Zwangzug national football team/history

The First Generation

Early days

The semi-legendary beginnings of the national team date trace to Forbridge, the shores of the Deep Blue Lake at the AIU, at which one student is said to have inadvertently another in the head during a hard-fought game of Frisbee, whereupon they decided that the country needed better sports. Whether or not this is true, the fact remains that they assembled an eclectic XI, with the FTC prominently represented but players hailing from cities such as Bassabook as well; appointed a semi-competent robot as manager; and declared themselves the announcers. Zwangzug competed in Baptism of Fire 20, and their first match was a defeat to Northern Bettia. Three more shutout defeats followed, before a victory in game five against Turruth Gordur. Despite dropping their last match of the group stage, they upset undefeated Kelssek in the knockout rounds before being eliminated by Quintessence of Dust.

The World Cup 33 qualification tour saw Zwangzug tour the multiverse, facing sides such as Cafundéu and The Archregimancy. Despite losing an opening rematch against the Fire Ants, and falling to a 6-1 defeat against defending champions Ariddia, Zwangzug finished tied with Ropa-Topia and Tessan for the final at-large playoff spots. They had the lowest goal differential, however, and instead went to Cup of Harmony 25, hosted by the association of Jasīʼyūn. After advancing to the knockout stages of the tournament on a three-way head-to-head tiebreaker, two 1-0 victories saw Zwangzug narrowly advance to the final. There, the goals would fly freely, as Zwangzug defeated Ropa-Topia 4-2.

Countrywide time-dilation policies and football-related apathy led to low roster turnover rates in the early campaigns, so the World Cup 34 team was unchanged. Off the field, the announcers-cum-software designers had been contracted to design organizational software for the "Grumpy Old Fogeys" host team of Ariddia and The Holy Empire, which led to some heady technological pride but also, when said software experienced issues in that and the next cycle, national insecurity. This time, the team qualified directly. In their first Proper match, they faced Demot, semifinalists of the previous edition, but Zwangzug emerged with a 1-0 upset. A 1-1 draw with Bazalonia let them hold the group lead into the third matchday, whereupon they were promptly eliminated, a 4-0 defeat to Cafundéu knocking them to third on goal difference.

The original team had featured a (1)-3-4-3 formation alongside a defensive style, reflecting both the culture's innate cautiousness but also their tactical naivety. The disappointing end to the WC34 cycle--which had featured both the stresses of interdimensional time portals and discomfort with witnessing and bemoaning the cessation of other national teams--prompted substantial change. Iconoclast right-back Andrew Card had the brainchild of the goalkeeperless formation, while good-spirited captain Rube Tercer hammered out the details of what became the ultra-symmetric 3-2-1-2-3. In World Cup 35, Zwangzug temporarily adopted an attacking style as they began this transition. They finished third in their qualifying group, during which time defender Lawrence Sevvy and a fan from The HURD successfully hacked coach BOB 64 to cut down on its prudish bed checks, and also, any semblance of ability to coach a football team. After defeating Sativaville in the playoffs, they came third in their proper group. The most notable step forward was the emergence of Eddie Barnes in the midfield. While his sisters' instrumental performances (on saxophone and oboe respectively) traditionally replaced full-scale pregame singing of the national anthem, Eddie thrived against the toughest opposition.

World Cup 36: the breakthrough

Everything came together in World Cup 36. Having settled into the 3-2-1-2-3, Zwangzug adopted a neutral style they would use for the medium term. Doodlypants Mcgimpy, of Bigtopia, was hired on as coach; given the precedent set by the early cycles, the team was used to having the captain coordinate most important decisions, and the conclusion that Mcgimpy's erratic command of English was a feature rather than a bug in terms of preventing him (or any coach) to exert a typical amount of authority is cynical but probably accurate. Nevertheless, the qualification stage was unremarkable. In fact, a government shutdown led to a media outage lasting from the tail end of the qualification stage through the group stage. Intermittent reports broke the news of Zwangzug's playoff victory over Spruitland. When things returned to full force, the team had taken four points from the group stage, and advanced on goal difference over Jeruselem.

Ahead lay Bettia--defending champions, first seeds, and so dominant a team that, historically, anyone who beat them in the knockout stages had gone on to win the tournament. But it was the twenty-first seeds who not only won, but produced a dominant 3-0 victory. The world stage brought out Barnes' best; he was named man of the match in the 2-1 quarterfinal victory over Cafundéu, and the Bettian Blessing seemed alive and well. Yet, in a group-stage rematch with Ariddia, the rouge-et-noirs triumphed in the semifinals en route to their third world championship, and Zwangzug lost the third-place match to hosts Capitalizt SLANI. Nevertheless, the team had far surpassed expectations; Barnes, Simon Ryne Olson, and rookie center-back Bartholomew Hanson were all named to the tournament's Best XXIII, and the team was honored with the Golden Haddock award from the Holy Empire. Just as surprisingly, the national bandwagon produced a wellspring of footballing fascination in the country.

Contenders

This meant that Mcgimpy had a real responsibility, and opportunity, in recruiting a bona fide squad of 23 players for World Cup 37. (The quest kept him busy on and off the sidelines, one unexpected consequence being the birth of future World Cup Committee vice-president Sue Fleischmann.) A deeper squad clinched qualification by winning their first eleven games, including two long-awaited victories against Northern Bettia. Used to the pressure of fighting till the final day, they promptly lost their next match but nevertheless sailed into the proper, taking six points from their group stage before defeating Jerusalem and Cafundéu. In the semifinal, they drew Demot in 120 minutes, though the penalty shootout was unsurprisingly a challenge. Despite Roger Hammers and captain Jacob Barons' patented strategy of singing as a distraction, the Dynamo advanced easily, and Zwangzug were defeated by Sel Appa in the third-place match.

Qualification for World Cup 38 featured such highs as a 6-0 victory over Kansiov, a margin equaled two games later in a 7-1 win against Scotchpinestan, and such lows as defeat to San Adriano (national population 439). But the team qualified with ease, and clinched a place in the knockout stages with a game to spare. They lost their last group stage match to Tynelia, setting up a rematch with Sel Appa, who won 3-0. The trip to Vephrall, whose technological development lagged behind other nations of the multiverse, was fruitful in terms of preventing the announcers from being distracted by their computations, forcing them to actually take some risks and try pronouncing the names of unfamiliar countries.

Off the field, Zwangzug cohosted Baptism of Fire 26 with Liverpool England prior to World Cup 39. By this time, the national football association had consolidated with many other sports in Forbridge, where the administrators were stymied by an unexpectedly caprine form of revenge carried out by a would-be player embittered with the national team's intransigence. While Bostopia provided aid in resolving the situation, the national team topped its qualifying group. Phillip Stings' late substitution provided a comeback victory in the first proper game against the Holy Empire. Again, they lost in the round of sixteen to Capitalizt SLANI, the eventual champions.

By World Cup 40, the country had established a fledgling multiassociational league, the MUFN. The national team breezed through qualification and then topped its proper group, setting up a round of sixteen clash with Valanora, who won on their way to the title. (Having also lost to Bazalonia in the group stage, Zwangzug earned the distinction of losing to both finalists in the same Cup proper; the standard ABCD/EFGH format used in many tournaments means this is a fairly rare "achievement.")

In the World Cup 41 qualifiers, Zwangzug defeated Acapais 6-0 in an undefeated qualifying campaign. While the country hosted Cup of Harmony 33 with Newmanistan, the team rolled to a perfect group stage, including a thrilling 5-3 defeat of Dancougar. By then realistic title contenders, they could have at least viewed second round opponents Starblaydia as beatable. But the twenty-first seeds triumphed en route to another Starblaydia world title.

World Cup 42

Things started out normally enough for Zwangzug in World Cup 42, when they were drawn into Group 7 for the fifth time in ten qualification attempts. But the normalcy ended--or began--when the roster was announced, newcomer Saena Mathash having successfully talked her way onto the team as a goalkeeper. Opponents of the shakeup--most notably Card, who had been made captain just in time to see his symbolic leadership undermined--could have been forgiven for crowing after the first two matchdays. The team followed a defeat to An Blascaod Mór (whose population was less than a third of San Adriano's) with a home draw against Kosovoe. But things turned around, and Zwangzug guaranteed qualification on the final day. Despite the rescheduling of their final group-stage match against Jeruselem, due to a controversial incident involving the Princesses' penchant for public nudity and also pistachio nuts, Zwangzug topped the group.

The knockout stages presented poignant clashes with, in turn, Yafor 2, Candelaria And Marquez, and the Archregimancy--the first two having provided a domestic home for many of Zwangzug's players, and the latter representing all the drama and terror of the Dreamed Realm's surreality. While the football association railed in vain against the vicissitudes of eminent domain back in Forbridge, Golden Wolves captain Prince Sebard got engaged to Audrey Deguela, sister of his domestic teammate Brendan, Candelariasian MP Lyndon Hernández fell to his almost-certain death, and reprises of "Holy Monks: Superstars" echoed throughout the multiverse, Zwangzug advanced to the final at the Obelisco Monumental in Lasft.

An opening goal from Rohit Sharma was met by Valanora's Kiso Night shortly before halftime, and the match remained tied until late in the second half. But when Deuce Zadora had an obvious goalscoring opportunity, Card managed to overcome his distrust via an unflinching professional foul. Night scored the penalty, but Mathash' resilience was cause for pride in the face of defeat. The pair's unlikely camaraderie followed them off the pitch, as they worked to grow football at the grassroots level, in the hopes that future teams might have a more robust foundation.

The Second Generation

By the time World Cup 64 came around, the country and the world had changed significantly. Rovers United, a barnstorming side that may have had an illustrious prehistory (though the records are scarce) had participated in the Fair Play Trophy at the NationStates World's Fair, and a semblance of a national team had competed in the World Cup of Dreams (though this is not recognized as a statistically-meaningful tournament in Zwangzug's records). Zwangzug could boast both the professional 1./ and a university championship, providing the long-awaited pipeline to the national team. Bridget Scroves was named manager after leading the Canbix Muses to the 1./'s first title, and her counterpart Brett Chrowder became the captain. Zwangzug adopted a more typically defensive (1)-4-5-1 with a "midfield X" characteristic of the previous team, but altogther far more standard than their predecessors; this has been the pattern for most of their modern history.

Zwangzug defeated Queer Poco el Mono Ara, 2-1, in their first qualifying match. After a home match against Backyard Sports, a multiverse-wide "zombie apocalypse" caused a temporary lockdown at Wayr Stadium that was quickly resolved. The team would finish sixth out of ten in their qualifying group. In Cup of Harmony 56, they went winless, albeit in a group featuring both eventual finalists, Mytannion and Ossidiacqua. Sooth, Zwangzug's representatives in the twenty-fifth WorldVision Song Contest, also performed at the Cup of Harmony fanfest.

World Cup 65 saw Zwangzug drawn into a qualifying group filled with historic names such as Europa Brittania and Neo Lemmitania. They began using other stadiums outside the Rackham Range for home games, with games played in Zwischen, Twineur, Spenson and Arlington. After finishing third in the storied group, they contested an uninspiring group stage in Cup of Harmony 57.

World Cup 66 adopted an unconventional qualifying format--there were thirty groups, with the group winners qualifying directly and everyone else out of luck. While Andossa Se Mitrin Vega were second seeds in the world ranks, a goal from Shula Bachchan-Laum gave Zwangzug an upset victory against the Sea Dragons on matchday four. Rudolf Sternberg's goal against New Matawan on matchday seven clinched qualification for Zwangzug. In their first game of the proper, Zwangzug lost against The Holy Empire, but defeated West Angola before being eliminated by New Montreal States. Qualification earned Zwangzug another point in the SRS ranking system, earning them the cycle's place in the World Cup Nation Hall of Fame.

In the World Cup 67 qualifiers, while the Arlington Collective tentatively emerged from the shadows to take their place in archival lore, Zwangzug upset Ko-oren, but nevertheless finished behind Svengarda, coming second in Group 5 and contesting the playoffs against Kiryu-shi. One goal over the course of 180 minutes was enough to advance to the proper. Vipin Lamin, center-back and lover of pithy-lists, was named to the "World XI," mostly by being one of the only defenders that was nominated (this phenomenon would later become known as Scallop's law, but it was Lamin's Namirite counterpart Bachchan-Laum who put him forward for the honor). A draw against Kandorith was the only point Zwangzug would take from the group stages.

World Cup 68 also featured an innovative, if complex, qualifying system. There were no direct qualifications: rather, the top three teams from each of twenty-four groups contested a two-round playoff system, with group winners having two chances to qualify while second- and third-place teams needed to win out. After Scroves' retirement, Matilda Kratochvil from Excelsior Slogda took over to lead the national team. They put up a Slogda-like defensive performance across the group stage, going undefeated and conceding only three goals, best in the multiverse. (This included two wins against minnows Zwannswijik, a much-anticipated showdown given the reverse-alphabetical stakes.) The playoffs, however, would see them lose to Valladares in the first round, pitting them against Darmen. The away leg saw midfielder Davi Keane-Liuprand score a brace and appeal to the tradition of avant-garde formations by pioneering something called a "5-f-3-s-%" by the Darmeni press; the match finished 3-3. Darmen would win the next match outright.

Cup of Harmony 60 was a series of mostly-unfortunate events for Zwangzug, who lost all three matches in politically-repressive Kinitaria. (The upside being that captain Martina Ruan not only avoided getting in trouble with the ruling party, but bounced back to lead her club FTC United to an unexpected third-place finish the following season.)

Kratochvil decided the domestic game was more her style, and she was replaced by Reaven Laynee, a native of Earent who had managed Stirvik TU and then Sporting Iturributa of Astograth. During the World Cup 69 qualifiers, Laynee gave indecipherable commentary on such events as the Estope manager biting the assistant referee. Zwangzug were tied with Barunia at the end of the qualifying group, and Ruan gave melancholy comments on the team's "elimination," only to realize mid-press-conference that due to the international system of "three points for a win" (which has never been adopted in the 1./), they were still alive and well and on track for a rematch against group opponents Estope. Zwangzug won convincingly over two legs to advance to the "Cup of Chaps," although only Blake Fures seemed to have any idea of remotely chappy behavior. Zwangzug lost all three matches in the proper.

The Interim

Shortly after World Cup 69, the nation ceased to exist. While obviously disappointing, this at least did not single out the footballing infrastructure specifically. Several OOC months later, it returned and the 1./ resumed play, although the organizational expenditures of World Cup football proved unfeasible at that point.

In cycle 72, the national baseball team faced an understandably-confused Stvoto Latoli in a friendly match. And prior to World Cup 76, Zwangzug--despite not being active in WCC competitions, were invited to the sixth installment of the Eagles Cup. Mila Apsar of Namiri Independent took over as manager, and the midfield featured a dynamic partnership in Olivia Idoni and Ogechi Guttuso, both of Bassabook Old Boys, who had been friends since Guttuso's family fled timewall-plagued Ossidiacqua in the otherwise-disappointing WC68 playoffs. Having led Bassabook to second place in the Champions’ Cup, they duly helped the national team advance past Valanora and the Holy Empire in the group stage, then defeat Chromatika and Turori in the knockouts. An Idoni goal in extra time saw Zwangzug defeat Osarius in the final, earning membership in the Eagles Club and leading to the construction of an Eagles Club stadium in Forbridge.

The next Eagles Cup would be contested in cycle 79. Franklin Motobuchi of Eintracht Trink was manager, and there were a few holdovers from the previous Eagles' Cup team. After the group stage, Zwangzug lost to Cosumar before defeating Bonesea and Chromatika, both in extra time, to come fifth. Striker Misako Tsuki was consulted by Bryce College professor Desiree McOlwain on the mystery of "why are so many of our citizens getting lost in the wilderness if our lifespans are so long" (solution: it's probably a record-keeping issue with having AI and sentient zebra citizens whose causes of death wouldn't be recorded in a hospital, not that our old people want to run away and leave their families without closure). Meanwhile, Zwangzug was commended by Security Resolution council #233, leading to yet another song parody, "The Story of the World Assembly."

The Third Generation

Back to the grind

By World Cup 80, the success and stability of the Eagles' Cup team had given Zwangzug the confidence to return to WCC-sanctioned play (although they would miss the following cycle). Under the leadership of Slogda's Makvala Tsereteli, they started off by facing Barunia again; Zwangzug parodists remixed the Suns' version of "The People's Flag" into "The People's Net." Midfielder Lucas Kukiseso survived a short-term bout of foreign accent syndrome, and right-back Martin Scallop was named to an all-star team for representatives of non-qualifying nations; this was, once again, a calculated nomination on the grounds that who else would bother to submit a defender. In the "Rogue" Cup of Harmony 72, Zwangzug advanced out of group D to face baseball foes Cassadaigua. After a scoreless draw, the Dagans won what was at least a normal penalty shootout.

After their absence from World Cup 81, Zwangzug returned in World Cup 82. Once again, the team would face Barunia; Peak'n'Break breakfast chain, known for its delightful breakfast food, sponsored a stadium in Cassadaigua despite outcry at the capitalist trend of stadium sponsorship back home; the inimitable Kukiseso quoted from "The Soliloquy of Isaac, Prince Imperial;" and a Canbix Comet journalist declared their intentions to punish ego-stroking old-timers by kicks in a sensitive area. In Cup of Harmony 74, this noble cause was joined by Sydney Stefred, a defender who rejected her club Arlington City's tendency of assiduously chronicling the past, and instead, adopted an un-Zwangzugian tendency towards foul language when the subject of nostalgia was involved. After two 1-0 wins in the knockouts, Zwangzug lost narrowly to Kita-Hinode and then lost to Ko-oren to come fourth.

Tavish Willow, of Keppal Cosmos, took the reins for World Cup 83, introducing a strikerless (1)-4-6-0 formation that caused mild consternation. Franziska Schnee-Krull, based in Qusmo, committed the unforgivable sin of defending the existence of sexed pronouns in languages such as English, which led to an increasingly-fervid anti-foreigner backlash in that nation, and more tepidly, basically ruled her out of being nominated for any all-star teams. Stefred's dramatically-late goals earned her a nomination ahead of the tireless Scallop. A fan from Nalchoy district avoided local bureaucrats to, after much persistance, order a coppy of the Holy Empire's Beach Hunk Calendar. Cyborgs seized the means of production and re-instituted socialism; Medal Stair Semiconductors applied for World Cup sponsorship. The Sesquipedals, a band from Keppal City, performed at the associated concert with their song "Harmony Sound." Happily, Zwangzug were not sent to the corresponding Cup of Harmony; rather, Edwin Cherenkov-Nguyen brought joy to the fans even as he frustrated the kitmakers by scoring against Pasarga to top the group. While CommentaryBot 0.7 Beta attempted to provide broadcast commentary at the proper, Zwangzug earned two draws in the group stage, not enough to qualify.

In World Cup 84, while attention focused on the time-travel card game of "Kairothletes," Willow's side underwent several upset draws and defeats. A 4-0 loss against unheralded Ancherion was just about the last straw--not for the federation, but for Willow, who raged against his employers' extreme patience and unwillingness to fire anyone. Enitan Maclaurin, who had briefly played for Tropicorp FC and therefore had indirect familiarity with top seeds Vilita, stepped in as interim. Despite an icy relationship with Stefred, he righted the course, and Zwangzug came second in group 14 to qualify directly. In the first group match against debutants HUElavia, teenage wunderkind Marc Navarro scored in the 94th minute to key Los Amarillos to a dramatic victory. Zwangzug lost their second match, to Farfadillis, and faced Banija on matchday three. The match was scoreless through ninety minutes, until a Randall Saitta foul on Ilman Jawara set up Namakula Kawesa, the first woman to play for Kadongo Kamu, for a penalty kick. She scored, setting up an intense 9-9-9-0 group that sent HUElavia home on tiebreakers, and left Joel McJakill--whose Keppal side were enduring several disappointing shootouts around the same time--physically and mentally drained.

The same side contested Independent Associations Championship 9, with interim Abigail Chatelenas (of the University of Homler) as manager. After progressing through the group stage and defeating Darkmania in the round of 16, Zwangzug were eliminated by Port Ember in the quarterfinals. In part due to fixture congestion, the national team has not returned to IAC play, although sub-national entity the Picksall Islands participated twice.

Sonnabend's leap forward

Brandon Sonnabend of Bassabook became the next manager, at Eagles' Cup 8, and reinstated the (1)-4-5-1. Anonymous Would-Be Journalists meticulously cited their sources on matters of esoteric football history while Zwangzug advanced to a quarterfinal rematch against Banija; the Kadongo Kamu won on a goal from Mzukisi Nzo.

The twenty-four-game World Cup 85 qualifying campaign was a grueling marathon for nations across the multiverse, and Zwangzug was no exception. Fans Naomi Indar-Vonn and Wesley Clarkson were treated to AI-assisted hospitality in the nation of Trolleborg. The national team dealt with Sonnabend's tendency to speak in epic fantasy jargon, while defender Akhil Sibal returned to Guariday to take on Mkabia, where he had played professionally before it ceased to exist. But their struggles paled in comparison to Rovers United, whose ceaseless barnstorming had briefly taken them to a friendly match in The Sherpa Empire--only to be exposed to a potentially-deadly illness. Upon their return to Wayr Stadium, the club side--including a young striker named Quincy Dulk-Fough--entered a voluntary isolation to protect the rest of the country until a cure was found, facing the situation with characteristically Zwangzugian stoicism, attention to detail, and breakfast food.

Zwangzug would finish second in group 5 and qualify directly, setting up a rematch with Farfadillis and HUElavia. Turori won the first game, but in the second, it would be Zwangzug's turn to score a dramatic injury-time victory, with Gordon Blum's goal in minute 92 avenging the previous cycle against HUElavia. It set up a dramatic matchday 3 encounter against Farfadillis. In what turned out to be the last game of Xíxì Êns' international career, he put on a virtuoso performance, scoring four goals and nearly adding a fifth in the final minutes. But Zwangzug were up to the challenge; in minute 83, Riley Kivrin--shorter than even the height-challenged Êns--rose to the occasion, scoring her first international goal to equalize, and send Zwangzug through to the knockouts.

The round of 16 match against the Holy Empire was a rematch of the final as simulated by Kita-Hinode computer programs; life imitated art as Joshua Twoni scored a brace in Zwangzug's triumph. In the quarterfinals, Zwangzug would face Banija once more; Gitonga Kahara, whose high school coach had admired Martina Ruan back in the day, scored the winning goal in minute 83, and had the honor of exchanging jerseys with Jonah McCollins, the inheritor of Zwangzug's #10.

Zwangzug topped their qualifying group in World Cup 86, while the country experienced interreligious sniping (and the broadcast program of the same name), triggered by the emergence of the Divine Host of Archangels as a new religious group. Against hosts Newmanistan, Zwangzug fell behind 3-0 at halftime; striker Johan Idmar was held scoreless at the Tundra Falls Proving Grounds, but his substitute Blum scored immediately upon entrance, causing fans to sarcastically wonder whether Idmar's disregard for the proving grounds' "spirits" was to blame. They took four points from their following matches, but that was not enough to advance.

Starting in cycle 87, the Eagles' Cup became contested on a more frequent basis. Zwangzug were eliminated in the group stage of EC9, but around the same time, triumphed in the B71 Invitational Football Tournament against Baggieland and some of their dependencies. (This tournament is considered statistically meaningful for purposes of Zwangzug's records, but most of its participants were not of WCC caliber). After winning their first three matches of qualification, Zwangzug went winless in the ensuing six. Sonnabend and the federation parted ways by mutual consent, while the federation strenuously endeavored to signal their scrupulosity and non-entitlement. Finding a new interim would require them to broaden their horizons.

DiMarini takes the helm

Kate DiMarini, a former assistant coach for the Commonwealth of Baker Park, had been the manager of Trebuchet Cham for three seasons when she was summoned as interim. While Bigtopia and Earent are hardly part of Zwangzug proper, this was nevertheless a new choice for the federation, in entrusting the team to someone truly beyond Zwangzug's sphere of influence. Thanks to her leadership, and regression towards the mean, Zwangzug were undefeated in the second half and rallied to second in the groups. The playoff tiebreakers saw them narrowly avoid Baker Park, and they defeated Terre Septentrionale decisively over two legs to advance.

In the proper, Zwangzug scored eight goals over the course of the group stage, tied for second over the 32 participants; the attacking-minded tendencies of their opponents, however, meant that they conceded eight also and were eliminated on three points. DiMarini's steadying hand was rewarded with her appointment as full-time boss.

Eagles' Cup 10 was a tepid group stage performance, but World Cup 88 featured another down-to-the-wire qualification race. But the emergence of Kayla Haugen, a protege of DiMarini's from Cham, was a sign of things to come; in the sixth minute of added time against the Sylestone Sentients at the halfway point, she deflected a rogue Johan Idmar shot in to secure the victory. This time around, DiMarini's luck would not hold, as Zwangzug finished third behind Tequilo and Trolleborg.

Cup of Harmony 80 saw Zwangzug on friendly territory in Græntfjall; the city of Altendalur's eponymous side is nicknamed the "Chessmen" for their color scheme, and two Zwangzugians had played there professionally. Zwangzug triumphed there on matchday three to top their group and set up a physical confrontation with St Trinians. The violent matriarchy led 3-1 at halftime, but after fouls and sendings-off, Zwangzug earned a two-player advantage and managed to draw level at four-all after ninety minutes. It took some time to fully exploit the extra players, but at last, the nerve-plagued Corey Richardson rose above his demons to break the tie just after the halfway mark of extra time, and Zwangzug held on for a 5-4 victory. The round of sixteen against Darmen was a somewhat anticlimactic scoreless draw, followed by a disappointing--if, again, thankfully typical--shootout that saw the All Greens advance.

A drubbing of Cassadaigua at the end of the group stage in Eagles' Cup 11 saw Zwangzug through to the knockout stages, where Simon Gannett and Junia McCue scored in extra time to beat Mertagne. In the semifinals, Zwangzug took on Nephara and--for the first time in their storied history--won a penalty shootout, with Fedya Troy-Vee saving the third shot from Ysabet Belgrade and Sibal scoring to clinch. The final pitted Zwangzug against Turori; Meldi'ita Mungwaii, who signed with Arlington City after winning the unofficial "Silicon Boot" award in World Cup 85, scored the only goal to give the Eels the title.

Qualifying group 11 in World Cup 89 was a hotly-contested affair. Underdogs Pemecutan upset Zwangzug on the first day and held on to top the group, while Zwangzug and Banija battled it out for second place. The top six second-placed teams would qualify directly, while the remaining runners-up would contest the playoffs and the third-placed sides were eliminated. On the final matchday, Zwangzug faced Southwest Eastnorth, looking for all the goal differential they could muster. Midfielder Esther Axelrod-Conway delivered and then some, scoring an unrivalled four goals to lead Zwangzug to a 6-2 victory, clinching the last automatic spot by a four-goal margin. Zwangzug dropped their group stage opener to Farfadillis and defeated Mytanija, setting up a winner-take-all clash with Valanora; the Marauders' Lothas Ludwig scored the match's only goal to advance.

In Eagles Cup 12, DiMarini's side eliminated Baker Park in the quarterfinals, before an extra-time goal from Nephara's Rebecca Laskaris avenged the Cormorants' defeat in the prior edition; Tumbra defeated Zwangzug to take third place. While athletes from Cugio District competed in the Vilitan Mountain Games, Zwangzug's matches against South Newlandia in the qualifiers for World Cup 90 provided an excellent opportunity for chess-themed commentary. The Elephants managed a draw in the first leg and a win in the second, while Ketevan Igreli followed in the tradition of the national baseball team by being slightly worse than her South Newlandian counterparts at actual chess. But it was Zwangzug who would qualify by topping the group, and after South Newlandia were eliminated by Hapilopper in the playoffs, they replaced manager Robert Wolverine with Dale Hartford-Phelps, formerly of the Twineur Bugs. The proper saw more rematches, with Turori and Jeruselem beating Zwangzug in the first two group stage matches. Another group stage finale with Farfadillis ensued, and la Vherderoja looked set to advance with a win--until an Axelrod-Conway goal in minute 85 contrived to eliminate her club's homeland alongside her national team.

Eagles' Cup 13 provided plenty of free football for fans in Forbridge and then Eelandii, as Zwangzug defeated Chartistan and lost to Tumbra, both on penalties; they defeated Pemecutan for third place. In World Cup 91, while DHA extremists faced pushback from sentient zebras and their advocates in the west, defeat on the penultimate qualifying match in Adab saw Zwangzug fall to second place, setting up a two-legged playoff against TJUN-ia. The Jags earned a scoreless draw at home, but in the second leg at Wayr Stadium, it was none other than an older, hardened Dulk-Fough whose hat trick carried the team to a 4-1 victory.

A return to Farfadillis, site of their World Cup 85 success, was heartening despite the inherent chaos. Their first match, against Quebec and Shingoryeo, was a 2-1 victory, the winning goal set up by a free kick after a foul from the Grim Reapers' Chewbacca. In game two, Mytanija took an early lead, but after Grigorij Savicevic was sent off for a second yellow, Richardson's penalty secured a wild four-all draw. The third match was a back-and-forth encounter with Banija; Farrokh Sokhi's goal gave Zwangzug a 3-2 victory, to the dismay of a Kadongo Kamu fan attending for his birthday.

Zwangzug faced Pasarga in the round of sixteen, and with the game tied 1-1 after 120 minutes, DiMarini took the risk of substituting Igreli--who may also have been celebrating her birthday that week, although time dilation makes these things strange--on for the shootout. The gamble played off, as Igreli outlasted the Wanderers' Szescõ Mezei in a tense, low-scoring victory. The quarterfinal proved somewhat of a letdown, with a comprehensive 3-0 victory for Turori. Kausalya Vizirani, Zwangzug's captain, was named to an unofficial team of the tournament by Græntfjall fans, and didn't even have to appeal to Scallop's law to self-nominate.

World Cup 92

Cycle 92 began with another perfunctory appearance at the Eagles Cup, being eliminated by Electrum. The qualification cycle saw more nerves for Richardson and others about the often-tumultuous multiverse, and many forms of thanksgiving unto the god(s) after a visit to Estadio Tiburcio Carías Andino in República Guanacasteca proved blessedly uneventful. But the campaign itself was relatively stress-free, as Zwangzug clinched group 6 with time to spare.

The group stage began with a long-awaited rematch against Kelssek, and the fourth seeds put on a strong defensive display to hold Zwangzug to a scoreless draw. Game two saw a disappointing performance against Nyowani Kitara. The Kitarans went 2-0 up in the first half; in minute 64, Valerie Waugh was fouled by Catarina Malmquist, based in FTC United domestically, and while a penalty was initially given, it was overruled by the assistant referee. The referee didn't go to video review, and Zwangzug were held scoreless despite several post-hitting attempts in added time. With Zwangzug fourth in the group and goalless, it was left to Haugen, now the captain, to provide bulletin board fodder before game three.

Write-in votes from fans online selected the frigid Hothi'icei Battleground in Vilita's mountains to host the match against none other than frequent foes Farfadillis. Zwangzug went 2-0 up in the first half, but Farfadillis had equalized by the hour mark. A rough scramble in minute 74 saw Hanna Suzuki tip in the go-ahead goal for Zwangzug, and Haugen extended the lead nine minutes later. Zwangzug held on to advance to the knockouts.

In the round of sixteen, Farrokh Sokhi's goal defeated Nephara, setting up a quarterfinal against hosts Vilita. A messy first half finished 2-2; Lukas Helsen-Roan gave Zwangzug the lead in the second half, but teenager Jakku’u Naboyavi scored his second goal of the day for the Jungle Rebels to equalize. As extra time drew to a close, Endur Rotropii substituted shootout specialist Ukamai Talingri in goal for Vilita; DiMarini took advantage of the break to bring on Igreli. Again, it paid off; she saved a shot from Letirpsi Vulitn, and misses from Takaara Milanzi and Trezisi Rokopolis saw Zwangzug advance.

The semifinal was a rematch against Nyowani Kitara. But this time around, Zwangzug held off the underdogs, and Waugh's goal in minute 79 put the finishing touches on an exhilarating 4-3 win. The final, in Electrum, pitted Zwangzug against a Banija side managed by Pam Scott--a longtime friend and mentor of DiMarini from their days in Baker Park. While their camaraderie was evident, the friendly rivals downplayed that aspect of the match, focusing on the pitch. Dulk-Fough beat Wanda Kouyaté, the Kadongo Kamu captain and three-time champion at youth level, for the opening goal, but Banija's Sarafina Ikpeazu equalized near the end of the first half. It would be Haugen, in minute 64, who delivered the winner, bringing the World Cup to Zwangzug.

And onward...

After the emotional whirlwind of the previous tournament, the senior team got some rest as cycle 93 began. Lynn Ragnailt, of the Engdahl Institute, led an all-star team of university players at the fourth Brevity Challenge Cup, where they came second to Poafmersia, and the Mihaly Invitational Cup, where a similarly junior Banija side beat them in the final to gain one small measure of revenge. The senior team, likewise, found themselves as silver medalists in the Eagles Cup, losing to the Snow Wolves of Græntfjall amid some good-natured teasing about Zwangzug's penchant for lipograms. They topped their World Cup 93 qualifying group, amid another exciting round of Kairothletes.

Drawn into Group H in the proper, they arrived with a dominant performance, crushing the Tikariot Owls 5-1. A win against Pasarga meant that both Zwangzug and Nyowani Kitara had clinched by matchday three; their rematch featured surprisingly many injuries, resulting in a 3-3 draw. After defeating Savigliane and Huayramarca in the knockouts, they faced hosts Chromatika. The monochromatic sides were inseparable through regular and extra time, and Cixin Nguyen, who'd been a domestic star in the Chromatika league, sunk his penalty--but Juxon Fillar was superb in the home net, and Chromatika narrowly took the shootout. Græntfjall defeated Zwangzug once again in the third-place playoff.

DiMarini led a more temporally-diverse team to the second World Cup of Dreams, organized by Zwangzugian and Quebecois bureaucrats. Again, this is not recognized as a statistically meaningful tournament, but on this occasion Zwangzug were winners, defeating an Audioslavian team with plenty of experience as runners-up. For the World Cup 94 qualifiers, Valerie Waugh was named captain, making history as the first forward to hold that position and performing admirably in not letting it go to her head. Zwangzug topped their qualifying group and, yet again, faced Farfadillis in the group stage. They drew with la Vherderoja, defeated Cassadaigua, and survived a messy, high-scoring draw against Elmyia. Seeding was decided on a coin toss, with Waugh defeating Farfadillis' Rogerio Defigueroa to claim the group title; this backfired slightly in pitting Zwangzug against Nephara, with whom they played out a less-than-compelling scoreless draw before the Cormorants triumphed in a shootout.

In the World Cup 95 cycle, Zwangzug conceded just four goals through fourteen qualifying matches (two of them in defeat to unheralded Josifovo), while continuing to be notorious for their love of lipograms even among countries that may not actually understand what lipograms are. The proper would not feature such defensive prowess; Zwangzug conceded five goals over three matches, drawing all of them (including a rematch against Elymia) and coming third in their group. Josifovo picked up where they left off in the World Cup 96 qualifiers, defeating Zwangzug again; despite beatdowns of Celestial Emapier and Semarland, Zwangzug were second in their group to Josifovo and required a playoff against Pasarga to determine qualification. After a tense scoreless draw, a shootout save from Soumini Bano-Patil was enough to make the differenc and send Zwangzug through...where they scored zero goals over three games, salvaging a point in a scoreless draw against Zenic.

With DiMarini's star in decline, World Cup 97 was semi-officially expected to be her last cycle as manager, allowing her to retire on her own modest terms. While a nameless fan's circuitous, Dantean pilgrimage through various netherworlds finally drew to a conclusion, the national team came second to the timeless Marauders in their qualifier group, qualifying for the first 48-team proper. A draw against debutants Edsmontik, and defeat in a rematch against Zenic and old foes Kelssek left Zwangzug with one point.

Big cleats to fill

The World Cup 98 qualifying stage the first tournament in over ten cycles without DiMarini at the helm. The appointment of Gregor Courtenay, formerly of Ephesian FC, set up a culture clash; Courtenay espoused a full-throated takilan philosophy along the lines of the first-generation team, but the federation gave him little leeway to depart from the tactical systems previously in use. He was suspicious of Jubilee McGraw's participation in the "qualification fantasy" game, a long-running Ko-orenite tradition, and may have had further difficulties forging a working relationship with his players. Zwangzug were third in their group, which brought about a playoff match with The 14 Stars. After a scoreless regulation and extra time, the Starsian Wolves triumphed in a shootout.

An aggrieved Courtenay stepped down for Cup of Harmony 90, replaced by Emily Kuiper, who had recently led Canbix to the league title. In their opening match, Zwangzug were upset by Ralsalin, a cause for tremendous celebration and rewards from the underdog Knights. But Zwangzug climbed back to advance to the play-in stage, where they soundly defeated Milchama. In the quarterfinals, they lost to their fellow board game connoisseurs of Reçueçn. This performance, while nothing to be ashamed of, was apparently not enough to promote Kuiper from de facto interim. The World Cup 99 qualifiers would see the managerial role fall to Bishen Varadarajan, the newest contender among the "best clubs not named Ephesian." While this aproach is likely to promote better team cohesion (and obedience to the laws of the game) than the alternative, it is unclear whether it is actually a recipe for success.

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