Zwangzug national football team/roster

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The Zwangzug national football team has participated in World Cup cycles 33-42, beginning with the 25th Baptism of Fire; World Cup cycles 64-69; Eagles Cup 6-15, World Cup cycles 80, 82-present (but not 81); Independent Associations Championship 9, and the first B71 Invitational. Ranges should be interpreted in this context. Players whose names are linked have more detailed writeups elsewhere.


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  • Cynthia Fairfax-Hazy: DF, CoH 80-WC93, Arlington City, 1 goal. Testículos longlist for IFCF 15.
  • Joshua Farthing: GK, Sporting Esper, WC64-CoH 57. Gave his own lipogram interviews, which is pretty much where you want your goalkeeper-eccentricity levels to be calibrated.
  • Mal Faustino: DF, A.F.F., World Cup 36-World Cup 40, 1 goal. Focused but confident, and willing to challenge the prevailing orthodoxy in the national team. After his retirement, he opened a supermarket in Abadia, which expanded into including a restaurant.
  • Ian Felsenfeld: FW, IYC Uharan, Chelmar FC, WC37-40, 3 goals. Very inconsistent, could have excellent or terrible performances with no way of predicting them. Teamed up with Evan Terwilliger for more erraticness at Chelmar. Later the manager of IYC Vanan, where he had a “clever man-managing style” and was a “wonder-worker” in keeping them relevant.
  • Jocelyn Fekapeu-Chara: DF, Sporting Esper, WC68-WC69
  • Ashley Fillmore-Gaul: DF, Spenson Suburbia, EC14-WC96, 3 goals. A practicing Ketrian who could be surly but nevertheless got along well with her teammates. Captain WC96.
  • Chloe Flen-Willis: MF, Ephesian FTC, WC97-present, 7 goals.
  • Ione Friede: MF, Canbix Muses, WC82-EC9, 13 goals
  • Blake Fures: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC69. A self-proclaimed "chap" who had to explain chappy things to the rest of the team during the "World Cup of Chaps."

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  • Vipin Lamin: DF, Namiri Forest, WC64-WC67. Made lots of pithy lists. Named to the "World XI" of World Cup 67, possibly for being one of the only defenders who was nominated (in his case, by district rival Shula Bachchan-Laum).
  • Gabi Lanius-Sexton: FW, Trebuchet Cham, CoH 74, 1 goal
  • Hajna Lantos: GK, Canbix Muses, CoH 60-WC69
  • Ursula Lauren: MF, Arrigo Portuguese, WC37-39, 1 goal. The national team's first female starter, who preferred to be judged on her play rather than demographic role and/or treatment of people who went on about it. She scored five goals in seasons XXVI and XXVII for Arrigo.
  • Gretchen Lavenza: DF, FTC United, WC97-present. Won Challengers' Cup 19 with FTC United.
  • Brunnhilde Lavrans: FW, Ephesian FC, WC98-present, 10 goals
  • Michelle Lawrence: MF, Ephesian FC, EC6
  • Tara Lenski: DF, Rovers United, Caires City, WC40-WC42. Injury-prone with a penchant for highlight-reel stops, two concepts which overlapped too frequently. Played seasons XXX-XXXII in Caires; three goals, two own goals there.
  • Vanessa Leiter: DF, Canbix Muses, EC7-CoH 72
  • Allison Levi-Gold: DF, Sporting Esper, WC82-WC86, 2 goals. Zwangzug's nomination for Galactico Junior during UICA cycle 70.
  • Pia Leykauf: DF, FTC United, EC13-WC93, 1 goal
  • Preston Liebersbach: FW, WC37-WC39, 4 goals. Spoke a unique idiolect of English which could include "yah, sure, yabetcha" and "yo dawg" in the same sentence.

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  • Yuuki Nakano: MF, Eintracht Trink, Juvapanam, WC64-WC65Q, 11 goals
  • Hugo Nimbue: FW, Trebuchet Cham, EC6-EC7, 5 goals
  • Shayna Nelson: FW, Rovers United, EC6, 4 goals
  • Timothy Nexus: MF, WC35-WC37. A native of 102d by way of the AIU. Nexus was once "the techie," assisting (robotic coach) BOB when the nature of fractal reality interfered with wireless communication, before joining the team in his own right. He was fueled mainly by a seemingly endless supply of caffeine, and very surprised by Zwangzug's dominant performance in the World Cup 37 qualifiers.
  • Cixin Nguyen: MF, Chromatik, SK Aasiaat Harbour, WC90-WC95, 29 goals. The star of a class of Zwangzugian high schoolers that played in the Chromatika university system, he first appeared for Zwangzugian coach Claude Pare-Achel at the dominant Chromia Central College University before signing professionally for Chromatik. Named to the Rainbow League's second all-pro team in season eight and nine. Season eleven: player of the season (also foreigner of the season and all-pro team). In his first season with SK Aasiaat Harbour, recorded 12 assists, tied for fourth in the league. Testículos longlist for the WC92 cycle and IFCF 15.
  • Amos Noile-Murne: MF, Bassabook Old Boys, WC84-CoH 80, 10 goals
  • Chip Noonan: MF, Arlington City, Albrecht Turkish, WC41-42. Started scintillating counterattacks on his collegiate dynasty, but lacked the endurance for ninety-minute success. A large player, he was a poor tackler and ejected several times in his CMSC career, which spanned seasons XXX-XXXII. He scored nine goals there, and fit in better with Alex Parnett than Scott Soldarian.
  • Dima Novak: DF, Excelsior Slogda, Athletik Thessia, WC64-CoH 60, 1 goal. One of the taller players in the "second-generation" team.
  • Zurab Nozadze: DF, Excelsior Slogda, WC80-WC82Q
  • Manuel Nurtch-Arnolds: DF, Keppal Cosmos, EC6-EC7

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  • Allie Octar-Celyn: DF, Canbix Muses, EC6
  • Connor Ohme: DF, Bassabook Old Boys, CoH 60-WC69. Fairly withdrawn, a stereotypical "southeasterner" who found it difficult to talk to more liberal-minded people about his faith.
  • Frank Olmsted: GK, Rovers United, WC97-present. Made a name for himself as the fourth goalkeeper during WC99 by conducting a controlled experiment on whether it's better to be right or kind with his fellow backups.
  • Simon Ryne Olson: FW, Marienburg United, WC33-39, 91 goals
  • Compars Ogawa: MF, Eintracht Trink, EC6.
  • Anne Onymous: outfield substitute, WC33-35. This is probably just a stupid placeholder pun we thought was funny at the time, rather than an actual player or quantum multiplicity of players who wore any single/double-digit integer that wasn't taken. But if we're going to be completist about this, here we are.

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