFetridge''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 2 goals. Fast going forward, also quick to come to terms with weird stuff going on and adjust to that.
*'''Jen McFult''': DF, [[Rovers United]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Kayla McGee''': DF, [[World Cup 37|WC37]]
*'''Juniper McGovern''': DF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Desmond McGowan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]. A big fan of the video game ''SCQ: Superceleritas Quest''.
*'''Jess McHeran''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''Joel McJakill''': GK, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]]. Believed to be part of the inspiration behind "Harmony Sound," The Sesquipedals' (a Keppal City-based band)' entry in the [[World Cup 83]] concert. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-IFCF 1, after the dramatic but disappointing [[World Cup 84]] group stages and Keppal's international competitions in the first IFCF/FFI cycles.
*'''Xolani McKiegna''': MF, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|WC66]], 3 goals. Brother-in-law of Kaj McKiegna, a keelboat sailor in the [[Water World Championships]] and [[8th Summer Olympics]].
*'''Jordan McKinney''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-present, 11 goals.
*'''Zoe McQuoid''': MF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 39|WC39]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]
*'''Jude McWaler''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 2 goals. Alum of Glune Institute of Natural Sciences, part of the university all-star team in cycle 93.
*'''Jesse McWhorter''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup 10|EC10]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. Younger brother of Samuel McWhorter, a [[Rovers United]] player who retired for medical reasons after the Wayr Stadium lockdown.
*'''Odo Merisi-Rizzi''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Bruce Millar''': GK, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Burgess FC]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly outgoing and laid-back by goalkeeper standards.
*'''Nilkanth Mibang''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-present, 2 goals. Part of the Namiri side that won [[Champions League 9]].
*'''Harshit Mistry''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 1 goal
*'''Tova Miovuku''': DF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 89|89]], 7 goals
*'''Terrence Montague''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 80|WC80Q]], 2 goals
*'''Sophie Munshi''': MF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[Mierton Manatees]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 88|88]], 13 goals. Galacticos longlist cycle 78. Captain [[Eagles Cup|EC 10]]-[[World Cup 88|WC88]].
*'''Loris Muraro-Ughi''': FW, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]], 10 goals
==N==
*'''Yuuki Nakano''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Juvapanam]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 11 goals
*'''Hugo Nimbue''': FW, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]], 5 goals
*'''Shayna Nelson''': FW, [[Rovers United]], EC6, 4 goals
*'''Timothy Nexus''': MF, [[World Cup 35|WC35]]-[[World Cup 37|WC37]]. A native of [[102d]] by way of the [[Artificial Intelligence University|AIU]]. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the [[World Cup 37]] qualifiers.
*'''Cixin Nguyen''': MF, [[Chromatik]], [[World Cup 90|WC90]]-present, 25 goals. The star of a class of Zwangzugian high schoolers that played in the [[Chromatika]] university system, he first appeared for Zwangzugian coach Claude Pare-Achel at the dominant Chromia Central College University before signing professionally for Chromatik. Named to the Rainbow League's second all-pro team in season eight and nine. Season eleven: player of the season (also foreigner of the season and all-pro team). Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15.
*'''Amos Noile-Murne''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]], 10 goals
*'''Chip Noonan''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[Albrecht Turkish]], [[World Cup 41|WC41]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his [[CMSC]] career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
*'''Dima Novak''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[Athletik Thessia]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]], 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
*'''Zurab Nozadze''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 82|WC82Q]]
*'''Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==O==
*'''Allie Octar-Celyn''': DF, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Connor Ohme''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Cup of Harmony 60|CoH 60]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
*'''[[Simon Ryne Olson]]''': FW, [[Marienburg United]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 39|39]], 91 goals
*'''Compars Ogawa''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]].
*'''Anne Onymous''': outfield substitute, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.
==P==
*'''Subroto Parida''': DF, [[Namiri Independent]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Independent Associations Championship|IAC9]]. Struggled with chronic, nauseating migraines throughout his career.
*'''Helen Pimbura''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[World Cup 88|WC88]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]]. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Tori Pfendler''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. Good at the passing game, though often set up her opponents instead.
*'''Nancy Puyo-Sachar''': MF, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[Eagles Cup 14|EC14]], 14 goals. Married to Griffith Puyo-Sachar, a former player for and current manager of the [[Zwangzug national baseball team]]. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle.
==R==
*'''Arlo Rais-Sonnen''': FW, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 21 goals
*'''Delia Ramos-Avea''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]]
*'''Awidlyon Reed''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''Corey Richardson''': MF, [[Advance Alara]], [[Ephesian FC]], [[Eagles Cup|EC10]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 6 goals. A lot of raw talent but plagued by nerves. Won the university championship with Erewhon University in (Zwangzug's) season 31. Part of the Team of the Season for [[Ko-oren]]'s league in (their) season 34. Seemed to find some tranquility in [[Cup of Harmony 80]], when he scored the winning goal in extra time against [[St Trinians]] in the round of 32; this was Zwangzug's nomination for goal of the tournament.
*'''Nadine Roark''': DF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|69]]. Liked wearing long ponytails, which often saw her clash with manager Matilda Kratochvil in Slogda and the national team.
*'''Corianne Rogawski''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Irene Roosevelt''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present
*'''Angela Rose-Dauphine''' DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 67|WC67]]
*'''Lorraine Rouwen-Horn''': DF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''[[Martina Ruan]]''': MF, [[FTC United]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 18 goals
*'''[[Steven Ruck]]''': MF, [[IYC Ajer]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 41]], 4 goals
*'''Meredith Ryland''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 92|WC92]]-present. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15. Known for skillful throw-ins.
==S==
*'''Danilo Sabbia''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 1 goal
*'''Randall Saitta''': DF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 83|WC83]]-[[World Cup 87|WC87]], 13 goals. Could be insensitive, but had a solid work ethic.
*'''Taylor Sariger-Heshik''': FW, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 69|WC69]], 5 goals
*'''Marlon Sayle-Bren''': MF, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]]-[[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC9]], 17 goals. Named to the [[Galacticos]] long-list post-UICA season 72 and again post-IFCF 1.
*'''[[Martin Scallop]]''': DF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]], 5 goals
*'''Tullio Schi''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[Bengtsmark IF]], [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 13 goals
*'''Franziska Schnee-Krull''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[KF Koflir]], [[Eagles Cup|EC7]]-[[World Cup 83|WC83]]. Stoked controversy in [[Qusmo]] by stating relatively conservative views on sexual dimorphism and language, further inflaming anti-immigrant sentiment there.
*'''Claude Seu''': MF, [[Clube Imperial]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 1 goal. A quiet player of [[Ariddia|Ariddian]] ancestry.
*'''Lawrence Sevvy''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]. A native of [[Bassabook]] known for his off-the-field affairs, Sevvy greatly resented (robotic coach) BOB's attempt at instilling curfew. During Zwangzug's matches against [[Rejistania]] in the [[World Cup 35]] qualifiers, he joined forces with a fan from [[The Hurd]] to hack the manager into irrelevancy, paving the way for human coaches thereafter.
*'''[[Rohit Sharma]]''': FW, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Chelmar FC]], [[World Cup 40|WC40]]-[[World Cup 42|42]], 35 goals.
*'''Michael Sheldon''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Central United]], [[World Cup 38|WC38]]-[[World Cup 42|42]]. Conceded a penalty in a friendly against [[Candelaria And Marquez]] in the [[World Cup 38]] qualifiers, which probably did not endear him to the coach. After his domestic career, he disappeared almost completely; rumors linked him with the police in his adopted homeland of [[Cafundéu]].
*'''Simone Shimura''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]
*'''Akhil Sibal''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Stade Djalenga]], [[Energija Chernovets]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[World Cup 90|WC90]], 4 goals. Got an assist in the winning goal of Chernovets' [[AOCL]] championship.
*'''Ted Silla-Raty''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]]. Missed some time in the [[World Cup 65]] cycle due to a health issue, that fortunately for everyone wasn't serious enough to let him self-centeredly complain about it.
*'''Mobin Singh''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[World Cup 42|WC42]]. A wing-back equally comfortable on the right and left.
*'''Farrokh Sokhi''': MF, [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]]-[[World Cup 93|WC93]], [[Namiri Forest]], 25 goals. Won [[Champions League 9]] with Namiri Forest. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle.
*'''Brian Spand-Maunk''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 94|WC94]]-present, 1 goal
*'''Ulysses Stael''': MF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]. The older brother of [[Steven Ruck]], Ulysses would likely have had a longer and more talented career if Zwangzug had fielded a team earlier. He was at one point in negotiations to play for a domestic team in [[St Samuel]], but it is unknown if those came to fruition.
*'''[[Sydney Stefred]]''': DF, [[Arlington City]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC9]], 4 goals
*'''Rudolf Sternberg''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 65|WC65]]-[[World Cup 68Q|WC68Q]], 1 goal. A native of Clunvers, the suburb of [[Zwischen]] known for the "Big Max" meteorite disaster, and glad to be famous for something else. Scored the goal that clinched Zwangzug's return to the proper in WC66, against [[New Matawan]].
*'''[[Phillip Stings]]''': FW, [[IYC Uharan]], [[World Cup 33|WC 33]]-[[World Cup 40|40]], 83 goals
*'''Hanna Suzuki''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], B71 Invitational-[[Eagles Cup|EC12]] and [[Eagles Cup|EC13]]-[[World Cup 92||WC92]], 11 goals. Testículos shortlist for the WC92 cycle. Like many Trink players, known for elegant, highlight-reel goals. One of the few players to be cut from but later rejoin the national team.
==T==
*'''Kerry Tammany''': MF, [[Bassabook Old Boys]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 65|WC65Q]], 5 goals
*'''Kelci Tanaka-Whit''': MF, [[Rovers United]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]], 2 goals
*'''[[Rube Tercer]]''': DF, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 35|35]]
*'''Evan Terwilliger''': FW, [[Chelmar FC]], [[Cardarel FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41]], 2 goals. Somewhat fluky, though not to the extremes of international and domestic teammate Ian Felsenfeld.
*'''Freda Tery-Wilf''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup|EC14]]-present, 4 goals
*'''Monica Tewsal''': GK, [[Sporting Esper]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Laurel Tinker-Witt''': GK, [[Canbix Muses]], [[Dwile Warriors]], [[Strathcona Internationals]], [[World Cup 84|WC84]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC11]]. Became a coach at Strathcona after her retirement as a player.
*'''Dominik Topi''': GK, [[Trebuchet Cham]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 68|WC68Q]]
*'''[[Anatoly Trumper]]''': GK, [[World Cup 33|WC33]]-[[World Cup 34|34]]
*'''Fedya Troy-Vee''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 87|WC87]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]
*'''Misako Tsuki''': FW, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]-[[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]], 11 goals. Accidentally got roped into researching whether a huge percentage of our population really dies by getting lost in the wilderness, theorized it's mostly AI and zebra citizens. Scored a lot of highlight-reel goals for Trink. Became a guest lecturer and then coach of the prestigious [[List of colleges and universities in Zwangzug#B|Bryce College]], leading them to a university championship in Season 30.
*'''Sofya Turmal-Hence''': MF, [[Keppal Cosmos]], [[Eagles Cup|EC15]]-present, 3 goals.
*'''Joshua Twoni''': MF, [[Arlington City]], [[World Cup 82|WC82]]-[[World Cup 86|WC86]], 27 goals. [[Galacticos]] long list cycle 76 and 78, reserve XII cycle 77. Golden boot in the [[Kita-Hinode|Hinodejin]] video game simulation of [[World Cup 85]]. Captain of the national team [[World Cup 86]], and of the Arlington side that won the IFCF [[Challenger's Cup 3]].
==U==
*'''Kurt Uehara''': DF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[FC Soessch]], [[Easthold Royals]], [[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC8]], 1 goal
*'''Caleb Upsil-Coyne''': MF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup 7|EC7]]
==V==
*'''Ricardo Valbuena''': MF, [[Ephesian FC]], [[World Cup 80|WC80]]-[[Cup of Harmony 74|CoH 74]]
*'''[[Peter Vanderpent]]''': FW, [[Albrecht FC]], [[World Cup 37|WC37]]-[[World Cup 41|41]], 61 goals
*'''Alyssa Velt-Nansen''': FW, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
*'''Kausalya Vizirani''': DF, [[Namiri Forest]], [[Eagles Cup 8|EC8]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]], 2 goals. Captain of the Namiri Forest side that won [[Champions League 9]], and national team captain from [[World Cup 90]]-[[World Cup 91|WC91]]. While frequently compared to Chevanthi Arokiaraj, Vizirani is a bit more ingenuous and contented in her off-field life. Named to the GS SuperSports+ team of the tournament for WC91.
*'''Tandre Vusin-Jacques''': GK, [[102d Jr.s]], [[World Cup 95|WC95]]-present
==W==
*'''Valerie Waugh''': FW, [[102d Jr.s]], [[Eagles Cup|EC11]]-[[World Cup 94|WC94]], 53 goals. Captain [[World Cup 94|WC94]].
*'''Patrick Wentworth-Eyrie''': MF, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[Eagles Cup|EC6]]-[[Eagles Cup|EC7]], 1 goal. Ancestor of Jonathan Broad-Wentworth, who would also play for Twineur circa season 28.
*'''Emily Winters-Neumann''': GK, [[Twineur Bugs]], [[World Cup 64|WC64]]-[[World Cup 66|66]]. Very reserved, had an ongoing feud with Davi Keane-Liuprand.
*'''Franklin Witchein-Coan''': DF, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Fryi Frêndê]], [[World Cup 67|WC67]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 1 goal. Fan of loud music.
*'''Liorit Wirth''': MF, [[Eintracht Trink]], [[World Cup 68|WC68]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]], 3 goals
*'''Dustin Wodehouse''': GK, [[Spenson Suburbia]], [[Eagles Cup 6|EC6]]
*'''Vera Woredann''': MF, [[Excelsior Slogda]], [[World Cup 66|WC66]]-[[World Cup 69|WC69]]

Return to [[Zwangzug national football team|main article]]

Zwangzug national football team

2023-11-10T14:33:29Z

Zwangzug: pre-95 updates

The '''Zwangzug national football team''' represents [[Zwangzug]] in international competitions, most frequently the [[World Cup]] and its associated competitions. They were the champions of [[World Cup 92]]

The team has competed in several distinct eras; the "first generation" team competed from [[World Cup 33]] to [[World Cup 42]], winning [[Cup of Harmony 25]] and finishing second in WC42. The "second generation" competed from [[World Cup 64]] through [[World Cup 69]] before the country ceased to exist. They sporadically contested the [[Eagles Cup]], winning the sixth edition of that tournament, and then a "third generation" team participated in [[World Cup 80]], then [[World Cup 82]] to the present.

==History==
An extensive team history may be found at [[Zwangzug national football team/history|this subpage]].

Zwangzug have always worn white kits with black stripes at home, and black kits with white stripes away, the more similar the better, though will grudgingly make allowances to distinguish themselves from their opponents if necessary.

The first generation team played its home games at Wayr Stadium in the [[Rackham Range]], after first establishing an even higher and more remote training camp. Upon reconstitution, the new team did the same for World Cups 64 and 65. Beginning with World Cup 66, the association established the tradition of playing qualifying matches at different fields throughout the country, and this has been continued to the present.

==Competitive record==

===World Cup===

{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
!colspan=7|Qualification
! style="width:1px" rowspan="32"|
!colspan=8|Main tournament
|-
! Cycle
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
!{{abbr|Comp|Competition}}
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
|-
| 33 || 18 || 9 || 4 || 5 || 30 || 26 || [[Cup of Harmony 25|CoH 25]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 8 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 9 || 5
|-
| 34 || 12 || 7 || 1 || 4 || 25 || 24 || [[World Cup 34|WC 34]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4
|-
| 35 || 10 || 6 || 1 || 3 || 19 || 10 || [[World Cup 35|WC 35]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 5 || 5
|-
| 36 || 14 || 9 || 2 || 3 || 28 || 16 || [[World Cup 36|WC 36]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 12 || 9
|-
| 37 || 14 || 12 || 1 || 1 || 40 || 15 || [[World Cup 37|WC 37]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 11 || 7
|-
| 38 || 14 || 12 || 0 || 2 || 44 || 12 || [[World Cup 38|WC 38]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 6 || 8
|-
| 39 || 14 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 13 || [[World Cup 39|WC 39]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 10
|-
| 40 || 10 || 9 || 0 || 1 || 30 || 13 || [[World Cup 40|WC 40]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 2 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 5
|-
| 41 || 10 || 6 || 4 || 0 || 26 || 8 || [[World Cup 41|WC 41]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 3 || 0 || 1 || 8 || 4
|-
| 42 || 12 || 8 || 3 || 1 || 23 || 9 || [[World Cup 42|WC 42]] || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 20 || 10
|-
| 64 || 18 || 6 || 7 || 5 || 16 || 20 || [[Cup of Harmony 56|CoH 56]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 8
|-
| 65 || 18 || 9 || 5 || 4 || 26 || 17 || [[Cup of Harmony 57|CoH 57]] || 4th in group || 4 || 1 || 1 || 2 || 4 || 5
|-
| 66 || 10 || 8 || 2 || 0 || 18 || 4 || [[World Cup 66|WC 66]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 5 || 6
|-
| 67 || 16 || 11 || 2 || 3 || 23 || 12 || [[World Cup 67|WC 67]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 6
|-
| 68 || 14 || 12 || 2 || 0 || 27 || 3 || [[Cup of Harmony 68|CoH 60]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 69 || 14 || 8 || 3 || 3 || 18 || 9 || [[World Cup 69|WC 69]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 2 || 7
|-
| 80 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 23 || 23 || [[Cup of Harmony 72|CoH 72]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 5
|-
| 82 || 18 || 6 || 5 || 7 || 21 || 25 || [[Cup of Harmony 73|CoH 74]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 3 || 1 || 3 || 7 || 8
|-
| 83 || 12 || 9 || 1 || 2 || 27 || 13 || [[World Cup 83|WC 83]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 0 || 2 || 1 || 3 || 4
|-
| 84 || 20 || 13 || 2 || 5 || 34 || 26 || [[World Cup 84|WC 84]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 0 || 3 || 1 || 5
|-
| 85 || 24 || 17 || 3 || 4 || 44 || 19 || [[World Cup 85|WC 85]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9
|-
| 86 || 18 || 12 || 3 || 3 || 30 || 15 || [[World Cup 86|WC 86]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 1 || 1 || 4 || 5
|-
| 87 || 18 || 10 || 5 || 3 || 38 || 21 || [[World Cup 87|WC 87]] || 3rd in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 8 || 8
|-
| 88 || 18 || 8 || 5 || 5 || 21 || 15 || [[Cup of Harmony 80|CoH 80]] || Round of 16 || 5 || 3 || 2 || 0 || 11 || 5
|-
| 89 || 18 || 12 || 4 || 2 || 33 || 13 || [[World Cup 89|WC89]] || 4th in group || 3 || 1 || 0 || 2 || 2 || 4
|-
| 90 || 18 || 10 || 2 || 2 || 25 || 13 || [[World Cup 90|WC90]] || 4th in group || 3 || 0 || 1 || 2 || 3 || 5
|-
| 91 || 20 || 14 || 4 || 2 || 32 || 14 || [[World Cup 91|WC91]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 2 || 1 || 10 || 11
|-
| 92 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 41 || 11 || [[World Cup 92|WC92]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 14 || 11
|-
| 93 || 22 || 18 || 2 || 2 || 47 || 17 || [[World Cup 93|WC93]] || '''Fourth place''' || 7 || 4 || 2 || 1 || 19 || 13
|-
| 94 || 20 || 16 || 2 || 2 || 46 || 16 || [[World Cup 94|WC94]] || Round of 16 || 4 || 1 || 3 || 0 || 9 || 7
|}

Zwangzug qualified to the World Cup via playoffs in World Cups 36, 67, 69, 87, and 91; they lost in playoffs in World Cup 68.

===Other tournaments===
{| class="wikitable" style="text-align: center"
|-
! Competition
! Result
!{{abbr|Pld|Games played}}
!{{abbr|W|Won}}
!{{abbr|D|Drawn}}
!{{abbr|L|Lost}}
!{{abbr|GF|Goals for}}
!{{abbr|GA|Goals against}}
! WC cycle
|-
| [[Baptism of Fire 20]] || Quarterfinals ||8||2||0||6||4||12|| 33
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams]] || 5th in group ||10||2||4||4||11||15 || 64
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 6 || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 20 || 15 || 76
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 7 || 5th place || 9 || 5 || 1 || 3 || 18 || 17 || 79
|-
| [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]] || Quarterfinals || 5 || 2 || 1 || 2 || 8 || 9 || 85
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 8 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 3 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 10 || 85
|-
| [[B71 Invitational Football Tournament]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' || 4 || 2 || 2 || 0 || 7 || 2 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 9 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 2 || 2 || 12 || 11 || 87
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 10 || 3rd in group || 6 || 2 || 0 || 4 || 6 || 7 || 88
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 11 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 3 || 4 || 2 || 18 || 12 || 89
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 12 || '''Fourth place''' || 9 || 5 || 0 || 4 || 10 || 7 || 90
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 13 || style="background:#cd7f32" | '''Third place''' || 9 || 3 || 5 || 1 || 15 || 12 || 91
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 14 || Quarterfinals || 7 || 5 || 0 || 2 || 10 || 8 || 92
|-
| [[Brevity Challenge Cup]] 4 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 7 || 4 || 1 || 2 || 12 || 9 || 93
|-
| [[Mihaly Invitational Cup]] 1 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 5 || 4 || 0 || 1 || 11 || 4 || 93
|-
| [[Eagles Cup]] 15 || style="background:silver" | '''Runners-up''' || 9 || 6 || 1 || 2 || 13 || 5 || 93
|-
| [[World Cup of Dreams II]] || style="background:gold" | '''Champions''' ||17||11||4||2||28||7 || 94
|}
Due to the unique nature of the World Cup of Dreams, goalscorers were not recorded and they are not considered statistically-meaningful tournaments in Zwangzug records. For BCC1 and the Mihaly Invitational Cup, Zwangzug sent a university all-star team; goalscorers were not recorded and these are not considered full national team matches. (However, several of those players went on to play for the full national team in their own right.)

The B71 tournament is considered statistically meaningful, albeit by and large against nations not of WCC caliber, so their championship is not really something to crow about.

==Personnel==
A full all-time roster is provided at [[Zwangzug national football team/roster|this subpage]].

In the "first generation" era, Zwangzug's football culture was very insular, and their managers, while long-tenured, did not exert a lot of leadership power. The captaincy was, therefore, considered an important role in actually leading and representing the players; part actual power, part symbolic reward for long-timers who deferred to the "established" way of things. Since the second generation, Zwangzug has been able to draw from successful club managers, but mostly prefer to search within their own borders. This pattern was belied with [[Kate DiMarini]] of [[Baker Park]], who took over as an interim in World Cup 87 and has been in charge ever since, including the World Cup 92 championship.
===Managers===
*BOB 64: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
An early experiment in robotics from the [[Artificial Intelligence University]] whose attempts at instilling curfew were not popular with all of the player base. The best guess at the acronym was "bought out by," but either the socialist government and/or idealistic elements on the team successfully prevented corporate sponsorship.
*Doodlypants Mcgimpy: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 42]]
A Bigtopian immigrant who occasionally struggled to communicate (and frequently referenced his players by uniform number), but also a diligent talent scout.
*Bridget Scroves: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 67]]
Led the team to qualification on their third attempt, but ill health and a fractious relationship with [[World Cup Commitee]] Vice-President Sue Fleischmann overshadowed her later cycles.
*Matilda Kratochvil: [[World Cup 68]]-[[Cup of Harmony 60]]
Built [[Excelsior Slogda]] into a contender, where she sparred with Nadine Roark about the latter's ponytail. After a dominant qualifying stage, struggled in playoffs and the CoH, and decided she liked being part of the Slogda machine better.
*Reaven Laynee: [[World Cup 69]]
Originally from [[Earent]], where she was the manager of [[Stirvik TU]], who finished second in [[Champions' Cup 48]], and was already known for bizarre and incomprehensible metaphors. Then moved to [[Sporting Iturributa]] in [[Astograth]] before that league collapsed. Not much more coherent in her third language either, producing quotes such as "Yes, the butt changes" in response to her opposite number's misbehavior against [[Estope]].
*Mila Apsar: [[Eagles Cup 6]]
[[Namiri Independent]] manager in season 17.
*Franklin Motobuchi: [[Eagles Cup 7]]
[[Eintracht Trink]] manager in the hard-fought season 21, when they finished third on goal difference. Returned there after the national team and won the first [[Cereal Cup]].
*Makvala Tsereteli: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
Slogda manager in season 23, when they rallied to fifth from a thirteenth-place finish the season before. Keen on making substitutions and jiggling her lineup.
*Tavish Willow: [[World Cup 83]]-[[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers
Manager of [[Keppal Cosmos]] when they won the league in season 24. Known for his ponytail (unlike Kratochvil); instituted a (1)-4-6-0 formation due to his perception of a lack of effective strikers. This paid off quickly when Zwangzug qualified; by the middle of the WC84 qualifiers, however, the team had drawn against [[Tamgu]] and [[Castanya]], lost to [[Krytenia]], [[Mattijana]], and [[Ancherion]] (in the latter case 4-0). Blasting the "cowards at the federation" who "don't have it in them to fire anyone ignomiously," he resigned his position.
*Enitan Maclaurin: [[World Cup 84]] mid-qualifiers and proper
Interim appointed in Willow's absence. Many cycles prior, a goalkeeper with [[Arlington City]] who then moved to [[Tropicorp FC]] in [[Vilita]], and longtime member of the [[Arlington Collective]].
*Abigail Chatelenas: [[Independent Associations Championship 9|IAC 9]]
A ''de facto'' interim. Previously led the University of Homler to several finals, and then second place in the [[IUCC]]; after the IAC stint, joined [[Atlantea Hurricanes]] in [[Taeshan]].
*Brandon Sonnabend: [[World Cup 85]]-[[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers
Won the league with [[Bassabook Old Boys]] in season 29, then came second in the second [[FFI]] Liga dos Vencedores. Can be quick to substitute players out after perceived injuries; his critics say he has some double standards and is less willing to let women potentially play through the pain than men. While mostly grounded in reality, known to wax poetic in ye olde fantasy novel prophetic jargon. A combination of poor results and the increasing frustration caused by this phenomenon caused him and the federation to part ways at the halfway point of qualifiers.
*[[Kate DiMarini]]: [[World Cup 87]] mid-qualifiers - present
Originally from the Commonwealth of [[Baker Park]], where she was an assistant to [[Pamela Scott|Pam Scott]] with their [[Baker Park national football team|national team]]. Then took over at [[Trebuchet Cham]], leading them to two [[IFCF]] qualifications. After a successful stint as the interim, was named permanent manager after [[World Cup 87]].

===Captains===
[[File:Jacob_Barons.JPG|thumb|right|Jacob Barons was the second captain of the national team]]
*[[Rube Tercer]]: [[Baptism of Fire 20]]-[[World Cup 35]]
*Jacob Barons: [[World Cup 36]]-[[World Cup 38]]
*[[Steven Ruck]]: [[World Cup 39]]-[[World Cup 41]]
*[[Andrew Card]]: [[World Cup 42]]
*Brett Chrowder: [[World Cup 64]]-[[World Cup 66]]
*[[Martina Ruan]]: [[World Cup 67]]-[[World Cup 69]]
*Eugene Kyp-Sobol: [[Eagles Cup]] 6
*Turan Gul: [[Eagles Cup]] 7
*Kendra Jover: [[World Cup 80]], [[World Cup 82]]/[[Cup of Harmony 76]]
*[[Martin Scallop]]: [[World Cup 83]]
*[[Lucas Kukiseso]]: [[World Cup 84]]
*Chevanthi Arokiaraj: [[Eagles Cup]] 8-[[World Cup 85]]
*Joshua Twoni: [[World Cup 86]]
*Jonah McCollins: [[Eagles Cup]] 9-[[World Cup 87]]
*Sophie Munshi: [[Eagles Cup]] 10-[[World Cup 88]] (qualifiers)
*Lissa Crain: [[Cup of Harmony 80]]-[[World Cup 90]]
*Kausalya Vizirani: [[Eagles Cup]] 13-[[World Cup 91]]
*[[Kayla Haugen]]: [[Eagles Cup]] 14-[[World Cup 92]]
*Kirsten Jackson: [[Eagles Cup]] 15-[[World Cup 93]]
*Valerie Waugh: [[World Cup 94]]
*Julia MacEacharna: [[World Cup 95]] - present
===Top goalscorers===
Because of the first-generation team's eccentricities (little use of substitutions, strict positional demands, long careers due to limited player base), many of their goalscoring statistics are unlikely to be equaled. A "modern era" table (WC64 and onward) is provided separately.

{| class="wikitable"
|+ All-time
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || [[Simon Ryne Olson]] || 91
|-
| 2 || [[Phillip Stings]] || 83
|-
| 3 || [[Peter Vanderpent]] || 61
|-
| 4 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 5 || Gordon Blum || 48
|}

{| class="wikitable"
|+ Modern era
|-
! # !! Name !! Goals
|-
| 1 || Valerie Waugh || 53
|-
| 2 || Gordon Blum || 48
|-
| 3 || Johan Idmar || 47
|-
| 4 || Quincy Dulk-Fough || 32
|-
| 5 || Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen || 28
|-
| 5 || [[Kayla Haugen]] || 28
|}

[[Category:Zwangzug|Football]][[Category:National football teams]]